FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Not sure what we are doing wrong...
Not sure what we are doing wrong...
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"Unfortunately it happens " So far pretty much every time. 
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"I have no idea either. They are genuinely hot pictures and a nice profile. You both come across as thoroughly decent people looking for a good time. Keep on trying, it's not you, it's them!" Thank you. Yes, this is the confusion. I know everyone is going to say clubs when they re open, just we must have the worst luck. | |||
"Unfortunately it happens So far pretty much every time.
"are you contacting a lot of different people? At what point does the conversation come to an end? | |||
"As soon as we suggest cam or meet. Silence..." Wish I lived closer.... Great pictures! | |||
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"Unfortunately it happens So far pretty much every time.
are you contacting a lot of different people? At what point does the conversation come to an end? "I wouldn't say we are overly contacting lots of people. I would say since we have joined se have contacted no more than 15 people since we have started. People have also contacted us. It tends to go, face pic swap, chat, maybe move to kik or WhatsApp, chat on there maybe some pics swapped, sort out dates, all happy. Suggest a cam chat sometimes. Then they either don't contact at time of cam time or on day come up with excuse as to why they can't meet, then silence. 4 no shows so far. 2 cancelled. | |||
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"Unfortunately it happens So far pretty much every time.
are you contacting a lot of different people? At what point does the conversation come to an end?
I wouldn't say we are overly contacting lots of people. I would say since we have joined se have contacted no more than 15 people since we have started.
People have also contacted us.
It tends to go, face pic swap, chat, maybe move to kik or WhatsApp, chat on there maybe some pics swapped, sort out dates, all happy. Suggest a cam chat sometimes. Then they either don't contact at time of cam time or on day come up with excuse as to why they can't meet, then silence.
4 no shows so far. 2 cancelled.
"that's disappointing. All I can suggest is that you go straight to cam. I would say though that if you're investing a lot of time in this and its causing you stress its not worth it. Its just a hobby, a little time away from real ife | |||
Not stress more frustration I would say.
The one that has made me laugh is someone winked, we winked back, message arrives. Then they ask for is to send face pics first. Professional couple, none in return, but will only send pics when together. Still waiting... they have verifications from quite a few meets.
Scratching my head to be honest. I suppose it's getting used to how this world works. | |||
" that's disappointing. All I can suggest is that you go straight to cam. I would say though that if you're investing a lot of time in this and its causing you stress its not worth it. Its just a hobby, a little time away from real ife
Not stress more frustration I would say.
The one that has made me laugh is someone winked, we winked back, message arrives. Then they ask for is to send face pics first. Professional couple, none in return, but will only send pics when together. Still waiting... they have verifications from quite a few meets.
Scratching my head to be honest. I suppose it's getting used to how this world works. "We found making hook ups from this and other sites pointless. Lots of wasted time etc. We found meeting people easier via clubs and socials. We made in person connections and then found it easier to make hook ups. | |||
" that's disappointing. All I can suggest is that you go straight to cam. I would say though that if you're investing a lot of time in this and its causing you stress its not worth it. Its just a hobby, a little time away from real ife
Not stress more frustration I would say.
The one that has made me laugh is someone winked, we winked back, message arrives. Then they ask for is to send face pics first. Professional couple, none in return, but will only send pics when together. Still waiting... they have verifications from quite a few meets.
Scratching my head to be honest. I suppose it's getting used to how this world works. "From a single guys view....the video chat can be scary....maybe you could have a social coffee first? | |||
" that's disappointing. All I can suggest is that you go straight to cam. I would say though that if you're investing a lot of time in this and its causing you stress its not worth it. Its just a hobby, a little time away from real ife
Not stress more frustration I would say.
The one that has made me laugh is someone winked, we winked back, message arrives. Then they ask for is to send face pics first. Professional couple, none in return, but will only send pics when together. Still waiting... they have verifications from quite a few meets.
