FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Do I have to verify someone I met at a club??
Do I have to verify someone I met at a club??
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Hi all,
I have had this question on my mind recently and I’m wondering if I can get it answered, basically if I meet someone at a club and we talk get on well and maybe have a little fun, does that person have to verify me. Especially if I have asked them not too?? |
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"Hi all,
I have had this question on my mind recently and I’m wondering if I can get it answered, basically if I meet someone at a club and we talk get on well and maybe have a little fun, does that person have to verify me. Especially if I have asked them not too?? "
No one has to do anything, it's all personal choice.
If you have asked them not to verify you then they shouldn't. But if they do... what is the problem? You don't have to show it to the public unless you choose to do so.
Personal choice, who knew? |
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"I don't understand how they would have to verify you. No one makes anyone verify anyone else."
What I mean is, say like I’ve met someone in a club we get on and we have a bit of “fun” and after a day or so they ask for a verification, after you politely decline. Sorry if it doesn’t make any sense |
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"I don't understand how they would have to verify you. No one makes anyone verify anyone else.
What I mean is, say like I’ve met someone in a club we get on and we have a bit of “fun” and after a day or so they ask for a verification, after you politely decline. Sorry if it doesn’t make any sense "
At the beginning of this thread you were talking about them verifying you. Now your talking about them asking for a verification.
Which is it? |
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"I don't understand how they would have to verify you. No one makes anyone verify anyone else.
What I mean is, say like I’ve met someone in a club we get on and we have a bit of “fun” and after a day or so they ask for a verification, after you politely decline. Sorry if it doesn’t make any sense
At the beginning of this thread you were talking about them verifying you. Now your talking about them asking for a verification.
Which is it?"
Both |
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"I don't understand how they would have to verify you. No one makes anyone verify anyone else.
What I mean is, say like I’ve met someone in a club we get on and we have a bit of “fun” and after a day or so they ask for a verification, after you politely decline. Sorry if it doesn’t make any sense
At the beginning of this thread you were talking about them verifying you. Now your talking about them asking for a verification.
Which is it?"
Basically what I’m asking is this.
If I were in a club and I meet someone “fellow fab user” and we both get on and I say to them please don’t verify me, and a few days later they do, am I in the wrong??
And the same goes for the other way round, if someone asks me to verify them do I have to??
Don’t need to get snappy with me |
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"I don't understand how they would have to verify you. No one makes anyone verify anyone else.
What I mean is, say like I’ve met someone in a club we get on and we have a bit of “fun” and after a day or so they ask for a verification, after you politely decline. Sorry if it doesn’t make any sense "
You dont have to verify anyone you dont want to. It's your choice. But is there any halm to writing "met this person at club x. Can confirm is a real person" ?
You dont have to write much, if anything. Just verify they're real and you have met them in the flesh.
Or dont...its your choice.
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"I don't understand how they would have to verify you. No one makes anyone verify anyone else.
What I mean is, say like I’ve met someone in a club we get on and we have a bit of “fun” and after a day or so they ask for a verification, after you politely decline. Sorry if it doesn’t make any sense
At the beginning of this thread you were talking about them verifying you. Now your talking about them asking for a verification.
Which is it?
Basically what I’m asking is this.
If I were in a club and I meet someone “fellow fab user” and we both get on and I say to them please don’t verify me, and a few days later they do, am I in the wrong??
And the same goes for the other way round, if someone asks me to verify them do I have to??
Don’t need to get snappy with me "
No of course you are not in the wrong, they are in the wrong for not respecting your wishes.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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But even if they did verify you after you said not to: You're still in control. You can choose not to publish it. I don't see the problem.
And the other way round, if they asked to be verified and you've actually met, then I do believe you can acknowledge having met them.
It might help them as a lot of people refuse to meet with people who haven't been verified.
