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Where to find a Dom?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So after reading 50 shades of grey I find myself increasingly curious to explore the Dom/sub side of sex.
I've only ever indulged in a little light bondage and spanking so my knowledge of this is very limited, so my question is......how do you go about finding a Dom who you can trust and who knows what theyre doing and not just someone who will say anything to get a meet  |
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That is going to be very challenging. Get out and about in the right circles.
Visit websites like Fetlife and look for munchs in your area and start talking to people. Personally I would say forget it on the Internet talking to individuals your just get fed bullshit time and again.
There are tons of people that think they are Dom, Some are and some will only ever think they are, one will fit with one person but not another. To find one you fit with we think can only be done in person. After all your submission is one of the biggest gifts you can give, giving it to the wrong person will be totally unforfilling and at worst a very unpleasant experience for you.
Hope that helps.
X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It wasn't meant to be dismissive, but I figure that the  emoticon suggests it will be taken this way.
Since those books became popular the forums are littered with threads with people that don't have a clue. Advertise for a dom on here, you might get lucky because there are plenty or you might end up with the idiot/fantasist who spoke about leaving his girlfriend tied up alone before returning to slap her. Or just meet a bloke that hasn't neither a clue nor an interest in being a dom but will agree to anything in order to get laid.
I'm not saying that a specialist BDSM site is devoid of fantasists but they tend to be easier to spot.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That is going to be very challenging. Get out and about in the right circles.
Visit websites like Fetlife and look for munchs in your area and start talking to people. Personally I would say forget it on the Internet talking to individuals your just get fed bullshit time and again.
There are tons of people that think they are Dom, Some are and some will only ever think they are, one will fit with one person but not another. To find one you fit with we think can only be done in person. After all your submission is one of the biggest gifts you can give, giving it to the wrong person will be totally unforfilling and at worst a very unpleasant experience for you.
Hope that helps.
X"
Yes thankyou, thats exactly the advice I was looking for.
Thanks again x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally, I think if you are looking for a Don based on the 50 shades books, looking on bdsm sites will just scare the shit out of you."
I agree. And to be honest as much as its nice that new people are looking at this area of life, most are doing so with rose tinted glasses. However I have to say that finding my master was the most life changing thing positively that's ever happened to me.
The places a good dominant can take you and the journey you will have is out of this world. However you do need to find the right pilot.
We were at one time looking for an experienced dominant to assist when Master was away, however after a lot of terrible applicants we gave up.
There are some good dominant's out there and I find its those that don't start by telling you how dominant they are which tend to be the better ones. I was looking for it but can't find it but last year a few of us on here wrote a thread on common sense and starting in bdsm. But I can't remember for the life of me remember what it was titled.
The sites already mentioned are good but Id steer away from new members as lots have signed up because they fancy themselves as Mr grey.
But what ever remember that if you find someone that your submission is a huge gift, you want someone to challenge it but not break it. That will take you to your limits and help you find new ones. Most of all remember that it should make you feel good.
Cali |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Personally, I think if you are looking for a Don based on the 50 shades books, looking on bdsm sites will just scare the shit out of you.
I agree. And to be honest as much as its nice that new people are looking at this area of life, most are doing so with rose tinted glasses. However I have to say that finding my master was the most life changing thing positively that's ever happened to me.
The places a good dominant can take you and the journey you will have is out of this world. However you do need to find the right pilot.
We were at one time looking for an experienced dominant to assist when Master was away, however after a lot of terrible applicants we gave up.
There are some good dominant's out there and I find its those that don't start by telling you how dominant they are which tend to be the better ones. I was looking for it but can't find it but last year a few of us on here wrote a thread on common sense and starting in bdsm. But I can't remember for the life of me remember what it was titled.
The sites already mentioned are good but Id steer away from new members as lots have signed up because they fancy themselves as Mr grey.
But what ever remember that if you find someone that your submission is a huge gift, you want someone to challenge it but not break it. That will take you to your limits and help you find new ones. Most of all remember that it should make you feel good.
Cali "
Also great advice, thankyou
but as I said I am very curious and would like to 'test the water' and see if it's for me x |
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"Personally, I think if you are looking for a Don based on the 50 shades books, looking on bdsm sites will just scare the shit out of you.
I agree. And to be honest as much as its nice that new people are looking at this area of life, most are doing so with rose tinted glasses. However I have to say that finding my master was the most life changing thing positively that's ever happened to me.
The places a good dominant can take you and the journey you will have is out of this world. However you do need to find the right pilot.
We were at one time looking for an experienced dominant to assist when Master was away, however after a lot of terrible applicants we gave up.
There are some good dominant's out there and I find its those that don't start by telling you how dominant they are which tend to be the better ones. I was looking for it but can't find it but last year a few of us on here wrote a thread on common sense and starting in bdsm. But I can't remember for the life of me remember what it was titled.
The sites already mentioned are good but Id steer away from new members as lots have signed up because they fancy themselves as Mr grey.