Scratching my head to be honest. I suppose it's getting used to how this world works. "I think its best not to discuss individual cases but I'd say that's a fairly clear indication that they are no longer interested. what were your expectations of the site? | |||
" I think its best not to discuss individual cases but I'd say that's a fairly clear indication that they are no longer interested. what were your expectations of the site? " I did think if I should have put it. To meet people, who want to have fun with us. Mutual needs meet, within the boundaries laid out. We aren't pushy, we are laid back. From I can work out chat has gone well, even wife thinks that too | |||
"Ok, so we have taken on board everyone's advice to date.... But we are genuinely getting nowhere. We are chatting with females and couples. Swapping face pictures, chatting is going well, then either getting ghosted or no show. At a loss.... " Hi both - it's hard to understand why - you both read well, you have good set of likes/dislikes and it is pretty clear from your pictures that you are really cool looking pair Try use "meetings requests" or "status updates" to attract people - but don't give up J xx  | |||
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"You're not doing anything wrong. All.of that happens and it's worse than ever with fab lately. I suspect there is lot of accounts being run by single guys pretending to be something they are not. Weve cautious more.than a few out in this last week.and what's worse is, they where all verified. " Yeah all verified by meets and cam. The latest one. I am observant, spotted fact that the photos sent were two different makes of phone, from one day to next. May have been a work phone and personal. But highly doubt you would log on to kik on a work phone.... This is why I am sceptical now every time someone messages. | |||
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"Unfortunately it happens So far pretty much every time.
are you contacting a lot of different people? At what point does the conversation come to an end?
I wouldn't say we are overly contacting lots of people. I would say since we have joined se have contacted no more than 15 people since we have started.
People have also contacted us.
It tends to go, face pic swap, chat, maybe move to kik or WhatsApp, chat on there maybe some pics swapped, sort out dates, all happy. Suggest a cam chat sometimes. Then they either don't contact at time of cam time or on day come up with excuse as to why they can't meet, then silence.
4 no shows so far. 2 cancelled.
"That’s what happens to me I’m glad I’m not alone in this, (by the way this is what I was trying to say to everyone) | |||
"As soon as we suggest cam or meet. Silence..." When I was on here as a couple, we weren’t interested in cam meets. They did nothing for us at all. Not everyone is interested in them, even if you are. After establishing there was a basic chemistry, we always moved the conversation directly to WhatsApp/face time, for a conversation, with a mixture of texts, voice notes from all concerned and you pictures. That being said, you should also ensure that anyone you’re talking to has verifications from “legitimate “ accounts, otherwise you’d have to assume they’re also fake profiles (usually single guys wanting to get off). It sounds super negative, but it’s the only way to be. If you’re doing all of that, thrn you’re doing your best and just be having a run of bad luck. Or they could be intimidated/put off if you’re moving things too quickly before building credibility as a couple? (Both engaging in dialogue). Sorry to hear you’re not having much luck. You should try one of the reliable single guys in here  
Will x | |||
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"As soon as we suggest cam or meet. Silence... When I was on here as a couple, we weren’t interested in cam meets. They did nothing for us at all. Not everyone is interested in them, even if you are. After establishing there was a basic chemistry, we always moved the conversation directly to WhatsApp/face time, for a conversation, with a mixture of texts, voice notes from all concerned and you pictures. That being said, you should also ensure that anyone you’re talking to has verifications from “legitimate “ accounts, otherwise you’d have to assume they’re also fake profiles (usually single guys wanting to get off). It sounds super negative, but it’s the only way to be. If you’re doing all of that, thrn you’re doing your best and just be having a run of bad luck. Or they could be intimidated/put off if you’re moving things too quickly before building credibility as a couple? (Both engaging in dialogue). Sorry to hear you’re not having much luck. You should try one of the reliable single guys in here
Will x "Ok, cam was probably the wrong word. Zoom/face time. As for the single guy side.... not her thing... | |||
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"Need to meet single disruptive men....just saying ... "There profile says not looking for single male profile | |||
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"Ok, so we have taken on board everyone's advice to date.... But we are genuinely getting nowhere." Come to Peterborough.....  | |||
" 4 no shows so far. 2 cancelled. " You have only been here eight weeks and need to find a babysitter so I think to have arranged so many meets in such a short time is impressive ! | |||
" 4 no shows so far. 2 cancelled. You have only been here eight weeks and need to find a babysitter so I think to have arranged so many meets in such a short time is impressive ! " To be fair the 3 no shows and 1 cam are from the same two women. So not massive amount of success. | |||
