FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > When do you give up?
When do you give up?
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We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
Half a dozen sounds like a run of bad luck but if meets are being arranged, it’s probably their problem more than yours isn’t it? Surely any sensible people would just say “not for us” before it gets to that stage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Try clubs for their social aspect. People you meet there can become your nucleus of friends on fab.  "
Spot on, most of the people I talk to on fab I've met through my partner or clubs. Although I have made a good few friends through the forums and we've had some great meets! Stick at it and take it easy |
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I think the lockdowns brought a lot of dreamers to fab. As they get back to real life and drift away from fab the time wasters will get less.
Avoid unverified accounts if you can. If it seems like it’s a guy talking not a couple, it probably is. If they keep taking dirty and wanting pics, it’s a guy.
Remember that some people are still wary and isolating.
Get to a club. You’ll be a hit there! |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Finding meets is and always has been tough for most on here regardless of type of profile. The key is to be selective and have a robust system which s out the timewasters, dreamers and photo hunters. |
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By *ikAshCouple
over a year ago
London |
"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
I don’t think it’s a case of no one wants you… your profile is fine! If it is affecting your mental health though, perhaps you need a break. I think meeting other people at socials might be a good idea. But perhaps lower your expectations on here, not everyone you message will like you, but that works both ways. There are genuine couples on here, but it’s like finding a needle in a haystack. Good luck x |
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By * and BCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
"Thanks everyone. Clubs probably are the way forward, but we are quite shy and generally end up sitting in the corner with only ourselves to talk to.
Not easy, this lifestyle. "
We go to clubs with the outlook of having a great time amongst great atmosphere and great people with no expectations at all. We like to play in the open for people to watch so this is all good if we don't contact with anyone. Sitting in a corner will never work, try standing in the corner of the bar area, people WILL chat to you both there but to walk across a room to talk to you if one doesn't know if you want to be approached or not would make things more difficult to interact with folk.   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This site does crush your self esteem, too many fakes and photo hunters or people who can’t read your profile, but learn to realise it’s not you , it’s sad people board with nothing better to do than play games . The pandemic hasn’t helped, keep going it will get better |
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"Thanks everyone. Clubs probably are the way forward, but we are quite shy and generally end up sitting in the corner with only ourselves to talk to.
Not easy, this lifestyle.
We go to clubs with the outlook of having a great time amongst great atmosphere and great people with no expectations at all. We like to play in the open for people to watch so this is all good if we don't contact with anyone. Sitting in a corner will never work, try standing in the corner of the bar area, people WILL chat to you both there but to walk across a room to talk to you if one doesn't know if you want to be approached or not would make things more difficult to interact with folk. "
I have to disagree with this just because it's me lol ... if I see someone sat in a corner I usually tend to think aww they are nervous so I go over and chat xx guess someone has to sit in these dreaded corners especially on a busy night   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have to disagree with this just because it's me lol ... if I see someone sat in a corner I usually tend to think aww they are nervous so I go over and chat xx guess someone has to sit in these dreaded corners especially on a busy night "
The 2 times we’ve been to a club, we have been that terrified looking couple in the corner haha. People have always come up to us and started a conversation though even when we haven’t been brave enough to instigate it  |
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By * and BCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
"Thanks everyone. Clubs probably are the way forward, but we are quite shy and generally end up sitting in the corner with only ourselves to talk to.
Not easy, this lifestyle.
We go to clubs with the outlook of having a great time amongst great atmosphere and great people with no expectations at all. We like to play in the open for people to watch so this is all good if we don't contact with anyone. Sitting in a corner will never work, try standing in the corner of the bar area, people WILL chat to you both there but to walk across a room to talk to you if one doesn't know if you want to be approached or not would make things more difficult to interact with folk.
I have to disagree with this just because it's me lol ... if I see someone sat in a corner I usually tend to think aww they are nervous so I go over and chat xx guess someone has to sit in these dreaded corners especially on a busy night "
To be honest we are like that too but majority of people aren't like us |
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Hey guys,
I’ve had a look at your profile to see if there’s anything on there that’s off putting and there isn’t. It’s good.
We joined this site just before lockdown and at the start had quite a few eventful meets... During lockdown 2 and 3 we had our profile hidden quite a bit, being from the north east it was rife round here and I think we’ve been the most in lockdown from anywhere else.
Roll on a few months and We’re starting to message people again, but we haven’t met anyone lately, the people who are meeting might be just happy to meet with anyone. If we wanted to just meet anyone I probably would of had a couple a night by now ... so don’t look at other people meeting....
it’s hard work but when you hit it off with people it restores your faith. Don’t let it get to you.. it’s just the nature of the land we are in at the mo and I’m sure once things settle down a bit you’ll wonder why you felt the way you did
We are going to a club on Saturday night for a social and we have done loads of those. You get to know people without the pressure and make good friendships .... it’s meant to be fun remember that ... xx |
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We're also struggling to even get decent conversations with couples going, think we've had 1 decent opening message from a couple in the last month or so? And although they seemed lovely, unfortunately they weren't for us....but other than that and your usual "male here playing alone" codshit, our inbox is getting pretty dusty
As others have said, clubs seem to be the way to go, we're literally in the process this morning of arranging our first visit with a couple who are very good friends of ours so hopefully that all falls into place and we can meet even more awesome people there!
