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How do you maintain the integrity of your relationship with your partner when swinging
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Me my missus have a fulfilling sex life and relationship. We have had very diverse experiences prior to our relationship. We are considering it (swinging) but are of the mindset "If it ain't broke don't try and fix it"
We are on the forum only and are wondering how couples maintain and keep their relationship strong whilst being intimate with others.
We are basically asking are their do's and dont's? Are there guidelines you'd recommend?
Is your your relationship stronger as a result of swinging?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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our relationship is no different really, we enjoy swinging, but its an add on not the main event, you need to have a strong relationship to start with, otherwise it could all go wrong, and you def have to be both on board with whats happening, and set boundries that you both agree, we havnt found jealousy to be a problem but the danger is always there, and we are always aware of the other partners feelings, if one isnt happy we stop, not worth risking a solid relationship for a quick fondle with someone else, the main thing is to talk and be honest with each other |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We think you have to have a strong relationship to begin with or things will go south very quickly
We have High sex drive and love inviting others to join us in the play but swinging is just bonus. Social side is fun too
We have or do and don't list and we won't change them unless Come across something new
Everything we do in the swinging world for us is talked about together and nothing is hidden and we have always said if swinging effected our relationship we would stop it in a heart beat
You both have to listen to each other and be on same wave length xxx |
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The dos and don'ts are individual to each couple I'd say and the only guidelines I'd recommend are talk to each other before and after and don't stop doing so, always, always discuss boundaries and don't be tempted to overstep "in the heat of the moment", don't think that because everyone else seems to do something you have to and never be afraid to say no at *any* point.
My personal opinion is that it shouldn't impact on your relationship negatively and any positives don't come from the actual physical activity but from the communication required to do it successfully.
If you agree beforehand to discuss things in a no blame way if something happens that one or both aren't happy with you'll be ok  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you. We feel the same way and wouldn't do anything without knowing each other's mind and feelings. My other half has had swinging experience in a previous relationship which led to the other couple getting divorced. This why we thought asking the question extremely important.
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"Thank you. We feel the same way and wouldn't do anything without knowing each other's mind and feelings. My other half has had swinging experience in a previous relationship which led to the other couple getting divorced. This why we thought asking the question extremely important.
"
I often wonder if some people would have divorced anyway. |
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Makes no difference to us really, we both were swinging before we met so to stop would be a bit pointless.
No secrets, set boundaries and enjoy life  the last 18months have proved that life is for living |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The dos and don'ts are individual to each couple I'd say and the only guidelines I'd recommend are talk to each other before and after and don't stop doing so, always, always discuss boundaries and don't be tempted to overstep "in the heat of the moment", don't think that because everyone else seems to do something you have to and never be afraid to say no at *any* point.
My personal opinion is that it shouldn't impact on your relationship negatively and any positives don't come from the actual physical activity but from the communication required to do it successfully.
If you agree beforehand to discuss things in a no blame way if something happens that one or both aren't happy with you'll be ok "
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Surely it's not about fixing anything, just trying out, possible, improvements... You can always stop if it doesn't go to plan... As long as honesty is the main objective then, why not? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you for such positive and honest advice. Me and my partner are rock solid 12+ years and it gets better each year. She truly knows me as no other ever could and I her.
We've worked hard at our relationship and are enjoying the rewards that comes with it.
Again thank you to everyone for your advice
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"Me my missus have a fulfilling sex life and relationship. We have had very diverse experiences prior to our relationship. We are considering it (swinging) but are of the mindset "If it ain't broke don't try and fix it"
We are on the forum only and are wondering how couples maintain and keep their relationship strong whilst being intimate with others.
We are basically asking are their do's and dont's? Are there guidelines you'd recommend?
Is your your relationship stronger as a result of swinging?
"
Bottom line is you talk about everything with each other with honesty what makes each other comfortable and what doesn't then stick with it until further down the line you both feel more comfortable without having to worry because you both are enjoying the experience without any doubts, concerns or worries. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We get along really well and have the emotional connection so there really isn't an issue for us, anyone we meet is simply for fun, like watching porn but an interactive version :P |
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It all comes down to mindset and what your relationship is like already.
My wife is my best friend and whether we had sex or not would not be the be all and end all to our relationship.
As it happens we both love sex and swinging is a bit like adding additional sex toys. 3 mouths and 6 hands can do more than 1.
If you have issues in your relationship, then swinging will not fix it and would probably expose it further.
We started with very strict dos and don't rules but communication was key, always keep talking and work out your boundaries and levels.
