FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > splitting up
splitting up
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to swing with my ex, we did this for 8 years as a couple, we didnt split up over swinging tho
He is now settled down with a woman hes been with for three years and has nothing to do with swinging anymore, they have never done anything like this together, i do offen wonder looking back if he was really into this, but if he wasnt he never let me know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Seeing her verifications and ones she's given make me realise how fake some of them are when I know her true thoughts on some sexual acts."
Have you thought that maybe her verifications arn't fake and that she does like giving head but just didnt want to with you?
You say she was the one with the low sex drive but she suggested swinging, please dont take this the wrong way but to me that sounds like she was looking for a way to have sex with other because she wasnt getting it from you, all be it her choice
Reason i say that is because we was the same with kissing, i hated kissing my ex so wouldnt kiss him even tho i love kissing i just couldnt kiss him, so in swinging if he saw me kiss he'd get upset and ask wnhy i would kiss others and not him and id make up excuses saying i felt bad telling them to stop, because i couldnt say...look i just dont want to kiss you, and from your post it sounds like shes doing the same with blow jobs as i see no reason now shes single she would meet people if she didnt want to or do things she didnt want to just to get a good verification so she can meet others and do what she dont like with them too? that makes no sence at all to me
Sometimes we just grow apart x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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people change and sadly can grow apart.
us humans go mad and and on occasions just do not know what we really want.
the grass looks greener elsewhere but in truth sadly isn't.
i have seen couples split up and arguements in chatrooms with people taking sides etc.
it all becomes very horrible and nasty like dogs chasing fresh meat.
best thing is to always stay out of it and let things just develop.
because if two people get back together what youve said will at some point be repeated then you will look like shit and lost friends as a result.
so stand back. say nothing. do nothing.
just wait. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think this is a great question OP.
After years of discussing the idea of swinging we finally joined the "scene" last year.
And although we have had lots of fun, it hasn't been without it's downfalls.
In the beginning (and finding our feet) there had been fights, insecurity, tears and rage, however communication is the key to all I think.
We are still here, still having fun and very much together, groundrules are a must though, however if swinging seriously became a risk to losing our marraige and family then we would both give it up tomorrow. Our marraige and love for each other means a lot more but I (Mrs) can totally understand how it could break up a couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Totally agree that communication is the key, its not always been plain sailing for us, but always make sure we spend time talking over any issues that arise. Think couples get to the point of splitting up when the swinging becomes more important than the relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Totally agree that communication is the key, its not always been plain sailing for us, but always make sure we spend time talking over any issues that arise. Think couples get to the point of splitting up when the swinging becomes more important than the relationship."
I would agree whole heartedly.
1) Be honest about what you want dont want right from the start.
2)If something happens you don't like or feel uncomfortable STOP IT straight away.
3) Dont break the rules you have decided on.... thinking it's just this time it wont hurt.
4) Dont agree to do something your not happy doing thinking you will do it just to please your partner.
I'm sure the break up in reality is high as with most people it starts in the bedroom as a fantasy.
Then when you see your partner being pleasured by someone else your feelings go all over the place
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's the dreaded J word that gets in the way most of the time with others. Have seen a few girls get very tight over it, and the odd bloke too.
All I can say is that Love is supposed to be a freedom, not a binding. If you Love someone truly then you'll allow them to enjoy their feelings as they wish, not their feelings according to your rules. Your world revolves around your partner, not you alone.
In this game if one or both of you aren't happy with what you're doing then the solution is simple... don't do it. Some people are not cut out for this, not secure enough to trust and not able to take that leap of faith with the person they love. It's the biggest gamble in a relationship you can ever take, but then you have to have faith to make the bet and watch the race.
Good luck whatever you do
Wolf
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's the dreaded J word that gets in the way most of the time with others. Have seen a few girls get very tight over it, and the odd bloke too.
All I can say is that Love is supposed to be a freedom, not a binding. If you Love someone truly then you'll allow them to enjoy their feelings as they wish, not their feelings according to your rules. Your world revolves around your partner, not you alone.