Paul and Alyson x x |
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Your status says you’ve been back here 1 month... in a pandemic... where clubs are still closed for the most part and people might not be comfortable meeting just yet.
People can’t always be bothered with socials having to check in and book things with people they don’t know.
And because they aren’t actively meeting they also aren’t entertaining conversation for long because it’s leading no where just yet.
In the nicest way possible... a moany status about not getting meets probably won’t help!
Give it a bit of time Xx |
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"Your status says you’ve been back here 1 month... in a pandemic... where clubs are still closed for the most part and people might not be comfortable meeting just yet.
People can’t always be bothered with socials having to check in and book things with people they don’t know.
And because they aren’t actively meeting they also aren’t entertaining conversation for long because it’s leading no where just yet.
In the nicest way possible... a moany status about not getting meets probably won’t help!
Give it a bit of time Xx"
Spot on !! |
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"I have to disagree with this just because it's me lol ... if I see someone sat in a corner I usually tend to think aww they are nervous so I go over and chat xx guess someone has to sit in these dreaded corners especially on a busy night
The 2 times we’ve been to a club, we have been that terrified looking couple in the corner haha. People have always come up to us and started a conversation though even when we haven’t been brave enough to instigate it "
We are really friendly people xx |
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If it's genuinely affecting your mental health it might be a good idea to step back and reassess your reasons for being here. If you're taking this seriously enough for it to be damaging you when you're not successful it's not ideal. |
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Doesn't Scotland still have a much tighter lockdown than England that could be putting people off meets, although they should say that rather than ghosting
Unfortunately this site has always had more than it's fair share of people who are just here for the photos and the chat & who have no intention of meeting
Maybe only have conversations with those that are verified by meets, as they are likely to be more reliable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honestly mate so e lovely people here.
Look I'm a short guy compared to what most women ask for but I still get meets and conversation with women I thought would never like me.
All this takes time, a long time. Some I've said no too because it didn't feel right.
The key is having normal conversation not sex talk.
Any woman who is interested wants to chat first, just go with it, don't be over complimentary just talk normally.
Its different for everyone, and you cannot be liked by all.
It is difficult for men to stand out, it really is. But on the other hand women do get a lot of pressure and mail |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?
I don’t think it’s a case of no one wants you… your profile is fine! If it is affecting your mental health though, perhaps you need a break. I think meeting other people at socials might be a good idea. But perhaps lower your expectations on here, not everyone you message will like you, but that works both ways. There are genuine couples on here, but it’s like finding a needle in a haystack. Good luck x"
The clubs and socials are a lifeline; but they are better when you are looking forward to an arranged meet with someone in the flesh for the first time. I had my first outdoor foursome this year and came 4 times! This is not normal for me, ever! WOW!
That was a one-off. Shame as I wanted to make it a regular thing. That is how swinging should be, 4 adults getting very hands on in the sun.
Lowering expectations, I've done that from hoping to meet some ONE to not ever expecting to connect. This sent me rock bottom too. I need the connection and the filters to be in my favour too.
Clubs do cost money and this needs bearing in mind, so it's not easy to pop in every week if these clubs and socials are oversubscribed/not on your doorstep.
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
. If you are finding it’s effecting your mental health than perhaps it’s time to take a break and decide if this is right for you.On your profile it states your location and in your location there is a club with lots of positive reviews in the club reviews section on Fabs.I appreciate clubs may not be for you but I think if you treat it as a night out to a normal pub or club and go with the attitude no expectations no disappointments it may work out ok for you.Best of luck with whatever you decide. |
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"Thanks everyone. Clubs probably are the way forward, but we are quite shy and generally end up sitting in the corner with only ourselves to talk to.
Not easy, this lifestyle. "
You got two great clubs on your doorstep  |
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I feel the same, I feel unwanted , I message people , which are then left unread for weeks on end , I put posts on the forum aswel , but I can’t be one of those to turn nasty on people because it’s not who iam , been nasty or been a complete dickhead gets you no where, I would really like to understand where iam going on and I’m more than happy to listen to peoples advice . Any help would be appreciated. |
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"I have to disagree with this just because it's me lol ... if I see someone sat in a corner I usually tend to think aww they are nervous so I go over and chat xx guess someone has to sit in these dreaded corners especially on a busy night
The 2 times we’ve been to a club, we have been that terrified looking couple in the corner haha. People have always come up to us and started a conversation though even when we haven’t been brave enough to instigate it
We are really friendly people xx"
I feel the same , I’m 37 thinking of approaching people is like aaahhhh , even thou I used to work in cafe I always dealt with people so I really I should just get up and do it . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I feel the same, I feel unwanted , I message people , which are then left unread for weeks on end , I put posts on the forum aswel , but I can’t be one of those to turn nasty on people because it’s not who iam , been nasty or been a complete dickhead gets you no where, I would really like to understand where iam going on and I’m more than happy to listen to peoples advice . Any help would be appreciated. "
There’s loads of threads on profile advice and on how to approach people.
