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Stealthing rant
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By *intyG OP Woman
over a year ago
Bedford |
It is becoming a Thing at clubs - I keep hearing about it and it has happened to me.
taking / leaving your condom off without consent
- is a violation of respect
- takes away the choice of the other party not to get diseases or pregnant
- is a crime
Lying about taking your condom off is cowardly. And it’s gaslighting.
If you have done this to someone lately, be aware that you’re committing a crime.
If this has happened to you, please report it to the organisers. Whenever you feel you need to.
And if the organiser invalidates your complaint because you were d*unk, or you didn’t raise it right there on the night because you were still processing it, vote with your feet. They can’t watch everybody but they have a duty of care. Ignoring that duty of care means they don’t deserve my money.
Condoms break. Put them back on unless you’ve discussed otherwise.
Have a pleasant day |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is becoming a Thing at clubs - I keep hearing about it and it has happened to me.
taking / leaving your condom off without consent
- is a violation of respect
- takes away the choice of the other party not to get diseases or pregnant
- is a crime
Lying about taking your condom off is cowardly. And it’s gaslighting.
If you have done this to someone lately, be aware that you’re committing a crime.
If this has happened to you, please report it to the organisers. Whenever you feel you need to.
And if the organiser invalidates your complaint because you were d*unk, or you didn’t raise it right there on the night because you were still processing it, vote with your feet. They can’t watch everybody but they have a duty of care. Ignoring that duty of care means they don’t deserve my money.
Condoms break. Put them back on unless you’ve discussed otherwise.
Have a pleasant day "
Absolutely. This is abhorrent. I had a close friend that this was done to twice. She felt it was her fault which was rubbish. It is in effect an r word I am not allowed to type here, and I wish she had felt she could report the guys, this was in vanilla situations too. Horrid. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Abhorrent is a perfect word for this. Sad that this is becoming more and more common.
Voting with your feet means not going to that venue anymore
X"
Oh I see, thank you. |
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I too am aware of numerous people that this has happened to sadly.
Condom use should be the norm when playing in clubs, unless bareback had been discussed and consented to. I'm sick of men trying to stuck their uncovered dicks in me and it's a constant worry if in group situations that everyone is going to put and keep their condoms on.
Purposely taking a condom off when asked to wear one is sexual assault and women need to be reporting this to club owners and party organisers, as already mentioned. It's hard to prove it's actually stealthing but if it keeps happening with the same person and they keep getting reported a profile will build up. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
Its a crime full stop. If it happens, report it to the police.
It’s not an accident, its not a mistake, its not a case of forgetting to put the bins out. Its a crime and the people who engage in it need to be prosecuted!
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-57618003 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's disgusting and people who do it are vile r*pists.
It happened to me and it was very upsetting.
If I ever play again, it will only be with a partner watching the men very, very carefully to make sure none pull this shit. |
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Report to the police, as someone above has said. Inform them of the name of the venue where it occurred and they will potentially run the risk of losing any license etc if there are crimes occuring on the premises. Clubs usually keep a record of who is attending and contact details so hopefully the Police could track them down. |
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We can guarantee that if it happened to us , the guilty party would be lucky to get out of the room , and definitely wouldn't get out of the club
We would make sure club staff knew what had gone one , as would every person in there
It's assault , sexual abuse , or whatever it is
But it's definitely not on full stop |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if it were to happen to me it would be the police str8 away im lucky in a way that my hubs is my eyes...this is not just about guys taking of condoms either its about guys and women/couples who wont take no gor a answer ... had the police involed before with a stalker they were brill so in a heartbeat id report and follow it though |
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"Its a crime full stop. If it happens, report it to the police.
It’s not an accident, its not a mistake, its not a case of forgetting to put the bins out. Its a crime and the people who engage in it need to be prosecuted!
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-57618003"
Thanks for the link. Completely agree with you  |
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"if it were to happen to me it would be the police str8 away im lucky in a way that my hubs is my eyes...this is not just about guys taking of condoms either its about guys and women/couples who wont take no gor a answer ... had the police involed before with a stalker they were brill so in a heartbeat id report and follow it though "
Hubby is my eyes too and so I feel completely safe. If we ever encountered a situation like that the culprit would probably struggle to walk again and would definitely lose the use of his balls! Mortified to think this happens. These men need reporting, banning and locking up |
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By *onyMad123Couple
over a year ago
nottingham/ derby |
Awful, but also so is lying about your sexual health, history and current partners to get bareback, especially when in a long term Situation, when conscious decision to bareback and to be honest due to long term, and still being lied to bareback with others, without informing me, taking away the choice of safe sex, by lying, luckily had a lucky escape and tested all clear, but its called deceptive r**e, and considering the ex profession of said person involved in this , should have known it was a disgusting breech of trust, and verging on a crime.
Noone comes near me without a condom now,only ever had been my partner and thus one long term one. Men should find a Brand to suit and practice performing in them, rather than pretend to struggle to put it on or not perform with it on, yet they post safe sex, on thier fab profile, yet post pics and vids of barebacking strangers........
