FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Why are we so unsuccessful?
Why are we so unsuccessful?
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- Amy. x | |||
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 just read your profile you both look sexy so I find it hard to understand why ? ? | |||
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"Thanks for all your help and we have made quite a bit of change to our profile. However yes, we do not meet single guys for play meets, that does not mean to say that we do not meet for coffee or a social. our other fab couple cancelled their account and we lost their verification. Surely when it comes to it, people would be more put off if our profile had no pics and no verifications. Surely a verification from a single guy to say that we are real and genuine is better then nothing. Do you guys really think that it is going to put couples off? "it really shouldnt, but then again...the interested parties could be a bi-fem...whos going to be worried the bi-fem Mrs isnt really bi-fem(more just a hubby pleaser)-I know a few who wouldnt select with a woman who didnt appear to have proper bi-fem play experience. | |||
"Your profile doesn't actually say much does it? Take out the preferences and pretty much all anyone knows about you from your profile is that you go to Abfabs. And the list of preferences could be viewed in a negative way." Got agree with Crystal Wheels on this one. I read your profile a few times and couldn't work out why it didn't have the 'Stiffy Factor' for me. It says a lot, but really says nothing other than (as said above) that you go to Adfabs. Also, you 'mention' you have kinks etc. You NEED to outline what these are - a couple like Perky and me would be a but wary contacting you as we don't know from your profile what we are 'in for'... Also, great photo of the wife - but you need to get yours reshot (sorry  )OR have some taken by someone you trust of you together.
And the other contributor who said your age range is restricted is also right - we're outside it!!!!!! Damn!!!!! 
Are you not getting responses to your intro messages, or are you not getting anyone sending you any?
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"Thanks for all your help and we have made quite a bit of change to our profile. However yes, we do not meet single guys for play meets, that does not mean to say that we do not meet for coffee or a social. our other fab couple cancelled their account and we lost their verification. Surely when it comes to it, people would be more put off if our profile had no pics and no verifications. Surely a verification from a single guy to say that we are real and genuine is better then nothing. Do you guys really think that it is going to put couples off? "It wouldn't put us off. And anyone it did put off probably aren;t worth bothering with. Most people realise that selecting not looking for singleman is often about stopping message rather than a blanket ban on them. | |||
"Thanks for all your help and we have made quite a bit of change to our profile. However yes, we do not meet single guys for play meets, that does not mean to say that we do not meet for coffee or a social. our other fab couple cancelled their account and we lost their verification. Surely when it comes to it, people would be more put off if our profile had no pics and no verifications. Surely a verification from a single guy to say that we are real and genuine is better then nothing. Do you guys really think that it is going to put couples off? "OP, all but one of your veris is for a meet in person but NOT a play-meet. They are all the 'we had a drink and hope to meet again type'. That starts to ring alarm bells with us. You may do better hiding your veris - at least you will stay 'Verified Genuine Profile' and if anyone is searching on browse with 'at least one meeting in person' you will still come up in the search. | |||
"Also, you 'mention' you have kinks etc. You NEED to outline what these are - a couple like Perky and me would be a but wary contacting you as we don't know from your profile what we are 'in for'..." It would put us off for the opposite reason. Too vague - so is it something we're interested in or is it some 50 shades wannabee? | |||
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"Thanks again for all your input. We're trying to update our profile accordingly. What would you like to see from a young couples profile. What would you want to know about a couple you were interested in meeting? We have given some of things we like to do with our time. By the same token we are interested in kink and would appreciate not being belittled by being compared to fifty shades. I understand the cynacism of it all. But young people constantly being compared to fifty shades when they are finding their way in the kink/fetish scene when everyone has spoken about how awful is the book is, isn't very fair. Our kinks have nothing to do with fifty shades, we were into them before fifty shades came out. I am fed up of seeing all the old sweats and people heavily into the scene belittling the new comers by saying that we are all wannabes. We ALL started somewhere and we would appreciate support and uderstanding. T. "I can assure you NO ONE is trying to belittle you. You have had the guts to put your head above the parapet and ask the forum for help and that is to be applauded. Everyone has their own way of trying to put over their points about what THEY have spotted in your profile, in their own way, which may or may not be to your liking. Certainly there are those who will make flippent, spurious comments and you can choose to either take them on at their own game (which can be fun sometimes  ) or ignore them. My advice would be the latter tbh.
