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Convincing fiancée to swing
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By *johno28 OP Man
over a year ago
liverpool |
So me and my fiancée have been together since school, we have a great sex life but I’ve been on this site a while now which she knows nothing about at all. Last week whilst driving we got talking about her best friend that had a threesome with her partner and another girl several years ago and I was asking what they got up to how far did it go etc. To which she didn’t know all the exact details. So we started talking about swinging and she said how she didn’t feel it was right they did that.
And I just came out and said if we where both up for it then I would be totally open to the idea of swinging. She was taken a back and shocked to be fair and said so you want to cheat on me? I said no, we would be together and enjoy it together and that’s all’s that would matter. Then she said I wouldn’t be interested in another girl and I said we could go to a club or another couple so she says so you would want to watch another guy shag her (the truthful answer is yes I would love to watch her get fucked and fuck her with another guy) but I said as long as we where both having fun And enjoying it I think I would be happy. She says she believes it would ruin relationships and started telling me about the Netflix show sex life which this happened in. And saying she believes that swingers are weird (sorry guys). But the last we spoke about it just before we got out the car was when she said I’ve had 2 kids anyway no one would like here body, maybe before we had the kids and started laughing.
Should I continue to preheat the idea or would it be best to leave it alone?
If yes what do you think the next steps I take?
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You have planted the seed,
Now leave it if she thinks about it or finds it interesting she will tell you |
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[Removed by poster at 19/08/21 15:00:50] |
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By *assNGuyCouple
over a year ago
Glasgow |
I believe its best to have a honest, open discussion with her rather than try and slow burn her thinking to your liking.
Also trust is a big thing for any swinging fact your on here without her knowing could blow any hope you have.
Be honest if its something you won’t be able to live without then best have that chat before you get married. If you can live without it after being open with her if it don’t go the way you want delete your account.
Either way going to be tough road for you for a bit. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
She has given you enough answers of no for me. Drop the subject, if it has put a seed in her head she will bring it up again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A chink in the armour with the comment about no one would look at her now, suggest to her that if she wants to honestly see the reaction to her then you should create a joint profile on a site a post some pics. Flattery may get you everywhere, lol., ?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For now, she's said no.
Give her some time to think about it. Maybe bring it up again in a few months.
If you pressure her into it, it could end up going really badly. She needs to be 100% on board. |
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The whole “swingers are weird” line should give you the answer you need to know…
Sack it off because she doesn’t seem interested. Furthermore maybe think about what you’re doing on here and how your partner would feel if she found you were doing this behind her back… |
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You can't convince someone.
End of |
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"The whole “swingers are weird” line should give you the answer you need to know…
Sack it off because she doesn’t seem interested. Furthermore maybe think about what you’re doing on here and how your partner would feel if she found you were doing this behind her back… "
Exactly this,you are already deceiving her by being on here,and previously meeting people.
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By *johno28 OP Man
over a year ago
liverpool |
"A chink in the armour with the comment about no one would look at her now, suggest to her that if she wants to honestly see the reaction to her then you should create a joint profile on a site a post some pics. Flattery may get you everywhere, lol., ??"
She has a good body and I tell her all the time she’s sexy. So I’m sure she would get a lot of good comments. |
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"
She has a good body and I tell her all the time she’s sexy. So I’m sure she would get a lot of good comments."
So?
She's told you. She doesn't want to swing. Respect that. |
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"The whole “swingers are weird” line should give you the answer you need to know…
Sack it off because she doesn’t seem interested. Furthermore maybe think about what you’re doing on here and how your partner would feel if she found you were doing this behind her back… "
This , is it worth risking what you have with her.? |
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"A chink in the armour with the comment about no one would look at her now, suggest to her that if she wants to honestly see the reaction to her then you should create a joint profile on a site a post some pics. Flattery may get you everywhere, lol., ??
She has a good body and I tell her all the time she’s sexy. So I’m sure she would get a lot of good comments."