Take responsibility guys and some girls.... I know its a free country but honesty and choice is a actual person's right. |
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"Its a crime full stop. If it happens, report it to the police.
It’s not an accident, its not a mistake, its not a case of forgetting to put the bins out. Its a crime and the people who engage in it need to be prosecuted!
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-57618003"
Bravo! Couldn't put it any better. |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"100% agree that men who do this are scum. Name and shame the aresholes"
Agree 110% but ... online so many lie (men and women) and in my experience it’s worse face to face tbh as the truth eventually emerges.
Report the person and fingers crossed the system will work.. I doubt it but at least you have highlighted the problem x |
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By *DW1983Man
over a year ago
Aberdeen, Leeds, Sheffield |
"It is becoming a Thing at clubs - I keep hearing about it and it has happened to me.
taking / leaving your condom off without consent
- is a violation of respect
- takes away the choice of the other party not to get diseases or pregnant
- is a crime
Lying about taking your condom off is cowardly. And it’s gaslighting.
If you have done this to someone lately, be aware that you’re committing a crime.
If this has happened to you, please report it to the organisers. Whenever you feel you need to.
And if the organiser invalidates your complaint because you were d*unk, or you didn’t raise it right there on the night because you were still processing it, vote with your feet. They can’t watch everybody but they have a duty of care. Ignoring that duty of care means they don’t deserve my money.
Condoms break. Put them back on unless you’ve discussed otherwise.
Have a pleasant day "
Disgraceful that anyone would even think of doing that deliberately, let alone try it in a club. They definitely need reporting and at the very least removing/banning from the club. |
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"Abhorrent is a perfect word for this. Sad that this is becoming more and more common.
Voting with your feet means not going to that venue anymore
X"
I can not see how the venue are to blame unless they should have all use observers who are there to instantly remove members who so much as attempt sneaky tricks Actually member removal might be a suitable deterrent Sneaky stealthing is rightly calssed in law as the most serious form of assault.
Personally I much prefer the feel when using a condom and it make me.last longer too. The next step will be to issue comdoms AND super glue |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can’t believe they let in people like this, there needs to be measures in place to filter out the weirdos and creeps so they don’t ruin it for the rest of us! |
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"It is becoming a Thing at clubs - I keep hearing about it and it has happened to me.
taking / leaving your condom off without consent
- is a violation of respect
- takes away the choice of the other party not to get diseases or pregnant
- is a crime
Lying about taking your condom off is cowardly. And it’s gaslighting.
If you have done this to someone lately, be aware that you’re committing a crime.
If this has happened to you, please report it to the organisers. Whenever you feel you need to.
And if the organiser invalidates your complaint because you were d*unk, or you didn’t raise it right there on the night because you were still processing it, vote with your feet. They can’t watch everybody but they have a duty of care. Ignoring that duty of care means they don’t deserve my money.
Condoms break. Put them back on unless you’ve discussed otherwise.
Have a pleasant day "
Oh god does this really happen , that’s awful  |
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"I can’t believe they let in people like this, there needs to be measures in place to filter out the weirdos and creeps so they don’t ruin it for the rest of us!"
I don’t think any clubs knowingly let rap!sts in. I do think clubs could do more to ensure everybody in there knows the etiquette, but this doesn’t fall under that. Clubs shouldn’t have to specify at the door that r4pe isn’t allowed, that should be a given |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can’t believe they let in people like this, there needs to be measures in place to filter out the weirdos and creeps so they don’t ruin it for the rest of us!
I don’t think any clubs knowingly let rap!sts in. I do think clubs could do more to ensure everybody in there knows the etiquette, but this doesn’t fall under that. Clubs shouldn’t have to specify at the door that r4pe isn’t allowed, that should be a given "
true, none the less people should look out for each other. The workers aswell as who ever else is there to stop these people ruining everyone’s time. I’m very skeptical with the club scene and never really been but reading these things just makes me not want to go. |
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"I can’t believe they let in people like this, there needs to be measures in place to filter out the weirdos and creeps so they don’t ruin it for the rest of us!
I don’t think any clubs knowingly let rap!sts in. I do think clubs could do more to ensure everybody in there knows the etiquette, but this doesn’t fall under that. Clubs shouldn’t have to specify at the door that r4pe isn’t allowed, that should be a given true, none the less people should look out for each other. The workers aswell as who ever else is there to stop these people ruining everyone’s time. I’m very skeptical with the club scene and never really been but reading these things just makes me not want to go. "
It you’re in a private room with a guy and he does this there’s no one there that could look out for you.