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" To be fair the 3 no shows and 1 cam are from the same two women. So not massive amount of success. " Are you confident they really were single women ? | |||
" To be fair the 3 no shows and 1 cam are from the same two women. So not massive amount of success. Are you confident they really were single women ? " One, yes for sure. The other one, looking at photos closer there are inconsistencies, but little things that unless you analyse every single photo you wouldn't necessarily notice. | |||
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"We don't do the chatting stuff. Maybe a quick couple of minutes to show the lady exists. Then, a social meet or a club meet. We find if you want extended chat, you get talkers not meeters. Try a club or a social meet, timewasters give them a swerve. Good luck. "This! | |||
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"As soon as we suggest cam or meet. Silence..." That would ring alarm bells for me...They're either Fake/Cat-Fish or their pics are heavily photo-shopped or dated...So much so that they're unrecognisable...Just my opinion | |||
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"I wonder whether you maybe need to relax a little bit. Your profile and this post, given you’ve only been here for 8 weeks give a bit of a frantic impression. I wonder if that’s coming across in your interactions? You’re also looking for something quite niche. You want a couple/single female who is bi, who’s also interested in being Mrs’ first proper bi experience, who’s also willing to give directions to Mrs, on top of it being your first swinging experience. That’s a big ask. It’s been said above, but a club is really going to be your best bet. You can mingle and chat and dip your toe in the water. In the mean time maybe try organise a couple of socials. " The post comes across as that a bit yes, probably because frustrated. But one of the meets was a social that got cancelled. We couldn't be more chilled in the chat if we tried. We aren't pushy or demanding. Only thing we ask for is face pics and if couple not displaying male then some photos of him for Stella to see. | |||
"You arranged to meet a woman and then as you were about to pick her up she had to cancel due to childcare issues Have you been able to arrange to meet her again ? " Bingo. Sick children, both times on one. The other said her niece had fallen over and she had to go and help her sister on the morning of the meet, then 2nd time she just ghosted us. Spoke to her and says she isn't in a good place... t So why the fook would you arrange a meet... The latest not online to chat for zoom, oh stressful Weekend even though Friday night chat said she had no plans. | |||
"You arranged to meet a woman and then as you were about to pick her up she had to cancel due to childcare issues Have you been able to arrange to meet her again ? Bingo. Sick children, both times on one. The other said her niece had fallen over and she had to go and help her sister on the morning of the meet, then 2nd time she just ghosted us. Spoke to her and says she isn't in a good place... t So why the fook would you arrange a meet... The latest not online to chat for zoom, oh stressful Weekend even though Friday night chat said she had no plans. " I think it's not actually women you've been chatting to | |||
"You arranged to meet a woman and then as you were about to pick her up she had to cancel due to childcare issues Have you been able to arrange to meet her again ? Bingo. Sick children, both times on one. The other said her niece had fallen over and she had to go and help her sister on the morning of the meet, then 2nd time she just ghosted us. Spoke to her and says she isn't in a good place... t So why the fook would you arrange a meet... The latest not online to chat for zoom, oh stressful Weekend even though Friday night chat said she had no plans. I think it's not actually women you've been chatting to" Yup, but took a while to work out. Thing is not all of them have got sexual, plus they have mixture of verifications via Web and meet. I then look through the verifications and may go look a few people deep if only couple on a verification person. | |||
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just enjoy for what it is and maybe arrange a social first? At least that way you’ll know if it’s worth arranging childcare | |||
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"Ok, so we have taken on board everyone's advice to date.... But we are genuinely getting nowhere. We are chatting with females and couples. Swapping face pictures, chatting is going well, then either getting ghosted or no show. At a loss.... " Their loss guys Xxx | |||
"As soon as we suggest cam or meet. Silence... When I was on here as a couple, we weren’t interested in cam meets. They did nothing for us at all. Not everyone is interested in them, even if you are. After establishing there was a basic chemistry, we always moved the conversation directly to WhatsApp/face time, for a conversation, with a mixture of texts, voice notes from all concerned and you pictures. That being said, you should also ensure that anyone you’re talking to has verifications from “legitimate “ accounts, otherwise you’d have to assume they’re also fake profiles (usually single guys wanting to get off). It sounds super negative, but it’s the only way to be. If you’re doing all of that, thrn you’re doing your best and just be having a run of bad luck. Or they could be intimidated/put off if you’re moving things too quickly before building credibility as a couple? (Both engaging in dialogue). Sorry to hear you’re not having much luck. You should try one of the reliable single guys in here
Will x
Ok, cam was probably the wrong word. Zoom/face time.
