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Club nervousness

By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

My husband wants us to go to a club I'm really unsure about it as I don't feel it's something that has ever really interested me, partly because women are expected to dress sexy and I'm more the sort to dress comfortably in jeans/shorts and Dr Martin's but not sure if this would be acceptable as I'm not the skirt and heels type, I also have it in my head that it's more expected for things to get physical due to the facilities being on hand is this the case or am I over thinking things?

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By *ad_Bod_ToddMan over a year ago

Derbyshire

To me it sounds like you need to have an open and honest conversation with hubby about how you feel about this. Maybe a starting point is what does he want or expect from a club?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We’re going for our first time on Saturday and feel a bit nervous as to what’s expected but also excited about it. We’re going to stick to there “dress code “ as can you imagine getting hyped up then turned away at the door

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By *luttyLaylaWoman over a year ago

North West

There is definitely a dress code to attend, but that doesn’t mean you need to be all short skirts and heels at all.

I’ve attending before in flats and leather pants!… it’s a long time stood up and heels aren’t allowed on the beds anyway haha!

However please don’t be nervous about expectations…. Everyone (usually!) is very respectful, no means no and people are always welcome for a wander and watch with no expectation to play.

If there’s anyone acting inappropriately please tel the staff and hosts- they’ll absolutely action it. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dress however you want. DMS etc in the bar area would be absolutely fine. If you go to the play rooms (and you don't have to play if you don't want too), just wrap yourself in a towel. There is a lot less stress than you are imagining. Have fun. X

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By *ad_Bod_ToddMan over a year ago

Derbyshire

OP you may find this thread helpful:

https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/support/1198192

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/09/21 11:08:00]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We spoke at length before deciding to try a club for the first time. Just dress smart or attractive, which isn't hard to do. Also don't worry about being expected to play, that's entirely up to you. Though if you're new all the regulars will eye you up as soon as you come in, they don't tend to talk to you beyond that unless you specifically engage with them. It's like any other club except foe the porno playing and the occasional sex in certain areas.

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"To me it sounds like you need to have an open and honest conversation with hubby about how you feel about this. Maybe a starting point is what does he want or expect from a club?"

Thank you for replying my husband is very different to myself he knows I'm not comfortable with clubs exactly we have had conversations about it I am just looking for others views on what clubs are like for nervous newbies and if I'm over thinking that I wouldn't fit in

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"We’re going for our first time on Saturday and feel a bit nervous as to what’s expected but also excited about it. We’re going to stick to there “dress code “ as can you imagine getting hyped up then turned away at the door

Thank you for replying I'm not trying to avoid the dress code just do my own more comfortable take on it as I'm not really very feminine and like Vivian says in pretty woman "I would have been able to cope with it better in my own clothes" or something like that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP, do your research and find the right club for you.

That's if you decide of course!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Lana wore her Dr Martins to a club recently and they were very well received.

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"There is definitely a dress code to attend, but that doesn’t mean you need to be all short skirts and heels at all.

I’ve attending before in flats and leather pants!… it’s a long time stood up and heels aren’t allowed on the beds anyway haha!

However please don’t be nervous about expectations…. Everyone (usually!) is very respectful, no means no and people are always welcome for a wander and watch with no expectation to play.

If there’s anyone acting inappropriately please tel the staff and hosts- they’ll absolutely action it. Xx"

Thank you for replying I'm not saying I wouldn't dress it up a bit just didn't know if it would be acceptable to others being dressed in such a way obviously dress it up so not just looking a scruff, and thank you for confirming there's no expectations to play

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By *luttyLaylaWoman over a year ago

North West

[Removed by poster at 15/09/21 11:36:02]

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"Dress however you want. DMS etc in the bar area would be absolutely fine. If you go to the play rooms (and you don't have to play if you don't want too), just wrap yourself in a towel. There is a lot less stress than you are imagining. Have fun. X"

Thanks for replying I'm aware most of it is just me overthinking and I would be looking more towards the social side for myself and have said to my husband if he wants to go off and play that's fine by me

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By *luttyLaylaWoman over a year ago

North West

"Research the event too, some are very much party nights where everyone makes much more of an effort to dress glam which may make you feel more uncomfortable.