You could in that case ask that they don't publish the text, but it doesn't prevent them from at least having a marker saying they've been verified. |
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The verification system exists to say ‘this is a real person and they have met me.’ Nothing more. If you’ve met someone, I don’t see the problem I’m being verified by them. You can choose not to display the details, something we’ve done with one or two people that have left us veris on a passing contact in a club. |
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If they've asked you not to verify them then the question is a non starter. If you verify them against their wishes then that makes you look bad in their eyes. At the end of the day you don't have to verify others and vice versa |
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For me the question is why you would actively not want to verify a person you have played with? Surely if you were trusting enough to get intimate in some way with them then a simple note to confirm they are real is OK?
Of course it could be that you are embarrassed to admit you did something with someone, perhaps played bi when you say you are straight? |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
"For me the question is why you would actively not want to verify a person you have played with? Surely if you were trusting enough to get intimate in some way with them then a simple note to confirm they are real is OK?
Of course it could be that you are embarrassed to admit you did something with someone, perhaps played bi when you say you are straight? "
Might also be that the encounter was in some way not entirely satisfactory, or that the way they have behaved since makes her feel uncomfortable.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you have "a little fun" with someone in a club and afterwards they ask you to verify them, I think it is unreasonable not to. It would only take you a minute to write something brief. "
It might not have been a good experience though. Even if you say it wasn’t enjoyable they can then leave that hidden but it’ll show up on their summary as a veri. Then the next person thinks that’s a good thing  |
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I'm not too sure what you are asking but nobody has to verify anybody for any reason.
The problem sometimes is when you have met someone and they verify you, it sometimes feels like you are under a bit of pressure to reciprocate.
You don't want to be nasty, or snappy !!! So feel you must put something.
Maybe just write.
Met last night, nice couple, enjoyable night.
It's one of those verifications that says absolutely nothing.
Sort of read between the lines.
Nice couple, yes.
Meet them again, probably not.
Can I ask why you don't want a verification..  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you have "a little fun" with someone in a club and afterwards they ask you to verify them, I think it is unreasonable not to. It would only take you a minute to write something brief. "
It isn’t unreasonable.
If she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t have to. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Hi all,
I have had this question on my mind recently and I’m wondering if I can get it answered, basically if I meet someone at a club and we talk get on well and maybe have a little fun, does that person have to verify me. Especially if I have asked them not too?? "
Nope…… I wouldn’t pester someone for one.. or go against someone’s wishes if they didn’t want one
I sometimes think that the ethos of verification is warped… for me all it is is that they are who they say they are… nothing more
Too many people turn it into a play by play account like they have never heard the word discretion….
Sometimes I feel like screaming less is more…. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I verify if I want to. Often I don't. My choice. But definitely would not re-verify person who sets up every 5 month a new account and ask for veri as we played once long time ago  "
I hate profiles that do this. Does my head in. |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
"Hi all,
I have had this question on my mind recently and I’m wondering if I can get it answered, basically if I meet someone at a club and we talk get on well and maybe have a little fun, does that person have to verify me. Especially if I have asked them not too?? "
. No one has to verify anyone.If I meet someone at a club or spa and we establish we are both on Fabs I always ask after do you want me to leave you a verification whatever the other party want with regards to a verification I do. |
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"Hi all,
I have had this question on my mind recently and I’m wondering if I can get it answered, basically if I meet someone at a club and we talk get on well and maybe have a little fun, does that person have to verify me. Especially if I have asked them not too?? "
There is no compulsion for anyone to verify anyone.
As far as you being requested to verify them: Okay you met, you got on okay initially, you interacted in the playrooms, you know they are real. So the fab site rules are reached that yes, you are _allowed_ to verify them if you want. But there is no obligation that you must. Nobody replying in this thread knows the details of what went on between you, it might have become unpleasant in some way, there could have been any sort of personal disagreement. You don't _owe_ them a veri.