Certainly, the worst thing you can do is keep going on about it. If you seem obsessed, then there is a greater chance that she will become more and more against the idea.
Most couples come to swinging through talking about their fantasies, and the realisation that the clubs and sites like FAB are a great way to fulfil those fantasies.
As others have said, you are doing your case no favours by being here without her knowing, especially if you have had meets. There is a huge risk that not only will she think that "she is not enough for you" but you are reinforcing that idea by cheating.
If you wanted to redress the view of swinging that she has from the TV, there are many books that take a more realistic view on the lifestyle... the series called swingers (1,2 & 3) by Barry Calvert(owner of La Chambre Club) are quite good.
Cal |
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I’d say drop the idea for the time being and see if she mentions it again. Good communication is key. |
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"So me and my fiancée have been together since school, we have a great sex life but I’ve been on this site a while now which she knows nothing about at all. Last week whilst driving we got talking about her best friend that had a threesome with her partner and another girl several years ago and I was asking what they got up to how far did it go etc. To which she didn’t know all the exact details. So we started talking about swinging and she said how she didn’t feel it was right they did that.
And I just came out and said if we where both up for it then I would be totally open to the idea of swinging. She was taken a back and shocked to be fair and said so you want to cheat on me? I said no, we would be together and enjoy it together and that’s all’s that would matter. Then she said I wouldn’t be interested in another girl and I said we could go to a club or another couple so she says so you would want to watch another guy shag her (the truthful answer is yes I would love to watch her get fucked and fuck her with another guy) but I said as long as we where both having fun And enjoying it I think I would be happy. She says she believes it would ruin relationships and started telling me about the Netflix show sex life which this happened in. And saying she believes that swingers are weird (sorry guys). But the last we spoke about it just before we got out the car was when she said I’ve had 2 kids anyway no one would like here body, maybe before we had the kids and started laughing.
Should I continue to preheat the idea or would it be best to leave it alone?
If yes what do you think the next steps I take?
"
Continue pushing this idea on her and keep meeting other people without her knowledge - what could possibly go wrong?   |
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She had made her decision. You should respect that.
My only advice would be:
1. Tell her she's beautiful and sexy a lot. If confidence is her main objection, that might help her through it. It sounds like there is a lot stopping her though.
2. Get the hell off this site if you value your relationship and don't want to hurt her! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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show her your profile n see how she reacts  |
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"I have never read an entire thread on these forums because most of them can get boring real quick, but this is a good one buddy.
Most people are being very honest and very helpful with theirs answers which is really good and makes me happy
However.... i usually play the role of the 'bad conscience' and my 'bad conscience' advise would be to have her add me on SC and i could have general chit chat with her saying that i knew her from school and i always thought she was hot/sexy n still thinks she is to this very day. That will give her the boost in confidence that she deserves and maybe the courage to tell you that shes been contact by a guy. You tell her to play it out n see how it goes. Fast forward a month or 2 and BOOM you guys are linking up with another couple/male for fun at a club
  "
So basically collude with another man behind her back?
Smh |
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OP if your fiancé thinks swingers are weird, it's not for her.
Swinging works well, only when both members are genuinely interested and have an open and honest relationship.
Unfortunately, you're already breaking that trust by meeting others on here.
Frankly, I feel incredibly sorry for your partner. |
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"I have never read an entire thread on these forums because most of them can get boring real quick, but this is a good one buddy.
Most people are being very honest and very helpful with theirs answers which is really good and makes me happy
However.... i usually play the role of the 'bad conscience' and my 'bad conscience' advise would be to have her add me on SC and i could have general chit chat with her saying that i knew her from school and i always thought she was hot/sexy n still thinks she is to this very day. That will give her the boost in confidence that she deserves and maybe the courage to tell you that shes been contact by a guy. You tell her to play it out n see how it goes. Fast forward a month or 2 and BOOM you guys are linking up with another couple/male for fun at a club
So basically collude with another man behind her back?