Or you could post a thread asking for advice yourself and hope it gets repeated for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
Step away from the site!
If not getting a meet makes you feel that way, you should definitely give Fab and meets a break.
Your sanity is worth more than a quick shag and a verification.
Your time together as a couple far outweighs anything on here
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By *aj_T91Man
over a year ago
London |
I completely agree with this forum post, I know that so many guys are time wasters on here and it makes it difficult for the minority of genuine good hearted people to try their luck.
Hasn’t been easy for me to meet someone even if it is just for a social! |
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"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
I feel like giving up alot... I came and gone and came back as I want my kinky fantasies to come true. Maybe I can only do this by joining clubs? |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
Just hang in there we are still in a pandemic remember that you still have each other unlike us single people |
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"I feel the same, I feel unwanted , I message people , which are then left unread for weeks on end , I put posts on the forum aswel , but I can’t be one of those to turn nasty on people because it’s not who iam , been nasty or been a complete dickhead gets you no where, I would really like to understand where iam going on and I’m more than happy to listen to peoples advice . Any help would be appreciated.
There’s loads of threads on profile advice and on how to approach people.
Or you could post a thread asking for advice yourself and hope it gets repeated for you. "
Thankyou |
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"Try clubs for their social aspect. People you meet there can become your nucleus of friends on fab. "
Agree with trying clubs find it easier to meet and there no pressure you can choose what to do |
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No, it's not you. Unfortunately timewasters are a fact of life when you're trying to meet people online.
My advice would be to go to a social where you'll meet like minded people. Plus, those type of events really put you at ease.
For the record, if I were in the criteria of play partner you were looking for I'd gladly play with you so I say again, it most certainly isn't you.
Good luck, and I hope you meet someone soon. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When we first joined Fab around four years ago we made a pact that if it ever stopped being fun for either one or both of us then we would come off the site.
If it’s got to the stage where you honestly believe it’s affecting your mental health then you need to take a break.
Why don’t you hide your profile for a while until things are on a more even keel OP?
Sorry you’re feeling like this and hope it all works out.
V |
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We love Fab and we use it mainly as a tool for the verifications and to check people out to get a feel fir them (as well for meets). That said however, we use Fab in conjuction with Kik groups which for example have 50 members based in a similar area.. the two together are powerful tools for getting invites to social events at clubs for example or for connecting and chatting to others for meets...so much that the majority of our meets come by way of Kik these days. |
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"We love Fab and we use it mainly as a tool for the verifications and to check people out to get a feel fir them (as well for meets). That said however, we use Fab in conjuction with Kik groups which for example have 50 members based in a similar area.. the two together are powerful tools for getting invites to social events at clubs for example or for connecting and chatting to others for meets...so much that the majority of our meets come by way of Kik these days. "
Agreed. you have to use all the tools at your disposal both online socials groups and social lunches are a great way to meet people for sure as well as club nights |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Clubs are open. I just use fab to talk to the amazing people I have already met. All I see are new accounts, dreamers on the updates, hardly any proper swingers anymore.
Stick with fwb and clubs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
Sorry, I'm confused.
On the one hand you're saying you've had literally hundreds of messages and on the other you're saying that you're finding the constant lack of interest to be damaging to your mental health. 
Are you suggesting that these hundreds of messages you're receiving are people getting in touch with you to tell you that they're not interested?
Maybe I've read it wrong, but 100's of messages doesn't sound like lack of interest to me |
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"OP we have been friends with a guy on here and previously also on another site over a 5 year period.
We have never met but have shared our lives with one another in messages, texts Warrsapp etc.
So a few weeks back we decided to bite the bullet and arrange a meet.
The moment we did, he ghosted us.
We blocked him on all media apart from on here and a few weeks later he messaged to ask if he had done something wrong. 
So he is blocked on here now too."
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By * and BCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
"OP we have been friends with a guy on here and previously also on another site over a 5 year period.
We have never met but have shared our lives with one another in messages, texts Warrsapp etc.
So a few weeks back we decided to bite the bullet and arrange a meet.
The moment we did, he ghosted us.
We blocked him on all media apart from on here and a few weeks later he messaged to ask if he had done something wrong.
So he is blocked on here now too."