In this game if one or both of you aren't happy with what you're doing then the solution is simple... don't do it. Some people are not cut out for this, not secure enough to trust and not able to take that leap of faith with the person they love. It's the biggest gamble in a relationship you can ever take, but then you have to have faith to make the bet and watch the race.
Good luck whatever you do
Wolf
"
Totally agree,not for everyone and it's a huge gamble but taking the gamble and winning the bet is soooo much fun  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's the dreaded J word that gets in the way most of the time with others. Have seen a few girls get very tight over it, and the odd bloke too.
All I can say is that Love is supposed to be a freedom, not a binding. If you Love someone truly then you'll allow them to enjoy their feelings as they wish, not their feelings according to your rules. Your world revolves around your partner, not you alone.
In this game if one or both of you aren't happy with what you're doing then the solution is simple... don't do it. Some people are not cut out for this, not secure enough to trust and not able to take that leap of faith with the person they love. It's the biggest gamble in a relationship you can ever take, but then you have to have faith to make the bet and watch the race.
Good luck whatever you do
Wolf
Totally agree,not for everyone and it's a huge gamble but taking the gamble and winning the bet is soooo much fun "
oh yes, isn't it just! 
I think everyone at some stage gets a little 'wobble' over it. Usually if somethings going on externally that impacts into the relationship then it's possible to have a little stress while swinging... like someone worrying over not getting their perceived 'share', inability to enjoy things when worried or stressed which again impacts negatively.... things that sometimes don't seem to affect a meet on the surface, but somehow creep in at an inoppurtune moment and cause a moment or two's grief. Again it's just a case of communication sometimes, hard to do at a meet because the other person might get the wrong impression and think its their fault, when really it's something far removed from what's actually going on.
us humans are complicated.
Wolf
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've always tried my best to keep couples together..then one half falls for me
she's like "He just doesnt understand how to show me devotion love and affection", and I say "fucksakes I'm a slut..u cant have me!".
He says,"fancy coming out for a drink...she's doing ma nut in, just need someone to talk to...maybe even a cheeky bj?", and I say, "ffs mate, ur cool but only like u cos ur wife's fannys brill!". |
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seen loads from over the years ,have noticed a few new cpls join have played on cam only seeking cpls or fems then have tryed single fellas then seem to split up all in a short time so maybe its been case of tons of things done in to short of time without the thought then reality hit ? we know a cpl for over 11 years now ,then found out the fella of the cpl met her (she was part of dogging cpl) she left hubby to be with him , funny thing this scene ,takes alsorts thats why nowt really shocks us now. |
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By *plpxp2Couple
over a year ago
Middlesbrough |
Some folks do this for the wrong reason, it won't mend a failing relationship. As others have said communication and trust are the key.
Seen a few doing it for the wrong reasons and nerly got cited in a messy divorce! In that case the male half couldn't see any difference between swinging with his wife and picking up women alone and shagging them, without her knowledge on a Sat night. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know of two very long married couples who used to meet regularly and you guessed it..they have split and one male half hhas gone off with the other female half.
Also the couple who gave us our first experience have also just split.
Makes us wonder if we should just quit whilst we are ahead. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah I gave her plenty of times to just be honest and tell me so I could crack on with arranging the split. No point in living with someone for the rest of my life that doesn't want me right? But still she'd deny it.
That's pretty much what I said to her. I said, "You say you don't like it so why does your verification say otherwise to numerous guys" and I just get the bs about it being to impress them. Either way it's not the basis for saving the relationship.
I then went the self-pity route of thinking it was me to start with as people usually do. But since getting out there and meeting people myself, sex has been relatively 'normal' and everything i'd imagined a normal sex life to be so my confidence has come back up. It's just been hard because we've been living together while meeting people for financial reasons but that should all be resolved in the coming months so I can move on properly.
Good luck to whoever wants to be her personal chauffeur/cleaner/bankroll in the future. I think what she really needs is a nice guy who'd be happy to be a cuckold for her lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've always tried my best to keep couples together..then one half falls for me
she's like "He just doesnt understand how to show me devotion love and affection", and I say "fucksakes I'm a slut..u cant have me!".