We are very much of the opinion now that our 2 rules are
We want each other to be safe.
We want each other to have fun. |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
Honest truthful forthright communication is key to an enduring relationship; discuss what you want from swinging, why you want to meet, what the limits are (eg no BB; always condoms) and a frank exchange about the meet; plusses, minuses, future repeat meet or not, etc.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Me my missus have a fulfilling sex life and relationship. We have had very diverse experiences prior to our relationship. We are considering it (swinging) but are of the mindset "If it ain't broke don't try and fix it"
We are on the forum only and are wondering how couples maintain and keep their relationship strong whilst being intimate with others.
We are basically asking are their do's and dont's? Are there guidelines you'd recommend?
Is your your relationship stronger as a result of swinging?
Bottom line is you talk about everything with each other with honesty what makes each other comfortable and what doesn't then stick with it until further down the line you both feel more comfortable without having to worry because you both are enjoying the experience without any doubts, concerns or worries."
I agree, it's so important to talk about everythin and never be afraid to voice your opinions if something dosent feel right. Would definitely say our relationship is stronger for it as there's no one I trust more.
Be kind and honest to yourselves and go at a pace you feel comfortable with. Oh and have fun! |
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Firstly communication is a key thing. You need to have complete honesty and be able to talk boundaries, expectations, desires and how you will deal with jealousy if its an issue..all openly without conflict with each other. My wife knows who i want to sleep with, my fantasies and i do for her. We have no secrets. Swinging is not a fix for a broken relationship, it will finish you if thats the case.
Swinging for us adds fuel to an already lit fire. Our relationship was and is rock solid and swinging is an enhancement to that. So if you are considering taking the plunge your minds both need to be on the same page with the correct headspace to proceed.
When we started out we were Softplay only, dont try to jump in at the deep in with full sex or separate room swapping. Its taken us 4yrs to reach where are now and thats not hardened swingers. Every once in a while we ask each other are the boundaries still right or do we need to bring them back or forward. We regularly have times when we don't play with others, never be afraid to take time away. I think building friends in swinging is important for many like ourselves as the social aspect is just as important as the naughty side to swinging. Having friends who are of a similar mind is very liberating over vanilla friends who can be closed minded in some respects.
Maintaining a relationship with swinging takes effort, it tales communication but if you approach it correctly it will be one of the most liberating and greatest experiences you can have.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you can seperate the difference between love and sex.
If you can enter a sexual situation with others without feeling jealousy and envy.
If you don't have or get emotional attachments to the person(s) sharing with other people.
If you can handle all of the above with an open mind and the emotions of the come down from the sexual buzz.
These are the IF's to consider before entering into anything sexual with others.
Baby steps first off may help.
Get a couples profile.
Attend socials or clubs and meet the people.
See how things happen there.
Play together as a couple in those surroundings and see how you feel afterwards.
Talk about it. Communication and BOTH sharing your thoughs are most important.
Don't jump in with both feet, take your time, patience is a virtue.
At the end of the day, its just you two and what you want.
Swinging can be an extension of your sex life to try different things when you feel like doing something different.
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By *tue555Man
over a year ago
Passed Beyond Reach |
Why go out of your relationship for sex if everything you need is from relationship. The way I see it if you need to go outside your relationship for sex you are looking for somethin else. We have been swingers for many years now but ultimately partner is Bi and enjoys that side of her sexuality, I do because she does so that is the only reason we'd meet now as home fires burn brightly in every other aspect. |
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"Why go out of your relationship for sex if everything you need is from relationship. The way I see it if you need to go outside your relationship for sex you are looking for somethin else. We have been swingers for many years now but ultimately partner is Bi and enjoys that side of her sexuality, I do because she does so that is the only reason we'd meet now as home fires burn brightly in every other aspect."
We are looking for something else. It's mighty difficult to have a threesome when there's only two of you and being ba bit of an exhibitionist if there's nobody watching  |
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"If you can seperate the difference between love and sex.
If you can enter a sexual situation with others without feeling jealousy and envy.
If you don't have or get emotional attachments to the person(s) sharing with other people.
If you can handle all of the above with an open mind and the emotions of the come down from the sexual buzz.
These are the IF's to consider before entering into anything sexual with others.
Baby steps first off may help.
Get a couples profile.
Attend socials or clubs and meet the people.
See how things happen there.
Play together as a couple in those surroundings and see how you feel afterwards.
Talk about it. Communication and BOTH sharing your thoughs are most important.
Don't jump in with both feet, take your time, patience is a virtue.
At the end of the day, its just you two and what you want.