We had a similar thing happen the other week, a guy had been fabbing our pictures for quite a long time so we did the same, bit the bullet and asked him if he fancied a social. He was over the moon and so keen. We had messaged all week about how excited he was to meet us after all this time. The day of the meet he ghosted us and never showed up. Like you we blocked him, the next day may we say as to give him a chance of coming up with an excuse. He couldn't even have the decency of making something up  |
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"OP we have been friends with a guy on here and previously also on another site over a 5 year period.
We have never met but have shared our lives with one another in messages, texts Warrsapp etc.
So a few weeks back we decided to bite the bullet and arrange a meet.
The moment we did, he ghosted us.
We blocked him on all media apart from on here and a few weeks later he messaged to ask if he had done something wrong.
So he is blocked on here now too.
We had a similar thing happen the other week, a guy had been fabbing our pictures for quite a long time so we did the same, bit the bullet and asked him if he fancied a social. He was over the moon and so keen. We had messaged all week about how excited he was to meet us after all this time. The day of the meet he ghosted us and never showed up. Like you we blocked him, the next day may we say as to give him a chance of coming up with an excuse. He couldn't even have the decency of making something up "
As we have said in many other posts, we think a lot of them like the idea but then when called out go into panic mode and run off to hide.
Crazy! |
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"OP we have been friends with a guy on here and previously also on another site over a 5 year period.
We have never met but have shared our lives with one another in messages, texts Warrsapp etc.
So a few weeks back we decided to bite the bullet and arrange a meet.
The moment we did, he ghosted us.
We blocked him on all media apart from on here and a few weeks later he messaged to ask if he had done something wrong.
So he is blocked on here now too.
We had a similar thing happen the other week, a guy had been fabbing our pictures for quite a long time so we did the same, bit the bullet and asked him if he fancied a social. He was over the moon and so keen. We had messaged all week about how excited he was to meet us after all this time. The day of the meet he ghosted us and never showed up. Like you we blocked him, the next day may we say as to give him a chance of coming up with an excuse. He couldn't even have the decency of making something up
As we have said in many other posts, we think a lot of them like the idea but then when called out go into panic mode and run off to hide.
Crazy!"
Exactly this. I think a lot of people love the fantasy of swinging but when the time comes for them to turn up and get physical they bottle it. |
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By *orl1971Couple
over a year ago
Glasgow |
We really struggle to talk to couples too. We rejoined just as covid was starting and in about 16 months we’ve been chatting to about 4 couples. We find couples who have been to clubs don’t take us seriously because we don’t and don’t have couple veris.
Very frustrating but it is what it is. |
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" Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health"
As the gambling ads on TV say, when the fun stops, stop.
You can always hide your profile, take a break for a while and come back later.
Wishing you both well whatever you decide to do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
Spend time getting to know people online first. Then you can get rid of single guys pretending to be a couple, married guys whose wife has no idea he has a couples account on here, idiots, fantasists, timewaters, etc. |
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By *ikilovesCCouple
over a year ago
village life, closest main town inverness |
"Thanks everyone. Clubs probably are the way forward, but we are quite shy and generally end up sitting in the corner with only ourselves to talk to.
Not easy, this lifestyle. "
.
It seems like an age ago but, the big Fab social events that used to get organised on here are probably a better bet than clubs for getting to know people
When sex is off the cards as it's a social, people are more relaxed, chatty and just looking to enjoy their night out |
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We thought it was just us having bad luck. We also find that other want bunny and not myself(oj)
But we just persevered. With had a few meets .covid hasn't helped bit hopfully more will happen. We in east Anglia if any one intrested. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
Hi, not sure single men are what you're looking for but I'm just down the road and happy to chat. Feel free to contact me if you wish. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everyone. Clubs probably are the way forward, but we are quite shy and generally end up sitting in the corner with only ourselves to talk to.
Not easy, this lifestyle. "
Clubs get easier the more you go, when you see faces regular it'll become easier to chat, make friends and become less nervous. Treat it as a good night out rather than trying to pull, have fun between you and anything else is a bonus.
I went to organised socials first, having social anxiety, made friends there, got my confidence up a bit, and went to the club that those people went to so I knew a good bunch in there already. I don't play more than I do in a club but it's still a great night out. Can't wait to get back!
Best wishes x |
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We have had insanely small amounts of meets through Fab but read and post daily. It’s a fun place regardless. Mentally you shouldn’t be finding it anything near tiresome after just 4 weeks. Take your time, get to know the forum folks a bit. It’s also a good way to get noticed outside of Fab. We’ve been approached at clubs now multiple times with “OH hi, aren’t you TwistedToo from Fabs?” And next thing there’s a fun conversation going |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lost count of the meets we have arranged and we have been let down. It comes with the territory unfortunately. Once they re open we shall be attending clubs, far more reliable. |
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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
It's not you it just people are just people. Don't be discouraged or disheartened. Just put the best you in front and I'm sure you will find what you are looking for.
