FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > First time club advice
First time club advice
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hello everyone.
We have been discussing about trying out a club for the first time and we are hoping that you (the people that know best) could maybe shed some light on the scene, i.e. where to start, what to expect and the general etiquette.
We like the idea of a club as we imagine it to be full of like minds and a safe, non judgemental place to be yourself and have a lot of fun. On the other hand having never been to one the idea also seems quite daunting and scary  . We like the thought of being watched/watching others but have no desire to play outside of the two of us.
So I think the main question would be are clubs a safe place to fulfil that fantasy and have fun socially? Without being pressured and or touched by strangers?
(Sorry if that sounds assuming, that’s not the intention. We would just love to know more about clubs before we visit as at this point we know nothing to base an opinion on) |
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Unfortunately, a lot depends on the club and on the event regarding unwelcome touching. It's nothing regular, but still happens, particularly from men who believe that, because they are in a swingers club, they are entitled to sex. Which could not be further away from truth. If anything like that happens to you, do report it to staff, please.
Maybe you could try a couple's room, where single guys are not allowed in? Or some clubs have "stable door" rooms, where you can keep the bottom part closed and top part open, allowing people to watch. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi.
Similarly, Our first time at a club was also about us only playing with each other, and we found that everyone was very respectful.
We enjoyed watching others and being watched, and we just played in the group areas without asking others to join.
Most people in clubs are very respectful and will always ask permission before they make a move. Our recommendation would be to go to a couples only night (single females often permitted) to ease into things, and see how you feel. I'm sure you'll soon be hooked and wanting to return!
Have fun! |
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"Hello everyone.
We have been discussing about trying out a club for the first time and we are hoping that you (the people that know best) could maybe shed some light on the scene, i.e. where to start, what to expect and the general etiquette.
We like the idea of a club as we imagine it to be full of like minds and a safe, non judgemental place to be yourself and have a lot of fun. On the other hand having never been to one the idea also seems quite daunting and scary . We like the thought of being watched/watching others but have no desire to play outside of the two of us.
So I think the main question would be are clubs a safe place to fulfil that fantasy and have fun socially? Without being pressured and or touched by strangers?
(Sorry if that sounds assuming, that’s not the intention. We would just love to know more about clubs before we visit as at this point we know nothing to base an opinion on) "
Townhouse is near you and a fantastic club. Well run and when we’ve attended everyone was respectful. They have a couples only room too which always helps.
I don’t think they have a profile on Fab anymore so maybe have a look at their website! |
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We go to Chams in Darlaston alot. Before the pandemic. But have been back now clubs are open. They check for either a covid passport or a lateral flow test and check your temperature before entering. The staff are very friendly and I've only seen a person get thrown out once. There are lockable rooms if you just want to play with out others watching or there is a couples room. But no means no and most people will adear to it. If we can be of more help drop us a message V&R x |
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A second for Townhouse your nearest club, you’re lucky to have it so close. It’ll be a great place for a first visit but if you’re concerned about it being too close, Club Play in Blackpool is another great place.
Most clubs have a website with FAQ pages, but the general rule is downstairs for socialising and upstairs for fun. Also let the club know you are new and they’ll often arrange a welcome tour.
Good luck and enjoy  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" Our recommendation would be to go to a couples only night (single females often permitted) to ease into things, and see how you feel. I'm sure you'll soon be hooked and wanting to return!
Have fun!"
Thanks we will look into that. that sounds like a good, more comfortable idea to get a feel for things on our first visit  |
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By *igger2Man
over a year ago
Neston |
" Our recommendation would be to go to a couples only night (single females often permitted) to ease into things, and see how you feel. I'm sure you'll soon be hooked and wanting to return!
Have fun!
Thanks we will look into that. that sounds like a good, more comfortable idea to get a feel for things on our first visit "
I'm new to the scene too I have a ticket as a single male for Pure 4th September at Townhouse and have been asking similar questions and have had some great support from FAB members thank you. I will try and post an update when I have been to let you know about my experience. I'm going mainly to meet like minded people and intended to learn from the experience first. I don't plan on having any interaction. I want to see if I feel comfortable in the environment.I certainly don't want to make others feel uncomfortable either |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Our recommendation would be to go to a couples only night (single females often permitted) to ease into things, and see how you feel. I'm sure you'll soon be hooked and wanting to return!
