FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Don't fit in here
Don't fit in here
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Been on this site a few years and never really gelled with anyone in here. There's a few people I have a chat with here and there but generally I don't think there's anyone on here who I'd consider my type of person (non sexual) could be different in real life but on here it's a no go |
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"Been on this site a few years and never really gelled with anyone in here. There's a few people I have a chat with here and there but generally I don't think there's anyone on here who I'd consider my type of person (non sexual) could be different in real life but on here it's a no go"
I feel you there pal Im the Same I chat to 1 or 2 but never get any social meets or none sexual convosations
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people find it easier not over text. Maybe you are one of them."
I agree with this. I thrive in a text environment and then wibble in face-to-face.
Also what would you consider to be your type of person?
I've always found it tough to find my type of person but now I don't look and people find me.
I PM with some on here and they are all quite different from each other but they all 'see' something in me which they like. And I like having different types of people rather than all just the same type.
Whether any of it will lead to anything beyond this site only I don't know but I'm enjoying what I have got at this moment. |
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I think there are two distinct sets of people. Those who get along with loads of different types of people and those who really only get along with very few. I think there are more of us in the second group than the first. |
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It's a very varied site, with all kinds of people, just as you find in the wider world. Some people are more specific and limited in who they will get on with, others have a broader reach.
After 18 months of lockdowns, with people largely being unable to meet, with often catastrophic events in their private lives, health, family, kids, employment and other pressures, whilst fending off over-eager suitors, it's probably little surprise that it leaves a more negative perception of the site, from people who aren't as fully gelled with others.
If you want more, potentially now is the time to start to explore how you might get it. Everything from how/what each of our profiles says about us, to getting together with others at socials or joining clubs. Probably it will mean setting aside a few prejudices about how you do things and taking a few risks.
We are usually highly accomplished at keeping things pretty much the same for ourselves. We prune the world so that it fits our rigidity, rather than considering how we might transplant ourselves, add nutrients and follow the cultivation techniques that are most likely to gain fruitful harvests.
It's a very tough site for single men. Most don't have realistic expectations when they join, it's therefore highly likely that many stay in the mould they've put themselves in, accumulating the debris of the negativity they gain here, failed meet attempts, after the others. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
These types of thread I find very strange.
If you’re not getting what you want, you’ve been here for a while and things aren’t working as you hoped, then either change your approach and attitude or leave.
No one is forced to be here and this site isn’t for everyone, it’s that simple really! |
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It can feel quite lonely when you feel as if nobody gets you or you're on the margins. I get it. It could well be that one of two people are your type but you're missing each other or actually have assumed that you won't get along with anybody so don't try.
The forums are quite a harsh place and I can understand how people would feel that they're not really compatible with others. |
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"These types of thread I find very strange.
If you’re not getting what you want, you’ve been here for a while and things aren’t working as you hoped, then either change your approach and attitude or leave.
No one is forced to be here and this site isn’t for everyone, it’s that simple really! "
Yup agree very simple fix.
It always baffles me why people guy's mainly assume that just because they are on here it's going to be a pussy fest from day 1.
Not saying that the op is like this but status updates are full of guys moaning about the site and have only been on a few days! |
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"These types of thread I find very strange.
If you’re not getting what you want, you’ve been here for a while and things aren’t working as you hoped, then either change your approach and attitude or leave.
No one is forced to be here and this site isn’t for everyone, it’s that simple really!
Yup agree very simple fix.
It always baffles me why people guy's mainly assume that just because they are on here it's going to be a pussy fest from day 1.
Not saying that the op is like this but status updates are full of guys moaning about the site and have only been on a few days!"
He's said non sexual and I'd be willing to bet my last peanut butter sandwich that a woman posting similarly would be inundated with people claiming to be her type. |
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As the op states its the forum not the site, i get where he is coming from as many others will.
You have to be so careful what you say or don’t say on here as if you offend one the whole forum gets offended. And its easy to read a response and take it the wrong way.
Op just keep trying.. start an interesting thread .
Anyway good luck op  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think this site can be a lonely place for some people sometimes. Its made worse because people come here hoping to meet or chat with others. Any existing loneliness is exacerbated by not meeting / finding people to chat with.
#be kind |
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"These types of thread I find very strange.
If you’re not getting what you want, you’ve been here for a while and things aren’t working as you hoped, then either change your approach and attitude or leave.
No one is forced to be here and this site isn’t for everyone, it’s that simple really!