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
Whether you are male, female, in a couple, male identifying, or female identifying, Fab and swinging is not for: the faint hearted, those of nervous disposition, those unable to enforce their boundaries, those unable to laugh about it and shrug their shoulders and keep sense of proportion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don’t ever take it personally as it’s damaging to your self esteem.
Fabs a microcosm based mostly in fantasy… and a lot of us use it like we do porn… which is turn on when we want and turn off after cumming… haha
It’s not a reflection of your abilities.. especially if they haven’t tried you before doing a disappearing act.. it happens to most in here?!
I find getting really specific helps cut down inbox message flooding = way too much admin for it to be fun!!… which is what sex is supposed to be x
That said if you like a lot of attention then the lack of messages will be an issue haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Best advice I was given was not to take it too seriously on here , just go with the flow , be yourself , have a laugh and if a connection with someone is made , fair play . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everyone. Clubs probably are the way forward, but we are quite shy and generally end up sitting in the corner with only ourselves to talk to.
Not easy, this lifestyle.
We go to clubs with the outlook of having a great time amongst great atmosphere and great people with no expectations at all. We like to play in the open for people to watch so this is all good if we don't contact with anyone. Sitting in a corner will never work, try standing in the corner of the bar area, people WILL chat to you both there but to walk across a room to talk to you if one doesn't know if you want to be approached or not would make things more difficult to interact with folk. "
I’d second what was said! I’m extremely shy but plucked up the courage to go to a club on Friday! I sat at the bar and wasn’t alone for long. As people came up and chatted to me. You have each other to lean on so I’d bring yourselves out of the corner! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it’s causing you distress then maybe delete your profile for a while, it’s really not worth getting all stressed out about especially if it’s damaging your mental health, this place will still be here
Genuinely wish you luck and happiness |
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Hi OP,
I can sympathise. Yes it can get you down and if it is then you need to leave it a while, go do something else and come back to it. Wanting something you can't have (or almost get and then don't) is frustrating! Looks like you've had plenty of veris in the past though?
Does seem to be a lot more time wasters on here for the last few months, another consequence of Covid!
Nothing wrong with your profile, I'd meet with you in a heart beat!
I had a joint profile with an ex and we had a random party invite arrive in our inbox saying how sexy we both were, can't wait to meet you etc. We sent them a face pic of us both and then they instantly blocked us! Very rude. My (then) partner was really upset about it.
At the end of the day, some people are just assholes! But equally there are some lovely people out there.
Get out to some clubs, a theme night like fancy dress or similar might be good? Try to get to some socials as well.
Best wishes, good luck and don't let it get to you! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Clubs are open so just go to them. Meet loads of lovely people.
Two club nights this week and 3 next planned for me and don't have to waste your time messaging people back and forth.
Go out and meet real people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm always interested in meeting with genuine people single ladies or mf couples I have no problem with travelling ect and if I say I am going to be there then I am I think you just need to keep trying to find the genuine people x |
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By *jb773Man
over a year ago
Bishops Stortford |
"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
Why would anyone not want to meet you, you both look amazing, i would be lucky to have a couple take an interest in me |
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Don't give up!
Fab being a free site attracts dreamers who get off more on the chat than actual meets.
Your profile reads well, your photos are magnificent so stick to it.
Set clear rules for yourselves, too many messages hint at fantasists and just cut the conversation. Post on here and you will get the good meets; |
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By *egoMan
over a year ago
Preston |
When the responses are cryptic, one word, not answering the question. Barely legible.
They come to me all enthusiastic for an Insta meet. It’s my way of testing them.
That’s when I give up on people, not the site. I’m here still for when people need me.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm in the same boat it gets to the point we're you just feeling mugged off been nothing but polite to everyone,respect what others say but yet just feel.im getting mugged off all the time,any one who's not a time waster give me a wink if local |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
Why not just stick to meeting at clubs only? This way if they turn up it's a bonus, if not then enjoy meeting people who are there. You do have two clubs nearby. |
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By *lex46TV/TS
over a year ago
Near Wells |
I've had great meetings with great people on fab but the last few months have been extremely hard work to meet people.
Lots of messages, lots of meets confirmed then cancelled and of course the dreaded time wasters that just don't show.
I've taken a few weeks out a couple of times recently but when I come back, it seems to be worse. I'm not going to leave fab but I think I'll focus more on clubs and cruising /dogging places in future. |
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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
Don’t give up. Just look for what you actually want and message profile matches your needs. Block time wasters and people who make your self uncomfortable. For me a good marker of time waster profile is no plans for meet after few chats or no face pic after few massages. 3-5 messages and we should have a social agreed even if it is in a month. If not don’t invest emotionally into these. They most probably just in to chats or feel insecure to meet. You don’t want to meet them for sure |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No, it is not you!!!!!!
It does not affect our mental health, we just brush it all off.
We experience the same issues. We are good people, we have standards and values as I am sure that you do as well.