I think that clubs should be taking photo ID of everyone who attends so that if this happens and a guy dashes out before the woman can tell someone what’s happened, he can be identified. |
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"Not sure what's meant by 'vote with your feet'  "
It means avoid places (clubs etc) where you reported the issue to staff but nothing was done about it and/or it was implied that you were solely responsible for your own safety. I agree that clubs staff can't be everywhere, but they do have duty of care about their members. I wouldn't go again to a club or other establishment where I did not feel safe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It is becoming a Thing at clubs - I keep hearing about it and it has happened to me.
taking / leaving your condom off without consent
- is a violation of respect
- takes away the choice of the other party not to get diseases or pregnant
- is a crime
Lying about taking your condom off is cowardly. And it’s gaslighting.
If you have done this to someone lately, be aware that you’re committing a crime.
If this has happened to you, please report it to the organisers. Whenever you feel you need to.
And if the organiser invalidates your complaint because you were d*unk, or you didn’t raise it right there on the night because you were still processing it, vote with your feet. They can’t watch everybody but they have a duty of care. Ignoring that duty of care means they don’t deserve my money.
Condoms break. Put them back on unless you’ve discussed otherwise.
Have a pleasant day "
Its always happened.
Be it at clubs, dogging, private meets or parties.
The people who do it are scum!
It is a crime, but how many people would report it? Especially if its people playing away from home and being unfaithful, or the public exposure if a case went to court.
What if the people stealthing are deliberately trying to pass something on? That is a crime too. Unfortunately, the people involved don't find out they have been stealthed until after the fact.
When my wife & I invite someone to play, we open a new box of condoms and make sure the person uses them and keeps them on, but as mentioned in above comments, not everyone has somebody there to watch their back.
Perhaps at clubs, using a new system of an ID card similar to a chip and pin with member details on to swipe in and out when visiting a club could be an option in the very near future. Nothing to hide, nothing to fear. It wouldn't stop stealthing completely, but the fact people could be traced if they did would be a good deterent. |
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"It is becoming a Thing at clubs - I keep hearing about it and it has happened to me.
taking / leaving your condom off without consent
- is a violation of respect
- takes away the choice of the other party not to get diseases or pregnant
- is a crime
Lying about taking your condom off is cowardly. And it’s gaslighting.
If you have done this to someone lately, be aware that you’re committing a crime.
If this has happened to you, please report it to the organisers. Whenever you feel you need to.
And if the organiser invalidates your complaint because you were d*unk, or you didn’t raise it right there on the night because you were still processing it, vote with your feet. They can’t watch everybody but they have a duty of care. Ignoring that duty of care means they don’t deserve my money.
Condoms break. Put them back on unless you’ve discussed otherwise.
Have a pleasant day
Its always happened.
Be it at clubs, dogging, private meets or parties.
The people who do it are scum!
It is a crime, but how many people would report it? Especially if its people playing away from home and being unfaithful, or the public exposure if a case went to court.
What if the people stealthing are deliberately trying to pass something on? That is a crime too. Unfortunately, the people involved don't find out they have been stealthed until after the fact.
When my wife & I invite someone to play, we open a new box of condoms and make sure the person uses them and keeps them on, but as mentioned in above comments, not everyone has somebody there to watch their back.
Perhaps at clubs, using a new system of an ID card similar to a chip and pin with member details on to swipe in and out when visiting a club could be an option in the very near future. Nothing to hide, nothing to fear. It wouldn't stop stealthing completely, but the fact people could be traced if they did would be a good deterent."
Clubs definitely need to be better at taking ID I think. I’d feel much more comfortable in a club if everyone in there was traceable. I think anonimity encourages bad behaviour. |
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It sexual assault pure and simple but to get the police to prosecut someone for it would be challenging. However it’s a horrible thing to do.
But you raise an interesting point about a complaint being invalidate because you’re dr@nk. In the eyes of the law, while dr@no you are not in a state to give consent, therefore it becomes r@pe by default. Anyone d*unk should therefore be removed from the club immediately. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is becoming a Thing at clubs - I keep hearing about it and it has happened to me.
taking / leaving your condom off without consent
- is a violation of respect
- takes away the choice of the other party not to get diseases or pregnant
- is a crime
Lying about taking your condom off is cowardly. And it’s gaslighting.
If you have done this to someone lately, be aware that you’re committing a crime.
If this has happened to you, please report it to the organisers. Whenever you feel you need to.
And if the organiser invalidates your complaint because you were d*unk, or you didn’t raise it right there on the night because you were still processing it, vote with your feet. They can’t watch everybody but they have a duty of care. Ignoring that duty of care means they don’t deserve my money.
Condoms break. Put them back on unless you’ve discussed otherwise.
Have a pleasant day
Its always happened.
Be it at clubs, dogging, private meets or parties.
The people who do it are scum!
It is a crime, but how many people would report it? Especially if its people playing away from home and being unfaithful, or the public exposure if a case went to court.
What if the people stealthing are deliberately trying to pass something on? That is a crime too. Unfortunately, the people involved don't find out they have been stealthed until after the fact.
When my wife & I invite someone to play, we open a new box of condoms and make sure the person uses them and keeps them on, but as mentioned in above comments, not everyone has somebody there to watch their back.
