"finally we have updated our profile. any feedback would be gratefully received. too much info ? not enough ? wrong info ? you get the idea.
look forward to going back to square 1 !
x"
Profile fine .....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Okay, you asked for a critique so here goes and apologies in advance for any offence caused:
Firstly, you need to edit it down. Aim to make it fit on a laptop screen without having to scroll down. At the moment it is about 50% too long.
Also, the overall feeling we got was that you want people to like you. You also keep reinforcing the point that, from your point of view, you lack experience. Let the reader be the judge of that based on what you say factually and your verifications (which are good in as much as they are 75% by meeting and spread over a reasonable period).
Also - in your second paragraph you have inserted an update. After over a year on here, you don't want updates - you need to re-write your profile entirely.
A couple more public photos would be nice, one of which is of the guy as you are meeting couples as a couple.
And take out references to you being smokers - you have stated in your account details that you are smokers and will meet same - that is enough. It comes over that you have a bit of a hang up about it at the moment.
Well, that's enough character assassination for one post!!! By all means take a look at ours - we can take the criticism!!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Okay, you asked for a critique so here goes and apologies in advance for any offence caused:
Firstly, you need to edit it down. Aim to make it fit on a laptop screen without having to scroll down. At the moment it is about 50% too long.
Also, the overall feeling we got was that you want people to like you. You also keep reinforcing the point that, from your point of view, you lack experience. Let the reader be the judge of that based on what you say factually and your verifications (which are good in as much as they are 75% by meeting and spread over a reasonable period).
Also - in your second paragraph you have inserted an update. After over a year on here, you don't want updates - you need to re-write your profile entirely.
A couple more public photos would be nice, one of which is of the guy as you are meeting couples as a couple.
And take out references to you being smokers - you have stated in your account details that you are smokers and will meet same - that is enough. It comes over that you have a bit of a hang up about it at the moment.
Well, that's enough character assassination for one post!!! By all means take a look at ours - we can take the criticism!!!
and "
profiles pish...2/10  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Okay, you asked for a critique so here goes and apologies in advance for any offence caused:
Firstly, you need to edit it down. Aim to make it fit on a laptop screen without having to scroll down. At the moment it is about 50% too long.
Also, the overall feeling we got was that you want people to like you. You also keep reinforcing the point that, from your point of view, you lack experience. Let the reader be the judge of that based on what you say factually and your verifications (which are good in as much as they are 75% by meeting and spread over a reasonable period).
Also - in your second paragraph you have inserted an update. After over a year on here, you don't want updates - you need to re-write your profile entirely.
A couple more public photos would be nice, one of which is of the guy as you are meeting couples as a couple.
And take out references to you being smokers - you have stated in your account details that you are smokers and will meet same - that is enough. It comes over that you have a bit of a hang up about it at the moment.
Well, that's enough character assassination for one post!!! By all means take a look at ours - we can take the criticism!!!
and
profiles pish...2/10 "
Ours or the OP's????
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"Okay, you asked for a critique so here goes and apologies in advance for any offence caused:
Firstly, you need to edit it down. Aim to make it fit on a laptop screen without having to scroll down. At the moment it is about 50% too long.
Also, the overall feeling we got was that you want people to like you. You also keep reinforcing the point that, from your point of view, you lack experience. Let the reader be the judge of that based on what you say factually and your verifications (which are good in as much as they are 75% by meeting and spread over a reasonable period).
Also - in your second paragraph you have inserted an update. After over a year on here, you don't want updates - you need to re-write your profile entirely.
A couple more public photos would be nice, one of which is of the guy as you are meeting couples as a couple.
And take out references to you being smokers - you have stated in your account details that you are smokers and will meet same - that is enough. It comes over that you have a bit of a hang up about it at the moment.
Well, that's enough character assassination for one post!!! By all means take a look at ours - we can take the criticism!!!
and "
definitely no offence caused. thanks for your reply, some we have acted upon already, some not. the smoking thing was a rant one day !
what's wrong with wanting people to like us? isn't it an advert for us? unless you mean something much deeper ! none of what is written is a lie, or an exaggeration of the truth. we don't care if people don't like us, don't mean that in a harsh way. but how many profiles have you read that list all the bad points about themselves?
thanks again for your advice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Okay, you asked for a critique so here goes and apologies in advance for any offence caused:
Firstly, you need to edit it down. Aim to make it fit on a laptop screen without having to scroll down. At the moment it is about 50% too long.
Also, the overall feeling we got was that you want people to like you. You also keep reinforcing the point that, from your point of view, you lack experience. Let the reader be the judge of that based on what you say factually and your verifications (which are good in as much as they are 75% by meeting and spread over a reasonable period).
Also - in your second paragraph you have inserted an update. After over a year on here, you don't want updates - you need to re-write your profile entirely.
A couple more public photos would be nice, one of which is of the guy as you are meeting couples as a couple.
And take out references to you being smokers - you have stated in your account details that you are smokers and will meet same - that is enough. It comes over that you have a bit of a hang up about it at the moment.
Well, that's enough character assassination for one post!!! By all means take a look at ours - we can take the criticism!!!
and
definitely no offence caused. thanks for your reply, some we have acted upon already, some not. the smoking thing was a rant one day !
what's wrong with wanting people to like us? isn't it an advert for us? unless you mean something much deeper ! none of what is written is a lie, or an exaggeration of the truth. we don't care if people don't like us, don't mean that in a harsh way. but how many profiles have you read that list all the bad points about themselves?
thanks again for your advice"
What I was getting at was that you make a number of statements and include a number of facts about you but you 'shroud them' in a little too much verbosity (i.e. too many words). What you had came over as if it was two people sitting together almost chatting and, like we ALL do, we tend to use too many words to say what we mean in that scenario. If you approach it as if it is a newspaper article on you - space in a newspaper is at a premium, so you have to get to the facts in as few words as possible.
Tell you what we did when writing ours (which we have re-written frequently since we joined Fabs as a couple) is to write it in MS Word FIRST and edited it, re-read it, moved things around and made it 'tighter' there first, then copied and pasted it into the area provided on Fabs (which is far from good as you have to keep scrolling up and down to see what you have written and it is easy to loose track of what has gone before).
How about trying doing that way? Have suggested to a few people on here to do that and it has made quite a difference for them.
Good luck with it anyway - at least you had the guts to put your heads above the parapet and ask the forum to critique your profile - more than a lot do......
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The most important thing is how it appeals to the type of couples you want to meet.
The length is fine, though I thought perhaps some of it could have been said a little more concisely, without leaving any details out. There's perhaps a bit more emphasis you could put on what you'd like to experience with others, as well as what you're both like and the type of couples you'd love to play with.
The photos would ideally cover both of you, as this will allow both m/f in the couples to check you out for attraction.
You seem good people, honest and open, so that's great. Good luck! |
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