Have fun!
Thanks we will look into that. that sounds like a good, more comfortable idea to get a feel for things on our first visit "
Hi guys, we ourselves were in the same situation. Picking a first club where you feel comfy, great people and lots of options was extremely important to us.
Our personal opinion is _lub play in Blackpool. It’s a fantastic club with great owners and some really nice people and a fantastic greater. They will make you feel comfy and give you a tour of the venue. To top it off there is no need to dress down as soon as you enter the club which allows you to build yourself into it and you can sit in the large bar area immediately take your own drink with you and just get to meet people first.
For us the best club around. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Townhouse is the most likely place we will visit, as others have said it’s our closest club plus the it looks really nice on the website.
Had a little look on the club review page too and it seems that everybody has a great experience when there which is good to know.
Am I right I’m saying they do a newbie night or am I thinking of somewhere else?
We would just want our first experience to be a good one  |
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If you were in the Midlands I would recommend Liberty or Purple Mamba on my experience great clubs for newbies. Having said that I always heard good comments about Townhouse. Just relax and enjoy the experience I am sure you will be fine. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" Hi guys, we ourselves were in the same situation. Picking a first club where you feel comfy, great people and lots of options was extremely important to us.
Our personal opinion is _lub play in Blackpool. It’s a fantastic club with great owners and some really nice people and a fantastic greater. They will make you feel comfy and give you a tour of the venue. To top it off there is no need to dress down as soon as you enter the club which allows you to build yourself into it and you can sit in the large bar area immediately take your own drink with you and just get to meet people first.
For us the best club around. "
Thanks for the recommendation we will have a look into _lub play too. We have never heard of it, I’ve heard of infusion but that’s about it for Blackpool.. yeah that’s it, somewhere with no pressure and a warm, welcoming atmosphere is what we’d like. I’m sure we will find that where ever we go, if all the friendly people on here are anything to go by. feeling spoilt for choice now haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Hi guys, we ourselves were in the same situation. Picking a first club where you feel comfy, great people and lots of options was extremely important to us.
Our personal opinion is _lub play in Blackpool. It’s a fantastic club with great owners and some really nice people and a fantastic greater. They will make you feel comfy and give you a tour of the venue. To top it off there is no need to dress down as soon as you enter the club which allows you to build yourself into it and you can sit in the large bar area immediately take your own drink with you and just get to meet people first.
For us the best club around.
Thanks for the recommendation we will have a look into _lub play too. We have never heard of it, I’ve heard of infusion but that’s about it for Blackpool.. yeah that’s it, somewhere with no pressure and a warm, welcoming atmosphere is what we’d like. I’m sure we will find that where ever we go, if all the friendly people on here are anything to go by. feeling spoilt for choice now haha"
We are more than happy to try and help you answer any questions as we have only just started to return to clubs, so we are in the same position. drop us a message if you do. |
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"Hello everyone.
We have been discussing about trying out a club for the first time and we are hoping that you (the people that know best) could maybe shed some light on the scene, i.e. where to start, what to expect and the general etiquette.
We like the idea of a club as we imagine it to be full of like minds and a safe, non judgemental place to be yourself and have a lot of fun. On the other hand having never been to one the idea also seems quite daunting and scary . We like the thought of being watched/watching others but have no desire to play outside of the two of us.
So I think the main question would be are clubs a safe place to fulfil that fantasy and have fun socially? Without being pressured and or touched by strangers?
(Sorry if that sounds assuming, that’s not the intention. We would just love to know more about clubs before we visit as at this point we know nothing to base an opinion on) "
In any club the rules are no means no, whether you’re a male, female or couple.
No one is expected to play and it’s down to you individually whether you play or not (stay aligned to each other though). We find many come along for the first (or few) times just to socialise, soak in the atmosphere and get acclimatised before playing. This is usually a good approach.
