FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > What am I doing wrong?
What am I doing wrong?
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"I’m always polite and respectful and seem to be able to chat with people. However when it comes to meets I seem to be getting nowhere. Is there such a thing as being too respectful?"
You have only been on here 4 months and during times of lockdown when people re not keen on meeting.
Some people are on here for over a year with no meets.
Swinging is more about the social side not just sex.
Maybe looking at your whole profile from someone else's perspective could help.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You say in your profile that you've been here before, so surely you know how fab works by now.
You should know that not everyone will find you appealing. You should know that it doesn't matter hiw polite you are, if someone diesn't fancy you, they don't fancy you.
I keep seeing threads like this by guys who give the impression that thus is some sort of challenge or competition and that it's all about finding a succesful formula.
What's your experience been in the real world, and why do you think fab would be any different.
What were your expectations on joining the site?
You do know that just because someone is on fab does not mean that they are looking to fuck anybody and everybody. |
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"I’m always polite and respectful and seem to be able to chat with people. However when it comes to meets I seem to be getting nowhere. Is there such a thing as being too respectful?"
Honestly, the dating apps are more fruitful for single men. You’re likely doing nothing wrong. It’s a numbers game. Finding a woman where there’s mutual attraction, hasn’t got a better offer in the meantime, and actually intends to meet can be hard. Most of them get hundreds of messages a day, even if they don’t have a single photo!
Just my experience but I’d just be open and honest on the ‘dating’ apps about what you want, have a good chat and don’t just send dick pics unless you’re asked for them etc just like you wouldn’t here. Plenty of people looking for similar.
Enjoy the forum, have a laugh and don’t worry about it. It might or might not happen. |
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"I’m always polite and respectful and seem to be able to chat with people. However when it comes to meets I seem to be getting nowhere. Is there such a thing as being too respectful?
Honestly, the dating apps are more fruitful for single men. You’re likely doing nothing wrong. It’s a numbers game. Finding a woman where there’s mutual attraction, hasn’t got a better offer in the meantime, and actually intends to meet can be hard. Most of them get hundreds of messages a day, even if they don’t have a single photo!
Just my experience but I’d just be open and honest on the ‘dating’ apps about what you want, have a good chat and don’t just send dick pics unless you’re asked for them etc just like you wouldn’t here. Plenty of people looking for similar.
Enjoy the forum, have a laugh and don’t worry about it. It might or might not happen. "
And to clarify, by fruitful, I just mean that getting a match on a dating app shows there’s an attraction and you’re more likely to get a conversation going, or end up going for a social meet. |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"I’m always polite and respectful and seem to be able to chat with people. However when it comes to meets I seem to be getting nowhere. Is there such a thing as being too respectful?"
Whilst people enjoy chatting with respectful people at times it can be a comfort but it's whether their is any chemistry and physical attraction.
Most people have friends and respect the boundaries and never cross the line or don't see them particularly in another way sexually but there is hope as you say that the chats between have been going well some people fail at this point remember this.
Keep your chin up pal as we are still in a pandemic and not everyone is comfortable with meeting as such  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m always polite and respectful and seem to be able to chat with people. However when it comes to meets I seem to be getting nowhere. Is there such a thing as being too respectful?"
first mistake is the whole been here before b.s most people see that and just think nah you've not lol
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By *ummorefun OP Man
over a year ago
kent/sussex border |
I don’t see it as a challenge or competition , I rejoined the site as I find it more honest than ordinary dating sites. I don’t presume that anybody is going to want to meet just because we’ve exchanged a few messages . Funnily enough , just like real life, I do understand the odds are against single men. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m always polite and respectful and seem to be able to chat with people. However when it comes to meets I seem to be getting nowhere. Is there such a thing as being too respectful?
Honestly, the dating apps are more fruitful for single men. You’re likely doing nothing wrong. It’s a numbers game. Finding a woman where there’s mutual attraction, hasn’t got a better offer in the meantime, and actually intends to meet can be hard. Most of them get hundreds of messages a day, even if they don’t have a single photo!
Just my experience but I’d just be open and honest on the ‘dating’ apps about what you want, have a good chat and don’t just send dick pics unless you’re asked for them etc just like you wouldn’t here. Plenty of people looking for similar.
Enjoy the forum, have a laugh and don’t worry about it. It might or might not happen. "
op have a look at this guys profile its a shining example of how any single m profile should be set up even tho he also has a couples profile the point is entirely valid lol |
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By *ummorefun OP Man
over a year ago
kent/sussex border |
"I’m always polite and respectful and seem to be able to chat with people. However when it comes to meets I seem to be getting nowhere. Is there such a thing as being too respectful? first mistake is the whole been here before b.s most people see that and just think nah you've not lol "
So even though I have been here before it’s better to not mention it?