Yup agree very simple fix.
It always baffles me why people guy's mainly assume that just because they are on here it's going to be a pussy fest from day 1.
Not saying that the op is like this but status updates are full of guys moaning about the site and have only been on a few days!
He's said non sexual and I'd be willing to bet my last peanut butter sandwich that a woman posting similarly would be inundated with people claiming to be her type. "
With a healthy dose of hugs and empathy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get where you’re coming from OP.
I enjoy the forums and I’ll post on the threads that interest me but I’m pretty much a loner and have only made one or two connections on here (both female) that I feel I’d get on with in real life.
I’ve learned to use the forums my way and that’s what’s kept me here so long.
V |
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"These types of thread I find very strange.
If you’re not getting what you want, you’ve been here for a while and things aren’t working as you hoped, then either change your approach and attitude or leave.
No one is forced to be here and this site isn’t for everyone, it’s that simple really!
Yup agree very simple fix.
It always baffles me why people guy's mainly assume that just because they are on here it's going to be a pussy fest from day 1.
Not saying that the op is like this but status updates are full of guys moaning about the site and have only been on a few days!
He's said non sexual and I'd be willing to bet my last peanut butter sandwich that a woman posting similarly would be inundated with people claiming to be her type. "
My bad sorry.
But let's be honest the past 18 months have been a washout for most people following the rules so any social interactions have been extremely limited and due to lockdown the site has been inundated with keyboard fantasists making it difficult for genuine people to shine through.
Personally I find negative comments and status updates are going to put off potential chances of striking up a rapport.
Now things are slowly getting back to normal best advice is try to find any local socials and pop along, most areas usually have someone arranging a free to all social in a public place although remember that's all it is.
Of it's online stuff maybe try chatrooms non directing and just start chatting.
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"These types of thread I find very strange.
If you’re not getting what you want, you’ve been here for a while and things aren’t working as you hoped, then either change your approach and attitude or leave.
No one is forced to be here and this site isn’t for everyone, it’s that simple really!
Yup agree very simple fix.
It always baffles me why people guy's mainly assume that just because they are on here it's going to be a pussy fest from day 1.
Not saying that the op is like this but status updates are full of guys moaning about the site and have only been on a few days!
He's said non sexual and I'd be willing to bet my last peanut butter sandwich that a woman posting similarly would be inundated with people claiming to be her type.
My bad sorry.
But let's be honest the past 18 months have been a washout for most people following the rules so any social interactions have been extremely limited and due to lockdown the site has been inundated with keyboard fantasists making it difficult for genuine people to shine through.
Personally I find negative comments and status updates are going to put off potential chances of striking up a rapport.
Now things are slowly getting back to normal best advice is try to find any local socials and pop along, most areas usually have someone arranging a free to all social in a public place although remember that's all it is.
Of it's online stuff maybe try chatrooms non directing and just start chatting.
"
Oh and btw OP I very much class myself as a loner,if it wasn't for my wife jools I doubt if talk to anyone for weeks. |
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"These types of thread I find very strange.
If you’re not getting what you want, you’ve been here for a while and things aren’t working as you hoped, then either change your approach and attitude or leave.
No one is forced to be here and this site isn’t for everyone, it’s that simple really!
Yup agree very simple fix.
It always baffles me why people guy's mainly assume that just because they are on here it's going to be a pussy fest from day 1.
Not saying that the op is like this but status updates are full of guys moaning about the site and have only been on a few days!
He's said non sexual and I'd be willing to bet my last peanut butter sandwich that a woman posting similarly would be inundated with people claiming to be her type.
With a healthy dose of hugs and empathy "
This is why I  at some of the be kind posts ..Practice what you preach.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive been on here a good few years and most of the people I used to bounce off aren't here or dont post so much, so it does become a place just to write your thoughts or people watch. Interaction can seem a bit less than it was, maybe we are all sick to death of screens recently and having to respond digitally. I can read and agre with a lot of posts or find a point interesting and still not be bothered to interact or type a reply, doesn't mean things arent noticed or you. Not much use to you if you want interaction I realise  |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"These types of thread I find very strange.
If you’re not getting what you want, you’ve been here for a while and things aren’t working as you hoped, then either change your approach and attitude or leave.
No one is forced to be here and this site isn’t for everyone, it’s that simple really!
Yup agree very simple fix.
It always baffles me why people guy's mainly assume that just because they are on here it's going to be a pussy fest from day 1.