As for the single guy side.... not her thing..."I wouldn’t do zoom/cam/video chat. I hate it. How far are you from Brighton, I went to bghs last weekend, that’s a good and very relaxed way to meet people. | |||
"Ok, so we have taken on board everyone's advice to date.... But we are genuinely getting nowhere. We are chatting with females and couples. Swapping face pictures, chatting is going well, then either getting ghosted or no show. At a loss.... " Head for your nearest social event or club. Everyone there will be looking for something similar. You get to chat, make connections and take it from there. Have a look on the forums for events or club socials. | |||
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"Fab meets are like buses, nothing for ages then they all come along at once " Totally agreed  | |||
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"Ok, so we have taken on board everyone's advice to date.... But we are genuinely getting nowhere. We are chatting with females and couples. Swapping face pictures, chatting is going well, then either getting ghosted or no show. At a loss.... " When my wife and I had a couples profile there were so many time wasters it was unreal. Most are lonely blokes who picture hunt. If like us, you're not party people the choices to meet are pretty slim. (We did have 2 or 3 meets but most were no shows). Since back here on my own, the "pool" of single men is way too large and most women and couples can choose to ignore my messages knowing there's plenty more to choose from. Just keep trying, your break will come. (Andover's quite a journey for me otherwise I'd be only too happy to say yes to a meet with you guys ) | |||
"Ok, so we have taken on board everyone's advice to date.... But we are genuinely getting nowhere. We are chatting with females and couples. Swapping face pictures, chatting is going well, then either getting ghosted or no show. At a loss.... " Don’t give too much away on your profile. You have tonnes of Info, maybe a little too much. Limit your pictures too. X | |||
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"Can't understand why you are having issues because you have a excellent set of photos and a bio to match all I can say is their loss deeply" Just about to say the same as this man ? Are you nuts ? not in a bad way just a tad brash ? Maybe they can’t handle your banter | |||
"Lovely pics and profile wish we lived closer xx" Road trip to Andover? | |||
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"Do you think you may be a little bit too enthusiastic OP? You’ve been on Fab for eight weeks. After two weeks you were seeking profile advice on the forums and there have been more threads/posts since along similar lines. Maybe you’re just expecting too much too soon. Im not being critical, it’s just an observation. Don’t get too hung up on meeting people. It will happen eventually. We have had couples approach us and their eagerness to meet too quickly has been off putting. We don’t take contact off Fab until a meet has been arranged then I (V) will have a brief phone conversation with the female half just so we both know it’s genuine. Too many people want to take communion straight to KiK or WhatsApp. Fab should be fun and not something to get hung up about. Chat on the forums and get to know others . Wishing you both luck "I guess the posts are to get an understanding of the lifestyle. You can read and listen to all the articles/advice/podcasts in the world, but its always good to ask where we potentially are going wrong. We are getting hang of it and are working out etiquette of this site. Unfortunately we don't have enough spare time for the chatrooms being key workers. As for too enthusiastic, possibly, possibly not. It hasn't been us messaging people at 2am to come round for a fuck, which astounded me. We have only suggested dates after about 2 weeks chatting. Hence asking the Fab family where we are potentially going wrong. | |||
"Do you think you may be a little bit too enthusiastic OP? You’ve been on Fab for eight weeks. After two weeks you were seeking profile advice on the forums and there have been more threads/posts since along similar lines. Maybe you’re just expecting too much too soon. Im not being critical, it’s just an observation. Don’t get too hung up on meeting people. It will happen eventually. We have had couples approach us and their eagerness to meet too quickly has been off putting. We don’t take contact off Fab until a meet has been arranged then I (V) will have a brief phone conversation with the female half just so we both know it’s genuine. Too many people want to take communion straight to KiK or WhatsApp. Fab should be fun and not something to get hung up about. Chat on the forums and get to know others . Wishing you both luck
I guess the posts are to get an understanding of the lifestyle. You can read and listen to all the articles/advice/podcasts in the world, but its always good to ask where we potentially are going wrong.
We are getting hang of it and are working out etiquette of this site.
Unfortunately we don't have enough spare time for the chatrooms being key workers.
As for too enthusiastic, possibly, possibly not. It hasn't been us messaging people at 2am to come round for a fuck, which astounded me. We have only suggested dates after about 2 weeks chatting.
