FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Confidence
Confidence
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How much confidence do you need in this lifestyle?
We all have reservations about ourselves, but what kind of confidence is required to dip your toe in to start with, then be happy with our appearance, not to mention meeting others?
Is this something that plays a factor in your lifestyle or on the scene? |
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I'm no expert on this but from what I read in the forum confidence is not required. In fact a lot of contributors have very low self confidence.
I think I have neutral self confidence in that I don't really think about it. I suppose that's what confidence is though
Of the people we've met the men didn't appear to have confidence problems but many of the women did.
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"How much confidence do you need in this lifestyle?
We all have reservations about ourselves, but what kind of confidence is required to dip your toe in to start with, then be happy with our appearance, not to mention meeting others?
Is this something that plays a factor in your lifestyle or on the scene?"
It depends on what you're looking for. If you're contacting people looking for hours of rampant sex with a porn film gym specimen then don't be surprised if they expect you to be able to live up to that. If you're taking the gentler route and looking to gradually make friends with whom some fun may develop then you need no more confidence than you do in real life. They may not be the most apparent but there are ordinary people here who are just looking for other nice ordinary people they can have a little fun with. They're not perfect or expecting perfection. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm no expert on this but from what I read in the forum confidence is not required. In fact a lot of contributors have very low self confidence.
I think I have neutral self confidence in that I don't really think about it. I suppose that's what confidence is though
Of the people we've met the men didn't appear to have confidence problems but many of the women did.
"
Valid point.
Then again, there must be the initial part of mustering enough courage/confidence to venture out and go to meet someone or go to a club/social, or even join a site like Fab. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How much confidence do you need in this lifestyle?
We all have reservations about ourselves, but what kind of confidence is required to dip your toe in to start with, then be happy with our appearance, not to mention meeting others?
Is this something that plays a factor in your lifestyle or on the scene?
It depends on what you're looking for. If you're contacting people looking for hours of rampant sex with a porn film gym specimen then don't be surprised if they expect you to be able to live up to that. If you're taking the gentler route and looking to gradually make friends with whom some fun may develop then you need no more confidence than you do in real life. They may not be the most apparent but there are ordinary people here who are just looking for other nice ordinary people they can have a little fun with. They're not perfect or expecting perfection."
Very true, totally agree. |
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"I'm no expert on this but from what I read in the forum confidence is not required. In fact a lot of contributors have very low self confidence.
I think I have neutral self confidence in that I don't really think about it. I suppose that's what confidence is though
Of the people we've met the men didn't appear to have confidence problems but many of the women did.
Valid point.
Then again, there must be the initial part of mustering enough courage/confidence to venture out and go to meet someone or go to a club/social, or even join a site like Fab."
I don't think confidence will prevent people from joining fab or meeting. I think it probably affects their enjoyment of it though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm no expert on this but from what I read in the forum confidence is not required. In fact a lot of contributors have very low self confidence.
I think I have neutral self confidence in that I don't really think about it. I suppose that's what confidence is though
Of the people we've met the men didn't appear to have confidence problems but many of the women did.
Valid point.
Then again, there must be the initial part of mustering enough courage/confidence to venture out and go to meet someone or go to a club/social, or even join a site like Fab.
I don't think confidence will prevent people from joining fab or meeting. I think it probably affects their enjoyment of it though. "
In which way would it affect their enjoyment? I'm a bit puzzled there lol  |
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"I'm no expert on this but from what I read in the forum confidence is not required. In fact a lot of contributors have very low self confidence.
I think I have neutral self confidence in that I don't really think about it. I suppose that's what confidence is though
Of the people we've met the men didn't appear to have confidence problems but many of the women did.
Valid point.
Then again, there must be the initial part of mustering enough courage/confidence to venture out and go to meet someone or go to a club/social, or even join a site like Fab.
I don't think confidence will prevent people from joining fab or meeting. I think it probably affects their enjoyment of it though.
In which way would it affect their enjoyment? I'm a bit puzzled there lol "
Well I see a lot of people who won't meet certain others because they deem them "out of their league" and feel they would be a disappointment. A lot of people check who someone has met before and if they believe they're better looking, younger, slimmer, more ripped etc won't meet that person.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm no expert on this but from what I read in the forum confidence is not required. In fact a lot of contributors have very low self confidence.
