FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Bdsm starters
Bdsm starters
Jump to: Newest in thread
Hey Fellow Fabbers, hope all are well. We are looking to get in to bdsm as a couple i.e. not just playing with each other but also administering to others as a couple. Is there good reference materials which provides step by step or script of play activities. Something bit more detailed like
Tie your sub on a cross, leave him/her there for five minutes
Spank 5 times then move on to etc. Etc
I know sounds like we are asking a recipe for baking cake but we want to get this right and graduate as kink master and mistress in an years time.
We want to avoid just getting the tools and having no idea what to do with them or use them like amateurs  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey Fellow Fabbers, hope all are well. We are looking to get in to bdsm as a couple i.e. not just playing with each other but also administering to others as a couple. Is there good reference materials which provides step by step or script of play activities. Something bit more detailed like
Tie your sub on a cross, leave him/her there for five minutes
Spank 5 times then move on to etc. Etc
I know sounds like we are asking a recipe for baking cake but we want to get this right and graduate as kink master and mistress in an years time.
We want to avoid just getting the tools and having no idea what to do with them or use them like amateurs "
Not experienced in BDSM but you could try Googling Killing Kittens workshops x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Hey Fellow Fabbers, hope all are well. We are looking to get in to bdsm as a couple i.e. not just playing with each other but also administering to others as a couple. Is there good reference materials which provides step by step or script of play activities. Something bit more detailed like
Tie your sub on a cross, leave him/her there for five minutes
Spank 5 times then move on to etc. Etc
I know sounds like we are asking a recipe for baking cake but we want to get this right and graduate as kink master and mistress in an years time.
We want to avoid just getting the tools and having no idea what to do with them or use them like amateurs "
Thats not really how it works.
Everyone is different, so you not only have to learn how the tools work, but how the people you are playing with react to them.
You have to listen and read their body language. Accept that different people react differently to the same stimulus.
Honestly the only way, is to just get experience with playing with yourselves and others. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Well said. I'm hugely into this but have only allowed 2 guys to play in this way with me on here. Get to know them first. Always check what you are doing or about to do is ok. Trust is the key. Enjoy |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
I’m a lifestyle sub and don’t do pick up kink, BUT.
Step one, learn what you’re doing and get really really good at it. There’s lots of ways of doing this - my local club is club F and is home to the local kink scene. They run a lot of education stuff, and there’s a lot of people to help you find your way around a dungeon.
Step two, learn to get really, really good about talking and listening to what people want. Get into the habit of meeting for a social. Human sex maps can be a fantastic jumping off point for conversation. There are checklists. Don’t just ask what people want, ask how they want to feel.
Step three. Sit down and plan a scene that incorporates what you negotiated, combining the stuff you both want and the things you know how to do.
Step four. Do it. Obviously, use safe words, but also check in to make sure they’re happy and comfortable.
Step five. Talk about it some more.
It’s not easy, you know? The good dominants spend hours learning their skills and practicing and planning. You can’t skip over that by recreating the scene from fifty shades, it just doesn’t feel right. It’s a lot of fun, though… |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hey Fellow Fabbers, hope all are well. We are looking to get in to bdsm as a couple i.e. not just playing with each other but also administering to others as a couple. Is there good reference materials which provides step by step or script of play activities. Something bit more detailed like
Tie your sub on a cross, leave him/her there for five minutes
Spank 5 times then move on to etc. Etc
I know sounds like we are asking a recipe for baking cake but we want to get this right and graduate as kink master and mistress in an years time.
We want to avoid just getting the tools and having no idea what to do with them or use them like amateurs "
First you need to accept that you are amateurs. I doubt very much you will find a 'do this, do that' list anywhere.
Read lots, things like 'SM 101' and 'Screw the roses, send me the Thorns'. Bothg available on Amazon.
Decide whether you want to subscribe to RACK or SSC as guidelines for play.
Then visit BDSM clubs, the Dungeon Master/Mistress will be only too happy to show you how to use the kit safely.
And above all, remember it is supposed to be fun! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Decide whether you want to subscribe to RACK or SSC as guidelines for play."
Just to add to this one point, as you will see a lot of people talk about SSC (Safe Sane Consensual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) and sometimes PRICK (Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink)
RACK is seen as the natural progression from SSC as most BDSM activities cannot be considered sane, so the emphasis is all about risk awareness.
I prefer PRICK as the emphasis is on both top and bottom to ensure they are happy with what is going to take place, with the skills and abilities of the top etc. and not place all the responsibility on the top to do the risk analysis. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
The trouble with a generic "script" (if such a thing exists, outside of porn fantasies) is that it ignores feed-back.
It should be more of a roadmap.
You decide on the destination, e.g. your sub having a massive orgasm.
Then pick a route.
Take a diversion if you think it's going to be better. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m a lifestyle sub and don’t do pick up kink, BUT.
Step one, learn what you’re doing and get really really good at it. There’s lots of ways of doing this - my local club is club F and is home to the local kink scene. They run a lot of education stuff, and there’s a lot of people to help you find your way around a dungeon.
Step two, learn to get really, really good about talking and listening to what people want. Get into the habit of meeting for a social. Human sex maps can be a fantastic jumping off point for conversation. There are checklists. Don’t just ask what people want, ask how they want to feel.
Step three. Sit down and plan a scene that incorporates what you negotiated, combining the stuff you both want and the things you know how to do.
Step four. Do it. Obviously, use safe words, but also check in to make sure they’re happy and comfortable.