Hence asking the Fab family where we are potentially going wrong. "I totally understand what you mean, honestly I think you are both doing great | |||
"Ok, so we have taken on board everyone's advice to date.... But we are genuinely getting nowhere. We are chatting with females and couples. Swapping face pictures, chatting is going well, then either getting ghosted or no show. At a loss.... Don’t give too much away on your profile. You have tonnes of Info, maybe a little too much. Limit your pictures too. X " noted will adjust. Just you see some with 100's of photos others with 1 or 2. Guess it's working out what is best. | |||
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"That is pretty amazing, frankly. It would be easier if people did say not meeting until after Covid etc but even so " Oh the best bit is yet to come... not meet us, but meet other people later that week, unreal! | |||
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" It's amazing how many single guys in this thread have said they will meet the OP couple when the OPs profiles states they aren't interested in single men. In fact the OP replied to one of them earlier in the thread to say they don't meet single men. Yet further down the thread there's more single guys saying they will meet them. Just really highlights one of the problems with Fab. KJ " Single men can’t read that’s why | |||
" It's amazing how many single guys in this thread have said they will meet the OP couple when the OPs profiles states they aren't interested in single men. In fact the OP replied to one of them earlier in the thread to say they don't meet single men. Yet further down the thread there's more single guys saying they will meet them. Just really highlights one of the problems with Fab. KJ Single men can’t read that’s why" Lots don't, unfortunately, after looking at their profile pics, it was the first thing I looked for  | |||
"That is pretty amazing, frankly. It would be easier if people did say not meeting until after Covid etc but even so Oh the best bit is yet to come... not meet us, but meet other people later that week, unreal! " I had a guy cancel a meet with me saying he felt unwell but met my best mate who was a new swinger at that time instead | |||
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"That is pretty amazing, frankly. It would be easier if people did say not meeting until after Covid etc but even so Oh the best bit is yet to come... not meet us, but meet other people later that week, unreal! I had a guy cancel a meet with me saying he felt unwell but met my best mate who was a new swinger at that time instead " Ah, yes - the excuses! The very first time my play partner and I tried to arrange to meet a third man, a local guy who was oh-so-interested and lived around the corner would not meet us for coffee "because it was raining too much" | |||
"I feel for you. I’m in a similar predicament. I can’t get verified because I’m not verified so everyone assumes I’m a fake profile. I think. Most times I send messages to people I get no reply. I’m literate and polite. It’s tedious. The massively disproportionate ratio of males to females doesn’t help either. Anyway I’ll persevere. " goingfishing40, some unsolicited advice - your profile is very sparse in information and your photos, while not too bad could do with a bit more character - definitely amend "male looking for females", off-putting for many. If your profile gave a better idea about your person it could help. It seems like you could be interesting but there is not enough to go on. "Cannot accomodate" might be questionable for some people as it can imply a married/partnered man who is lying to his partner. | |||
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"You're not doing anything wrong. All.of that happens and it's worse than ever with fab lately. I suspect there is lot of accounts being run by single guys pretending to be something they are not. Weve cautious more.than a few out in this last week.and what's worse is, they where all verified. " It's a hobby for some...and its not just single guys with fake profiles.... Organised socials and clubs, if you can are a much more productive and fun way to meet folk...in my experience | |||
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"OP, my two cents - it doesn't seem like you are doing anything wrong at all and it is admirable that you are seeking to understand what you could improve and being active about it. What you could potentially do is experiment with different ways your profile looks (it is great as it is, you look attractive and consensual, just change "female" to "woman", "female" as a noun is off-putting for many women) - but for example you could save the current profile info on a sticky note or something like that and photos in a dedicated folder and experiment with a shorter, more mysterious profile for a couple of weeks and see how that works, for example. I changed my profile a few times and worked out what seems to bring the best results but of course it does take time, my suggestion is just in case you wanted to experiment. I can tell you what my strategy is - both as single profile and as a couples profile. I had a chance to organise an adventure before with a trusted play partner - we have created a couples profile specifically with clear but not overly long description of what we were looking for and a few photos with a good idea of how we look (with faces from angles that are not obviously identifiable for privacy but still giving a good idea). This was when seeking a third man. Then we ploughed through the flooded inbox because with a new profile we could not filter unverified profiles. I think it was about 150 messages nut most were spam ("what r u up to" sort of thing, so I treat that as spam) I responded to the ones that seemed promising, made a shortlist and arranged a time for a brief Skype or Discord video call for verification, had 10 shortlisted, 3 actually managed, arranged coffee dates with 2. 