He says,"fancy coming out for a drink...she's doing ma nut in, just need someone to talk to...maybe even a cheeky bj?", and I say, "ffs mate, ur cool but only like u cos ur wife's fannys brill!"."
Pmsl, it must be hard being sooo irresistable to both sexes  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've always tried my best to keep couples together..then one half falls for me
she's like "He just doesnt understand how to show me devotion love and affection", and I say "fucksakes I'm a slut..u cant have me!".
He says,"fancy coming out for a drink...she's doing ma nut in, just need someone to talk to...maybe even a cheeky bj?", and I say, "ffs mate, ur cool but only like u cos ur wife's fannys brill!".
Pmsl, it must be hard being sooo irresistable to both sexes "
hard when its her...flops when its him hehe |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi all, dont usually post in forums but i do read through them as some make me chucckle,thought i add as this thread caught my eye.
Used to have a couples profile on here couple of yrs ago, was really just for me but he wanted to watch/join in etc, he was well up for me exploring my bisexual side, but every time i arranged to meet the woman to have chat first etc he'd go mental and accuse me of wanting an affair!
Do men really get jealous of their girlfriends/wives wanting to meet another woman?, always thought it was every mans fantasy. |
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"Some folks do this for the wrong reason, it won't mend a failing relationship. "
Definitely true... that's how me and the ex got into this game. Needless to say it didn't fix what was irreparable. |
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"Hi all, dont usually post in forums but i do read through them as some make me chucckle,thought i add as this thread caught my eye.
Used to have a couples profile on here couple of yrs ago, was really just for me but he wanted to watch/join in etc, he was well up for me exploring my bisexual side, but every time i arranged to meet the woman to have chat first etc he'd go mental and accuse me of wanting an affair!
Do men really get jealous of their girlfriends/wives wanting to meet another woman?, always thought it was every mans fantasy."
Wow... wasn't expecting that... I'd have been the complete opposite |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hiya
I split from my wife for exactly that reason, we had diffarent preferences, I know 3 other mates who did the same . It may be slated but should come with a Health warning. I now go to clubs alone and don't mention it when n relationships sadly.
X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's the dreaded J word that gets in the way most of the time with others. Have seen a few girls get very tight over it, and the odd bloke too.
All I can say is that Love is supposed to be a freedom, not a binding. If you Love someone truly then you'll allow them to enjoy their feelings as they wiish, not their feelings according to your rules. Your world revolves around your partner, not you alone.
In this game if one or both of you aren't happy with what you're doing then the solution is simple... don't do it. Some people are not cut out for this, not secure enough to trust and not able to take that leap of faith with the person they love. It's the biggest gamble in a relationship you can ever take, but then you have to have faith to make the bet and watch the race.
Good luck whatever you do
Wolf
"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mmm very true but weirder still when its the jealous one that instigates joining fab in the first place.
Shakes head in confusion!"
Possibly thought letting them go would give them oppotunity to come back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I've played with couples who are trying it for the first time, and they aren't on FAB or other sites, I tend to enquire whether its to fix something with their relationship. In the past the answers have been varied.
If it is, I tell them not to form it as jealousy is a horrible thing, perhaps not during the 3some but usually after, from both sides too.
Rich |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was just wondering:i wonder how many long term couples have had a dabble at swinging, then ended up splitting up but one partner wants to take it further and the other doesn't??"
I know four couples personally and one wanted to carry on mainly the female and the fella didnt and it broke their marriages up and they still aint together none of them. I suppose it suits some and not others and depending on how much you actually are in love with your partner if he or she begs you to give it up. |
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thats why now if we ever meet newbies we say own pace whatever yyour comfy with,we didnt do full for nearly 10 yrs ,i booked room in newcastle went thru just me n her few drinks told her got a guy wana meet . met in bar after few drinks went to room done the meet, she still wernt sure ,as she was mostley thinking how i felt ,once she new i was ok she was, its a trust thing and got to be 100% as once done you cant turn the clcok back. |
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