I think I have neutral self confidence in that I don't really think about it. I suppose that's what confidence is though
Of the people we've met the men didn't appear to have confidence problems but many of the women did.
Valid point.
Then again, there must be the initial part of mustering enough courage/confidence to venture out and go to meet someone or go to a club/social, or even join a site like Fab.
I don't think confidence will prevent people from joining fab or meeting. I think it probably affects their enjoyment of it though.
In which way would it affect their enjoyment? I'm a bit puzzled there lol
Well I see a lot of people who won't meet certain others because they deem them "out of their league" and feel they would be a disappointment. A lot of people check who someone has met before and if they believe they're better looking, younger, slimmer, more ripped etc won't meet that person.
"
Yes, I understand now.
Unfortunately, as we grow older, we lose some of our sex appeal to others, then a newer, younger, crowd enter the scene with different ideals and priorities and the changes begin.
The once confident youngster is soon the ageing swinger sat on the sidelines waiting to be picked. A definite confidence knock. |
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"I'm no expert on this but from what I read in the forum confidence is not required. In fact a lot of contributors have very low self confidence.
I think I have neutral self confidence in that I don't really think about it. I suppose that's what confidence is though
Of the people we've met the men didn't appear to have confidence problems but many of the women did.
Valid point.
Then again, there must be the initial part of mustering enough courage/confidence to venture out and go to meet someone or go to a club/social, or even join a site like Fab.
I don't think confidence will prevent people from joining fab or meeting. I think it probably affects their enjoyment of it though.
In which way would it affect their enjoyment? I'm a bit puzzled there lol
Well I see a lot of people who won't meet certain others because they deem them "out of their league" and feel they would be a disappointment. A lot of people check who someone has met before and if they believe they're better looking, younger, slimmer, more ripped etc won't meet that person.
Yes, I understand now.
Unfortunately, as we grow older, we lose some of our sex appeal to others, then a newer, younger, crowd enter the scene with different ideals and priorities and the changes begin.
The once confident youngster is soon the ageing swinger sat on the sidelines waiting to be picked. A definite confidence knock."
I don't see it that way.
I'm older than a lot of the women on fab, I'm clearly not a taut skinned thirty year old but I'm quite happy in my own skin. People will either want to meet me or they won't. I'm not going to beat myself up about that or regret my age it's a waste of time.
I'm pretty clear eyed about what most of the men on fab are after and I'm not about to base my self worth on how many of them want that from me 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How much confidence do you need in this lifestyle?
We all have reservations about ourselves, but what kind of confidence is required to dip your toe in to start with, then be happy with our appearance, not to mention meeting others?
Is this something that plays a factor in your lifestyle or on the scene?"
I think as a man if you plan to go to clubs you need to have enough confidence and be relaxed enough in your abilities to be able to perform sexually i.e. get hard / stay hard / control when how you cum in front of new people, in front of other men and often with an audience.
That's not as easy as it may seem and we have seen guys (mainly new people to the scene) in clubs not be able to perform when the time comes. There's a big difference performing 1 on 1 and in a group with other men involved.
I can do it but then I'm part of a couple so K is always with me and she turns me on in an instant. So if I need motivation, get over a bout of nerves K been there, even seeing her play with someone else has always enabled me to do that.
So to guys he go alone I take my hat off to you fair play.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm no expert on this but from what I read in the forum confidence is not required. In fact a lot of contributors have very low self confidence.
I think I have neutral self confidence in that I don't really think about it. I suppose that's what confidence is though
Of the people we've met the men didn't appear to have confidence problems but many of the women did.
Valid point.
Then again, there must be the initial part of mustering enough courage/confidence to venture out and go to meet someone or go to a club/social, or even join a site like Fab.
I don't think confidence will prevent people from joining fab or meeting. I think it probably affects their enjoyment of it though.
In which way would it affect their enjoyment? I'm a bit puzzled there lol
Well I see a lot of people who won't meet certain others because they deem them "out of their league" and feel they would be a disappointment. A lot of people check who someone has met before and if they believe they're better looking, younger, slimmer, more ripped etc won't meet that person.
Yes, I understand now.
Unfortunately, as we grow older, we lose some of our sex appeal to others, then a newer, younger, crowd enter the scene with different ideals and priorities and the changes begin.