1 worked out brilliantly and we had our adventure. I saw him again afterwards and would have liked another opportunity but he cancelled last minute the third time and I have not had enough confidence in reliability to try again. Unfortunate because he was lovely but he must have other things going on, it's life. The second one I saw for a coffee was OK but there was no spark. He didn't contact me and I left it at that. Now for the single profile - my strategy (and general philosophy) is that I am not interested in online fantasy relationships and I don't believe that anyone is real until I see them in person. If the person or the couple is not arranging a coffee date within a few messages then I leave them to it. I understand issues of timings, work, family etc and this is why I am happy to do a brief video verification call before arranging a coffee. I also don't send any photos unless we have agreed to a coffee and they are not sure if they could recognise me - my photos give a good idea of how I look so generally I see no need for any more unless for genuine identification. This is also because photos often do not reflect reality that well, for a few people perhaps but in general if the person or couple look like they are attractive and safe I will meet them for coffee and then we shall see. Same goes for discussions etc. We will see each other and we will talk then. This strategy works for me because this way I avoid getting invested in something virtual. There has been a couple recently when I had to politely cut off the questions and discussions - good thing I did that because when they met me for coffee we had a really nice conversation however they decided that sexually I wasn't for them. If we meet again in a social setting then great, we can continue friendly conversations. When deciding whether a person or couple will show up I judge based on a number of things and all small things combined give me the idea. Did they address me by my chosen name, did they mention anything from my profile, did they display manners, did they show that they understand appropriate behaviour, are their profiles positive and informative, etc. With men I would usually take a chance and challenge something if I find itquestionable on their profile or message and see how they react - if they get angry then I disappear faster than you can say "cheerio". I stay away from angry men. With women I don't know because I have not approached women yet or received messages interested to meet me so I have no experience there. In general I find that my strategy works well however right now I am feelign very doubtful because I had just been stood up by someone who showed all signs to be an OK human being and also verified by someone I actually know. Other than that, I had been stood twice in three years up to that point (not that I have used the website constantly). This crushed my willingness because it is an awful thing to do to another person and I am not willing to be subjected to such treatment. Of course, I only set up coffee dates at the least disruptive time for me and always have a plan B. This time I didn't think about it in advance because I was confident that he seemed OK so perhaps this is why it shocked me so much. Maybe the hardest thing really is the progression to play. On my own, without a trusted play partner, I am much more vulnerable not only to harm so that is a major obstacle. It would be easier once events can go ahead fully and venues open then it should be easier. In general, it is not easy to find a match, even when it is "just" for play. Everyone finds ways that work best for them, don't know if sharing mine will be helpful to you but I wish you luck and well done for being OK people and putting the effort. " Thank you, what a great insight. Yes we will try some of this. To be fair we haven't really had time to take any better pictures than what we have. So will take time on that and have a play with text also. Thank you so much for taking time to write such a long post x | |||
"That is pretty amazing, frankly. It would be easier if people did say not meeting until after Covid etc but even so Oh the best bit is yet to come... not meet us, but meet other people later that week, unreal! " That is odd. Best of luck! X | |||
"OP, my two cents - it doesn't seem like you are doing anything wrong at all and it is admirable that you are seeking to understand what you could improve and being active about it. What you could potentially do is experiment with different ways your profile looks (it is great as it is, you look attractive and consensual, just change "female" to "woman", "female" as a noun is off-putting for many women) - but for example you could save the current profile info on a sticky note or something like that and photos in a dedicated folder and experiment with a shorter, more mysterious profile for a couple of weeks and see how that works, for example. I changed my profile a few times and worked out what seems to bring the best results but of course it does take time, my suggestion is just in case you wanted to experiment. I can tell you what my strategy is - both as single profile and as a couples profile. I had a chance to organise an adventure before with a trusted play partner - we have created a couples profile specifically with clear but not overly long description of what we were looking for and a few photos with a good idea of how we look (with faces from angles that are not obviously identifiable for privacy but still giving a good idea). This was when seeking a third man. Then we ploughed through the flooded inbox because with a new profile we could not filter unverified profiles. I think it was about 150 messages nut most were spam ("what r u up to" sort of thing, so I treat that as spam) I responded to the ones that seemed promising, made a shortlist and arranged a time for a brief Skype or Discord video call for verification, had 10 shortlisted, 3 actually managed, arranged coffee dates with 2. 