Perhaps at clubs, using a new system of an ID card similar to a chip and pin with member details on to swipe in and out when visiting a club could be an option in the very near future. Nothing to hide, nothing to fear. It wouldn't stop stealthing completely, but the fact people could be traced if they did would be a good deterent.
Clubs definitely need to be better at taking ID I think. I’d feel much more comfortable in a club if everyone in there was traceable. I think anonimity encourages bad behaviour. "
It makes sense to keep track of club memberships and their users, but I imagine it would impact on their finances if the anonymity was taken away.
A catch 22 situation. |
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"It is becoming a Thing at clubs - I keep hearing about it and it has happened to me.
taking / leaving your condom off without consent
- is a violation of respect
- takes away the choice of the other party not to get diseases or pregnant
- is a crime
Lying about taking your condom off is cowardly. And it’s gaslighting.
If you have done this to someone lately, be aware that you’re committing a crime.
If this has happened to you, please report it to the organisers. Whenever you feel you need to.
And if the organiser invalidates your complaint because you were d*unk, or you didn’t raise it right there on the night because you were still processing it, vote with your feet. They can’t watch everybody but they have a duty of care. Ignoring that duty of care means they don’t deserve my money.
Condoms break. Put them back on unless you’ve discussed otherwise.
Have a pleasant day
Its always happened.
Be it at clubs, dogging, private meets or parties.
The people who do it are scum!
It is a crime, but how many people would report it? Especially if its people playing away from home and being unfaithful, or the public exposure if a case went to court.
What if the people stealthing are deliberately trying to pass something on? That is a crime too. Unfortunately, the people involved don't find out they have been stealthed until after the fact.
When my wife & I invite someone to play, we open a new box of condoms and make sure the person uses them and keeps them on, but as mentioned in above comments, not everyone has somebody there to watch their back.
Perhaps at clubs, using a new system of an ID card similar to a chip and pin with member details on to swipe in and out when visiting a club could be an option in the very near future. Nothing to hide, nothing to fear. It wouldn't stop stealthing completely, but the fact people could be traced if they did would be a good deterent.
Clubs definitely need to be better at taking ID I think. I’d feel much more comfortable in a club if everyone in there was traceable. I think anonimity encourages bad behaviour.
It makes sense to keep track of club memberships and their users, but I imagine it would impact on their finances if the anonymity was taken away.
A catch 22 situation."
I understand that. I think if a club publicised that they were taking that approach I think it would attract different people. Which might be a good thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
One thing clubs can't be held accountable for is the misbehaviour and actions of the people chancing their arm doing such terrible things.
They have more than enough on their hands running around all night trying to keep everyone happy.
I think most do a fantastic job. |
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Yes it does happen and should be reported immediately to the club staff.
I've had it happen to me in the heat of the moment, with guy thinking I haven't noticed.
There are some creeps out there that will try it but the clubs have a zero tolerance policy, ban them immediately. |
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"It is becoming a Thing at clubs - I keep hearing about it and it has happened to me.
taking / leaving your condom off without consent
- is a violation of respect
- takes away the choice of the other party not to get diseases or pregnant
- is a crime
Lying about taking your condom off is cowardly. And it’s gaslighting.
If you have done this to someone lately, be aware that you’re committing a crime.
If this has happened to you, please report it to the organisers. Whenever you feel you need to.
And if the organiser invalidates your complaint because you were d*unk, or you didn’t raise it right there on the night because you were still processing it, vote with your feet. They can’t watch everybody but they have a duty of care. Ignoring that duty of care means they don’t deserve my money.
Condoms break. Put them back on unless you’ve discussed otherwise.
Have a pleasant day "
Isn’t this r@pe? I dubno if it falls under the same umbrella but I feel it should |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In clubs, is this more likely to happen with single guys or guys as part of a couple?"
this is a very good question because going by my experience most guys who play up in clubs are part of a couple because for some strange reason they think they are above single guys and can get away with going that extra step ... its the main reason we wont go to couples heavy clubs and prefer clubs with more single guys... |
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"In clubs, is this more likely to happen with single guys or guys as part of a couple?
this is a very good question because going by my experience most guys who play up in clubs are part of a couple because for some strange reason they think they are above single guys and can get away with going that extra step ... its the main reason we wont go to couples heavy clubs and prefer clubs with more single guys... "
I think it's just down to random chance, I know we are talking about clubs here but also happens on private meets and in the vanilla community too.
Unacceptable regardless of circumstances or relationship status. |
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"How awful that's the 2nd time of heard of this happening recently. The lack of consent and yet they still do it. Disgusting"
I've been doing clubs for over 20 years... it has always been something that happens... same as at private meets and private parties...
It's why I'd never do any group session without a watcher. And why to be honest I'm not keen on intimate 121 as I find it's a thing way more often.
I wouldn't say its more common now.. I think to be fair women just feel more able to voice their concerns now as opposed to 20 years ago.