The once confident youngster is soon the ageing swinger sat on the sidelines waiting to be picked. A definite confidence knock.
I don't see it that way.
I'm older than a lot of the women on fab, I'm clearly not a taut skinned thirty year old but I'm quite happy in my own skin. People will either want to meet me or they won't. I'm not going to beat myself up about that or regret my age it's a waste of time.
I'm pretty clear eyed about what most of the men on fab are after and I'm not about to base my self worth on how many of them want that from me
"
Very well worded.
I too am comfortable with myself, even though I'm not everyones cup o' tea.
I will admit though, you can have the top off my boiled egg any morning, you don't scrub up bad for an old bird!
Did I mention my warped sense of humour often gets me into trouble?  |
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"I'm no expert on this but from what I read in the forum confidence is not required. In fact a lot of contributors have very low self confidence.
I think I have neutral self confidence in that I don't really think about it. I suppose that's what confidence is though
Of the people we've met the men didn't appear to have confidence problems but many of the women did.
Valid point.
Then again, there must be the initial part of mustering enough courage/confidence to venture out and go to meet someone or go to a club/social, or even join a site like Fab.
I don't think confidence will prevent people from joining fab or meeting. I think it probably affects their enjoyment of it though.
In which way would it affect their enjoyment? I'm a bit puzzled there lol
Well I see a lot of people who won't meet certain others because they deem them "out of their league" and feel they would be a disappointment. A lot of people check who someone has met before and if they believe they're better looking, younger, slimmer, more ripped etc won't meet that person.
Yes, I understand now.
Unfortunately, as we grow older, we lose some of our sex appeal to others, then a newer, younger, crowd enter the scene with different ideals and priorities and the changes begin.
The once confident youngster is soon the ageing swinger sat on the sidelines waiting to be picked. A definite confidence knock.
I don't see it that way.
I'm older than a lot of the women on fab, I'm clearly not a taut skinned thirty year old but I'm quite happy in my own skin. People will either want to meet me or they won't. I'm not going to beat myself up about that or regret my age it's a waste of time.
I'm pretty clear eyed about what most of the men on fab are after and I'm not about to base my self worth on how many of them want that from me
Very well worded.
I too am comfortable with myself, even though I'm not everyones cup o' tea.
I will admit though, you can have the top off my boiled egg any morning, you don't scrub up bad for an old bird!
Did I mention my warped sense of humour often gets me into trouble? "
. I often tell Mr N I'm not bad for an old bird. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How much confidence do you need in this lifestyle?
We all have reservations about ourselves, but what kind of confidence is required to dip your toe in to start with, then be happy with our appearance, not to mention meeting others?
Is this something that plays a factor in your lifestyle or on the scene?
I think as a man if you plan to go to clubs you need to have enough confidence and be relaxed enough in your abilities to be able to perform sexually i.e. get hard / stay hard / control when how you cum in front of new people, in front of other men and often with an audience.
That's not as easy as it may seem and we have seen guys (mainly new people to the scene) in clubs not be able to perform when the time comes. There's a big difference performing 1 on 1 and in a group with other men involved.
I can do it but then I'm part of a couple so K is always with me and she turns me on in an instant. So if I need motivation, get over a bout of nerves K been there, even seeing her play with someone else has always enabled me to do that.
So to guys he go alone I take my hat off to you fair play.
KJ"
That is spot on.
Having been in similar situations, I can vouch for the stage fright and having a helping hand from my wife to overcome the nerves.
Its a different world when new situations and scenarios arise and finding the confidence to perform or interact with people you don't know. |
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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago
Plymouth |
C is very confident i K not so much. But I find swinging helps my confidence a lot. At present whilst we are struggle for meets its really affected my confidence.
Hopefully it will return soon |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When first joining I had very little confidence but this site and the people I’ve met had really improved that. I still have body hang ups but when I’m with someone I completely forget about them |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Personally, I don't suffer from a lack of confidence, but I don't push that confidence on anyone.
I'm comfortable in clubs and socials, but there is always that initial apprehension of stepping in to new surroundings and people. |
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"
Valid point.
Then again, there must be the initial part of mustering enough courage/confidence to venture out and go to meet someone or go to a club/social, or even join a site like Fab.