There is the odd occasion where you get the odd pushy person, rule breaker/bender, but more importantly do not let them put you off your journey.
To minimise this, you may prefer to go to a couples/females only night where the majority of people are in couples and as such there will be couples on the same level as you, right to the hardcore well experienced.
These nights are usually excellent from a social point of view as you will get a nice mix of stories and anecdotes to aid your journey.
As you are up in the North West and the local is the Townhouse, which has been recommended, then maybe this is good for you to start out. If it’s too close to your doorstep, then there’s plenty of clubs in the region you could get too.
The Townhouse also do a monthly couples/females only event which might be the best option.
We surprisingly haven’t been yet, but as seasoned swingers, we have many friends that give the TH a big thumbs up.
We will definitely be there in the future and who knows, might see you up there.
Happy swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" In any club the rules are no means no, whether you’re a male, female or couple.
No one is expected to play and it’s down to you individually whether you play or not (stay aligned to each other though). We find many come along for the first (or few) times just to socialise, soak in the atmosphere and get acclimatised before playing. This is usually a good approach. "
Thanks guys this is really reassuring, I feel like that is the kind of approach that would be best for us as newbies. It’s been good to get the responses we have, to put our mind at rest abit and get a gauge on the type of people we may come across there too. All positive of course 
We have laughed while discussing clubs about the thought of the seasoned members spotting us walk in a mile off, looking all nervous in a foreign place... “fresh blood” haha |
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A few tips from my first time as a couple.
1. We picked somewhere with no dress down time i.e. you could stay fully clothed all night if you wanted to.
2. We went to a couples and single ladies only night.
3. We established and agreed some hard rules before we went which were non-negotiable once at the club. Such as:
a. One of us would remain totally sober and had the last word on any activity/interaction.
b. We had a 'secret signal' (squeeze partners little finger) so that we could immediately signal to each other that one of us was feeling uncomfortable with something.
c. Decided what we wanted to do and did NOT want to do before we went.
d. Didn't separate from partner other than going to the loo. Even then we waited outside for the other one!
I sound like a proper barrel of laughs don't I?
It worked for us and made sure that our first time was enjoyable on our terms. Like anything, you'll relax or change your rules as you get more comfortable or familiar with something.
Set your rules, stick to them, chat to lots of different people, have fun (but don't get carried away in the moment), review your experience together openly and honestly.
I know that one of the above comments about 'fresh meat' is meant as a joke but we did experience something like this. A couple were very keen on playing together with us which we had agreed we before we went that we would not do. They spent ages trying to convince us otherwise, even going so far as to try and separate us in a 'divide and conquer' type approach! Didn't work, we stuck to our rules!
Best wishes.
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"A few tips from my first time as a couple.
1. We picked somewhere with no dress down time i.e. you could stay fully clothed all night if you wanted to.
2. We went to a couples and single ladies only night.
3. We established and agreed some hard rules before we went which were non-negotiable once at the club. Such as:
a. One of us would remain totally sober and had the last word on any activity/interaction.
b. We had a 'secret signal' (squeeze partners little finger) so that we could immediately signal to each other that one of us was feeling uncomfortable with something.
c. Decided what we wanted to do and did NOT want to do before we went.
d. Didn't separate from partner other than going to the loo. Even then we waited outside for the other one!
I sound like a proper barrel of laughs don't I?
It worked for us and made sure that our first time was enjoyable on our terms. Like anything, you'll relax or change your rules as you get more comfortable or familiar with something.
Set your rules, stick to them, chat to lots of different people, have fun (but don't get carried away in the moment), review your experience together openly and honestly.
I know that one of the above comments about 'fresh meat' is meant as a joke but we did experience something like this. A couple were very keen on playing together with us which we had agreed we before we went that we would not do. They spent ages trying to convince us otherwise, even going so far as to try and separate us in a 'divide and conquer' type approach! Didn't work, we stuck to our rules!
Best wishes.
"
great advice |
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Our first club experience was in Paris. Obviously this is practically difficult currently, but going somewhere well away from home is a really good idea. It is quite a nervous time the first visit to a club, and the knowledge that we were not going to encounter anyone we knew even remotely made it easier to relax and just enjoy the experience.