Any club I've been in where a man has done this he has been thrown out. |
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"It is becoming a Thing at clubs - I keep hearing about it and it has happened to me.
taking / leaving your condom off without consent
- is a violation of respect
- takes away the choice of the other party not to get diseases or pregnant
- is a crime
Lying about taking your condom off is cowardly. And it’s gaslighting.
If you have done this to someone lately, be aware that you’re committing a crime.
If this has happened to you, please report it to the organisers. Whenever you feel you need to.
And if the organiser invalidates your complaint because you were d*unk, or you didn’t raise it right there on the night because you were still processing it, vote with your feet. They can’t watch everybody but they have a duty of care. Ignoring that duty of care means they don’t deserve my money.
Condoms break. Put them back on unless you’ve discussed otherwise.
Have a pleasant day
Isn’t this r@pe? I dubno if it falls under the same umbrella but I feel it should "
It is indeed and would fall under the same umbrella, yes. |
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I once dragged a guy naked through a club by his balls when he tried to do this to me.
I was on my knees and very stupidly didnt have anyone watching for me .. I do check often and can tell the difference between condom and not. I reached back and he claimed it had just slipped off.. fair enough it happens.. new one on.. I check it's on well.
Get back into position... catch him in the blacked out window which made a perfect mirror slipping it back off....
Hence I then grabbed him and dragged him down to the staff |
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"I once dragged a guy naked through a club by his balls when he tried to do this to me.
I was on my knees and very stupidly didnt have anyone watching for me .. I do check often and can tell the difference between condom and not. I reached back and he claimed it had just slipped off.. fair enough it happens.. new one on.. I check it's on well.
Get back into position... catch him in the blacked out window which made a perfect mirror slipping it back off....
Hence I then grabbed him and dragged him down to the staff "
May be you should insist they apply a drop of super glue to the base of the condom and stick it on Sorted  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I once dragged a guy naked through a club by his balls when he tried to do this to me.
I was on my knees and very stupidly didnt have anyone watching for me .. I do check often and can tell the difference between condom and not. I reached back and he claimed it had just slipped off.. fair enough it happens.. new one on.. I check it's on well.
Get back into position... catch him in the blacked out window which made a perfect mirror slipping it back off....
Hence I then grabbed him and dragged him down to the staff
May be you should insist they apply a drop of super glue to the base of the condom and stick it on Sorted "
Or maybe she shouldn’t have to deal with such a disgusting and disrespectful act. I hope that club banned him for life. Scumbag. |
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"I once dragged a guy naked through a club by his balls when he tried to do this to me.
I was on my knees and very stupidly didnt have anyone watching for me .. I do check often and can tell the difference between condom and not. I reached back and he claimed it had just slipped off.. fair enough it happens.. new one on.. I check it's on well.
Get back into position... catch him in the blacked out window which made a perfect mirror slipping it back off....
Hence I then grabbed him and dragged him down to the staff
May be you should insist they apply a drop of super glue to the base of the condom and stick it on Sorted
Or maybe she shouldn’t have to deal with such a disgusting and disrespectful act. I hope that club banned him for life. Scumbag. "
he was actually banned from 3 different clubs I attended... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I once dragged a guy naked through a club by his balls when he tried to do this to me.
I was on my knees and very stupidly didnt have anyone watching for me .. I do check often and can tell the difference between condom and not. I reached back and he claimed it had just slipped off.. fair enough it happens.. new one on.. I check it's on well.
Get back into position... catch him in the blacked out window which made a perfect mirror slipping it back off....
Hence I then grabbed him and dragged him down to the staff
May be you should insist they apply a drop of super glue to the base of the condom and stick it on Sorted
Or maybe she shouldn’t have to deal with such a disgusting and disrespectful act. I hope that club banned him for life. Scumbag. he was actually banned from 3 different clubs I attended..."
Good, perhaps all clubs in the UK should form an alliance akin to pubwatch where when someone is banned for a serious offense they are banned from the whole UK club scene. If what happened to you happened to us in a club I’m not quite sure I could control myself with my response. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I thought it meant kick fuck out of them or the venue haha.
Disgusting practice and anyone commuting such atrocities should be ashamed and banned from all clubs as it makes the environment so unsafe for folk and swinging should not be so |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought it meant kick fuck out of them or the venue haha.
Disgusting practice and anyone commuting such atrocities should be ashamed and banned from all clubs as it makes the environment so unsafe for folk and swinging should not be so "
This in response to vote with your feet. For context |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I once dragged a guy naked through a club by his balls when he tried to do this to me.
I was on my knees and very stupidly didnt have anyone watching for me .. I do check often and can tell the difference between condom and not. I reached back and he claimed it had just slipped off.. fair enough it happens.. new one on.. I check it's on well.
Get back into position... catch him in the blacked out window which made a perfect mirror slipping it back off....
Hence I then grabbed him and dragged him down to the staff
May be you should insist they apply a drop of super glue to the base of the condom and stick it on Sorted
Or maybe she shouldn’t have to deal with such a disgusting and disrespectful act. I hope that club banned him for life. Scumbag. he was actually banned from 3 different clubs I attended..."