We stated OUR view of your mention of 'kink' from OUR perspective. Another contributor followed with a comment in the other direction about the same thing from THEIR perspective. If they chose to use the comparison to '50 Shades', then that is just how they are trying to put their point over - NOT to belittle you in any way.
There are LOADS of contributors to these forums who are only to happy to help someone who wants that help, but it is offered on the understanding that it can only be in written form (unless you contact the user directly and exchange phone numbers) and will therefore include that users personality and viewpoint.
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she's certainly gorgeous enough and I'm judging by the pictures also a bit firey in bed | |||
"This is the missus! Hehe. "So what are you waiting for!! | |||
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"As others have posted, I'd be more than interested in meeting with you both but unfortunatly I'm a single male so I'm gutted that I cannot get in touch or stand a chance, but your choices are there to be respected. I'm straight but playing in with a couple even where there is no m on m or bi action can be great fun. And I'm sure the mrs would enjoy it she's certainly gorgeous enough and I'm judging by the pictures also a bit firey in bed "going by the male verifies..I think theyve had enough single men.Wondering where the bi-part came into it...I dont see any mention in that anywhere, with the exception of Mrs bodycon.... | |||
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"I haven't read the profile, so I am making this a somewhat candid response. In my opinion, of the two of you, the female is much nicer looking than the male. As you don't meet single guys, you have to take a couples perspective into account and in particular the female of any couple you may wish to meet. I guess what I am saying is you will find more males interested in the fem than you will females interested in the male (based on the pics posted)." Could you please read the profile before offering your opinion? | |||
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"Then again, as a large, single woman, I'm not part of your "target market" so perhaps my view is irrelevant." Not at all. | |||
"Young couples on fab are quite often fake or only looking for a specific look or even worse "a woman to join them" see the above posting about sending your mrs up (even lighthearted it exposes an underlying attitude in the swinging world.) You have to accept with a small age range and a limited section of the site you're looking to meet then you wont meet very often, but then again its the quality not the quantity. " Do you really feel that's the case? 20-40yr old couples? I hate to disagree, and thank you for reading and helping, but surely that covers quite a large portion of the community? At least from what we've seen. | |||
"I haven't read the profile, so I am making this a somewhat candid response. In my opinion, of the two of you, the female is much nicer looking than the male. As you don't meet single guys, you have to take a couples perspective into account and in particular the female of any couple you may wish to meet. I guess what I am saying is you will find more males interested in the fem than you will females interested in the male (based on the pics posted). Could you please read the profile before offering your opinion?" I think he can have that opinion without reading your profile and it is valid - with couple there has to be by default more attraction than if you are looking for a single person and that works both ways | |||
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"I haven't read the profile, so I am making this a somewhat candid response. In my opinion, of the two of you, the female is much nicer looking than the male. As you don't meet single guys, you have to take a couples perspective into account and in particular the female of any couple you may wish to meet. I guess what I am saying is you will find more males interested in the fem than you will females interested in the male (based on the pics posted). Could you please read the profile before offering your opinion? I think he can have that opinion without reading your profile and it is valid - with couple there has to be by default more attraction than if you are looking for a single person and that works both ways " If it's true that I'm not good looking enough for here, then I suppose we're just boned and no amount of profile changes can fix that. G. | |||
"I haven't read the profile, so I am making this a somewhat candid response. In my opinion, of the two of you, the female is much nicer looking than the male. As you don't meet single guys, you have to take a couples perspective into account and in particular the female of any couple you may wish to meet. I guess what I am saying is you will find more males interested in the fem than you will females interested in the male (based on the pics posted). Could you please read the profile before offering your opinion?" It seems OK as a profile but doesn't really stand out. You seem like a nice couple tho. Just re-read my initial post and have decided it came across as a bit shitty. So apologies for that. Maybe what I should have said is try and have some fun with the pics and make the ones of the male a bit less 'staged' (it's a bit of a strange stance he's in). I should by the way congratulate you on having pics of the male in the first place as this is something that many couples profiles don't. | |||