It’s a strange world  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m always polite and respectful and seem to be able to chat with people. However when it comes to meets I seem to be getting nowhere. Is there such a thing as being too respectful? first mistake is the whole been here before b.s most people see that and just think nah you've not lol
So even though I have been here before it’s better to not mention it?
It’s a strange world "
People that have been here before tend to not need to mention it is more the point |
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"I’m always polite and respectful and seem to be able to chat with people. However when it comes to meets I seem to be getting nowhere. Is there such a thing as being too respectful?"
just picking the wrong people. I have an knack for that too.. nothing wrong being polite. be yourself and someone will appreciate you |
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Change your profile photo....i can't work out what those white trousers/jogging bottoms are, but either way it's far from the most flattering profile photo. Try putting some face pics on, and make one of them your main pic.
And lose the profile blurb about how you are happy with friendship and really enjoy a social evening....this is a website of people looking for sex, not looking for someone to hang out with down the pub! Yes you may meet someone for a social to start with, and that's totally fine, but it doesn't need to be talked about in your bio. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m always polite and respectful and seem to be able to chat with people. However when it comes to meets I seem to be getting nowhere. Is there such a thing as being too respectful?"
Nothing wrong with been polite and respectful. Give it time matey. Just be yourself. You can't change that . It's worked for me. Have a look at the bottom of my bio there's some great advice for single guys on fab.
It really is worth a read |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m always polite and respectful and still get blocked don’t worry about. Just be ur self and don’t chase them. If they like u they will msg u
That’s one I have learnt  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Got it. There’s no need to mention it because it’s irrelevant."
When I first rejoined about 2 months ago, I mentioned I was returning after a break, in case anyone recognised me, but removed it after a couple of weeks |
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"I understand the need for a face pic and have them in friends photos but due to my job I cant have them on public view. Obviously that’s a game changer but it’s just how it is. "
Hahaha that old chestnut eh.... That is the biggest load of bollocks I see on people's profiles! Not just yours, I have seen it on lots of guys and many women's profiles too.
Anyone not showing their face on this site, clearly has something to hide, usually a partner/husband/wife.
Claiming you are unable to show due to your job is complete bollocks in most people's books. What job do you do that means you can't show your face on a dating/sex site?
Think about it from the point of view of the person you're messaging.... You're suggesting to meet up and hopefully end up playing with them, but you can't see my face unless you message me back.... 99 times out of 100 that will be an instant delete. |
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By *ummorefun OP Man
over a year ago
kent/sussex border |
No wife or partner to worry about just a job I don’t want to lose. I also was recognised by one of my daughters friends a while ago . Luckily other than letting me know she knew she’s kept it quiet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I understand the need for a face pic and have them in friends photos but due to my job I cant have them on public view. Obviously that’s a game changer but it’s just how it is.
Hahaha that old chestnut eh.... That is the biggest load of bollocks I see on people's profiles! Not just yours, I have seen it on lots of guys and many women's profiles too.
Anyone not showing their face on this site, clearly has something to hide, usually a partner/husband/wife.
Claiming you are unable to show due to your job is complete bollocks in most people's books. What job do you do that means you can't show your face on a dating/sex site?
Think about it from the point of view of the person you're messaging.... You're suggesting to meet up and hopefully end up playing with them, but you can't see my face unless you message me back.... 99 times out of 100 that will be an instant delete. "
Pretty much anything in the civil service, police, public authority, local ‘celebrity’, anything involving a school or further education, childcare or anything where the social stigma of being outed would make your continued employment in your field difficult (and yes, despite how others might think, there is a social stigma). Plenty of perfectly valid reasons. We don’t discount anyone not showing a face pic and we haven’t really had much trouble finding others to chat to without ours on display. Would never go as far as a meet without exchanging pics. |
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And lose the profile blurb about how you are happy with friendship and really enjoy a social evening....this is a website of people looking for sex, not looking for someone to hang out with down the pub! Yes you may meet someone for a social to start with, and that's totally fine, but it doesn't need to be talked about in your bio. "
That bit is quite wrong. For alot of us the social/friendship aspect of swinging is very important
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The point being made about using ones job as an excuse to not show a face pic is that anyone who sees you on here is also on fab, and by exposing you, they expose themselves.
Think about it.
'Oh, I saw so and so on a sex hookup site the other day'
'Really? You use a sex hookup site?' |
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"I understand the need for a face pic and have them in friends photos but due to my job I cant have them on public view. Obviously that’s a game changer but it’s just how it is.
Hahaha that old chestnut eh.... That is the biggest load of bollocks I see on people's profiles! Not just yours, I have seen it on lots of guys and many women's profiles too.
Anyone not showing their face on this site, clearly has something to hide, usually a partner/husband/wife.