Smh"
If a group of your friends put on a surprise party for you it could also be referred to ad "colluding behind your back"
But if the end destination is to try and bring happiness to the person your doing it for then collude a little more right |
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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago
Shangri-la |
Sounds like she made her thoughts on swinging pretty clear already!
To swing successfully as a couple you really need to both want to do it & honesty, trust & communication are absolutely essential. The fact that you are on here, & have apparently had meets, without her knowing, suggests that you are already failing on all of these things. |
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"
So basically collude with another man behind her back?
Smh"
Smh indeed. Basically he's talking about luring a woman into a lifestyle which requires honesty and clear communication by lying and deceiving her
Classy. Recipe for disaster and hurt.
She's said she's not into it. Lay off. |
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"I have never read an entire thread on these forums because most of them can get boring real quick, but this is a good one buddy.
Most people are being very honest and very helpful with theirs answers which is really good and makes me happy
However.... i usually play the role of the 'bad conscience' and my 'bad conscience' advise would be to have her add me on SC and i could have general chit chat with her saying that i knew her from school and i always thought she was hot/sexy n still thinks she is to this very day. That will give her the boost in confidence that she deserves and maybe the courage to tell you that shes been contact by a guy. You tell her to play it out n see how it goes. Fast forward a month or 2 and BOOM you guys are linking up with another couple/male for fun at a club
So basically collude with another man behind her back?
Smh
If a group of your friends put on a surprise party for you it could also be referred to ad "colluding behind your back"
But if the end destination is to try and bring happiness to the person your doing it for then collude a little more right"
But surely if you knew they really didn't want a party and would be cross if you threw one... that wouldn't be right.
The assumption that NSA sex is a positive thing for everyone is misguided.
Cal
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Really reassuring to see the responses from men on here. Always be an ally x |
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Watch porn together if you don't already, mmf/mfm mfmf etc and see how she reacts, Talk about the fantasy of doing it for real while you watch, I personally believe a huge percentage of people on fab live in a fantasy world anyway, Nothing wrong in that as long as you don't mess other people around while doing it,
If you're already doing it yourself without including her it will come back to bite you on the arse one way or another |
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |
"I have never read an entire thread on these forums because most of them can get boring real quick, but this is a good one buddy.
Most people are being very honest and very helpful with theirs answers which is really good and makes me happy
However.... i usually play the role of the 'bad conscience' and my 'bad conscience' advise would be to have her add me on SC and i could have general chit chat with her saying that i knew her from school and i always thought she was hot/sexy n still thinks she is to this very day. That will give her the boost in confidence that she deserves and maybe the courage to tell you that shes been contact by a guy. You tell her to play it out n see how it goes. Fast forward a month or 2 and BOOM you guys are linking up with another couple/male for fun at a club
So basically collude with another man behind her back?
Smh
If a group of your friends put on a surprise party for you it could also be referred to ad "colluding behind your back"
But if the end destination is to try and bring happiness to the person your doing it for then collude a little more right"
would my friends be asking someone I didn't know to mislead me? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 19/08/21 18:40:02] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Best advice hubby here can give is before speaking with your partner be honest with yourself. For example, are you sure you are fine to meet another man on his own with her and both you and the guy fuck her? How would you feel doing that?
If you honestly like the idea then suggest that this scenario turns you on as something you want to do with her. Then follow up that you would also like the both of you to meet couples.
Understand, to a woman the idea of swinging can be a worrying question to pursue out of the blue, so you need to do it in a reassuring way. It sounds like she viewed it as cheating which shows clear fair reservation you need to overcome. Although only if you don't mind the thought of her fucking someone else infront of you. Best of luck to you both. |
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Sorry,,, am I missing something? You don't want to cheat on her but she doesn't know you are on here..... Errrrr really!!!! |
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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago
Shangri-la |
Just out of interest OP, when is the wedding? |
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