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"I haven't read the profile, so I am making this a somewhat candid response. In my opinion, of the two of you, the female is much nicer looking than the male. As you don't meet single guys, you have to take a couples perspective into account and in particular the female of any couple you may wish to meet. I guess what I am saying is you will find more males interested in the fem than you will females interested in the male (based on the pics posted). Could you please read the profile before offering your opinion? I think he can have that opinion without reading your profile and it is valid - with couple there has to be by default more attraction than if you are looking for a single person and that works both ways If it's true that I'm not good looking enough for here, then I suppose we're just boned and no amount of profile changes can fix that. G." No one is saying that you are not good looking enough - but many couples have told me that it is difficult to find another couple that they are both attracted to - so when you look at the pool of people you are targeting you have to appreciate all the factors which reduce the number who may wish to meet you - but there will be people who want to meet you so you will get there in the end | |||
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"Thanks again for all your input. We're trying to update our profile accordingly. What would you like to see from a young couples profile. What would you want to know about a couple you were interested in meeting? We have given some of things we like to do with our time. By the same token we are interested in kink and would appreciate not being belittled by being compared to fifty shades. I understand the cynacism of it all. But young people constantly being compared to fifty shades when they are finding their way in the kink/fetish scene when everyone has spoken about how awful is the book is, isn't very fair. Our kinks have nothing to do with fifty shades, we were into them before fifty shades came out. I am fed up of seeing all the old sweats and people heavily into the scene belittling the new comers by saying that we are all wannabes. We ALL started somewhere and we would appreciate support and uderstanding. T.
I can assure you NO ONE is trying to belittle you. You have had the guts to put your head above the parapet and ask the forum for help and that is to be applauded. Everyone has their own way of trying to put over their points about what THEY have spotted in your profile, in their own way, which may or may not be to your liking. Certainly there are those who will make flippent, spurious comments and you can choose to either take them on at their own game (which can be fun sometimes ) or ignore them. My advice would be the latter tbh.
We stated OUR view of your mention of 'kink' from OUR perspective. Another contributor followed with a comment in the other direction about the same thing from THEIR perspective. If they chose to use the comparison to '50 Shades', then that is just how they are trying to put their point over - NOT to belittle you in any way.
There are LOADS of contributors to these forums who are only to happy to help someone who wants that help, but it is offered on the understanding that it can only be in written form (unless you contact the user directly and exchange phone numbers) and will therefore include that users personality and viewpoint.
"Well at least someone got the point we were making... OP, the point I was making that that fleeting reference to kinks says so little yet manages to put people off from both sides - concerned you are to extreme or not extreme enough. It comes back to the point that I and others have made about needing to expand on your profile. Though personally I can't help but suspect that this undeniably petulant response speaks volumes about your attitude and the true reason you are struggling. I am not sure who the old sweats comment was aimed at but it smacks of an elitist attitude that your current predicament doesn't really justify. You asked for help, i'd suggest ignoring the sycophantic singlemales, despite what they say this thread wouldn't exist if your profile was great. As already said this sort of thread is often not a fun exercise, opening yourself to criticism never will but you could probably employ a better tactic than get defensive towards those who are getting the success you are looking for. 2Wheels | |||
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"The best place to meet and certainly the qiuckest is to go to a club....once you get over the nerves of going,you will deffo find a nice couple to play with and if not then just enjoy each others company whilst u watch overs shag .hehe....Abfabs is great!!!! "Shit,just read your verifications!!,,,you already do the club thing. Well,im out of ideas!!!! Lol  | |||
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"The best place to meet and certainly the qiuckest is to go to a club....once you get over the nerves of going,you will deffo find a nice couple to play with and if not then just enjoy each others company whilst u watch overs shag .hehe....Abfabs is great!!!! Shit,just read your verifications!!,,,you already do the club thing.