Step five. Talk about it some more.
It’s not easy, you know? The good dominants spend hours learning their skills and practicing and planning. You can’t skip over that by recreating the scene from fifty shades, it just doesn’t feel right. It’s a lot of fun, though…"
This, plus read the books, raid the internet but most of all, get yourself to fetish munches and meet the huge variety of people on the BDSM scene, you will find most good on advice, all with differing perspectives. See if you can buddy up with an experienced couple and go to a fet event/club to watch and learn, go to a fet market, get decent kit that you will actually use, practice on each other, a pillow, flog a bush in your garden but whatever you do there is not one recipe, make it your recipe and make it fun!
Good luck x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey Fellow Fabbers, hope all are well. We are looking to get in to bdsm as a couple i.e. not just playing with each other but also administering to others as a couple. Is there good reference materials which provides step by step or script of play activities. Something bit more detailed like
Tie your sub on a cross, leave him/her there for five minutes
Spank 5 times then move on to etc. Etc
I know sounds like we are asking a recipe for baking cake but we want to get this right and graduate as kink master and mistress in an years time.
We want to avoid just getting the tools and having no idea what to do with them or use them like amateurs
Thats not really how it works.
Everyone is different, so you not only have to learn how the tools work, but how the people you are playing with react to them.
You have to listen and read their body language. Accept that different people react differently to the same stimulus.
Honestly the only way, is to just get experience with playing with yourselves and others."
This  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I am a sub and enjoy BDSM but would only allow one person who I know and trust to use anything you would class as "tools" on me.
There is not fixed pattern to BDSM everyone has things they will or won't do. It depends who you are playing with and how they react to what is going on.
Your mindset on the day can change how it goes.
For example, sometimes I can take and enjoy a lot of impact play and other times it gets too much very quickly.
Nobody can tell you what to do and how to do it as it's all very individual. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Get to a club and see some BDSM in action, ask to join in saying you are keen as mustard and see how it goes.
A good Dom or Sub will be pleased that you are taking an interest.
Speaking from experience "Ooh that's nice/interesting/looks like fun" is the perfect ice breaker and door opener.
You can't beat practical lessons. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It's hard to give a specific forumla. What I can take and want varies from day to day, let alone the variation between subs. My advice would be to chat with the sub and see what it is they'd like. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey Fellow Fabbers, hope all are well. We are looking to get in to bdsm as a couple i.e. not just playing with each other but also administering to others as a couple. Is there good reference materials which provides step by step or script of play activities. Something bit more detailed like
Tie your sub on a cross, leave him/her there for five minutes
Spank 5 times then move on to etc. Etc
I know sounds like we are asking a recipe for baking cake but we want to get this right and graduate as kink master and mistress in an years time.
We want to avoid just getting the tools and having no idea what to do with them or use them like amateurs "
There are lots of skill workshop you can attend on a range of topics from flogging to whips to rope and interagation.
Attend events, ask questions, learn, practice, be safe and enjoy 
I think you've set yourself an ambitious goal to be fully proficient in a year, but hey.
Also, unless you're being paid, technically your an amateur
Like I often say, I'm semi professional, sometimes it's for fun, sometimes I'm paid |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If you're just starting out and want a to get you started with some fun ideas you could try a sex game.
My wife and I used to have fun playing iBlush years back. It's full of activities and you can add or modify your own. The monopoly aspect of it is usually quickly forgotten about, but it's a giggle
https://sexgamesforcouples.com/foreplay_games/iblush-sex-game-for-hot-couples/
Hopefully not breaking any rules posting that, but if I am Google iBlush adult game
Hth x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Also worth following the podcast called Fucks Given….
& also watching this weeks episode of Sex Actually on 4demand. Get yourself on a Madam Storm workshop  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We are die heart fan for bdsm we explore it based on our knowledge but having some common forum of likeminded folks will take it to another world
Wish we have some experienced people to teach
Having telegram or kik group would be amazing for those who are interested |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"Also worth following the podcast called Fucks Given….
& also watching this weeks episode of Sex Actually on 4demand. Get yourself on a Madam Storm workshop
????"
Personally I would not suggest F**KS Given, Reed Ambers interest in BDSM is quite a niche.
For a beginner, I would suggest ProudToBeKinky ,or Stereo-Typed. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By * nicstimMan
over a year ago
Hemel Hempstead |
The best way is to socialise with people who are into BDSM.
Attend a local Munch...these are usually held in an open vanilla venue ( pub). Chat to like minded people and you may be invited to attend an event.
Remember its fun.
I'm into estim, electro sex..I love to demo to anyone who is interested.
Get in touch. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hey Fellow Fabbers, hope all are well. We are looking to get in to bdsm as a couple i.e. not just playing with each other but also administering to others as a couple. Is there good reference materials which provides step by step or script of play activities. Something bit more detailed like
Tie your sub on a cross, leave him/her there for five minutes
Spank 5 times then move on to etc. Etc
I know sounds like we are asking a recipe for baking cake but we want to get this right and graduate as kink master and mistress in an years time.
We want to avoid just getting the tools and having no idea what to do with them or use them like amateurs "
Best advise would be to attend clubs and munches, talk to the doms and subs that are there many of us are happy to do a "show and tell" and chat about dynamics etc also most clubs have a resident dom or domme who will be able to help guide you guys on the right path. Ultimately there is no step by step guide as such as everyone is different.
Mr Hayes. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