Good for you! You’ve probably saved other women a lot of stress and angst! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have noticed that lots of men don't carry condoms in clubs and when you ask they keep looking at each other faces. And also in group scenario some will try to use same condom with different ladies. That is most selfish and abhorent behaviour from some men. We always make sure that they put new condom on infront of us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is becoming a Thing at clubs - I keep hearing about it and it has happened to me.
taking / leaving your condom off without consent
- is a violation of respect
- takes away the choice of the other party not to get diseases or pregnant
- is a crime
Lying about taking your condom off is cowardly. And it’s gaslighting.
If you have done this to someone lately, be aware that you’re committing a crime.
If this has happened to you, please report it to the organisers. Whenever you feel you need to.
And if the organiser invalidates your complaint because you were d*unk, or you didn’t raise it right there on the night because you were still processing it, vote with your feet. They can’t watch everybody but they have a duty of care. Ignoring that duty of care means they don’t deserve my money.
Condoms break. Put them back on unless you’ve discussed otherwise.
Have a pleasant day "
Had another look at this since my last thread input....
The duty of care after 'still processing the incident' (as you wrote) would surely then be at that point, a criminal matter with the police. Who would pursue the complaint with the club in question! Which I'm sure would help in anyway they can.
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"It is becoming a Thing at clubs - I keep hearing about it and it has happened to me.
taking / leaving your condom off without consent
- is a violation of respect
- takes away the choice of the other party not to get diseases or pregnant
- is a crime
Lying about taking your condom off is cowardly. And it’s gaslighting.
If you have done this to someone lately, be aware that you’re committing a crime.
If this has happened to you, please report it to the organisers. Whenever you feel you need to.
And if the organiser invalidates your complaint because you were d*unk, or you didn’t raise it right there on the night because you were still processing it, vote with your feet. They can’t watch everybody but they have a duty of care. Ignoring that duty of care means they don’t deserve my money.
Condoms break. Put them back on unless you’ve discussed otherwise.
Have a pleasant day "
wow, we had no idea this was a thing, thank you for the warning. xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This happened all the time when I was a teen and to all my friends. Interesting it's now specifically illegal. Good really, lots of unexpected single mums result from this xx |
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I can’t believe that guys would do this. Apart from the obvious assault/consent issues, abusing someone’s trust etc; how can they not care about their own safety?…… beggers belief and I struggle to get my head round the fact that some guys are so desperate for an unprotected shag that they would do this.
They deserve everything they get
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had this happen in what turned out to be our final club visit before the pandemic.
Playing as a couple with two other couples for a while in a playroom, out of nowhere one of the other guys tried this. Marie noticed the difference immediately, told me the word we use between ourselves to stop playing immediately, reported it in the club, and we left.
Utterly abhorrent, a complete breach of the implicit trust required in that situation.
It did leave us questioning whether to continue in this lifestyle for a long time (and then covid hit). We're still less confident after returning recently.
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"Had this happen in what turned out to be our final club visit before the pandemic.
Playing as a couple with two other couples for a while in a playroom, out of nowhere one of the other guys tried this. Marie noticed the difference immediately, told me the word we use between ourselves to stop playing immediately, reported it in the club, and we left.
Utterly abhorrent, a complete breach of the implicit trust required in that situation.
It did leave us questioning whether to continue in this lifestyle for a long time (and then covid hit). We're still less confident after returning recently.
"
Sorry to hear about this. We've lucky never experienced this in over 10 years of swinging.
But it is r@pe and if it did happen I would hope we would have the confidence to call it out.
I guess the issue for many swingers is that they want to keep their swinging private which is difficult if there is going to be a court case.
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I didn't know this was even a thing, it's disgusting!
How many people have reported it to be not taken seriously though? I can't imagine a club not taking that seriously it could result in loss of licence surely?
Mrs |
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Stealthing is the act of removing a condom during sex, despite agreeing to wear one. Under Scottish Law there is no specific reference to “stealthing” or condom removal as a criminal offence, but it is legally recognised as assault in England and Wales under the term “conditional consent”.
It's true what they say you learn something new everyday  |
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Had it happen or try to happen twice.
Very grateful for other men in clubs who keep an eye out and stopped me both times.
Clubs acted swiftly and police response was great.
Very uncommon but feels awful when someone betrays your trust like that x |
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Years ago and very true i was with a couple and while I very much prefer sex without condom they said safe only.
So me and the lady were at it and she whispered make hole in it hubby wont know till too late that i cum in her.
Now this where you rightly mention respect because i totally ignored her, a selfish part of thought about it but more respect for me and them.
Clubs if they already do not should initially make report names etc and time and where and then easier for them to trace the person and see if they notice owt on cctv |
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By *archelCouple
over a year ago
A field somewhere |
It's a vile & abhorrent act perpetrated by narcissists.