Claiming you are unable to show due to your job is complete bollocks in most people's books. What job do you do that means you can't show your face on a dating/sex site?
Think about it from the point of view of the person you're messaging.... You're suggesting to meet up and hopefully end up playing with them, but you can't see my face unless you message me back.... 99 times out of 100 that will be an instant delete. "
And this. I have nothing to hide but I don't want my face plastered all over the site. Some jobs do need discretion.
OP there is no such thing as too respectful. Just keep chatting. It may take a while but you will get there |
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By *ummorefun OP Man
over a year ago
kent/sussex border |
"The point being made about using ones job as an excuse to not show a face pic is that anyone who sees you on here is also on fab, and by exposing you, they expose themselves.
Think about it.
'Oh, I saw so and so on a sex hookup site the other day'
'Really? You use a sex hookup site?'"
That’s fine as long as the person viewing doesn’t want to be ‘ exposed’ either but what if they don’t mind? |
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Pretty much anything in the civil service, police, public authority, local ‘celebrity’, anything involving a school or further education, childcare or anything where the social stigma of being outed would make your continued employment in your field difficult (and yes, despite how others might think, there is a social stigma).
I hadn't thought about it like that, so thank you for explaining it for me. I can fully understand those working in education or childcare sectors hiding their face from view. Civil service and local authority a little too, as yes the social stigma of being "outed" may mean it's too risky for the employee, and subsequently the employer to have their name and reputation dragged through the local press etc.
The police are already a very corrupt institution, so I can see why they hide themselves.
OP, I stand corrected. Though as you stated yourself, that's just how it is if you choose not to have your face on show. |
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"The point being made about using ones job as an excuse to not show a face pic is that anyone who sees you on here is also on fab, and by exposing you, they expose themselves.
Think about it.
'Oh, I saw so and so on a sex hookup site the other day'
'Really? You use a sex hookup site?'
That’s fine as long as the person viewing doesn’t want to be ‘ exposed’ either but what if they don’t mind?"
This has happened. some people just don't care or have no morals.
Its not blind date so If your willing to send a photo in a message once your comfortable that's all that matters. |
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And lose the profile blurb about how you are happy with friendship and really enjoy a social evening....this is a website of people looking for sex, not looking for someone to hang out with down the pub! Yes you may meet someone for a social to start with, and that's totally fine, but it doesn't need to be talked about in your bio.
That bit is quite wrong. For alot of us the social/friendship aspect of swinging is very important
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I totally agree the social/friendship side is very important. I just meant they way it was written on his profile. It implied that he was more than happy with a social evening out, with no indication of sex or anything around that happening, not necessarily on the first date as I already explained.
I just read it as someone looking for a day/night out down the pub with a few drinks, which is not what 99% of people join this site for. |
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"I don’t see it as a challenge or competition , I rejoined the site as I find it more honest than ordinary dating sites. I don’t presume that anybody is going to want to meet just because we’ve exchanged a few messages . Funnily enough , just like real life, I do understand the odds are against single men."
You do realise that fab swingers is NOT a dating site?  . Swinging is about being social initially, if you’re just after booty calls then maybe adult friend finders etc are more for you. Everyone who goes to clubs/parties were scared the first time. As a single female I’ve gone to parties alone and glad I did. I’ve met so many people this way.
You’ll also discover that many many people on here are shallow and totally disrespectful. All guys want is a bj then maybe fuck. It’s all about them. If i see a status saying ‘my balls need emptying’ etc they have no chance with me or any of my mates.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well it looks like you’re looking for just sex… rather than some socializing with others.
I too haven’t had luck on this but it doesn’t bother me.
I’d considering going on dating apps, Tinder, Bumble, etc. You’ll get a much higher chance of a “hook up” on there.
At least for me.
Best of luck |
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Pandemic and being a single guy will hold you back...
Okay, the obvious bit. There is no formula for success. Everyone is different, and people use fab in different ways for different means. So what do you do?
Message people who fit what your looking for, and more importantly you match what they are looking for. Don't carpet bomb, use laser guided messages, tailored to the individuals you are messaging.
Construct your profile so it appeals to people. Often, a message isn't opened because the profile was dull or uninteresting. You're profile is your brochure. Does yours pique people's interest?
No face photo isn't a problem, but you need to have one to send privately or available in friends. Most people understand why faces aren't shown publicly. To the vanilla world, we're all a bunch of deviants and perverts! Fab is not a CV enhancement.
Fab is like prospecting for gold. It's hard work, a toil at times, and you've got to shift a lot of grit before you find a nugget. But when you do, it's worthwhile. |
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By *ummorefun OP Man
over a year ago
kent/sussex border |
"Well it looks like you’re looking for just sex… rather than some socializing with others.
I too haven’t had luck on this but it doesn’t bother me.
