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Playing at club's or parties.
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We are a couple, pretty experienced.
Been around a while and seen a fair bit.
Problem is that I (Mr) am very self conscious of the size of my"man servant" and it's inability to rise to the occasion in club's or parties and even more intimate settings.
It's really frustrating as I want to be involved but I know that I will let myself down and more importantly be a let down to the lady who may want to play with me.
How would a woman feel if you hooked up with another couple at a party your hubby and my Mrs are getting it on and going at it, then you see my small member who refuses to come out to play??
I'm betting many would be pretty pissed off.
Do other guys have this issue?
I'm really self conscious particularly when there's lots of group play going on a I see other guys and I know I'm easily the smallest in the room, it stops me from getting involved. |
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In our experience, it's nothing to worry about - easy to say, difficult to do - but for us, as long as we're all having fun it's not a problem. We've known guys who can't get hard and the best thing to do is ignore the fact. It's still suckable, his fingers and tongue still work, so no problem. If later on it Roses to the occasion - make the most of it, if not, never mind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In our experience, it's nothing to worry about - easy to say, difficult to do - but for us, as long as we're all having fun it's not a problem. We've known guys who can't get hard and the best thing to do is ignore the fact. It's still suckable, his fingers and tongue still work, so no problem. If later on it Roses to the occasion - make the most of it, if not, never mind. "
Yup you absolutely hit the nail on the head there.
At clubs I've been to some of the guys I've met couldn't get or stay hard but I remember it's not the end of the world. And anyway who knows how long they've been there already or if they're still recharging from earlier, or if they're on medication.... Or whatever. It's just one of those things.
Give yourself a break & try not to worry about it. Dwelling on this might make it become a self fulfilling prophecy... Ie worry about going soft & wahey there you go Mr floppy. Speaking from bitter experience
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By *ogNMuseCouple
over a year ago
Surrey |
If you’ve got that thought your mind, you’ve lost the battle before you even get started (we’ve all been there)
And believe it or not, you’ll find that big cocks are the exception rather than the rule, at least that been our experience.
Just try an focus on relaxing and having fun with whoever your with, because if you are unable to get hard due to over thinking, it won’t matter wether you’ve got the biggest or smallest one, a soft one of any size is no use to anyone 
And anyway it’s men who are more obsessed with cock size, not women! (Self confessed size-queens excepted) |
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"The more you worry about it the more it will happen. Take some viagra if it's likely to be a problem. "
Viagra doesnt work if the problem is in your mind. No amount of viagra will get it hard if You're anxious or self conscious. |
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To the OP yes I'm the same. Usually I just watch for a while until I'm relaxed enough to play. I usually just assume I'm not going to play and that helps me relax. If you try to pressure yourself it's an impossible task. The more you try and force yourself into the situation the harder it gets.
I do prefer one on ones rather than group sex for this reason haha |
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In my experience parties are pretty low stress environments. If you are not hard then you don't have to play - just have a drink and a chat until you are ready.
As with anything - if you over think it then you will just be thinking it over. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The more you worry about it the more it will happen. Take some viagra if it's likely to be a problem.
Viagra doesnt work if the problem is in your mind. No amount of viagra will get it hard if You're anxious or self conscious. "
Is it a mental barrier you have developed or is it linked to a medical condition?
Viagra for me is insurance when we go to a club because once I'm hard on viagra I stay hard for ages.
I think most men including myself have got ourselves into a self fufilling stress cycle that stops us getting erect.
What you need to do is create a sexual session be it with just your partner or with a trusted 3rd and have zero expectations from anyone that you will get erect. Use all the other tools in your skill set without pressure and just be there to enjoy what you can do. In most cases that is enough to break the mental block and you'll get erect when you don't expect it.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are a couple, pretty experienced.
Been around a while and seen a fair bit.
Problem is that I (Mr) am very self conscious of the size of my"man servant" and it's inability to rise to the occasion in club's or parties and even more intimate settings.
It's really frustrating as I want to be involved but I know that I will let myself down and more importantly be a let down to the lady who may want to play with me.
How would a woman feel if you hooked up with another couple at a party your hubby and my Mrs are getting it on and going at it, then you see my small member who refuses to come out to play??
I'm betting many would be pretty pissed off.
Do other guys have this issue?
I'm really self conscious particularly when there's lots of group play going on a I see other guys and I know I'm easily the smallest in the room, it stops me from getting involved."
Sorry but your guy looks pretty average to me from what I can see from your pics. The more you think about it the worse it will be. When you get there just focus on your partner and enjoy the moment. After a while focus on what's turning you on in the room. Then enjoy the moment . Good luck mate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are a couple, pretty experienced.
Been around a while and seen a fair bit.
Problem is that I (Mr) am very self conscious of the size of my"man servant" and it's inability to rise to the occasion in club's or parties and even more intimate settings.
It's really frustrating as I want to be involved but I know that I will let myself down and more importantly be a let down to the lady who may want to play with me.
How would a woman feel if you hooked up with another couple at a party your hubby and my Mrs are getting it on and going at it, then you see my small member who refuses to come out to play??