Swinging can be an extension of your sex life to try different things when you feel like doing something different.
"
Very well put and all the advise you need.
We couldn’t wait to try it and loved it. Easy decision for us |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interesting thread. My local pastor has his own thoughts on this
1.God had intended man and woman to be as one. No others involved etc.
2. Both may be insecure in their relationship. Cant satisfy each other. Need others to help etc
3.Bored with each other in a sexual way so looking elsewhere for that spark.
4.Dont find each other attractive anymore in a sexual way so looking to stray.
All interesting points. My opinion is as long as no. One is hurting each other and it's lawful then crack on. |
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"Interesting thread. My local pastor has his own thoughts on this
1.God had intended man and woman to be as one. No others involved etc.
2. Both may be insecure in their relationship. Cant satisfy each other. Need others to help etc
3.Bored with each other in a sexual way so looking elsewhere for that spark.
4.Dont find each other attractive anymore in a sexual way so looking to stray.
All interesting points. My opinion is as long as no. One is hurting each other and it's lawful then crack on. "
Interesting considering how God's son was conceived. |
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Hubby and I met as singles in a club, and quickly became a couple and stayed swinging. We set 3 rules at the start and there were teething issues which we talked through and moved on. We took a break for a few months while we got married and I found it took a few visits to club before my jealousy stopped. We’re just coming up to our 3rd wedding anniversary and we have no issues or problems swinging.
We don’t need to work at our marriage it flows beautifully and we talk a lot about anything and everything. Swinging is just an add on, and we’ve agreed if one wants to stop, then it stops there and then, our marriage is too amazing to risk it.
My advice, set a sensible amount of rules (we have 3), and talk talk talk! On the way to club or a meet we always make sure we’re both happy and re confirm the rules, and of course enjoy yourselves there’s a great social side to it too x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honesty and communication. Learn each others boundaries upfront and respect them.
I'm very fortunate that my husband agreed to give me a pass with only two conditions: don't lie if asked, don't disrupt our home family.
I've slept around plenty while married and it's never been a problem for us. I've come home late or in the morning many times, my husband has also had sex with me when I've been sloppy from other men, again it's not caused any problems, in fact I think he likes the reclaim.
We haven't done the couples thing or clubs yet, but we said he would try it and see, which might enhance things further Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you can seperate the difference between love and sex.
If you can enter a sexual situation with others without feeling jealousy and envy.
If you don't have or get emotional attachments to the person(s) sharing with other people.
If you can handle all of the above with an open mind and the emotions of the come down from the sexual buzz.
These are the IF's to consider before entering into anything sexual with others.
Baby steps first off may help.
Get a couples profile.
Attend socials or clubs and meet the people.
See how things happen there.
Play together as a couple in those surroundings and see how you feel afterwards.
Talk about it. Communication and BOTH sharing your thoughs are most important.
Don't jump in with both feet, take your time, patience is a virtue.
At the end of the day, its just you two and what you want.
Swinging can be an extension of your sex life to try different things when you feel like doing something different.
Very well put and all the advise you need.
We couldn’t wait to try it and loved it. Easy decision for us"
Glad you found this helpful |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Might be worth having a couples account with pics of you both and let her come on and see what its all about?
Im presuming she knows your here?
T "
She knows I'm on here - I never go on here without her interacting. What would you suggest what kind of pics my missus would put up.
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My ex wife and I always loved the idea of having couples join us we used to talk about it every time we had sex so we finally decided to do it via the papers. We met a couple and liked the look of them long story short she liked watching me and the wife of the couple kiss, touch etc and I enjoyed watching him eat her pussy but as I started fucking her, my ex started crying… we stopped and made our excuses. Back home she said she couldn’t stand watching me enjoy the woman so we talked more and eventually agreed to try some separate room fun. Again we met a different couple and had a play together before going to separate rooms. While I was fucking the guys wife he came in and told me my wife had started crying as they was fucking and pushed him off and got dressed and left. I apologised and went home. She told me she could hear the woman moaning louder and louder and could hear her cumming, she said she couldn’t take the thought of me enjoying someone else and left.
Our relationship broke down after that night we lasted around 3 months before she left.
So make sure you know exactly what you’re getting into… it’s all good and well as a fantasy, but you never know how it will turn out.
I’m trying to get back into the swinging life again just non partnered… who knows maybe I’ll get to cum this time haha!! |
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Communication with the other party is also important.
I (Mr) make a huge point of saying to the other person / people that were not in competition with each other, we're all there to have fun and our desires and wants would hopefully match up with theirs but ultimately they are being invited to enjoy a moment with us, nothing else.