I’d considering going on dating apps, Tinder, Bumble, etc. You’ll get a much higher chance of a “hook up” on there.
At least for me.
Best of luck "
Bloody hell I can’t win!!
First I was told I looked like I wanted a night down the pub , now I’m told I look like I’m just looking for sex
The truth is a bit of both!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well it looks like you’re looking for just sex… rather than some socializing with others.
I too haven’t had luck on this but it doesn’t bother me.
I’d considering going on dating apps, Tinder, Bumble, etc. You’ll get a much higher chance of a “hook up” on there.
At least for me.
Best of luck
Bloody hell I can’t win!!
First I was told I looked like I wanted a night down the pub , now I’m told I look like I’m just looking for sex
The truth is a bit of both!
"
Someone gave some good advice in another thread that I can't remember what it was called, but they said treat fab like Facebook where you keep in contact with people you've met and go to clubs to meet different people in person and then stay connected through fab. I've not tried it myself though haha, but it sounded like a good idea. |
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"Well it looks like you’re looking for just sex… rather than some socializing with others.
I too haven’t had luck on this but it doesn’t bother me.
I’d considering going on dating apps, Tinder, Bumble, etc. You’ll get a much higher chance of a “hook up” on there.
At least for me.
Best of luck
Bloody hell I can’t win!!
First I was told I looked like I wanted a night down the pub , now I’m told I look like I’m just looking for sex
The truth is a bit of both!
"
Make a profile your happy with and stick with it.
Your never gonna please everyone on here so as long as your happy with it, keep it .
I only hook up off here, I think dating apps and how they are used is very subjective to where in the country you are.
I’m not interested in socials and others expect them- so we’d look for completely different things
Just do you and get out to the clubs and stuff when you can x |
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"I’m always polite and respectful and seem to be able to chat with people. However when it comes to meets I seem to be getting nowhere. Is there such a thing as being too respectful?"
You are outnumbered as there are so many single guys on here looking for sex.
It is just a fact by the sheer munbers looking that some single guys will not have any success.
The best presentation may give a guy a chance, but a lot of guys do not do their own research and read the many threads in this Forum. |
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"I’m always polite and respectful and seem to be able to chat with people. However when it comes to meets I seem to be getting nowhere. Is there such a thing as being too respectful?
Honestly, the dating apps are more fruitful for single men. You’re likely doing nothing wrong. It’s a numbers game. Finding a woman where there’s mutual attraction, hasn’t got a better offer in the meantime, and actually intends to meet can be hard. Most of them get hundreds of messages a day, even if they don’t have a single photo!
Just my experience but I’d just be open and honest on the ‘dating’ apps about what you want, have a good chat and don’t just send dick pics unless you’re asked for them etc just like you wouldn’t here. Plenty of people looking for similar.
Enjoy the forum, have a laugh and don’t worry about it. It might or might not happen.
And to clarify, by fruitful, I just mean that getting a match on a dating app shows there’s an attraction and you’re more likely to get a conversation going, or end up going for a social meet. "
No...you mean getting your end away |
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"I’m always polite and respectful and seem to be able to chat with people. However when it comes to meets I seem to be getting nowhere. Is there such a thing as being too respectful?"
You’re probably not doing anything wrong OP, as stated before single men on here far outweigh women and couples. You can send this nicest most respectful messages in the world but it’s never gonna guarantee a reply sadly. Your best bet is to get away from your screen, get out to some parties, clubs or socials and meet people in person. I’ve found that’s the easiest and best way to do it |
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"What job do you do that means you can't show your face on a dating/sex site?"
Actually Char has to make sure that the person she's talking to hasn't been a *client* at any of the prisons she works at. Not just because of her employment contract but also for safety reasons. Some times there are genuine reasons. |
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By *ottsJMan
over a year ago
Nottingham |
Personally a good start would be to take all the c**k pictures off your profile. I’m not sure how everybody else feels but when I go to somebody’s profile to look and see if they’re suitable to meet us I would much prefer to see the real person not the c**k.
I suppose it’s okay to have one in there but I have a string of them just looks ridiculous. I’m sure you’ve heard this before but whilst many women do enjoy one I think most people think that once you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all so a face pic or a body pic would be much better and a string of dick pics. |
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"Personally a good start would be to take all the c**k pictures off your profile. I’m not sure how everybody else feels but when I go to somebody’s profile to look and see if they’re suitable to meet us I would much prefer to see the real person not the c**k. "
Eh, have you looked at your own profile lately? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally a good start would be to take all the c**k pictures off your profile. I’m not sure how everybody else feels but when I go to somebody’s profile to look and see if they’re suitable to meet us I would much prefer to see the real person not the c**k.
Eh, have you looked at your own profile lately?"
Maybe a case of do as I say, not as I do  |
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