1 worked out brilliantly and we had our adventure. I saw him again afterwards and would have liked another opportunity but he cancelled last minute the third time and I have not had enough confidence in reliability to try again. Unfortunate because he was lovely but he must have other things going on, it's life. The second one I saw for a coffee was OK but there was no spark. He didn't contact me and I left it at that. Now for the single profile - my strategy (and general philosophy) is that I am not interested in online fantasy relationships and I don't believe that anyone is real until I see them in person. If the person or the couple is not arranging a coffee date within a few messages then I leave them to it. I understand issues of timings, work, family etc and this is why I am happy to do a brief video verification call before arranging a coffee. I also don't send any photos unless we have agreed to a coffee and they are not sure if they could recognise me - my photos give a good idea of how I look so generally I see no need for any more unless for genuine identification. This is also because photos often do not reflect reality that well, for a few people perhaps but in general if the person or couple look like they are attractive and safe I will meet them for coffee and then we shall see. Same goes for discussions etc. We will see each other and we will talk then. This strategy works for me because this way I avoid getting invested in something virtual. There has been a couple recently when I had to politely cut off the questions and discussions - good thing I did that because when they met me for coffee we had a really nice conversation however they decided that sexually I wasn't for them. If we meet again in a social setting then great, we can continue friendly conversations. When deciding whether a person or couple will show up I judge based on a number of things and all small things combined give me the idea. Did they address me by my chosen name, did they mention anything from my profile, did they display manners, did they show that they understand appropriate behaviour, are their profiles positive and informative, etc. With men I would usually take a chance and challenge something if I find itquestionable on their profile or message and see how they react - if they get angry then I disappear faster than you can say "cheerio". I stay away from angry men. With women I don't know because I have not approached women yet or received messages interested to meet me so I have no experience there. In general I find that my strategy works well however right now I am feelign very doubtful because I had just been stood up by someone who showed all signs to be an OK human being and also verified by someone I actually know. Other than that, I had been stood twice in three years up to that point (not that I have used the website constantly). This crushed my willingness because it is an awful thing to do to another person and I am not willing to be subjected to such treatment. Of course, I only set up coffee dates at the least disruptive time for me and always have a plan B. This time I didn't think about it in advance because I was confident that he seemed OK so perhaps this is why it shocked me so much. Maybe the hardest thing really is the progression to play. On my own, without a trusted play partner, I am much more vulnerable not only to harm so that is a major obstacle. It would be easier once events can go ahead fully and venues open then it should be easier. In general, it is not easy to find a match, even when it is "just" for play. Everyone finds ways that work best for them, don't know if sharing mine will be helpful to you but I wish you luck and well done for being OK people and putting the effort. Thank you, what a great insight. Yes we will try some of this. To be fair we haven't really had time to take any better pictures than what we have. So will take time on that and have a play with text also. Thank you so much for taking time to write such a long post x " You are very welcome, I hope it helps! | |||
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"You're not doing anything wrong. All.of that happens and it's worse than ever with fab lately. I suspect there is lot of accounts being run by single guys pretending to be something they are not. Weve cautious more.than a few out in this last week.and what's worse is, they where all verified. " All I see is new accounts not verified accounts, accounts with 1 or no pics on. Fab is definitely worse than ever. Definitely try clubs like loads of people have suggested already. Hopefully they open back up in 4 weeks time. | |||
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"Ok, so we have taken on board everyone's advice to date.... But we are genuinely getting nowhere. We are chatting with females and couples. Swapping face pictures, chatting is going well, then either getting ghosted or no show. At a loss.... " same boat here, a friend said this would be our best option and more likely to meet people but nothing | |||
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"Ok, so we have taken on board everyone's advice to date.... But we are genuinely getting nowhere. We are chatting with females and couples. Swapping face pictures, chatting is going well, then either getting ghosted or no show. At a loss.... " It hapens to us all. I was chatting with a woman (she contacted me first). Then she just stopped chatting. A fair amoount of couples you will be chatting to will be single males. | |||
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"weve all but given up on fab, to many people who talk the talk but cand walk the walk, cant wait for the clubs to open, then we can meet proper swingers, not dreamers" Yes same for us. Far too hard work sifting the wheat from the chaff. I guess if you enjoy doing the messages it’s worth it but there comes a point where it’s not worth your time. We put our lack of luck down to only meeting daytimes and not accommodating but reading these posts make me wonder. As for clubs, these have been hit and miss for us. Worth another go but not necessarily the magic answer I feel. | |||