I don't think confidence will prevent people from joining fab or meeting. I think it probably affects their enjoyment of it though. "
It prevents me from meeting sometimes. I’m just in one of those phases at the moment where I can’t even bring myself to say yes to a drink with somebody, frustratingly |
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I think it depends on wether you’re thinking about the scene and lifestyle as this site, or going to clubs.
When I (C) was on here as a single guy, I found self belief, a thick skin, an ability to persevere and remain positive essential. I’ve no problem being told “no thanks” and can take rejection. The main issue is not everyone can say “no thanks politely. (And yes, I know some people don’t take a polite “no thanks” politely!)
I can understand why someone being rejected frequently, and / or receiving abuse on here from keyboard warriors would have their confidence knocked… some people could be kinder. There is still a real person behind the profile.
Interestingly, we found our first club experience liberating and confidence boosting. Those present were from all walks of life, represented a wide age range, with the human form in all its varied and unique forms being displayed.
Perhaps it’s down to real life rather than the purely virtual? |
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I think confidence in terms of self love and worth is very important on the scene (not to be mistaken for big-headedness). It's something I think that is often helped by age and experience. I also think someone who has this naturally shines through.
As to the more bold, vocal and demonstrative type of conference that can be a help in terms of hooking up with others (although not everyone). However it's nothing without genuine self value and if it's there to cover over the lack of self value you will come unraveled at some stage. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it depends on wether you’re thinking about the scene and lifestyle as this site, or going to clubs.
When I (C) was on here as a single guy, I found self belief, a thick skin, an ability to persevere and remain positive essential. I’ve no problem being told “no thanks” and can take rejection. The main issue is not everyone can say “no thanks politely. (And yes, I know some people don’t take a polite “no thanks” politely!)
I can understand why someone being rejected frequently, and / or receiving abuse on here from keyboard warriors would have their confidence knocked… some people could be kinder. There is still a real person behind the profile.
Interestingly, we found our first club experience liberating and confidence boosting. Those present were from all walks of life, represented a wide age range, with the human form in all its varied and unique forms being displayed.
Perhaps it’s down to real life rather than the purely virtual?"
Yes, more the face to face meets, or visiting clubs. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think confidence in terms of self love and worth is very important on the scene (not to be mistaken for big-headedness). It's something I think that is often helped by age and experience. I also think someone who has this naturally shines through.
As to the more bold, vocal and demonstrative type of conference that can be a help in terms of hooking up with others (although not everyone). However it's nothing without genuine self value and if it's there to cover over the lack of self value you will come unraveled at some stage."
Overconfidence can be seen as someone being big headed and trying to be a bit, Alpha.
Most times it is there to compensate for their insecurities or nerves being on edge too.
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"I think it depends on wether you’re thinking about the scene and lifestyle as this site, or going to clubs.
When I (C) was on here as a single guy, I found self belief, a thick skin, an ability to persevere and remain positive essential. I’ve no problem being told “no thanks” and can take rejection. The main issue is not everyone can say “no thanks politely. (And yes, I know some people don’t take a polite “no thanks” politely!)
I can understand why someone being rejected frequently, and / or receiving abuse on here from keyboard warriors would have their confidence knocked… some people could be kinder. There is still a real person behind the profile.
Interestingly, we found our first club experience liberating and confidence boosting. Those present were from all walks of life, represented a wide age range, with the human form in all its varied and unique forms being displayed.
Perhaps it’s down to real life rather than the purely virtual?
Yes, more the face to face meets, or visiting clubs."
We basically do all our meetings and getting to know people in clubs and face to face. Fab we generally just use for information, passing time and having a perve. |
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I think you do need massive confidence.
It’s interesting what you said about a lot of forum contributor comment of their lack of confidence and anxiety issue re meeting people. Talking to people on the phone. Many of them don’t meet from what they say. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think you do need massive confidence.
It’s interesting what you said about a lot of forum contributor comment of their lack of confidence and anxiety issue re meeting people. Talking to people on the phone. Many of them don’t meet from what they say. "
It would be interesting to know what the pecentage is of active fab forum users who don't actually meet people and partake in actual swinging in real life?
5% ? 15% ? 30% even?
KJ
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"How much confidence do you need in this lifestyle?
We all have reservations about ourselves, but what kind of confidence is required to dip your toe in to start with, then be happy with our appearance, not to mention meeting others?
Is this something that plays a factor in your lifestyle or on the scene?"