We made an evening of it, started with a nice meal out, then went to the club in an already happy mood, and we had an amazing time, and when we came back home, visiting local clubs did not seem so intimidating.
Probably best to choose somewhere that leans more classy than down and dirty : Liberty Elite, VA2 would probably work, and make sure you go on a couples only night. As you feel more comfortable you can explore other venues/events.
Good luck!
"Hello everyone.
We have been discussing about trying out a club for the first time and we are hoping that you (the people that know best) could maybe shed some light on the scene, i.e. where to start, what to expect and the general etiquette.
We like the idea of a club as we imagine it to be full of like minds and a safe, non judgemental place to be yourself and have a lot of fun. On the other hand having never been to one the idea also seems quite daunting and scary . We like the thought of being watched/watching others but have no desire to play outside of the two of us.
So I think the main question would be are clubs a safe place to fulfil that fantasy and have fun socially? Without being pressured and or touched by strangers?
(Sorry if that sounds assuming, that’s not the intention. We would just love to know more about clubs before we visit as at this point we know nothing to base an opinion on) "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A few tips from my first time as a couple.
1. We picked somewhere with no dress down time i.e. you could stay fully clothed all night if you wanted to.
2. We went to a couples and single ladies only night.
3. We established and agreed some hard rules before we went which were non-negotiable once at the club. Such as:
a. One of us would remain totally sober and had the last word on any activity/interaction.
b. We had a 'secret signal' (squeeze partners little finger) so that we could immediately signal to each other that one of us was feeling uncomfortable with something.
c. Decided what we wanted to do and did NOT want to do before we went.
d. Didn't separate from partner other than going to the loo. Even then we waited outside for the other one!
I sound like a proper barrel of laughs don't I?
It worked for us and made sure that our first time was enjoyable on our terms. Like anything, you'll relax or change your rules as you get more comfortable or familiar with something.
Set your rules, stick to them, chat to lots of different people, have fun (but don't get carried away in the moment), review your experience together openly and honestly.
I know that one of the above comments about 'fresh meat' is meant as a joke but we did experience something like this. A couple were very keen on playing together with us which we had agreed we before we went that we would not do. They spent ages trying to convince us otherwise, even going so far as to try and separate us in a 'divide and conquer' type approach! Didn't work, we stuck to our rules!
Best wishes.
great advice "
Agreed. Thanks Dad Bod Todd that’s massively appreciated. We’ll take each one of those on board, We really like the secret signal tip and have both agreed that’s definitely something we’re gonna use... so a double thanks for that one |
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By *ez1987Man
over a year ago
Great Harwood, Blackburn |
" Our recommendation would be to go to a couples only night (single females often permitted) to ease into things, and see how you feel. I'm sure you'll soon be hooked and wanting to return!
Have fun!
Thanks we will look into that. that sounds like a good, more comfortable idea to get a feel for things on our first visit
Hi guys, we ourselves were in the same situation. Picking a first club where you feel comfy, great people and lots of options was extremely important to us.
Our personal opinion is _lub play in Blackpool. It’s a fantastic club with great owners and some really nice people and a fantastic greater. They will make you feel comfy and give you a tour of the venue. To top it off there is no need to dress down as soon as you enter the club which allows you to build yourself into it and you can sit in the large bar area immediately take your own drink with you and just get to meet people first.
For us the best club around. "
I'll second _lub play in blackpool, it's my regular go to club that I attend and they are very welcoming and will give you a tour of the place.
They have plenty of private lockable rooms for you to play in and people can watch from a window in the door or from behind a 1 way mirror for the voyer room.
The codes room has been referbed to have a large viewing window and a closed door so single men can't just walk in.
As with all clubs your play is your rules and no means no.
The amount of times I've had to tell single guys to move when playing with my club partner because they try copping a feel or expect to join in without even talking to us is normal but they do move and back off when asked to.
The club rules is byob and the staff serve it to you from the bar and you don't need to dress down on entry "unless you want to"
It's a relaxed environment in the social area and a lot of people to chat to whilst breaking the nerves of being in a new environment.