Not saying that the op is like this but status updates are full of guys moaning about the site and have only been on a few days!
He's said non sexual and I'd be willing to bet my last peanut butter sandwich that a woman posting similarly would be inundated with people claiming to be her type.
With a healthy dose of hugs and empathy This is why I at some of the be kind posts ..Practice what you preach.."
I did a thread the other day about ‘be kind’ as an ethos. It was an interesting discussion, maybe have a look at it? |
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"These types of thread I find very strange.
If you’re not getting what you want, you’ve been here for a while and things aren’t working as you hoped, then either change your approach and attitude or leave.
No one is forced to be here and this site isn’t for everyone, it’s that simple really!
Yup agree very simple fix.
It always baffles me why people guy's mainly assume that just because they are on here it's going to be a pussy fest from day 1.
Not saying that the op is like this but status updates are full of guys moaning about the site and have only been on a few days!
He's said non sexual and I'd be willing to bet my last peanut butter sandwich that a woman posting similarly would be inundated with people claiming to be her type.
My bad sorry.
But let's be honest the past 18 months have been a washout for most people following the rules so any social interactions have been extremely limited and due to lockdown the site has been inundated with keyboard fantasists making it difficult for genuine people to shine through.
Personally I find negative comments and status updates are going to put off potential chances of striking up a rapport.
Now things are slowly getting back to normal best advice is try to find any local socials and pop along, most areas usually have someone arranging a free to all social in a public place although remember that's all it is.
Of it's online stuff maybe try chatrooms non directing and just start chatting.
"
The set 18 months have been a washout. I'm a pretty emotionally strong person but not seeing and connecting personally with the two people who do "get me" has with no disrespect to Mr N, made me feel very lonely and isolated.
The rest of your post is spot on too in my opinion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been on this site a few years and never really gelled with anyone in here. There's a few people I have a chat with here and there but generally I don't think there's anyone on here who I'd consider my type of person (non sexual) could be different in real life but on here it's a no go"
That’s a big statement to make when there are tens of thousands of people on this site but I fully understand we’re you’re coming from.
Tony |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been on this site a few years and never really gelled with anyone in here. There's a few people I have a chat with here and there but generally I don't think there's anyone on here who I'd consider my type of person (non sexual) could be different in real life but on here it's a no go"
Hi OP
What is your kind of person? I would suggest adding a bit of the kind of person that you are looking for to your profile as it would show the kind of personality that you have and whether they would be suitable for you. Hopefully that could cut out some of the chats you have which have resulted in you not gelling with people.
Just a thought, not a criticism 
NBVN x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m not sure how to put this without sounding bitchy but, to me, you come across as someone who is obsessed with what’s between your legs and gets off on belittling other men.
You seem to want lots of attention without giving anything back.
What is your type of person? Someone who adores you as much as you adore yourself? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I mean the forum not the site"
as said before just be yourself who cares what others think you're here for you everyone is different just enjoy and don't be afraid to join in.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To the OP..
I post loads in the forums
I start threads
Some good but most bad...but do you know what I get from it?
Fuck all...no connection with anyone!!!!!
But i wont give up lol |
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"As the op states its the forum not the site, i get where he is coming from as many others will.
You have to be so careful what you say or don’t say on here as if you offend one the whole forum gets offended. And its easy to read a response and take it the wrong way.
Op just keep trying.. start an interesting thread .
Anyway good luck op "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The forums are a bit like walking into a pub and you don't know a single person there.
You might chat lightly to someone as you order a drink at the bar, or passing someone or something on a TV screen like a football score prompts a small chat. You'd sit drinking your beer watching others talk, clearly there are groups of friends chatting together and it's the most awkward thing to try an engage with anyone.
But if you keep visting the pub and keep having these small random chats you get to know people. It wouldn't happen overnight. It takes time.
The forums are the same. And not everyone is a regular. And there are some just like you that come alone and don't become part of friend groups, they just like the social interaction when it takes their fancy.
PW |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The forums are a bit like walking into a pub and you don't know a single person there.
You might chat lightly to someone as you order a drink at the bar, or passing someone or something on a TV screen like a football score prompts a small chat. You'd sit drinking your beer watching others talk, clearly there are groups of friends chatting together and it's the most awkward thing to try an engage with anyone.
But if you keep visting the pub and keep having these small random chats you get to know people. It wouldn't happen overnight. It takes time.
The forums are the same. And not everyone is a regular. And there are some just like you that come alone and don't become part of friend groups, they just like the social interaction when it takes their fancy.