Simply saying we “all have” isn’t correct.
However, that type thinking is already limiting you.
Keep asking, ‘what would happen if I did?
Then play the pro’s and con’s. |
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"I think you do need massive confidence.
It’s interesting what you said about a lot of forum contributor comment of their lack of confidence and anxiety issue re meeting people. Talking to people on the phone. Many of them don’t meet from what they say.
It would be interesting to know what the pecentage is of active fab forum users who don't actually meet people and partake in actual swinging in real life?
5% ? 15% ? 30% even?
KJ
I reckon it’s probably about 15% to 30% of people who actually meet, go to socials and clubs/ parties etc.The rest are just happy to chat on the forums and chat rooms. That’s fine though because we all use Fabswingers for different reasons.
"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think you do need massive confidence.
It’s interesting what you said about a lot of forum contributor comment of their lack of confidence and anxiety issue re meeting people. Talking to people on the phone. Many of them don’t meet from what they say.
It would be interesting to know what the pecentage is of active fab forum users who don't actually meet people and partake in actual swinging in real life?
5% ? 15% ? 30% even?
KJ
"
I'd say its 50/50.
A lot of people use Fab as a release, a way of dipping a toe in the scene without actually meeting, company and connection with others and virtual swinging. IE, showing and sharing photos and videos they can't on other social media platforms and chat to likeminded people.
The other 50% to keep up to date on the scene, organise get togethers and club meets, plus private social and swinging at home and away.
Fab, in a way is like a virtual club I suppose. We're all here for our own reasons and it provides a place where can connect and mingle in our ways. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How much confidence do you need in this lifestyle?
We all have reservations about ourselves, but what kind of confidence is required to dip your toe in to start with, then be happy with our appearance, not to mention meeting others?
Is this something that plays a factor in your lifestyle or on the scene?
Simply saying we “all have” isn’t correct.
However, that type thinking is already limiting you.
Keep asking, ‘what would happen if I did?
Then play the pro’s and con’s."
This is also true.
Thinking negatively can reduce your progress if you let it.
The 'what ifs' isn't always negative though. That is our instincts kicking in and weighing up if a situation and scenario is for ones self. Although many of us overthink things, which in turn complicates matters.
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By *jonesMan
over a year ago
Plymouth |
"How much confidence do you need in this lifestyle?
We all have reservations about ourselves, but what kind of confidence is required to dip your toe in to start with, then be happy with our appearance, not to mention meeting others?
Is this something that plays a factor in your lifestyle or on the scene?
I think as a man if you plan to go to clubs you need to have enough confidence and be relaxed enough in your abilities to be able to perform sexually i.e. get hard / stay hard / control when how you cum in front of new people, in front of other men and often with an audience.
That's not as easy as it may seem and we have seen guys (mainly new people to the scene) in clubs not be able to perform when the time comes. There's a big difference performing 1 on 1 and in a group with other men involved.
I can do it but then I'm part of a couple so K is always with me and she turns me on in an instant. So if I need motivation, get over a bout of nerves K been there, even seeing her play with someone else has always enabled me to do that.
So to guys he go alone I take my hat off to you fair play.
KJ"
Lovely post  |
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By *onyjoCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough |
I have zero confidence however the Mr seems to have more than enough for us both don't get me wrong he isn't big headed or anything but he comfortable in his own skin and he doesn't appear to have the hang ups that I do, I'm very critical of myself and harsh in how I treat my own mind. So for me to even be here is an accomplishment in its self |
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"I have zero confidence however the Mr seems to have more than enough for us both don't get me wrong he isn't big headed or anything but he comfortable in his own skin and he doesn't appear to have the hang ups that I do, I'm very critical of myself and harsh in how I treat my own mind. So for me to even be here is an accomplishment in its self"
Aww, you are gorgeous, confidence is absolutely key to being here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How much confidence do you need in this lifestyle?
We all have reservations about ourselves, but what kind of confidence is required to dip your toe in to start with, then be happy with our appearance, not to mention meeting others?
Is this something that plays a factor in your lifestyle or on the scene?"
I'll throw my tuppence in...
Personally, I would consider myself to be a much more confident man now than I was as a younger man.
Coming into this at the beginning, I was much more arrogant and bravura. As I have matured and grown in my knowledge of myself and the world, this has thankfully subsided and been replaced by an attitude more akin to true confidence.