99% of the messages we receive are from people that either;
a) Have not read our Profile.
b) Have no standards or values.
c) Think that it is a "Gimme" because we are on a swinging site!
d) Are Married, want a shag and want it now before their Wife can find out!
e) Expect us to shag them regardless of what they look or smell like.
f) Do not care what we look or smell like.
g) Live 100+ Miles away, but can be with us in about an hour.
We are sure that there must be some decent people here, but it seems that decent couples with standards and values are struggling to find them!
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I totally agree with you on how frustrating this site is. Part of it is due to COVID as people are still hesitant to meet up. The others are highly selective and demand certain conditions as it can be scary. Swinging unfortunately is seen as a taboo and in social media world it is more difficult to me open, strange as that might seem. Personally I long for the day that we can be open just as all the other communities are. We appear to be last. So making it even more frustrating. |
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The problem with sites which are driven by libido is that people can be really keen to hook up initially but interest wanes and they disappear. I think often folks like the fantasy of meeting but can’t be arsed or get nervous when it comes down to the nitty gritty. I think you might enjoy clubs and parties, you need to find a decent crowd. A lot of clubs are quite rough so it’s another minefield but you might be lucky.
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"The problem with sites which are driven by libido is that people can be really keen to hook up initially but interest wanes and they disappear. I think often folks like the fantasy of meeting but can’t be arsed or get nervous when it comes down to the nitty gritty. I think you might enjoy clubs and parties, you need to find a decent crowd. A lot of clubs are quite rough so it’s another minefield but you might be lucky.
"
I was with you till the last sentence. Yes there’s a vast difference in club standards, but the majority are very good! |
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For me it’s when my race comes into it.
We were messaging a girl last night and of course she’s welcome to reject whomsoever she likes but she was very keen to meet - even having seen picture of us both - because she discovered I’m (Harry) am of Indian origin.
Pretty upsetting turn of events. |
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"Thanks everyone. Clubs probably are the way forward, but we are quite shy and generally end up sitting in the corner with only ourselves to talk to.
Not easy, this lifestyle. "
Yes that’s us when we’ve been to clubs. If you’re struggling on here, I don’t think going to clubs will necessarily be the answer. |
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By * and BCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
"Thanks everyone. Clubs probably are the way forward, but we are quite shy and generally end up sitting in the corner with only ourselves to talk to.
Not easy, this lifestyle.
Yes that’s us when we’ve been to clubs. If you’re struggling on here, I don’t think going to clubs will necessarily be the answer. "
If you go to clubs with no expectations they are a great night out. If you are going looking for play as a priority, maybe not the place to be. Clubs are relaxed and CAN be a lot of fun. Definitely don't sit in a corner but that's the same anywhere, pub or club. If you want to meet people stand in a busy area, even if you can't make first contact, people will speak to you, that is a certainty. We got messed about so much on fab we decided to take the club route many years ago. We find clubs such a nice place to be we don't even have nights out in pubs anymore, always a club. But like we say going with expectations is a bad move |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
"For me it’s when my race comes into it.
We were messaging a girl last night and of course she’s welcome to reject whomsoever she likes but she was very keen to meet - even having seen picture of us both - because she discovered I’m (Harry) am of Indian origin.
Pretty upsetting turn of events."
. So she liked your pictures but when she discovered your nationality she changed her mind going by your words ) Pretty upsetting turn of events ) it sounds like you may have received some racist abuse if so sorry you had to go through that. |
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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"For me it’s when my race comes into it.
We were messaging a girl last night and of course she’s welcome to reject whomsoever she likes but she was very keen to meet - even having seen picture of us both - because she discovered I’m (Harry) am of Indian origin.
Pretty upsetting turn of events."
That must feel shitty, but take it as a bullet dodged. |
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See you have some meets on your profile ,,so definitely not a fake couple , like what we see on your profile , would defo like to bump into you at a club or party , we use jaydees when we can . So don’t give up , one day we might get lucky , things are starting to get back to normal so happy hunting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everyone. Clubs probably are the way forward, but we are quite shy and generally end up sitting in the corner with only ourselves to talk to.
Not easy, this lifestyle. "
We go to clubs with no expectations and just go for a drink and a good night out and then if we haven't clicked with anyone we love to have fun with each other in front of others anyway ( which is why we love Liberty elites main room)
We have never arranged a meet or social because it seems to scripted and forced. We chat to people on here and just let them know where and when we are going to a club, never any pressure and nothing is expected  |
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"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
Lol you're not alone. FAB is much worse than it used to be. Almost all contacts we get now are either bad mannered, fake, pic collectors, time wasters, fantasists who will never meet or like one couple last Friday - cancel the meet as we're half way to their house then piss us around all weekend !. We joined around 8 years ago and it was MUCH easier to get real meets back then. We've had an easier time in clubs generally... Give up ?, we have several times but hold on to a little bit of hope that the odd diamond might surface from the 'bog of eternal stench' |
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Although we are still relatively new to it; we meet at clubs. There are no expectations to meet up or play with anyone. We are not worried if anyone is going to turn up; therefore we are stress free.