But what ever remember that if you find someone that your submission is a huge gift, you want someone to challenge it but not break it. That will take you to your limits and help you find new ones. Most of all remember that it should make you feel good.
Cali "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't advertise on here that I'm submissive (well other than now) I switch and really enjoy the sub side of things but I would agree with what a lot of people have said, and I think Cali hit the nail on the head, I've found lots of men claiming to be dominant and telling me what they want to do to me. They think that giving a woman a cheeky spank, or a wallop with a belt. Being dom is about the submissive choosing to give the control to the dom and also the person who is essentially in control is the sub. The men who are the genuine doms are the ones who don't claim to be Mr Grey!!!
Enjoy exploring your sub side, its brilliant!!
Ruby |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't advertise on here that I'm submissive (well other than now) I switch and really enjoy the sub side of things but I would agree with what a lot of people have said, and I think Cali hit the nail on the head, I've found lots of men claiming to be dominant and telling me what they want to do to me. They think that giving a woman a cheeky spank, or a wallop with a belt. Being dom is about the submissive choosing to give the control to the dom and also the person who is essentially in control is the sub. The men who are the genuine doms are the ones who don't claim to be Mr Grey!!!
Enjoy exploring your sub side, its brilliant!!
Ruby"
Wise words from Ruby - the sub always has the power as it is them giving their submission to a dom |
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"So after reading 50 shades of grey I find myself increasingly curious to explore the Dom/sub side of sex.
I've only ever indulged in a little light bondage and spanking so my knowledge of this is very limited, so my question is......how do you go about finding a Dom who you can trust and who knows what theyre doing and not just someone who will say anything to get a meet "
It depends on how Dom you want some one.
For me, I like to take control and play the "alpha male". This doesnt often involve any sort of pain apart from a spanking. However it's only ever as much as she can take and never any more! It's mainly verbal and gently tying with scarves so it's still sexy but a restraint!!
You could go to the opposite extreme and BDSM which personally I don't know much about as it is too much for me.
Not having read the Shades of Grey book and have no idea what it's about, apart from what I can guess from this thread, I would say don't advertise that you want a Dom. I would suggest that when you're with some one, ask if they would like to take control and test the water with maybe roll playing that you are new to sex and need telling exactly what to do! A naught girl is cliche but simple and light hearted!
I'd say, start off slow with verbal and minor physical things and then pug te boundaries you feel you want to.
Hope you get what you need!!  |
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I think this needs to be approached carefully
I am an ex Domme
I have read fifty shades in fact all three lol
It's very tame you need to know what you really want and your limits
All my subs this was agreed with before and boundaries only pushed when ready its mainly a trust thing if they didn't trust me completely I didn't see them again
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Whatever you do ensure the Dom is experienced as many think they are because they own a flogger and like to spank.
Seriously tread carefully and cautiously as inexperienced or novice Doms can cause serious damage.
I'd recommend finding one on a dedicated site that is happy to chat through all aspects of what the scene is about for you and them and if they are not in your area, maybe they can recommend a reputable one near you.
Good luck and by the way, it's nothing like fift shades that I found out lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally, I think if you are looking for a Don based on the 50 shades books, looking on bdsm sites will just scare the shit out of you."
Think the same .. Story of "O" was the book that did it for myself and then "found" a Dom (my hubby now) through special sites... Most say they are Dom's but have no idea ... domination isn't just beating some one up or making some one do all... There has to be trust and safety in all  H. xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've only had a few experiences with 'Dominant' guys, and 50 Shades is only going to make it more difficult to find a genuine guy who actually understands the dynamic required...I've had loads of messages off wannabe Mr Grey's and it's getting a bit boring! Most of them won't have even read the books and will have just head the name so they won't even know what the tame stuff this book hints at involves.
Sorry if that's a bit negative, but I think you need to approach it very carefully and make sure you know exactly what you want otherwise you may find yourself in an uncomfortable situation...or just plain dissatisfied with a wannabe who really hasn't got a clue how to stimulate a sub and thinks it's just about the odd spanking here and there (which has been my usual experience!). As for the BDSM sites, I personally wouldn't recommend Alt as it is expensive and full of Yanks...I found it a big waste of money, and they turned on my autorenewal after I had switched it off and asked them to confirm in writing it was switched off - was not a happy bunny! x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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my advice?
looking for Mrgrey?
he is a fictional character in a book, open the cover and read.U have found him.Joy.
Interested in BDSM?
find the REAL people that are into it, just like swingers, many have their own places to visit, such as clubs.I'd probably not mention 50shades or u might get laughed at...ALOT! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A bully isn't a dom I think that if women are not careful when looking for 'Mr Grey' they could end up with one of the 'Kneel Bitch' types. Best case scenario...you end up wondering what all the fuss is about when a self styled 'Dom' doesn't or can't deliver what your looking for.....worst case isn't worth thinking about.... |
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By *anSusieCouple
over a year ago
Midlothian |
What you need is to find a Master/Dom/slave/sub cpl who are very experienced + happy to teach,guide new ppl slowly into the BDSM world.After your 1st playmeet you should get an idea if you ready for more or you rather stay with kinky,simple bondage.