Well,im out of ideas!!!! Lol "Thanks guys. Xx | |||
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"well it wont help but ure not on ure own we probably met around 5 couples of here in 2 years its so hard finding genuine couples 2 meet most just want to cam or talk about swinging" Randycpl49, sounds like what we've experienced. Xx | |||
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"Well, as I was formerly part of a swinging couple, I am writing this from that perspective, not as that of a single male. Your pics - great, if a little too posed - relax, get naked and take photos then! Your profile - talking about holidays and walks... yawn. This isn't Facebook, it's not relevant, and made me think you were in your 50's. Surprised when I saw your ages!! Your attitude - sucks! TH reactions you have given to some of the comments you consider to be negative and personal, are, quite frankly childish, and I have a mental image of you stamping your feet while writing... Grow up a bit, get to clubs (and actually fuck someone there) and you will do ok. X "Is this still necessary? We have apologised. Can we just not drop it now? This is uncalled for. One statement, not directed at you, since apologised for, doesn't allow you to start saying grow up etc. We've asked for advice. And all the advice is appreciated. Can we now just drop all the aggro? | |||
"Well, as I was formerly part of a swinging couple, I am writing this from that perspective, not as that of a single male. Your pics - great, if a little too posed - relax, get naked and take photos then! Your profile - talking about holidays and walks... yawn. This isn't Facebook, it's not relevant, and made me think you were in your 50's. Surprised when I saw your ages!! Your attitude - sucks! TH reactions you have given to some of the comments you consider to be negative and personal, are, quite frankly childish, and I have a mental image of you stamping your feet while writing... Grow up a bit, get to clubs (and actually fuck someone there) and you will do ok. X
Is this still necessary? We have apologised. Can we just not drop it now?
This is uncalled for. One statement, not directed at you, since apologised for, doesn't allow you to start saying grow up etc.
We've asked for advice. And all the advice is appreciated. Can we now just drop all the aggro?"Actually, it wasn't just one comment. It was several comments. Remember, some of us have been doing this a lot longer than you and are trying to offer you constructive advice - it's for your benefit not ours! We don't get anything out of trying to help you get laid!!! My comment, and your response to it, is I think the root of your problem. You need to accept that, or you won't be able to move forward. I am not giving you aggro, but providing you with the advice THAT YOU ASKED FOR! So please, for heaven's sake, don't now start having a go at me for doing as you asked... Thanks. | |||
"Well, as I was formerly part of a swinging couple, I am writing this from that perspective, not as that of a single male. Your pics - great, if a little too posed - relax, get naked and take photos then! Your profile - talking about holidays and walks... yawn. This isn't Facebook, it's not relevant, and made me think you were in your 50's. Surprised when I saw your ages!! Your attitude - sucks! TH reactions you have given to some of the comments you consider to be negative and personal, are, quite frankly childish, and I have a mental image of you stamping your feet while writing... Grow up a bit, get to clubs (and actually fuck someone there) and you will do ok. X
Is this still necessary? We have apologised. Can we just not drop it now?
This is uncalled for. One statement, not directed at you, since apologised for, doesn't allow you to start saying grow up etc.
We've asked for advice. And all the advice is appreciated. Can we now just drop all the aggro?
Actually, it wasn't just one comment. It was several comments. Remember, some of us have been doing this a lot longer than you and are trying to offer you constructive advice - it's for your benefit not ours! We don't get anything out of trying to help you get laid!!!
My comment, and your response to it, is I think the root of your problem. You need to accept that, or you won't be able to move forward.
I am not giving you aggro, but providing you with the advice THAT YOU ASKED FOR!