However, when we go we just go with the flow, if there is ever a connection with anyone else then that's a plus. If not, we just do as we wish; we enjoy being watched and usually at a swing club that's not too difficult to do!
I agree there are others that like to meet and arrange and may be that works for them. I guess you need to decide what actually works best for you. |
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"So she liked your pictures but when she discovered your nationality she changed her mind going by your words ) Pretty upsetting turn of events ) it sounds like you may have received some racist abuse if so sorry you had to go through that."
Exactly.
It was mind-boggling and ruined my day because we both found her attractive but clearly she found me somehow inferior because of my race even though she said I was attractive prior to knowing I wasn’t white.
But her loss - my missus is a stunner and most people have their heads screwed on.
Thanks for the supportive reply! |
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Blimey, someone necro'd our very old post. Thanks everyone for your thoughts and encouragement. We do find Fab very difficult at times, but we've had some fun meets, and we're getting back into the club scene as of tonight.
Hope to meet some of you in the near future xx |
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By * and BCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
"Blimey, someone necro'd our very old post. Thanks everyone for your thoughts and encouragement. We do find Fab very difficult at times, but we've had some fun meets, and we're getting back into the club scene as of tonight.
Hope to meet some of you in the near future xx"
Hope you both enjoy Jaydees tonight. We love the place. Had a great time there last weekend |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
"So she liked your pictures but when she discovered your nationality she changed her mind going by your words ) Pretty upsetting turn of events ) it sounds like you may have received some racist abuse if so sorry you had to go through that.
Exactly.
It was mind-boggling and ruined my day because we both found her attractive but clearly she found me somehow inferior because of my race even though she said I was attractive prior to knowing I wasn’t white.
But her loss - my missus is a stunner and most people have their heads screwed on.
Thanks for the supportive reply!"
. I can understand that it’s not nice receiving racist abuse as I too have had it so I know the upset it can cause so you and anyone that has received racist abuse has my support.Not that it should have made a difference regarding your nationality but it does say on your profile you are of Indian origin did it say it at the time when you were exchanging messages or have you added it since. |
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Not just you. We have had four single guys bail out on us at the last moment on the trot. All talk and promises then no walk. It does make you ask what’s the point. Extremely frustrating and disappointing. Is the anguish worth it? |
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"I can understand that it’s not nice receiving racist abuse as I too have had it so I know the upset it can cause so you and anyone that has received racist abuse has my support.Not that it should have made a difference regarding your nationality but it does say on your profile you are of Indian origin did it say it at the time when you were exchanging messages or have you added it since."
It didn’t - I decided to add that bit (even though I’m born and raised in London) as a consequence of that experience.
I’m determined to not let it ruin our experience here or in the lifestyle though.
I respect that people have their preferences but once you’ve determined you are attracted to someone but renege based on their origins it smacks of racism through and through.
Oddly enough the girl in question has been looking at our profile several times a day since! |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
"I can understand that it’s not nice receiving racist abuse as I too have had it so I know the upset it can cause so you and anyone that has received racist abuse has my support.Not that it should have made a difference regarding your nationality but it does say on your profile you are of Indian origin did it say it at the time when you were exchanging messages or have you added it since.
It didn’t - I decided to add that bit (even though I’m born and raised in London) as a consequence of that experience.
I’m determined to not let it ruin our experience here or in the lifestyle though.
I respect that people have their preferences but once you’ve determined you are attracted to someone but renege based on their origins it smacks of racism through and through.
Oddly enough the girl in question has been looking at our profile several times a day since!"
. I think you did the right thing adding it on.Like you I am born and raised in London but I am Greek Cypriot origin and I have it on my profile as when I have seen , read and commented on forums it does seem that Indian men even those in a couple get given a tough time as I do get asked if I am Indian on Fabs as well as non Fabs I thought it best to add it in.I think the girl looking at your profile should have had a social with both of you and then make her decision not make racist comments.It’s good that you are been strong and not let someone ruin Fabs for you |
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"Not just you. We have had four single guys bail out on us at the last moment on the trot. All talk and promises then no walk. It does make you ask what’s the point. Extremely frustrating and disappointing. Is the anguish worth it?"
We have lots of great places to cycle here in the Lakes, would be worth checking out |
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"Thanks everyone. Clubs probably are the way forward, but we are quite shy and generally end up sitting in the corner with only ourselves to talk to.
Not easy, this lifestyle. "
And you know what with clubs that’s okay, I know I speak as a single guy but my first club meet I pretty much did the same, but people will talk to you! And then that will have a knock on effect for your confidence!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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guys guys guys its never going to be easy for you ...never the site is over inflated with men silly numbers some say 100 men to one women some are saying 1000 men per woman that tells you all you need to know .... nothing will ever be easy for men of fab and going forwards it will only get worse as men pour in not many women or couples joining and lots of women and couples leaving ....
its always been the same even when there were a lot less men say 50 men to everywoman its never been easy for a guy to swing unless you take the club route and get a grasp of what swinging is then you stand a chance but saying that there are guys who go to clubs who still dont get a look in ..... just accept its hard its going to get harder |
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Wow!!