It also helps that afterwards we tend to be absolute horny rabbits for a week or two, really solidifying that we primarily want each other and that extra bit of fun is exactly that, extra. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interesting thread. My local pastor has his own thoughts on this
1.God had intended man and woman to be as one. No others involved etc.
2. Both may be insecure in their relationship. Cant satisfy each other. Need others to help etc
3.Bored with each other in a sexual way so looking elsewhere for that spark.
4.Dont find each other attractive anymore in a sexual way so looking to stray.
All interesting points. My opinion is as long as no. One is hurting each other and it's lawful then crack on.
Interesting considering how God's son was conceived. "
But that's the thing. No one really knows. It's all hearsay. No one alive now was around then obviously. Its what people try and make us believe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Discussion..honest and full and frank and getting down to the most base of emotions..more talks..walks while doing mundane tasks..we break it all down even in the midst of our own kink sessions.. plus we have fight or flight subtle gestures when meeting folks even that we know. just because it worked on a certain date in the past doesnt mean other people are in the same headspace..6th sense goes a long long way..but the foundations have to start with you both..Good luck OP.. |
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We talked it over at first, decided on a ‘safe word’ for if we were interested & one for not. We had a brilliant time, just playing in front of others. Back at the hotel we had the most incredible sex and talked about how we felt and what could have happened.
We realised that after we’d been to a couple of Clubs, our don’t list was reducing & our do list was increasing as we realised that we were both happy with what we were doing. Sometimes one of us wasn’t comfortable, but that was fine as we still had each other to enjoy.
Talk to each other& be honest about what you want - it is supposed to be fun  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interesting thread. My local pastor has his own thoughts on this
1.God had intended man and woman to be as one. No others involved etc.
2. Both may be insecure in their relationship. Cant satisfy each other. Need others to help etc
3.Bored with each other in a sexual way so looking elsewhere for that spark.
4.Dont find each other attractive anymore in a sexual way so looking to stray.
All interesting points. My opinion is as long as no. One is hurting each other and it's lawful then crack on. "
All the wrong reasons to think about swinging.
Swinging for couples (who both play) works when both partners are highly sexed, have an amazing core sex life together and a 100% love and trust. That's the foundation needed to start swinging in our opinion.
We appreciate like all things in life there are many variations but in the main this applies to most couples where both are active players.
Swinging is simply an extension of our sex lives, extra humans are way better than sex toys! There's also many sexual experiences simply not possible with just 2 people.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interesting thread. My local pastor has his own thoughts on this
1.God had intended man and woman to be as one. No others involved etc.
2. Both may be insecure in their relationship. Cant satisfy each other. Need others to help etc
3.Bored with each other in a sexual way so looking elsewhere for that spark.
4.Dont find each other attractive anymore in a sexual way so looking to stray.
All interesting points. My opinion is as long as no. One is hurting each other and it's lawful then crack on. "
Did you ASK the pastor? Or are you him?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What works for us:
Transparency and communication - full access to each other's phone, Fab account, WhatsApp, kik, etc. A "no delete" policy -- so in other words even if we write something we may find embarrassing, we don't delete.
No overnights alone with someone else.
Always prior discussion and agreement before arranging a meet.
No lies.
Trust, once broken, takes a hell of a long time to repair. We take care not to break it.
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"Me my missus have a fulfilling sex life and relationship. We have had very diverse experiences prior to our relationship. We are considering it (swinging) but are of the mindset "If it ain't broke don't try and fix it"
We are on the forum only and are wondering how couples maintain and keep their relationship strong whilst being intimate with others.
We are basically asking are their do's and dont's? Are there guidelines you'd recommend?
Is your your relationship stronger as a result of swinging?
"
We discuss everything and agree on things unanimously. If someone disagrees then it's a no. Also, we have a sort of debrief with each about the experience; what liked, didn't like, anything we could do to improve next time. As long as we're on the same page we're good. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you - me and my partner are exploring the idea. We've both had various non vanilla encounters separately before we met. What everyone has said is great. Basically it all boils down to communication, complete honesty, transparency, and commitment to each other.
Thanks again everyone. We will not go into this 'blind'
If anyone wants to add something more please do. The question is important not just to couples but to singles also. They need to know the kind of dynamic they've getting into.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife has a lover and it’s just sex, he comes around or she goes out, then it’s just a normal relationship, the turn on for both of us knowing other guys want her is unreal! To the outside world we are just a normal couple until you close the front door x |
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