So please, for heaven's sake, don't now start having a go at me for doing as you asked... Thanks. "Look, we appreciate the constructive criticism, we really do. I know it isn't easy to take. I made one stupid mistake and now all I am getting for it, is that we are childish and stamping our feet in tantrums. How many times do I have to apologise for everyone to stop beating me over the head with my mistake? We have taken everyone's criticism on board and have changed our profile accordingly. I also know we won't please everyone. But we are very grateful for everyone's advice. Thank you very much everyone, apologies if we appeared childish that was not our intention. But these things can easily get out of control. T and G | |||
"well it wont help but ure not on ure own we probably met around 5 couples of here in 2 years its so hard finding genuine couples 2 meet most just want to cam or talk about swinging Randycpl49, sounds like what we've experienced. Xx" OP, please take a look at our profile. We have been on here less than four months as a couple and we have met six couples and played with two of them more than once. I am not 'getting at you' at all - I am trying to make the point that if is your profile which sells you, and if it isn't doing that, meets will be few and far between. Okay, we have an advantage in that both myself and Perky have swung as singles for some time before, so know most of the things to put in a profile - and those NOT to put in. But.... we are STILL learning and we are over 50 FFS!!! In this world, you NEVER stop learning... | |||
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Saying that, if your ever up this way, we'd have a pint with you | |||
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" But.... we are STILL learning and we are over 50 FFS!!! In this world, you NEVER stop learning... "So very true. And the learning is sometimes the best bit ... | |||
Oh bugger I smoke ...just my feckin luck | |||
"Well, as I was formerly part of a swinging couple, I am writing this from that perspective, not as that of a single male. Your pics - great, if a little too posed - relax, get naked and take photos then! Your profile - talking about holidays and walks... yawn. This isn't Facebook, it's not relevant, and made me think you were in your 50's. Surprised when I saw your ages!! Your attitude - sucks! TH reactions you have given to some of the comments you consider to be negative and personal, are, quite frankly childish, and I have a mental image of you stamping your feet while writing... Grow up a bit, get to clubs (and actually fuck someone there) and you will do ok. X "As a supposedly experienced Swinger your comments were unnecesarily rude and demeaning. IMHO. Why do they need to get naked in photos in their public Gallery? For your delectation? No this isn't Facebook (Thank God!) but a conversational profile gets my vote over the more sexually prescriptive ones. Like yours. And how dare you say 'Yawn' over how someone wishes to portray themselves! And 50s are over the hill? That gives you about 8 years then.... "Attitude sucks" ..."Childish"... "Grow Up"? I think these comments say more about you than it does about the OP who asked an honest question and deserved better from you. Oh and they don't need to go to a club and 'actually fuck someone'. They have done OK with meets already, indeed have done better than you it seems, but just want to improve their profile. Whatever happened to the idea of 'respect'.. | |||
" But.... we are STILL learning and we are over 50 FFS!!! In this world, you NEVER stop learning...
So very true. And the learning is sometimes the best bit ... "... Learning is ALWAYS the best bit... Lol!!
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"Well, as I was formerly part of a swinging couple, I am writing this from that perspective, not as that of a single male. Your pics - great, if a little too posed - relax, get naked and take photos then! Your profile - talking about holidays and walks... yawn. This isn't Facebook, it's not relevant, and made me think you were in your 50's. Surprised when I saw your ages!! Your attitude - sucks! TH reactions you have given to some of the comments you consider to be negative and personal, are, quite frankly childish, and I have a mental image of you stamping your feet while writing... Grow up a bit, get to clubs (and actually fuck someone there) and you will do ok. X
As a supposedly experienced Swinger your comments were unnecesarily rude and demeaning. IMHO.
Why do they need to get naked in photos in their public Gallery? For your delectation?
No this isn't Facebook (Thank God!) but a conversational profile gets my vote over the more sexually prescriptive ones. Like yours. And how dare you say 'Yawn' over how someone wishes to portray themselves! And 50s are over the hill? That gives you about 8 years then....
"Attitude sucks" ..."Childish"... "Grow Up"? I think these comments say more about you than it does about the OP who asked an honest question and deserved better from you.
Oh and they don't need to go to a club and 'actually fuck someone'. They have done OK with meets already, indeed have done better than you it seems, but just want to improve their profile.
