FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > "come down" from first swing

"come down" from first swing

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Hi all, hubby and i had our first encounter with another couple weekend gone on a random spontaneous night out. It was a very active 4some with lots of oral and swapping, soft swap at most.

Its been a few days now and our own sex in the bedroom seems to have changed. The first time we had sex the day after he came unusually quickly and hasn't realy been able to get hard that easily since and i have been unusually struggling to reach orgasm.

Has anyone else experienced this

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple over a year ago

Darlington

Can't say it happened to us way back when but if it was your first time, you could be sub consciously both dealing with change in the intimate aspects of your relationship maybe?

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By *dwalu2Couple over a year ago

Bristol

Not something we’ve experienced but it is very understandable.

You’ve done something completely out of the ordinary and running counter to conventional morality, so it’s not surprising to find yourself ‘in your own head’ over the experience. It will no doubt pass, but certainly worth discussing it together.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry not something we have experienced for us it goes the other way, i.e days of constant fucking until we are literally to sore to keep going. The reclaim and post meet sex is a huge part of swinging for us.

Maybe speak to your fella to see what he thinks might be stopping him get hard as usually that's down to a mental block, worry or stress as oppose to any physical problems.

We hope it all works out you guys.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hi OP

A guy was telling me about their first 4some. Just like you is what they experienced and he felt awful a couple days later sharing his wife.

I often masterbate before I get up and when taking the daily shower and I thik about my wife being lifted and fuked by a massive cock by a yong stranger with a hard cock. But as soon as i've come, I feel a bit dirty but it does not stop me from doing it again and again and meeting strangers

you need to ask him and tell hime to be open and honest.

I hope it works out for you guys

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By *atnat85Woman over a year ago

northwest

I'm like this post meet. At the time and straight away after, I'm all wahey!

Then guilt/"shame"/embarrassment etc as I try to reconcile the "swinging "side of me with the "real life " but then I get past it, and do it all over again

Have a convo and talk stuff through, and take it from there x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hi guys have you discussed the experience since it happened you coukd both have some anxieties or guilt about how the other felt or is feeling, communication is key and discussing each others boundaries is important there's bound to loads of emotions on both sides things that turned you both on things you may have been uncomfortable with Hope that helps

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By *iss LovelyWoman over a year ago

Here and There

Maybe swinging isn’t for you after all. It’s one of those things where you never can quite tell how it’s going to feel.

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By *ewCoupleHXCouple over a year ago

Halifax

We can relate to the first soft swap foursome, but our experience was contrary to OP's. We were literally buzzing for days and had more sex (and play) with each other than usual, we find we are typically more turned on and have lasting longer sex after meets.

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By *eepgliderMan over a year ago

Chacewater

"We can relate to the first soft swap foursome, but our experience was contrary to OP's. We were literally buzzing for days and had more sex (and play) with each other than usual, we find we are typically more turned on and have lasting longer sex after meets."

Likewise.

We were on a high which extended into sex with each other, and we wanted to stay there doing it enough (meeting others - couples meets and group sex) to stay on that high and keep the buzz going.

My instinct goes with the respondents who are saying it's unlikely anything is seriously wrong, but you could have a lot to process. Hopefully I am not projecting wrongly what they are saying, but, I conjecture - it's dug out and uncovered a lot of received opinions / received perceptions you weren't consciously aware of... If so, is that a bad thing? I'd be suggesting no it's not - the sooner they are gone the better. Be optimistic and thrilled, hang in there and yes it will be good.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe swinging isn't for you. Your guilty feelings seem to be showing. Hope you can short through your issues. This can only be done by talking. In couples who enter the swinging scene jealousy can be a factor so if this is the case then swinging is a no no. In our case swinging a brought us closer and more passionate towards each other x.

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By *ewCoupleHXCouple over a year ago

Halifax

"Maybe swinging isn't for you. Your guilty feelings seem to be showing. Hope you can short through your issues. This can only be done by talking. In couples who enter the swinging scene jealousy can be a factor so if this is the case then swinging is a no no. In our case swinging a brought us closer and more passionate towards each other x."

Totally, we realized this a lot sooner maybe and thanks to some advice we talked about all this before jumping in and still take the time out to speak with each other and try not to let any jealousy or insecurity creep in. It probably still will at some stage, but hopefully we are stronger. All of this is normal OP, on you on how you take this forward. Socialise with positive people and your opinions will change we are sure. And don't beat yourself up about it, like Rag n Bone Man said, we only humans after all

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By *ittyandtheboyCouple over a year ago

Back of the bins.

As it was only a few days ago, don’t worry unduly.