I am my wife's watcher.
We are only bareback with eachother regardless of how much better bareback feels over unprotected.
If you want to play the game, you play by the rules.
I also agree with the comment further up thread regarding a "pubwatch" type scheme.
Wrt I'd being collected, I would be all for it if my I'd was going in to the clubs own secure database, but with gdpr rules it would be a very grey area indeed, and most likely not legal. |
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"Its a crime full stop. If it happens, report it to the police.
It’s not an accident, its not a mistake, its not a case of forgetting to put the bins out. Its a crime and the people who engage in it need to be prosecuted!
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-57618003"
Exactly this |
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"There's a sign in one of our local clubs that says stealthing is considered as r@pe.
I agree."
This is what clubs should be doing as a minimum, especially if they know that it's happened, or could happen (with reports from elsewhere). They have a duty of care, so must take it seriously, even if it is for their own selfish reasons, though obviously they wlshould be doing it to protect their clientele. I would suggest that they also add to their sign that all cases will be reported to the police for investigation, without exception.
Maybe clubs should collaborate and share information on culprits, though the whole issue of data protection may come into effect. (It might be that members accept terms where they agree that personal details will be shared under these circumstances, if this makes it legal.)
It's totally illegal, abhorrent and unforgiveable. If I bcame aware of this happening, whether to ST, or anyone else in a club, I would take the same 'extremely robust action' that I would take if I saw someone being r@#£d in the street. |
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Absolutely disgusting and definitely r@pe. That would be such a traumatic experience to go through. Clubs should be doing everything they can to prevent such incidents. Everyone to sign a member agreement on joining, documented photo ID, zero tolerance signage, banned for life in all clubs, records immediately passed over to the police. Anyone who thinks it’s remotely acceptable to do that is scum. |
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"Absolutely disgusting and definitely r@pe. That would be such a traumatic experience to go through. Clubs should be doing everything they can to prevent such incidents. Everyone to sign a member agreement on joining, documented photo ID, zero tolerance signage, banned for life in all clubs, records immediately passed over to the police. Anyone who thinks it’s remotely acceptable to do that is scum. "
agree it’s wrong and shouldn’t happen but don’t believe it would stand up in court as you’ve consented to sex. |
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"Absolutely disgusting and definitely r@pe. That would be such a traumatic experience to go through. Clubs should be doing everything they can to prevent such incidents. Everyone to sign a member agreement on joining, documented photo ID, zero tolerance signage, banned for life in all clubs, records immediately passed over to the police. Anyone who thinks it’s remotely acceptable to do that is scum.
agree it’s wrong and shouldn’t happen but don’t believe it would stand up in court as you’ve consented to sex. "
It is and does count as exactly that and stands up in court.
Quick google shows it absolutes is counted as r@ pe. And so it should be.
Consenting to sex with and without a condom are very different things. |
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"Absolutely disgusting and definitely r@pe. That would be such a traumatic experience to go through. Clubs should be doing everything they can to prevent such incidents. Everyone to sign a member agreement on joining, documented photo ID, zero tolerance signage, banned for life in all clubs, records immediately passed over to the police. Anyone who thinks it’s remotely acceptable to do that is scum.
agree it’s wrong and shouldn’t happen but don’t believe it would stand up in court as you’ve consented to sex. "
Incorrect. This is from R(word) Crisis Centre:
What is stealthing?
So-called 'stealthing' is a form of r(word). It happens when people agree to have sex with a condom and then someone either lies about putting a condom on or removes it without the other person's permission.
The key points
The definition or meaning of the word 'stealthing' is when someone removes a condom during sex without the other person's consent or lies about having put one on in the first place.
'Stealthing' is not a legal term and there is no criminal offence called 'stealthing'.
Under English and Welsh law, the act of stealthing is considered r(word). This means that anyone who carries out stealthing can be prosecuted for the criminal offence of r(word) This is a very serious crime which carries the same maximum sentence as murder: life in prison.
Conditional consent
The Sexual Offences Act 2003 says that someone did not consent to sex if the other person tricked them about the 'nature' of the sex – in other words, what exactly it was going to involve. This is what's known in law as 'conditional consent'.
Although the Sexual Offences Act does not specifically mention lying about putting on a condom or non-consensual condom removal, a man who carried out stealthing was convicted of r(word) in 2019. This case confirmed that conditional consent applied in cases of stealthing and that it was therefore r(word) under English and Welsh law.