As far as them verifying you: You can't make them if they don't want to. However it sounds more like they have verified you when you asked them not to. You can either choose to not display the veri. Or you can contact admin, explain the situation, and ask if they could possibly delete the veri. Either way you should also block the other party.
Hope that this helps. Polly xx |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Of course not. They might not even be on here.
Verifications aren't compulsory. "
They are consensual and won't be published unless you click the publish button.
On the whole, the more veris you get, then the more people have proved that you are genuine. |
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Just want to thank everyone for the help, nothing has happened, I was just wondering for future club visits, and I am happy to verify people and what not, just wasn’t sure about if I met them in a club would the same rules apply,
Sorry for the late response kinda had a really hectic day |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This will probably make me look bad but I used to be hung up on being verified when I first joined. Had multiple meets since and ask people not too now x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I specifically ask not to be verified, for my own personal reasons, I don't want the world to know who/when I have been meeting. "
Agree with this. It's really no one else business who people meet. Some people put far too much weight behind a verification.
You do what you want to do OP, it's not up to other people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can choose not to publish their verification, and I think you can hide any sign of it from your profile. Only when they first write a verification though. You'd probably have to ask an admin to remove the meet counter from the left side of your profile otherwise. |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"You dont but I find it a little bit rude to be told I'm okay to have fun with but not verify "
 This. I would be a tad offended, but at the same time I wouldn't verify someone who had specifically asked not to be. I would question why that was the case though.....
I was once verified by a guy who happened to see me and recognise me in a Supermarket though! No idea who he was!!!  |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"I specifically ask not to be verified, for my own personal reasons, I don't want the world to know who/when I have been meeting. "
Even if they do you do not need to show them? I have a LOT of veris from working in clubs and socials n stuff but I show a select few that occasionally changes as I see fit..... |
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"Hi all,
I have had this question on my mind recently and I’m wondering if I can get it answered, basically if I meet someone at a club and we talk get on well and maybe have a little fun, does that person have to verify me. Especially if I have asked them not too??
Nope…… I wouldn’t pester someone for one.. or go against someone’s wishes if they didn’t want one
I sometimes think that the ethos of verification is warped… for me all it is is that they are who they say they are… nothing more
Too many people turn it into a play by play account like they have never heard the word discretion….
Sometimes I feel like screaming less is more…."
Exactly this Fabio! Why, when people click the box which states "Verify genuine" does anyone think "well I must give a minute by minute account of every detail of the intense fuck session I shared with this person, because everyone who reads this veri is definitely going to want to hear about it!" ??? |
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"Hi all,
I have had this question on my mind recently and I’m wondering if I can get it answered, basically if I meet someone at a club and we talk get on well and maybe have a little fun, does that person have to verify me. Especially if I have asked them not too?? "
I always thought the club scene was like a fraternity, and based around networking, so anyone you met inside, who is also in Fab, would be naturally willing to swap veris, even from just socialising. Sadly not the case |
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By *alton2Couple
over a year ago
huddersfld |
Verification should not include a performance report nor act as a reference.
Giving a verification must be optional, as it produces a record of the verifier's travels that they may not wish to be available.
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As a man I like to get a verification where possible even if it is only a social verification as this can show that I am a real person, But it wouldn’t bother me if someone said no for their own reasons. If you don’t want a verification then you don’t have to also you don’t have to display it. Hope that helps |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"As a man I like to get a verification where possible even if it is only a social verification as this can show that I am a real person, But it wouldn’t bother me if someone said no for their own reasons. If you don’t want a verification then you don’t have to also you don’t have to display it. Hope that helps"
It's just there to help newbies get established and is also seen by others as a tally. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all,
I have had this question on my mind recently and I’m wondering if I can get it answered, basically if I meet someone at a club and we talk get on well and maybe have a little fun, does that person have to verify me. Especially if I have asked them not too?? "
People don’t have to do anything they don’t want to do…… |
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Honestly I don't see why varies are such a big deal, leave one if you want or dont if you dont want 