Some nights are more laid back and chilled so may suit your preferences more

Also check if they are immediate dress down events/ clubs as again, you may have a preference xx"

Defo not implying scruffy or anything

I just feel awkward if I’m “under dressed” as such so might hell xx

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"OP you may find this thread helpful:

https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/support/1198192"

Thank you I will take a look

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"We spoke at length before deciding to try a club for the first time. Just dress smart or attractive, which isn't hard to do. Also don't worry about being expected to play, that's entirely up to you. Though if you're new all the regulars will eye you up as soon as you come in, they don't tend to talk to you beyond that unless you specifically engage with them. It's like any other club except foe the porno playing and the occasional sex in certain areas."

Thank you for replying I'm not really a club person anyway I'm more into going and seeing a live band in a pub

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"OP, do your research and find the right club for you.

That's if you decide of course!

Thank you I have been asking a friend on here about clubs and the one my husband has in mind but they don't know much about that particular one as they have found one that suits them better

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

Lana wore her Dr Martins to a club recently and they were very well received.

Thank you that's a positive then I have had some people message me about them as I'm wearing them in my avatar image but wasn't sure

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"Research the event too, some are very much party nights where everyone makes much more of an effort to dress glam which may make you feel more uncomfortable.

Some nights are more laid back and chilled so may suit your preferences more

Also check if they are immediate dress down events/ clubs as again, you may have a preference xx

Defo not implying scruffy or anything

I just feel awkward if I’m “under dressed” as such so might hell xx"

Thank you it would be a bi event as we are both curious with a little experience of same sex fun

I didn't think you was implying that I just thought I would state I wasn't planning to be a scruff

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By *ohnj21Man over a year ago

Leeds

You can dress how you want. People where jeans and t shirt

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By *uckslut and MCouple over a year ago

Poole

My advice is, please be awear of "players" in the middle of a play. We had a couple who were newbies, stood watching us having an intense ffm on a voyers bed. They were stood so close and right within the action space, but would not move. I had to get off the bed, walk around them to get to the other end of the action.

Non players should move and give way to players.

We didn't exspect / want them to join in, more than happy for them to watch. But not get in the way, and break flow of play.

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"My advice is, please be awear of "players" in the middle of a play. We had a couple who were newbies, stood watching us having an intense ffm on a voyers bed. They were stood so close and right within the action space, but would not move. I had to get off the bed, walk around them to get to the other end of the action.

Non players should move and give way to players.

We didn't exspect / want them to join in, more than happy for them to watch. But not get in the way, and break flow of play.

It's very unlikely I would be in that situation I'm not a one to watch or be watched but thank you for the advice

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

You can dress how you want. People where jeans and t shirt"

That's more the guys though I'm guessing

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By *anky_PankyWoman over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

Come for a weekend in Blackpool too my rock night and DM's and jeans won't be a problem at all!

In a some clubs they wouldn't be a problem anyway - just check beforehand.

Although if you do fancy my rock night, info is on my profile

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"Come for a weekend in Blackpool too my rock night and DM's and jeans won't be a problem at all!

In a some clubs they wouldn't be a problem anyway - just check beforehand.

Although if you do fancy my rock night, info is on my profile

Might take a bit of planning but will definitely keep it in mind for future thank you always wanted to go to funny girls is that still in Blackpool?

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

Over thinking… just go in whatever you feel comfortable in…..

The best clubs are almost like social clubs in that you can just go and chat and see how you feel… and if you feel like anything else then you have places you can go and do

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have a look at different clubs and the different nights they put on, dress codes can vary.

Townhouse on the wirral does a night called tipsy unicorn, it's a pub night, free entry, wear what you want, spend the evening like you would in a pub, just in the company of like minded people, make friends, go again and again and the nerves will go, ask people about different events they go to to get useful info. You can check out their website for further info.

So there are plenty of options, but you don't ever have to do anything you don't want to.

Pay attention to dress down rules as some clubs are dress down on entry or at certain times.

It's a big hurdle to actually go when you've never been before but it's really liberating and fun, even if you don't play.

Best wishes.

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"Have a look at different clubs and the different nights they put on, dress codes can vary.

So there are plenty of options, but you don't ever have to do anything you don't want to.

Pay attention to dress down rules as some clubs are dress down on entry or at certain times.