However, I would add that confidence to a large part is really not giving a shit.
Most people will have their own judgements and opinions; as long as you're secure in yourself, let them have them. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
In the scene you you need to have assertiveness for sure
Last night after 18 months out I was like all over the place at a club. Didn’t know what I was looking for, found it difficult to talk to others, would say it took me a good 3/4 hours to pluck up courage to talk to others I didn’t know
For me in the last 18 months other than mates from football and work people I haven’t spoke to anyone else. So being in a club dressed down was like a head fook.
Because of restrictions in London and Manchester being more stricter than a lot of other places I have fallen of the swinging radar. Hardly spoke to other, not really flirted with others.
I will be ok after a few nights out for sure. I was actually talking about this last night because I am not a touchy feely person people think I am not interested- far far from it , I just am mindful of personal space that’s all |
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"I have zero confidence however the Mr seems to have more than enough for us both don't get me wrong he isn't big headed or anything but he comfortable in his own skin and he doesn't appear to have the hang ups that I do, I'm very critical of myself and harsh in how I treat my own mind. So for me to even be here is an accomplishment in its self"
Wow you are gorgeous xx |
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By *onyjoCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"I have zero confidence however the Mr seems to have more than enough for us both don't get me wrong he isn't big headed or anything but he comfortable in his own skin and he doesn't appear to have the hang ups that I do, I'm very critical of myself and harsh in how I treat my own mind. So for me to even be here is an accomplishment in its self
Aww, you are gorgeous, confidence is absolutely key to being here"
Awe your too. Kind |
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I've never lacked confidence for socials. I am genuinely good company and I can hold my own in conversation and telling of amusing tales.
Ordinarily I do a fair amount of messaging before a social so I'm pretty sure we have a fair amount to talk about and I'm looking forward to meeting up far too much to be at all nervous.
Group socials are slightly different and although I've only been to one organised social on here I wasn't in any way bothered at the thought of walking in on my own. I chose a social I thought looked like it would suit me and I was fairly sure walking in I'd find someone to chat to.
Where I lack a huge amount of confidence is in the first time undressing in front of someone. I'm convinced they will take one look at me and start pulling their clothes back on having changed their mind. That's why I don't go for one and done, but prefer an ongoing FWB arrangement as it only makes me nervous the first time with someone.
It's why the thought of dressing down at a club really gives me the heebie jeebies. I've nowhere near enough confidence to walk into a club alone at this point. |
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"When first joining I had very little confidence but this site and the people I’ve met had really improved that. I still have body hang ups but when I’m with someone I completely forget about them "
Welcome back to fab!  |
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By *igger2Man
over a year ago
Neston |
"I've never lacked confidence for socials. I am genuinely good company and I can hold my own in conversation and telling of amusing tales.
Ordinarily I do a fair amount of messaging before a social so I'm pretty sure we have a fair amount to talk about and I'm looking forward to meeting up far too much to be at all nervous.
Group socials are slightly different and although I've only been to one organised social on here I wasn't in any way bothered at the thought of walking in on my own. I chose a social I thought looked like it would suit me and I was fairly sure walking in I'd find someone to chat to.
Where I lack a huge amount of confidence is in the first time undressing in front of someone. I'm convinced they will take one look at me and start pulling their clothes back on having changed their mind. That's why I don't go for one and done, but prefer an ongoing FWB arrangement as it only makes me nervous the first time with someone.
It's why the thought of dressing down at a club really gives me the heebie jeebies. I've nowhere near enough confidence to walk into a club alone at this point."
This rings true with me,with regards to being able to have a conversation if I meet new people I'm respectful and can listen and interact
I have decided to bite the bullet and go to my first ever club on my own and it's immediate dress down.
I'm really nervous, don't even know if I'll like it. The thing is I have to try it. I don't know anyone on the scene to go with so I have no option but to sink or tread water I guess.
I don't feel like I'm especially confident, I try and fake it untill I feel less awkward. |
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"I'm no expert on this but from what I read in the forum confidence is not required. In fact a lot of contributors have very low self confidence.
I think I have neutral self confidence in that I don't really think about it. I suppose that's what confidence is though
Of the people we've met the men didn't appear to have confidence problems but many of the women did.
Valid point.