Do talk it through. If you have certain favourite things you do within the sexual sphere, (eg a kink, or favourite lingerie or favourite position) try that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Op did you have a chat??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Was the hubby fine in the 4sum

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By *thfloorCouple over a year ago

Hove

OP I'm sure your funk is over already, but just wanted to share this. The first time I had an fmm with my two boyfriends, it spun all three of us out so badly it took us SIX MONTHS of silently processing before we were ready to go again! These experiences are intense, and even when they are very much wanted and thoroughly enjoyed they are soooo outside "normality" they can bring up a lot of conflicting feelings, in areas we don't know how to deal with as we have no preparation or blueprints for.

Since you've posted your BDSM test results I'll point something out - you both score high on voyeurism and exhibitionism, which explains why you are drawn to and enjoy moresomes; but you score very low on non-monogamy. So that's the thing I'd be looking at that's possibly tripping you - explore your beliefs surrounding monogamy, and what role sexual exclusivity plays in your pair bonding. There're no right answers!

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By *blasiansCouple over a year ago

Wakefield

We had to take timeout after our first encounter which was a soft swap with a couple as the worlds of fantasy and reality collided. The reclaim part was intense but reconciling our feelings wasn't easy. But over time we came to understand better and accept what we both actually enjoyed and that was not easy. But discussing candidly yet respectfully and trust in our relationship was key for us.

All the very best op and thank you for sharing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP I'm sure your funk is over already, but just wanted to share this. The first time I had an fmm with my two boyfriends, it spun all three of us out so badly it took us SIX MONTHS of silently processing before we were ready to go again! These experiences are intense, and even when they are very much wanted and thoroughly enjoyed they are soooo outside "normality" they can bring up a lot of conflicting feelings, in areas we don't know how to deal with as we have no preparation or blueprints for.

Good post and to follow up on exploring the non monogamy area I recommend reading 'the ethical slut' its a great book that helps to unlock some of societies (relatively recent) expectations around monogamy. (PM if you need a copy).

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By *ewCoupleHXCouple over a year ago

Halifax

KJ"

Yes please x

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By *ewCoupleHXCouple over a year ago

Halifax

"We had to take timeout after our first encounter which was a soft swap with a couple as the worlds of fantasy and reality collided. The reclaim part was intense but reconciling our feelings wasn't easy. But over time we came to understand better and accept what we both actually enjoyed and that was not easy. But discussing candidly yet respectfully and trust in our relationship was key for us.

All the very best op and thank you for sharing."

Totally get this and we made the mistake of interacting with others separately, we now only communicate via fab where both of us read and reply so we have full transparency. It is quite amazing to be able to talk about liking someone else physically so openly and honestly with each other.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Could he maybe now be regretting it? Having visions of you with another man... it's all fun & games at the time but there can sometimes be issues afterwards for newbies. Try and gently speak to him about it. Hope everything works out for you both x

Claire

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By *exandthesuburbans83Couple over a year ago

EASTBOURNE

Some great replies and advice.

Our personal experience was that after our first couple of meets (soft swap) there was some emotional adjustment as fantasy had become reality.

We didn't have trouble becoming aroused, in fact we had more sex and passion in a kind of reclaim style. But the key for us was that we talked a huge amount and openly about how we found it and what we liked and what we found harder to process and why. This helped us then really establish exactly what we like and want but more importantly, it got us openly talking about it. Things like guilt of recieving, guilt of moaning too loud, any jealousy at any point or anything we didn't like, as well as the positives.

We actually realised our biggest post worry, was that each of us had enjoyed it too much and may have upset the other as weren't sure how they felt, until we talked it through. We talked it through and were actually fine. We refined what we liked and are continuing with it all and enjoy it now. So, for us, talking was key,

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By *exandthesuburbans83Couple over a year ago

EASTBOURNE

"Could he maybe now be regretting it? Having visions of you with another man... it's all fun & games at the time but there can sometimes be issues afterwards for newbies. Try and gently speak to him about it. Hope everything works out for you both x

Claire "

On this point, Mr felt a bit insecure for a few days after as the other chap had a bigger piece and although no penetrative sex happened at that meet, he felt a bit insecure and wondered if he was enough as we had only ever had sex together. It gave him a but of self doubt which he never had. We talked a lot and worked through his concerns together and now it is all fine but it was probably that adjustment from fantasy yo reality as well.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This may help blokes here as wel as the ladies. I never allow my wife to meet someone more than twice and she agrees. Only a couple of times she has asked me to see, get fucked by the same guy again for the third time. But i remind her re our agreement and she says, fine.

So-far, we've never seen anyone again outside/work/etc/etc and that really helps. We chose someone living some distance or go to theirs thi is why we try to meet around the dratford area as we do not live there.

Up to me, i'd have a few strangers to see tonight but rightly so Tej reminds me we are no spring chickens, lol.

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