It's a big hurdle to actually go when you've never been before but it's really liberating and fun, even if you don't play.

Best wishes. "

Thank you it's mainly bi events my husband is more keen for us to attend and I know he doesn't want to go to a club on his own at least yet I'm really just trying to get a feel of if I'm going to Attended with him what it may be like

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That first visit can feel overwhelming. I can remember having so many doubts. We didn’t want to play (and still haven’t to date)

Any worries were totally unfounded. Everyone was genuinely friendly, welcoming and accepting of our wishes.

We have only attended Bi nights and found them to be an eclectic mix of people.

Dress wise just be yourself. There’s every type of outfit you can imagine.

I can’t emphasise enough how strangely normal it all felt.

For us it’s about socialising with likeminded others and the chance for Abby to be herself without being judged.

I hope you decide to give it a try.

The only other advice I’d give is to make sure you’re both in agreement as to what you want from your visit.

Viv

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By *ewcouplemidsCouple over a year ago

walsall

Try a club without dress down rules that way you will feel more relaxed on arrival

Remember even inside a club there is no pressure to play

Take the night as a social meet and see where it leads

Clubs have a safe environment and club staff always keep an eye on nervous newbies

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"That first visit can feel overwhelming. I can remember having so many doubts. We didn’t want to play (and still haven’t to date)

Any worries were totally unfounded. Everyone was genuinely friendly, welcoming and accepting of our wishes.

We have only attended Bi nights and found them to be an eclectic mix of people.

Dress wise just be yourself. There’s every type of outfit you can imagine.

I can’t emphasise enough how strangely normal it all felt.

For us it’s about socialising with likeminded others and the chance for Abby to be herself without being judged.

I hope you decide to give it a try.

The only other advice I’d give is to make sure you’re both in agreement as to what you want from your visit.

Viv"

Thank you for understanding I would only really be interested in doing the social side at a club at least for now but more than happy for my husband to go off and play if he wants to he is much more adventurous shall we say than I am he has also been swinging longer, we've had conversations about going to clubs in the past and he knows that I would look at it as more of a social thing

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

Try a club without dress down rules that way you will feel more relaxed on arrival

Remember even inside a club there is no pressure to play

Take the night as a social meet and see where it leads

Clubs have a safe environment and club staff always keep an eye on nervous newbies

For me it would be more as a social I don't think reading some of the stories in the forum's has really helped as most have just made it seem like things are expected

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By *not69Man over a year ago

Lancashire

I know a lady who wears a basque, stockings, and Dr Martins in clubs. A very sexy look.

Some clubs have a dress down on entry policy, where other clubs allow you to stay dressed in the bar. Have a look at the clubs section on here for clubs near you and check their website for their dress code or drop them a message.

Once you get there you will love it I'm sure xx

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By *not69Man over a year ago

Lancashire

Try a club without dress down rules that way you will feel more relaxed on arrival

Remember even inside a club there is no pressure to play

Take the night as a social meet and see where it leads

Clubs have a safe environment and club staff always keep an eye on nervous newbies

For me it would be more as a social I don't think reading some of the stories in the forum's has really helped as most have just made it seem like things are expected "

Nothing is ever expected.

Go to a club with the sole intention of just socialising on your first visit. People don't realise just how sociable clubs are until they experience one for the first time. There is no expectation for you to do anything.

Set your boundaries before you go then you both know your limits.

Its your body. You say what happens to it, no one else can dictate that to you. No means no, always, and you can say no in clubs.

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By *anky_PankyWoman over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

"Come for a weekend in Blackpool too my rock night and DM's and jeans won't be a problem at all!

In a some clubs they wouldn't be a problem anyway - just check beforehand.

Although if you do fancy my rock night, info is on my profile

Might take a bit of planning but will definitely keep it in mind for future thank you always wanted to go to funny girls is that still in Blackpool? "

Yup as far as I know it is

Blackpool is a good weekend away with a club involved or not, but Club Play is the most welcoming club I've been too - and not just saying that cause I'm connected to them, it's kinda WHY I am connected to them, EVERYONE is welcome and bi play is a regular feature on most if not all nights

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By *entleman JayMan over a year ago

Wakefield

One thing I will say to nervous ladies. Clubs are never as glamorous as they seem.