"weve all but given up on fab, to many people who talk the talk but cand walk the walk, cant wait for the clubs to open, then we can meet proper swingers, not dreamers Yes same for us. Far too hard work sifting the wheat from the chaff. I guess if you enjoy doing the messages it’s worth it but there comes a point where it’s not worth your time. We put our lack of luck down to only meeting daytimes and not accommodating but reading these posts make me wonder. As for clubs, these have been hit and miss for us. Worth another go but not necessarily the magic answer I feel." Same here. Loads of contact with accounts that have been made during lockdown, all photo and webcam verified (or verified by an unknown source) but every single one goes radio silent after a few messages....and this is from people messaging us. Once the social events restart and clubs reopen, then it wont be so hard but right now, fab is awful | |||
"As soon as we suggest cam or meet. Silence... Wish I lived closer.... Great pictures!" What does it matter where they live when they are saying in at least two ways that they are not looking for single men? !!! | |||
"OP you're doing nothing wrong, you have a lovely profile with stunning pictures, the amount of timewasters and picture collectors on here sometimes is just to high, be patient and you'll find the right people! if we lived closer we'd be all over you guys xx" Thank you x we would happily travel for you guys
Your profile is great too x | |||
"Ok, so we have taken on board everyone's advice to date.... But we are genuinely getting nowhere. We are chatting with females and couples. Swapping face pictures, chatting is going well, then either getting ghosted or no show. At a loss.... " Similar to us. Although we have met 1 woman through here...one of the first we ever chatted to. We have met and are now great friends. No kinky stuff (as an alone meet without kids has been impossible because of covid). Looking for that to change now things are getting back to normal. But no other luck. We would love to go to some clubs, hoping to when they open. But was hoping to make some connections here first. Keep going. Your profile is great...so I'm sure it won't be long before you find what your looking for. Your not alone though...hang in there. X | |||
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"I think our biggest frustration is we have arranged childcare for the nights we have arranged, we can only ask every so often. Not available every weekend as shielding parents, so don't want my kids staying too often even if swabbed every few days." You've joined in the year if a pandemic, just like you people have had to juggle normal life and deal with unexpected things because of whats happening. You are looking as one poster said for something quite specific... So each ask make the potential group smaller There are fake people on fab who just enjoy the chat and thrill if pretending to be a woman Ive been on and off fab too long bith as couple and single... I won't cam or zoom my choice. I do like to chat did so even as a couple, my choice. Neither makes me fake, just shy. Unfortunately you really need to be on a mindset that 99.9% of the effort will go without reward however when you do find what you want it's great. You probably should look at going to some social events and clubs you'll likely have more options | |||
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"One thing that might help people find you: Change your location from Funky Town to somewhere more meaningful, even if it's somewhere near for discretion. The south west is a big place and people won't know if you are anywhere near them. " Interesting... most other people have said to hide your town and put somewhere else. Can't win then lol. | |||
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"One thing that might help people find you: Change your location from Funky Town to somewhere more meaningful, even if it's somewhere near for discretion. The south west is a big place and people won't know if you are anywhere near them. " Definitely agree! | |||
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" that's disappointing. All I can suggest is that you go straight to cam. I would say though that if you're investing a lot of time in this and its causing you stress its not worth it. Its just a hobby, a little time away from real ife
Not stress more frustration I would say.
The one that has made me laugh is someone winked, we winked back, message arrives. Then they ask for is to send face pics first. Professional couple, none in return, but will only send pics when together. Still waiting... they have verifications from quite a few meets.
Scratching my head to be honest. I suppose it's getting used to how this world works.
We found making hook ups from this and other sites pointless. Lots of wasted time etc.
We found meeting people easier via clubs and socials. We made in person connections and then found it easier to make hook ups."I agree, meeting people in socials or clubs is much easier, then we use the site to keep in touch or to find out what events and nights there are to attend. | |||
"Personally, I don't like cams. I feel like its something I need to plan and get ready for. Plenty of people find it more awkward than meets, just use the live camera in pic to send a picture, its one way to verify you are real people there right now. If arranging a meet, make sure its well established that its just a vanilla meet. Newbies are often intimidated, but will feel more comfortable once they get chatting. The idea of having a meet where the other people are going to put you on the spot inviting you back to yours can be terrifying for some." | |||