I'm betting many would be pretty pissed off.
Do other guys have this issue?
I'm really self conscious particularly when there's lots of group play going on a I see other guys and I know I'm easily the smallest in the room, it stops me from getting involved."
Thank you for being so brave and open. I can get self conscious in large group settings too. My only solution is to avoid those settings which is simple when single. It must be slightly complicated when also ‘carrying the burden’ of your partner’s interests and fun. |
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By *dquestCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Stage fright is real We've played with a few couples at clubs who have had the issue. Typically, if we move to a private room, things work out in the end. We find that playing together where you can go back to your partner every so often helps. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Stage fright is real We've played with a few couples at clubs who have had the issue. Typically, if we move to a private room, things work out in the end. We find that playing together where you can go back to your partner every so often helps."
Totally this if I am not feeling it I just focus on K for a minute even if its just watching her have fun and that's always enough to get the little guy to stand to attention for me as we play together (in 3sums to moresums) not separately.
KJ |
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Quite frankly If your self consciousness is causing you such an issue why even expose yourself to it? Now I know I’ll probably get slaughtered for this view but I’m deadly serious.
Life is short and clubs/parties are meant to be fun. They are meant to be fun, fulfilling environments where you enjoy yourself. What your describing is the exact opposite of enjoying yourself so why do something that doesn’t make you happy? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Quite frankly If your self consciousness is causing you such an issue why even expose yourself to it? Now I know I’ll probably get slaughtered for this view but I’m deadly serious.
Life is short and clubs/parties are meant to be fun. They are meant to be fun, fulfilling environments where you enjoy yourself. What your describing is the exact opposite of enjoying yourself so why do something that doesn’t make you happy? "
Alternatively are there areas of swinging the OP could explore where there isn't any pressure on then to get hard and perform. For example cuckolding?
Many guys who are on the smaller than average size often gravitate to kinks such as small penis humiliation or enjoy having their cock caged so the onus is on them to stimulate others with their hands, mouth etc.etc and use it to drive sub / dom dynamics.
I guess the swinging lifestyle had something for everyone regardless of what they bring to the table.
Good luck OP we hope it all works out. 
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most Men I talk to on the swinging scene use viagra, even some of the young Men eat them like smarties.
Personally I find kamagra oral jelly a lot better. If I have one of them I'm walking around the club with a confident rock solid hard on before I've even done anything.
They are little more expensive but you get what you pay for. |
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By *hloevtTV/TS
over a year ago
norwich |
"Size really isn't important, it's more about who is driving it x
I'd be more impressed if a stretch limo pulled up than a Mini"
But what if the stretch limo is unwashed, smelly and smokes a lot and makes strange noises when it gets going ! Xx |
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If you can get it up with your wife, when at home, you haven't got a problem, simples.
Does Paul get it up at every party we attend, absolutely not.
Why, loads of reasons.
Too many on the bed, bit of pushing and shoving, doesn't fancy lady, cold room etc etc.
Does it bother him, not one bit.
It works when we are together so it's not bust.
Try not to overthink it.
Maybe play together at a party and let others join you.
Just enjoy it for what it is, a fun time with like minded people, it's not a porn shoot interview.
Have fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had it happen in one on one situations and the guy has been mortified. My view is that we're human and not performing seals so these things can and do happen.
I know that doesn't directly answer the question from a couples perspective though x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you can get it up with your wife, when at home, you haven't got a problem, simples.
Does Paul get it up at every party we attend, absolutely not.
Why, loads of reasons.
Too many on the bed, bit of pushing and shoving, doesn't fancy lady, cold room etc etc.
Does it bother him, not one bit.
It works when we are together so it's not bust.
Try not to overthink it.
Maybe play together at a party and let others join you.
Just enjoy it for what it is, a fun time with like minded people, it's not a porn shoot interview.
Have fun. "
This is a great post and we agree 100%.
OP do you have any problems getting / staying hard when at home just you and your partner?
If not then maybe try what we do. When ever we go to a club or party our play almost always starts between me and K including intercourse (especially when either of us have nerves we need to settle). It's from there that when the mood is right we invite others to join.
Guys in a couple have a huge advantage in that there partner is there to gain direct stimulation from. Single guys definitely have it harder (no pun) and we take our hats off to those single guys who can jump in and perform with ladies / couples / groups of people whom in many cases they have just met.
Swinging isn't for everyone and whilst many guys love the idea of it the reality is many guys find they are simply unable to perform around other guys and in 3sums and moresums.
KJ |
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I've been having some issues recently and I'm certain that the cause is the pills I've been taking recently for my insomnia.
It doesn't worry me though as I've received really lovely verifications despite not always being able to rise to the occasion.
Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. Either way it doesn't spoil my enjoyment and hopefully not of the ladies I've played with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Try a cock ring to help keep it up should it choose to rise to the occasion. Adjustable ones are great because you can guarantee it'll fit. I've seen them work and I also think they look good too. |
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its a mental thing and so pills wont work If it really is vital to get hard get the doc to prescribe you an injection that will last an hour rock hard I met a couple once at chams and the guy injected himslef Best DP Ive ever helped. out on |
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