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By *dysseusukMan over a year ago

Chelmsford

Go to a spa club first where everyone is wearing the same thing a towel - or naked! Problem solved!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you’re not interested in going to a club then you shouldn’t go, I know there needs to be compromise in a marriage but going to a club isn’t really something you should do unless you’re sure you want to.

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"Go to a spa club first where everyone is wearing the same thing a towel - or naked! Problem solved!"

That is even less appealing to me if I'm honest

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By *ad_Bod_ToddMan over a year ago

Derbyshire

Thanks for the above Bi_Sissy_Sub (sp?) I've been thinking about this most of the evening whilst at work.

OP, it doesn't really sound like you want to go at all. If you're happy for hubby to play with others then is there any issue in just letting him go on his own? I'm sorry, but reading through the entire thread it now sounds to me like hubby (experienced/seasoned swinger) wants you to become more involved with the lifestyle than you're comfortable with. You even mention that hubby knows you're not comfortable with it. That doesn't sit well with me.

My original post still stands, have a conversation with hubby where you clearly express your reservations. Maybe you both draw up a list of Pros and Cons and read them to each other to start the conversation?

Ultimately, what do BOTH of you want to get from the experience?

Forum Contributors: Maybe I've got this wrong? Maybe it's just nerves that the OP has? Maybe the OP will go and really enjoy it? I am typing this being fully aware that that we only have one half of the story here. But, just count how many times the OP refers to going to a club in a non-positive way. Burn me if you wish.

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

Thanks for the above Bi_Sissy_Sub (sp?) I've been thinking about this most of the evening whilst at work.

Ultimately, what do BOTH of you want to get from the experience?

Right let's clear this up I titled this thread club nervousness due to the fact I'm nervous about going to a club yeah ok I don't think it's my thing but I'm open to test out the social side of it just weary about doing it as a not very feminine female, my husband is not forcing me in any way and yes I have said he can go on his own or find someone else to go with I also know without him saying so that he would like to at least once share the experience with me other than just telling me how it went after, we've had loads of conversations about it yes we may well be looking to get different things from going which between us isn't an issue, just because we go together doesn't mean we can't do our own thing while there surely. I guess I was looking for people to be going oh it's not as bad as you think it's actually nothing like that and reassure me rather than telling me to not go at all because I may not have worded things well so come across wrong

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By *ad_Bod_ToddMan over a year ago

Derbyshire

Thank you OP. I appear to have been wrong/mistaken, that's fine. I am, after all; only human.

I only ever care, and always have the best of intentions.

It won't be as bad as you think it will be, things seldom are. Just choose a club that you like the look of and give it a go.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I apologise for misinterpreting what you said OP, I genuinely thought that you felt pressured into doing something you didn’t want to so I just wanted to reassure you that you didn’t have to. I can see now that your worries are just that and it is something you want to do.

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By *iss LovelyWoman over a year ago

Here and There

I’m the kind of person who gets anxiety about what to wear/do/say in every new situation and going to a club for the first time was no exception, so I feel your pain. Honestly though, once you get the first time out of the way you’ll be fine.

There are some clubs that have very particular standards in terms of dress and some where you have to dress down on entry or at a certain time. They might not be the best fit for you (I don’t like those clubs. I like it to be my decision when I flash my undies). Find a club without a dress down policy, and wear what you like. Take a dress down outfit with you in case you fancy it.

All clubs aren’t created equal, there’s a huge range on offer, there will definitely be some that suit you more than others.

Good luck OP, I’m sure it won’t be anywhere best as awkward as you think.

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By *aughtyPuppyMan over a year ago

SouthEast

I had massive anxiety on our 1st club visit a few years back (on our couple profile). But 20 mins after being there we no longer felt like a rabbit in the headlights. 1st dont expect a club to be wall to wall sex. It isnt. Many go for the atmosphere and social aspect and wont play (or might only go off to play with each other if a couple). Play is NEVER expected and you have zero expectations to play unless its purely with yourself and partner. As for dress codes, generally a woman can get away with most things.. sportswear is a big no however. Its also worth pointing out my wife for example will wear a sexy club dress or basque and stockings under a normal evening dress so she has the option of stripping it down for more sexier attire later in the night if she wants. The thing is, as long as you dress within the clubs rules, simply wear what your comfy in. Also if you have a friend or two you can attend with who have been before it will help a lot - though often not possible for newbies i know. Clubs are generally very friendly places who will look after you, show you around and attentive staff will ensure you are ok at points in the now.