FORGET MR.GREY!it's a glorified lovestory.
subs/slaves often meet many Masters/Doms before they find the right one!Read profiles carefully:you soon see the differences between ppl who really live it + ppl who play around with it.
It helps to meet a cpl as you can talk to the sub + get a much better idea what it is you after.Instinct + beeing in sinc with your sexuallity should guide you.
If you a natural sub you will know very soon,if not:you tried it + know for sure.
good luck  |
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By *anSusieCouple
over a year ago
Midlothian |
"my advice?
looking for Mrgrey?
he is a fictional character in a book, open the cover and read.U have found him.Joy.
Interested in BDSM?
find the REAL people that are into it, just like swingers, many have their own places to visit, such as clubs.I'd probably not mention 50shades or u might get laughed at...ALOT!"
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Nearest munch to Shrewsbury is
The Telford Fetish Munch and the next one will be on Monday 6th August 2012 at 8 pm.
Held at - The 3 Furnaces (Telford's only attitude free bar)
Bridgenorth Road
Tale
Telford
TF7 4JB
There are groups of regular attendees on both Informedconsent and Fetlife
If you can travel a little further then Brum is probably the kink capital of the UK atm.
Lurk and read on both these sites though I think IC is a little less daunting to newbies. You will, like here be overwhelmed with Inbox if you put an advert up. If somebody interests you meet them at a munch or fet fair, BBB is in Brum monthly and a nice Sunday outing. If anybody starts to tell you there is only one right way to do things, run away.
Oh, and welcome to the dark side
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By *habsMan
over a year ago
Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex |
I'm slightly confused, but here's my thinking:
Female reads an erotic book, now wants to try it out in real life.
Man watches an erotic movie (porn), then wants to try it out in real life.
Am I right in thinking (in both cases) : "Its fiction - leave well alone!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm slightly confused, but here's my thinking:
Female reads an erotic book, now wants to try it out in real life.
Man watches an erotic movie (porn), then wants to try it out in real life.
Am I right in thinking (in both cases) : "Its fiction - leave well alone!""
having starred in PaddydoesDallas 1,2 and 3..I wholeheartedly disagree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The 1 word that most on here are forgettin is TRUST !! To be dominant or master u have to be comfortable formost with that person aand then learn 2 trust them over time.. Ansd that will take time... Its ok to sspank ansd act things out it depends how u go from there, most ppl who say there dom on here r full of it!! They have no real idea!!
Just my thoughts that's all |
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Their are some good people on IC but like here a few fakes etc - suggest you visit the fetish fairs, not been to Brums monthly fair for a while but it used to be very friendly and have a party afterwards. Beware of the commercial big business fairs as
They are a bit crap. IC have reviews on their forums so a good place to start. Also some fairs likw LAM provide greeters etc. Good luck x |
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Also the 'equipment' is cheaper and better quality at the fairs. Their is usually a show and sometimes free classes - went to one knife play a couple of years ago at LAM - very good and informative about it - in fact don't think about this sort of thing unless you know what you are doing. Flogging techniques. Fire play and electric wand was good as well. X |
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I would definitely recommend reading and/or watching some proper BDSM material to give you an idea of what really goes on. Also check out lovehoney and their ilk and see what they have in the way of equipment/toys.
Best to go in with a rough idea of what sort of activity you are interested in as some guys will rub their hands with glee at the prospect of someone inexperienced and interested. And if you give an inch they will probably take a mile. Some supposed doms are just plain bullies, but this may not be evident initially.
Have fun and be careful xx |
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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago
carrbrook stalybridge |
fakes ? not our experiance with ic find that the freinds lists on there cyber friends & friends you have met tend to out the fakes if you not sure contact someone off there met list that you have met
if you want fakes look at collarme positivley infested with them lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally, I think if you are looking for a Don based on the 50 shades books, looking on bdsm sites will just scare the shit out of you.
I agree. And to be honest as much as its nice that new people are looking at this area of life, most are doing so with rose tinted glasses. However I have to say that finding my master was the most life changing thing positively that's ever happened to me.
The places a good dominant can take you and the journey you will have is out of this world. However you do need to find the right pilot.
We were at one time looking for an experienced dominant to assist when Master was away, however after a lot of terrible applicants we gave up.
There are some good dominant's out there and I find its those that don't start by telling you how dominant they are which tend to be the better ones. I was looking for it but can't find it but last year a few of us on here wrote a thread on common sense and starting in bdsm. But I can't remember for the life of me remember what it was titled.
The sites already mentioned are good but Id steer away from new members as lots have signed up because they fancy themselves as Mr grey.
But what ever remember that if you find someone that your submission is a huge gift, you want someone to challenge it but not break it. That will take you to your limits and help you find new ones. Most of all remember that it should make you feel good.
Cali "
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