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"Absolutely disgusting and definitely r@pe. That would be such a traumatic experience to go through. Clubs should be doing everything they can to prevent such incidents. Everyone to sign a member agreement on joining, documented photo ID, zero tolerance signage, banned for life in all clubs, records immediately passed over to the police. Anyone who thinks it’s remotely acceptable to do that is scum.
agree it’s wrong and shouldn’t happen but don’t believe it would stand up in court as you’ve consented to sex. "
Incorrect. Consent was given to sex with a condom. If a condom is removed then so is the consent and is therefore r@pe. |
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"as much as i think it’s terrible don’t think a r@pe charge would stand up in court "
Hmm...I suspect it could well. Hard to say for sure but in some cases (not certain on jurisdiction) dishonesty about something as potentially irrelevant as earnings or the car you drive have been held to invalidate consent due to it having been claimed it was clear that the consent was conditional. |
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"Absolutely disgusting and definitely r@pe. That would be such a traumatic experience to go through. Clubs should be doing everything they can to prevent such incidents. Everyone to sign a member agreement on joining, documented photo ID, zero tolerance signage, banned for life in all clubs, records immediately passed over to the police. Anyone who thinks it’s remotely acceptable to do that is scum.
agree it’s wrong and shouldn’t happen but don’t believe it would stand up in court as you’ve consented to sex.
Incorrect. Consent was given to sex with a condom. If a condom is removed then so is the consent and is therefore r@pe."
Thank you for educating future.
BBC had a drama about it, it was such a good watch but harrowing.
Quite concerning member trying to argue their point rather than a simple google search to confirm that yes it most definitely is illegal in England and Wales. Hopefully won't be long before Scotland and Ireland catch up.
A friend and I want to explore clubs, agreed to look after each other after all the tales we have heard. Consent is key. This will be another thing to add to the list to watch out for. We happily play safe together no issues and I would be furious if anyone tried to breech that trust. |
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"as much as i think it’s terrible don’t think a r@pe charge would stand up in court "
Considering how many police, solicitors and judges go to the clubs I think they would take it pretty seriously. |
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"Absolutely disgusting and definitely r@pe. That would be such a traumatic experience to go through. Clubs should be doing everything they can to prevent such incidents. Everyone to sign a member agreement on joining, documented photo ID, zero tolerance signage, banned for life in all clubs, records immediately passed over to the police. Anyone who thinks it’s remotely acceptable to do that is scum.
agree it’s wrong and shouldn’t happen but don’t believe it would stand up in court as you’ve consented to sex.
Incorrect. Consent was given to sex with a condom. If a condom is removed then so is the consent and is therefore r@pe."
Completely agree with that as consent for every action should be taken before hand |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not a crime in Scotland only England and Wales
Why the
Do you think that's a good thing it not a crime here??
I was wondering the same thing…  "
There was a case up here in May where a man was found guilty of r*pe because he removed the condom without consent. .....Although stealthing is not specified as a crime in Scottish law, the 2009 Sexual Offences Act, states consent to one sexual act does not mean agreement to another. |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
"In clubs, is this more likely to happen with single guys or guys as part of a couple?"
both is the simple answer as ive highlighted before some male halfs of couples are vile and full of entitlement and think by being a part of a couple is all the protection and authority they need ... far worse than single men in my honest opinion and of course when with there partners they are perfectly behaved most the time then there partneer goes of to play with others then he becomes the asshole ... not all of course many couples are fantastic ...
but lets not fool our selves here there are vile women to who grope or wont take no for a answer but because she a woman doing most in the clubs will joke along ...consent is consent and its for all not the few |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
if only more people reported it ...if it happened to me (and no in a club my hubs is my eyes and yes he has had to stop people) i would 100% take it further and get the police involved.. those saying it would not stand up in court your so very wrong ...go and look at all the new laws from the last 20 years ... so much more protection now ... |
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"Absolutely disgusting and definitely r@pe. That would be such a traumatic experience to go through. Clubs should be doing everything they can to prevent such incidents. Everyone to sign a member agreement on joining, documented photo ID, zero tolerance signage, banned for life in all clubs, records immediately passed over to the police. Anyone who thinks it’s remotely acceptable to do that is scum.
agree it’s wrong and shouldn’t happen but don’t believe it would stand up in court as you’ve consented to sex. "
with a condom, remove the condom and consent is removed. |
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"It is becoming a Thing at clubs - I keep hearing about it and it has happened to me.
taking / leaving your condom off without consent
- is a violation of respect
- takes away the choice of the other party not to get diseases or pregnant
- is a crime
Lying about taking your condom off is cowardly. And it’s gaslighting.
If you have done this to someone lately, be aware that you’re committing a crime.
If this has happened to you, please report it to the organisers. Whenever you feel you need to.
And if the organiser invalidates your complaint because you were d*unk, or you didn’t raise it right there on the night because you were still processing it, vote with your feet. They can’t watch everybody but they have a duty of care. Ignoring that duty of care means they don’t deserve my money.
Condoms break. Put them back on unless you’ve discussed otherwise.
Have a pleasant day "
I cannot believe anyone would do this.
Absolutely disgusting.
It's not consent either. |
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We had it happen in a club in Spain.
Was in one of the main open rooms and one particular guy kept trying to enter me without protection.
B seen what was going on and stopped him twice. The third time he tried it, B pulled me up and out of the room.
We went directly to the club owner who dealt with the matter swiftly by banning him indefinitely.
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Sick Fkers That's Who.