And here I was thinking that couples were having a blast while it doesn't matter what I try nothing worked
I do understand the feeling hopefully your luck has now changed, I now realise that as a single man I don't stand a chance |
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I've been in the position I could arrange meets for the last 3 weekends. Last weekend was my birthday and I thought to myself - I know- I'll get me some cock to play with
Nope nada
Single woman, been on here about 14 years give or take, never known the like. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
Never ever give up on anything in life |
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"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
We know it’s more then 32 weeks at least since you posted so that’s something. Let’s hope it’s not been 28 weeks of hell assuming the first 4 weeks were ok-ish. Maybe have a year review. Make sure you update us. |
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"I've been in the position I could arrange meets for the last 3 weekends. Last weekend was my birthday and I thought to myself - I know- I'll get me some cock to play with
Nope nada
Single woman, been on here about 14 years give or take, never known the like. "
I’ll help you , let me know what your likes and dislikes are . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
We know it’s more then 32 weeks at least since you posted so that’s something. Let’s hope it’s not been 28 weeks of hell assuming the first 4 weeks were ok-ish. Maybe have a year review. Make sure you update us. "
They did three weeks ago.
Looks like things improved for them which is good to know! |
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"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
Simple for me guys. If its having negative impact on you and mental health come off the site temporarily. Come back when feel better. The reasons for people not responding and ignoring you'll never know unless you ask them and people are entitled to do this and what would you do with this information anyway. Last minute cancellation and people being flaky and rude is not ok, but it will always go on. People wont like this but seeking advice on here is a bad idea, it always quickly decends away from what you asked. Bombarded with great advice is not helpful either as you need to change how you view fab.com and navigate all the rejection
and people being flaky and no one can help with that accept yourselves
Although i always thought single straight guys that do well on here during a lull period are the ones that do the 'can you help me, profile advice' post to get some immediate responses but always backfires. That could work better for couple during a lull. Not saying you did for that reason. Technically based on what I said you should ignore everything I've said. Hope you guys figure it out, am sure you will |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"We are wondering when this becomes mentally damaging...
Four weeks back to Fab, literally hundreds of messages, half a dozen people who arrange a meet then disappear.
Is there a point we should say, fuck it, no one wants us and just get on with our lives together? We are finding the constant lack of interest to be really harmful to our mental health, especially when everyone around us seems to be successful in arranging meets.
Maybe it's just us?"
Ok, if nobody wants the two of you for swinging, what’s the problem? If you have the happiest and most fulfilling family life, being a ‘failure’ at swinging means…what exactly? That you are a lesser person? That you’re not accomplished? That you’re not attractive or good at sex? Swinging is just a hobby, like so many others. Keep your head high, be true to yourself, visit clubs or parties for a bit of fun and if nobody else wants you as a ‘swinging friend’ then…keep shagging like rabbits with your better half and carry on! |
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I think it partly depends what you want from swinging. I if it's starting to become far more mentally draining than fun yes stop. After all theres far more to life. Or maybe try a more chilled approach. For us we just like to do our own thing and have our own adventures. We don't really use Fab or the Internet to find encounters. We love to just go to clubs. We don't go with a goal that we must find that, do this, etc. We just have a good time together our people and mischief just tend find us. And even if it's a miss we still have a great time together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Zero luck arrangeing a meet on here ourselves but wont give up. Its not us, as we get a few messages, but none so far who come across as seriously wanting to meet.
You just have to keep at it but dont focus too much on it. Plenty of better things to do in the real world and in worst case there's always clubs to go to. |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
We have found in the past that Fab works in peaks and troughs. We have periods of lots of activity followed by a dessert.
Just recently things have been going well. But whilst we have had lots of interest in our trip to Manchester next week it proving difficult. When chatting to other couples who claim they want to meet as soon as you start discussing details they clam up and can't be tied down.
That's when frustration could kick in but we have learned to just enjoy. If we don't get a meet next week we just enjoy each others company more and wait for our next opportunity to have fun. |
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To start with, as others have already said, there’s nothing on your profile that might be off putting. The fact that you’ve had several people wanting to meet you is testimony to that. I think there are probably a fair few folk who like the idea of meeting up, but when it comes to actually doing so, get scared. This is particularly true for those who are in a relationship, or living with others. It may be that they have self esteem issues, or are just plain apprehensive of meeting new people particularly if they feel that part of the deal requires the meeting to have a sexual angle. Bottom line is that it’s not you, it’s them. That said, if it’s getting to you then take a break. I’m not convinced that clubs are the answer unless you go on a couples only night. Take care |
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