Most of all have fun |
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"Thanks guys for all your help so far. You’ve really helped reassure us and relax some of our nerves over this it’s nice to know that we’re not the only ones feeling the first time nerves lol Club play has been recommended a few times now aswell as Townhouse and we like the look of them both, it seems that either or will be welcoming and comfortable! We also like the idea of Infusions too with the pool etc.. does anybody have any experiences there?
"
Been to infusions once, they have a pool and it’s quite a nice place. I only went as they were trying out a TV and admirers afternoon. I turned up and was the only TV in the place so ended up in a room with several guys outside  (it’s nice to be wanted though).
It’s a good club I prefer Club Play as they encourage a diverse mix of people for most of their party nights. Rather than just couples only etc…
If you decide to have a naughty weekend in Blackpool I’d encourage you to try both clubs. |
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By *lub playCouple
over a year ago
Blackpool, At The Crack Of Dawn!! |
"Thanks guys for all your help so far. You’ve really helped reassure us and relax some of our nerves over this it’s nice to know that we’re not the only ones feeling the first time nerves lol Club play has been recommended a few times now aswell as Townhouse and we like the look of them both, it seems that either or will be welcoming and comfortable! We also like the idea of Infusions too with the pool etc.. does anybody have any experiences there?
Been to infusions once, they have a pool and it’s quite a nice place. I only went as they were trying out a TV and admirers afternoon. I turned up and was the only TV in the place so ended up in a room with several guys outside (it’s nice to be wanted though).
It’s a good club I prefer Club Play as they encourage a diverse mix of people for most of their party nights. Rather than just couples only etc…
If you decide to have a naughty weekend in Blackpool I’d encourage you to try both clubs. "
Good to hear the glowing recommendations
We are a very welcoming warm club & run it with close friends we class as family and think that shines through to everone who visits the club. Lots of the staff are there even on nights off helping out doing tours and watching upstairs most of time that creates a safe environment to swing.
We do tours will all new guests visiting us and explain everything and always try and make everyone included by walking & talking in the lounge and even introducing people, think this is the difference between a club having hosts like us and others that don't. It's all about creating the the right safe but fun atmosphere |
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"Thanks guys for all your help so far. You’ve really helped reassure us and relax some of our nerves over this it’s nice to know that we’re not the only ones feeling the first time nerves lol Club play has been recommended a few times now aswell as Townhouse and we like the look of them both, it seems that either or will be welcoming and comfortable! We also like the idea of Infusions too with the pool etc.. does anybody have any experiences there?
"
Yes many times. Always enjoy a Saturday night at Infusions. Made many good friends there.
In all honesty, pick your couples nights to start with but visit them all. We all have our favourites but each club is special in their own way and enjoy them for what they are and what they bring.
Over 40 clubs visited and 100s of nights out, we’re still very much enjoying them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" In all honesty, pick your couples nights to start with but visit them all. We all have our favourites but each club is special in their own way and enjoy them for what they are and what they bring."
Definitely, that’s the plan and ultimate goal Couples night first to see what it’s all about and then branch out once we’re comfortable! Maybe we will see you all at a club some time and we can thank you for the help in person. We appreciate everyone’s time, we’re definitely feeling a lot more informed right now! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Really don't worry. If you spend the night fully dressed at the bar, you will still have a great time. There is no pressure to play and it's all up to you. Take the first step and see what happens. M X |
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As everyone has practically said, they're a lot more relaxed than the apprehension and nerves make them out to be.
If for whatever reason you find yourself uncomfortable the hosts are generally the best people to go towards and they will do their best to get you settled back in.
Our experience has been prior to going to a club speaking to the hosts and explaining you are new. We got a quick tour around when we got there and reassured consent and comfort are the priority and there are no expectations in the public non-play areas. Some rooms might have specific asks of you but the hosts highlight everything there.
The important thing is make sure you are both on the same wavelength and are comfortable. If at any time one of you isn't then take a step back, breath, talk and make the appropriate decision.
You'll be fine and have a lot of fun!
G+T |
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