Whatever happened to the idea of 'respect'.. "Well I was going to post this to you in private Charlie, but can't as you have blocke dmessages from males. The OP openly and publicly asked for opinions - I gave mine and stand by it, and the later response (which you have failed to acknowledge..) You cannot say they shouldn't get naked in their photos and criticise me for even daring to suggest it, and then display sexually explicit photos yourself - that is a double standard. Correct this isn't Facebook as I stated - and I respect your opinion regards what sort of profile you prefer - they tried that and it's not working! Merely suggetsting to try another tack as that may get them some luck! I said 'Yawn' because it sounds boring in this profile to me. The over 50's was meant to say over 60's - but is irrelevant anyway as I was merely emphasising that they were making themselves seem and sound a lot older and 'quaint' for want of a better word that their age would suggest. If you think that my comments about their attitude ARE unwarranted, re-read the thread and then their apology for their attitude... Which I believe is sincere. They have been to clubs, and have suggested that they haven't played there. They have had meets, but all the veris (which are the only evidence we have to judge by) are social veris. SO, yes, they have done ok, but not what they want. As for how I do - that is my business. And who says I am showing all of my veris anyway? Who are you to say how well I do?? I do have respect for people, and for this couple (read my later post and you will see why), but see far too many of these type of posts on the forums, here and on other sites. Poor me, poor me.. but then the responses weren't good to the comments made (and yes, I know they apologised!) but the damage was already done.. So as for respect, a public villification of my honest opinion (of which I am entitled I believe) is also uncalled for and dis-respectful to me! "Whatever happened to the idea of 'respect'.." unquote... | |||
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" You cannot say they shouldn't get naked in their photos and criticise me for even daring to suggest it, and then display sexually explicit photos yourself - that is a double standard. " Hardly. What I do and what you expect THEM to do are two different things entirely. I was commenting that you suggested they should get naked. All I did was ask why should they? Nowt to do with how I present myself as I was not suggesting they do anything at all. " Correct this isn't Facebook as I stated - and I respect your opinion regards what sort of profile you prefer - they tried that and it's not working! Merely suggetsting to try another tack as that may get them some luck! I said 'Yawn' because it sounds boring in this profile to me. The over 50's was meant to say over 60's - but is irrelevant anyway as I was merely emphasising that they were making themselves seem and sound a lot older and 'quaint' for want of a better word that their age would suggest." And in doing that I guess you have offended a few of us 'over 50s' in the process! No worries. " So as for respect, a public villification of my honest opinion (of which I am entitled I believe) is also uncalled for and dis-respectful to me! "Whatever happened to the idea of 'respect'.." unquote..." Villification? You can interpret my comments how you like but I was just criticising as much HOW you criticised them as WHAT you criticised them for. For example the 'Yawn' bit was sarcastic and so I pulled you up on it. Simples. You didn't need to disrespect the OP but you chose so to do IMHO and so I made the comment. And sorry but I cannot show respect to anyone who made the comments you did in the way you did. Its not personal as I don't know you its just based on what you chose to write. | |||
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"whats wrong with being over 60 anyway teletubbs ??" *Sigh* Nothing at all - was merely saying they were making themselves seem a lot older than they were. I have absolutely nothing against the over 50's, 60's 70's or older.  | |||
"whats wrong with being over 60 anyway teletubbs ?? *Sigh* Nothing at all - was merely saying they were making themselves seem a lot older than they were. I have absolutely nothing against the over 50's, 60's 70's or older. "good job | |||
"whats wrong with being over 60 anyway teletubbs ??" Well I meet with two couples that are in their early to mid 60s and they are some of the sexiest and most interesting people I know. I was just enjoying your new photos by the way ... | |||
"Call it an aberration. Let's just end it here and not get into a public slanging match that I guess neither of us wants. Fair enough? "No worries ... mine's a pint. | |||
"Call it an aberration. Let's just end it here and not get into a public slanging match that I guess neither of us wants. Fair enough?
No worries ... mine's a pint. "If I am up your way, I shall do that sir! | |||
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Often takes patience and effort to find the right couples.
Keep searching and have fun x | |||
