We have been exploring this lifestyle together and are enjoying the journey so far. We started slow and have progressed as confidence allows but we are at a point where we now have slightly different limits in terms of one wanting to full swap either as a couple or in a 3some but the other is not comfortable with it.
We are open about this and have chatted it through. Our discussion arrived at a point where we agreed that we would not go over the lowest limit of comfort in this situation or any other, so in this case not full swap.
However, we love each other so much that now we both worry (and talk about it) that we have upset the other, one by suggesting it and pushing a boundary and the other by not wanting to do something the other wants but worrying thry are letting them down.
Any couples been in this position and did you arrive at a similar point or approach it differently and what were the outcomes. Just interested and probably after an element of reassurance we are not alone. Plus, It may help with any future conversations we have on this. Thanks in advance. |
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I (f) have way tighter boundaries than my husband and I'm more inhibited in many ways. There are a few things he'd love to try that I either don't want to or am physically unable to do. Of course we both feel slight regret that a) I'm not able to give him what he wants and b) that he has asked for something I don't want to do. However, our relationship is a million times more important than swinging, we know that and therefore proceed at the pace of the slowest person.
Suggesting stuff is ok, saying no to it is also ok. |
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You should only go as far as both are comfortable, no one should feel guilt at suggesting something or not being able to take the next step
Boundaries may naturally change overtime as you become more comfortable in different situations which is why communication is so important |
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By *ickyquimCouple
over a year ago
north west |
"I (f) have way tighter boundaries than my husband and I'm more inhibited in many ways. There are a few things he'd love to try that I either don't want to or am physically unable to do. Of course we both feel slight regret that a) I'm not able to give him what he wants and b) that he has asked for something I don't want to do. However, our relationship is a million times more important than swinging, we know that and therefore proceed at the pace of the slowest person.
Suggesting stuff is ok, saying no to it is also ok. "
This.  |
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Tricky one this. Hence you starting the thread I expect!
I was in a similar situation with a previous partner. I wanted to explore more and she didn't (or at least a lot more slowly).
@_icecouple561 hits the nail on the head yet again. Go at the pace of the slowest person.
If you end up doing something that is not within the comfort zone of both of you then, to be blunt, it can't be undone. Could well cause a lot more long term harm than the brief 'benefit' that was derived at the time. Regardless of how much you would like to do/try it.
Only gamble what you are happy to lose.
Best wishes. |
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Boundaries are ok and it's also ok that they may change as you feel more comfortable.
The other consideration I would think about is whether having a boundary is causing you issues. At the start we had a lot of boundaries/rules and sometimes these exacerbated issues, rather than actually helping. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Boundaries inevitably change as people become more comfortable/ confident… as everyone else has said- always go at the slowest persons pace and limits ( so that’d be me in our case).
You love each other.. so discussions should always be open and neither should feel bad for suggesting or saying no…talk about it then leave it and move on… you’re a partnership… both lucky to be having fun and doing what you’re doing… however far that goes. I think most couples will go through this…xxx
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