PW"
Great analogy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have been on here years and my experiences/interactions with you via the forum have always been pleasant. You’ve never been nasty towards me even if I’ve ignored any attempt at flirting and that in itself speaks volumes about your character. I’ve never seen you get involved with any dramas either.
I’d say you were a normal well rounded person. |
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"You have been on here years and my experiences/interactions with you via the forum have always been pleasant. You’ve never been nasty towards me even if I’ve ignored any attempt at flirting and that in itself speaks volumes about your character. I’ve never seen you get involved with any dramas either.
I’d say you were a normal well rounded person. "
"I’d say you were a normal well rounded person."
I think you've solved the ops conundrum. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You have been on here years and my experiences/interactions with you via the forum have always been pleasant. You’ve never been nasty towards me even if I’ve ignored any attempt at flirting and that in itself speaks volumes about your character. I’ve never seen you get involved with any dramas either.
I’d say you were a normal well rounded person. "
that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me on here thanks  |
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"Been on this site a few years and never really gelled with anyone in here. There's a few people I have a chat with here and there but generally I don't think there's anyone on here who I'd consider my type of person (non sexual) could be different in real life but on here it's a no go"
That's fair enough.
Not everyone fits in. |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"It can feel quite lonely when you feel as if nobody gets you or you're on the margins. I get it. It could well be that one of two people are your type but you're missing each other or actually have assumed that you won't get along with anybody so don't try.
The forums are quite a harsh place and I can understand how people would feel that they're not really compatible with others."
I think this is true. I tick along in the margins occasionally stirring up trouble or maybe saying things people find helpful. I’ve even made a friend from a forum post. But I guess I’m not seeking anything so it doesn’t bother me. I guess if you consider there has to be people around you do click with then it’s just a matter of keeping on and seeing what happens.
Vx |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"Been on this site a few years and never really gelled with anyone in here. There's a few people I have a chat with here and there but generally I don't think there's anyone on here who I'd consider my type of person (non sexual) could be different in real life but on here it's a no go"
Maybe it's just that time of year given this pandemic hasn't exactly helped so maybe a break and venture another site it has been a extremely difficult period for many away from the site but if you don't click well it could also be your technique |
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I’m not excepting that Fab is slow because of the pandemic. Covid doesn’t stop people chatting in the forum and exchanging messages. I had lots of interactions on fab at the height of the restrictions early last summer. Those conversations laid a platform for meets when restrictions lifted.
I also met two ladies who have gone on to be great friends. Not online friends, but actual friends that you meet up with. |
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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago
Derbyshire village |
"Been on this site a few years and never really gelled with anyone in here. There's a few people I have a chat with here and there but generally I don't think there's anyone on here who I'd consider my type of person (non sexual) could be different in real life but on here it's a no go"
It can be tough, the chat seems to be a little more chilled than the forums, personally speaking, but these are still quite fun.
I'd start a thread about various hobbies that you have - might throw up some interesting responses? |
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Some great responses to the OP.
I’ve just got back on Fab, and it can be quite daunting, wondering if you can gel with like minded people. Keep posting and I’m sure you’ll see there a lot of cool people on here.
Thank you for sharing your post |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Agreed, some great responses to the OP.
I too have found it difficult to find people like minded & I'm not talking about just sex either. Some of us are different though in what we like, what we do & how we live but we still have those desires, kinks & needs.
For me I feel I just wouldn't fit in with many others, their views & activities. I've tried but just don't feel the right vibe or get the interest. I've reduced my profile, don't come on site that often & certainly wouldn't bother with any clubs or parties anymore, I've found it different to 30+ years ago & for me a waste of time. Just my opinion & just sharing the view.
I'm happy, not complaining really & it's nice to see so many others that do enjoy themselves here.
Maybe we need to set up a section for those that 'don't quite fit anymore'?
See some are different but we're not alone! |
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I think you just have to be honest on the forums. We don’t change our ethics, morals (nor Politics) for anyone. Some people will give us a miss, that is entirely their choice.
Just be you, some will like that, some won’t. It is the same in Clubs, we might be physically drawn to a guy, lady or couple - but if we don’t click, we just move on politely with a smile.
Even for Couples, Swinging doesn’t always work. We have vanilla friends for a lot of this, but we are drawn to people who are ‘like us’. They may not be, but it allows some honest chat.
Goodluck, keep trying & don’t try to please everyone! |
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