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By *ktd5555Couple over a year ago

ashton

Go for it I was the same especially as the club we went to was underwear only, once I was inside I realised I actually felt more out of place with clothes on, we had a great night and people in this lifestyle are very respectful of boundaries more so than a normal nightclub!

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"Go for it I was the same especially as the club we went to was underwear only, once I was inside I realised I actually felt more out of place with clothes on, we had a great night and people in this lifestyle are very respectful of boundaries more so than a normal nightclub! "

That also bothers me I'm not so keen on the ones that you can't stay fully dressed in I'm quite self conscious of being undressed in public even being covered by a towel I guess it's just about finding the right balance

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My husband wants us to go to a club I'm really unsure about it as I don't feel it's something that has ever really interested me, partly because women are expected to dress sexy and I'm more the sort to dress comfortably in jeans/shorts and Dr Martin's but not sure if this would be acceptable as I'm not the skirt and heels type, I also have it in my head that it's more expected for things to get physical due to the facilities being on hand is this the case or am I over thinking things?"
yes you are overthinking,I've met couples who don't take a stitch of clothing off all night,the lady always has the say,and it's always respected,wear what you feel comfortable in,bring something else,and if you feel like changing,then you have an option.dont hold yourself back over your fear of the unknown,make the rest of your life,the best of your life .

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"My husband wants us to go to a club I'm really unsure about it as I don't feel it's something that has ever really interested me, partly because women are expected to dress sexy and I'm more the sort to dress comfortably in jeans/shorts and Dr Martin's but not sure if this would be acceptable as I'm not the skirt and heels type, I also have it in my head that it's more expected for things to get physical due to the facilities being on hand is this the case or am I over thinking things?yes you are overthinking,I've met couples who don't take a stitch of clothing off all night,the lady always has the say,and it's always respected,wear what you feel comfortable in,bring something else,and if you feel like changing,then you have an option.dont hold yourself back over your fear of the unknown,make the rest of your life,the best of your life ."

Thank you think it may depend on the club as some seem to be more about being in a state of undress than others so think I need to find one that has a good bar area and go from there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My husband wants us to go to a club I'm really unsure about it as I don't feel it's something that has ever really interested me, partly because women are expected to dress sexy and I'm more the sort to dress comfortably in jeans/shorts and Dr Martin's but not sure if this would be acceptable as I'm not the skirt and heels type, I also have it in my head that it's more expected for things to get physical due to the facilities being on hand is this the case or am I over thinking things?yes you are overthinking,I've met couples who don't take a stitch of clothing off all night,the lady always has the say,and it's always respected,wear what you feel comfortable in,bring something else,and if you feel like changing,then you have an option.dont hold yourself back over your fear of the unknown,make the rest of your life,the best of your life .

Thank you think it may depend on the club as some seem to be more about being in a state of undress than others so think I need to find one that has a good bar area and go from there"
come to gems,very laid back atmosphere,you'd need either a local hotel room,or tent,or sleep in the car.but I think you'll find it a great club,I did and now it's my place to go.

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By *rsPricklePants OP Woman over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"My husband wants us to go to a club I'm really unsure about it as I don't feel it's something that has ever really interested me, partly because women are expected to dress sexy and I'm more the sort to dress comfortably in jeans/shorts and Dr Martin's but not sure if this would be acceptable as I'm not the skirt and heels type, I also have it in my head that it's more expected for things to get physical due to the facilities being on hand is this the case or am I over thinking things?yes you are overthinking,I've met couples who don't take a stitch of clothing off all night,the lady always has the say,and it's always respected,wear what you feel comfortable in,bring something else,and if you feel like changing,then you have an option.dont hold yourself back over your fear of the unknown,make the rest of your life,the best of your life .

Thank you think it may depend on the club as some seem to be more about being in a state of undress than others so think I need to find one that has a good bar area and go from therecome to gems,very laid back atmosphere,you'd need either a local hotel room,or tent,or sleep in the car.but I think you'll find it a great club,I did and now it's my place to go."

Thanks for the recommendation bit far to go as I'm in East Anglia

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