It's still his decision whether he joins, so he has responsibility for that. You know, and presumably have informed him, that Fab life for single guys can be tough, so forewarned is forearmed.
If you keep him supported whilst he's a member starting out, such as giving advice and maybe helping him if his confidence gets dented, then you're doing your best. Perhaps also introduce him to people that you know on here, so it's not like him vs Fab. As you know, the forums can sometimes be a little harsh, but if he's thick skinned enough, the forums could also be useful.
His success will partly depend on how attractive he is to others, what effort he puts in and what he wants.
Sometimes self-esteem and confidence are too quickly dashed down by ourselves based on the little knocks or bits of negative feedback we either get or imagine. Increasing one's self-awareness is important and healthy, as it lets us see more clearly what we're doing to ourselves that is holding us back. I don't know how well you know your friend, but I'd encourage him to both stop the things that he's doing, self-criticism etc, as well as do things that are positive, such as your encouragement for him to enjoy Fab.
If he works on his self-confidence and self-esteem then he'll likely fit in better with other people. It's important for him to be himself, but he may also need to step out of his comfort zone, in order to grow - this won't mean he's not being authentic, just that he may get scared, and feel he's not being himself.
So, he may need both a gentle push as well as be motivated to take some leaps of faith, and just 'do it' etc.
Being internet based, Fab has pros and cons - he doesn't have to cringe meeting tons of new people in public, and can say what he feels, sitting at his pc. So he may find that it's easy developing new communication skills, for example. Obviously this may not be the case when he's off on his meets, but if he does build his confidence, then this can be easier too.
As with all we do, this does depend on the person and their motivation. Everything we do is done for a reason. Maintaining low confidence can help keep us out of situations that may make us uncomfortable, even if we're miserable whilst we're missing out, as well as lonely and unfulfilled. It sounds like you've decided that he's right for Fab, so it'll be a risk for him, as well as challenge, and let's hope he only focuses on the positive from it, rather than using any negative aspects of what may happen to further dent his confidence. |
any advice would be great. Liz x
Aww not sure this would be the best place for someone shy?? Maybe take him to a social and show him the ropes.