Then again, there must be the initial part of mustering enough courage/confidence to venture out and go to meet someone or go to a club/social, or even join a site like Fab.
I don't think confidence will prevent people from joining fab or meeting. I think it probably affects their enjoyment of it though. "
I'd agree with this - my lack of confidence has stopped me meeting people. Or, on meets I have put too much pressure on myself/worrying about living up to expectations that it can become difficult to relax fully and enjoy it. Working on it though! |
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"How much confidence do you need in this lifestyle?
We all have reservations about ourselves, but what kind of confidence is required to dip your toe in to start with, then be happy with our appearance, not to mention meeting others?
Is this something that plays a factor in your lifestyle or on the scene?
It depends on what you're looking for. If you're contacting people looking for hours of rampant sex with a porn film gym specimen then don't be surprised if they expect you to be able to live up to that. If you're taking the gentler route and looking to gradually make friends with whom some fun may develop then you need no more confidence than you do in real life. They may not be the most apparent but there are ordinary people here who are just looking for other nice ordinary people they can have a little fun with. They're not perfect or expecting perfection."
This very much |
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"I've never lacked confidence for socials. I am genuinely good company and I can hold my own in conversation and telling of amusing tales.
Ordinarily I do a fair amount of messaging before a social so I'm pretty sure we have a fair amount to talk about and I'm looking forward to meeting up far too much to be at all nervous.
Group socials are slightly different and although I've only been to one organised social on here I wasn't in any way bothered at the thought of walking in on my own. I chose a social I thought looked like it would suit me and I was fairly sure walking in I'd find someone to chat to.
Where I lack a huge amount of confidence is in the first time undressing in front of someone. I'm convinced they will take one look at me and start pulling their clothes back on having changed their mind. That's why I don't go for one and done, but prefer an ongoing FWB arrangement as it only makes me nervous the first time with someone.
It's why the thought of dressing down at a club really gives me the heebie jeebies. I've nowhere near enough confidence to walk into a club alone at this point.
This rings true with me,with regards to being able to have a conversation if I meet new people I'm respectful and can listen and interact
I have decided to bite the bullet and go to my first ever club on my own and it's immediate dress down.
I'm really nervous, don't even know if I'll like it. The thing is I have to try it. I don't know anyone on the scene to go with so I have no option but to sink or tread water I guess.
I don't feel like I'm especially confident, I try and fake it untill I feel less awkward."
Oh very good luck, I hope you have a complete blast! |
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I think expectations are linked closely with confidence on Fab/the scene. If you take a balanced view that you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, and everyone won’t be yours and that’s ok, then I think you’re unlikely to take a big knock to your confidence. If you expect to click a button or turn up at a club and be able to have your pick of anyone you’d like then I think your confidence will be affected quickly because it doesn’t work that way for anyone.
I think going to clubs quickly makes you realise that your appearance is largely irrelevant, there are always all kinds of people there having a great time. |
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By *igger2Man
over a year ago
Neston |
"I've never lacked confidence for socials. I am genuinely good company and I can hold my own in conversation and telling of amusing tales.
Ordinarily I do a fair amount of messaging before a social so I'm pretty sure we have a fair amount to talk about and I'm looking forward to meeting up far too much to be at all nervous.
Group socials are slightly different and although I've only been to one organised social on here I wasn't in any way bothered at the thought of walking in on my own. I chose a social I thought looked like it would suit me and I was fairly sure walking in I'd find someone to chat to.
Where I lack a huge amount of confidence is in the first time undressing in front of someone. I'm convinced they will take one look at me and start pulling their clothes back on having changed their mind. That's why I don't go for one and done, but prefer an ongoing FWB arrangement as it only makes me nervous the first time with someone.
It's why the thought of dressing down at a club really gives me the heebie jeebies. I've nowhere near enough confidence to walk into a club alone at this point.
This rings true with me,with regards to being able to have a conversation if I meet new people I'm respectful and can listen and interact
I have decided to bite the bullet and go to my first ever club on my own and it's immediate dress down.
I'm really nervous, don't even know if I'll like it. The thing is I have to try it. I don't know anyone on the scene to go with so I have no option but to sink or tread water I guess.
I don't feel like I'm especially confident, I try and fake it untill I feel less awkward.
Oh very good luck, I hope you have a complete blast!"
Thank you, the more I interact with people like yourself the less scarry it feels. |
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