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Reluctant female
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Hi male here.
Me and Mel have played on and off with couples, but Mel is a big girl and feels insecure and a little green eyed around other women. She is happy for us to play with single guys, but throw a female for me into the equation and it's a big no no.
Anyone else had this problem and if so any tips please x  |
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By *eachy123Woman
over a year ago
Rochdale/Manchester/Blackpool and were ever the mood takes me |
Maybe she feels like she does because of her confidence as she doesn't mind another man makes her feel wanted bit deep I know but you need to talk together about what you want from swinging on both sides so not to cause unnessasary bad feelings.
Confidence is sexy no matter what shape or size x  |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
"It sounds a bit unfair to me! Isn’t the whole point of swinging that you both enjoy it! X"
Agree, I'd never expect me to have meets and my partner not to
Swinging might not be right for you both if she's so insecure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi male here.
Me and Mel have played on and off with couples, but Mel is a big girl and feels insecure and a little green eyed around other women. She is happy for us to play with single guys, but throw a female for me into the equation and it's a big no no.
Anyone else had this problem and if so any tips please x "
What's more important to you...your relationship with her or being able to fuck other women? |
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By *j48Man
over a year ago
Wigan |
"It sounds a bit unfair to me! Isn’t the whole point of swinging that you both enjoy it! X
Agree, I'd never expect me to have meets and my partner not to
Swinging might not be right for you both if she's so insecure. "
Agreed  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi male here.
Me and Mel have played on and off with couples, but Mel is a big girl and feels insecure and a little green eyed around other women. She is happy for us to play with single guys, but throw a female for me into the equation and it's a big no no.
Anyone else had this problem and if so any tips please x
What's more important to you...your relationship with her or being able to fuck other women?"
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"Hi male here.
Me and Mel have played on and off with couples, but Mel is a big girl and feels insecure and a little green eyed around other women. She is happy for us to play with single guys, but throw a female for me into the equation and it's a big no no.
Anyone else had this problem and if so any tips please x "
How does she feel about you posting publicly asking for tips to over come her "reluctance" ?
Swinging isn't a tit for tat activity it's something that people do within consensual limits and boundaries. |
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"Hi male here.
Me and Mel have played on and off with couples, but Mel is a big girl and feels insecure and a little green eyed around other women. She is happy for us to play with single guys, but throw a female for me into the equation and it's a big no no.
Anyone else had this problem and if so any tips please x
How does she feel about you posting publicly asking for tips to over come her "reluctance" ?
Swinging isn't a tit for tat activity it's something that people do within consensual limits and boundaries. "
Quite
OP - Swinging should be fun for all those involved.
To be honest, I am concerned about your desire to make your wife do something she is uncomfortable about. |
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We have had two couples where the females were like this. It was awful for me, as I approached one guy the female went crazy, it was really scary and I ended up doing a counselling session. Think of the other couple too not just yourselves. This particular couple wanted to return ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Reluctant or is she actually just being selfish? She can play but you can’t. "
How is it selfish? If she doesn't enjoy seeing him with another woman, then it's surely best she tells him rather than try to tolerate it |
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"Hi male here.
Me and Mel have played on and off with couples, but Mel is a big girl and feels insecure and a little green eyed around other women. She is happy for us to play with single guys, but throw a female for me into the equation and it's a big no no.
Anyone else had this problem and if so any tips please x "
There is no shame beside everyman or woman has their own taste some prefer big girls |
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"Reluctant or is she actually just being selfish? She can play but you can’t.
How is it selfish? If she doesn't enjoy seeing him with another woman, then it's surely best she tells him rather than try to tolerate it"
but it ok for her to fuck man to me that is selfish |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Reluctant or is she actually just being selfish? She can play but you can’t.
How is it selfish? If she doesn't enjoy seeing him with another woman, then it's surely best she tells him rather than try to tolerate it but it ok for her to fuck man to me that is selfish "
It's surely more selfish of him to take a huff because his wife has said it's not something she gets any enjoyment from? |
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"Reluctant or is she actually just being selfish? She can play but you can’t.
How is it selfish? If she doesn't enjoy seeing him with another woman, then it's surely best she tells him rather than try to tolerate it but it ok for her to fuck man to me that is selfish
It's surely more selfish of him to take a huff because his wife has said it's not something she gets any enjoyment from?"
but she gets her fun if she doesn’t like it , she really shouldn’t be a swinger |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She might not get any enjoyment from watching him with a woman but if she wants the pleasure of another man, maybe it is a compromise she needs to accept. "
She's not the one who's started a thread claiming it's not fair for her though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Reluctant or is she actually just being selfish? She can play but you can’t.
How is it selfish? If she doesn't enjoy seeing him with another woman, then it's surely best she tells him rather than try to tolerate it but it ok for her to fuck man to me that is selfish
It's surely more selfish of him to take a huff because his wife has said it's not something she gets any enjoyment from? but she gets her fun if she doesn’t like it , she really shouldn’t be a swinger "
Or maybe he shouldn't if he feels hard done by |
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There's not just 1 way to swing, the art of it is finding the ways that it may work for the 2 of you. It may include nether of you having any sexual contact with others, potentially starting by finding your way to both be comfortable and to get what you both need to be satisfied.
Clubs are best when you go not expecting any sex with others. You could potentially ease yourselves in to the lifestyle by visiting clubs and gaining confidence and just being comfortable around others, possibly including shedding some clothes. You'd not have to flirt, you both could just chat with others, watch those who may enjoy an audience and increase your comfort in sexual environments.
If you got to know others that way, with a fixed agreement that neither would have sex with others, it would be equal and remove pressure. During some weeks or months of that bedding in, you'd both be able to communicate more fully about what you'd both like and how you could make it happen.
Ideally you would have an equal as possible an experience and would only proceed without pressure. Swinging probably won't be for everyone, all of the time. If there's any reluctance from either of you, it's best to withdraw until you can agree what it is that could be good for each of you. |
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By *l1pp3ryCouple
over a year ago
Bradford |
It's different for me (this is the fem). We have had loads of mmf (this is our 2nd profile) but only one mmff half play (the other female called time when her hubby lost his mojo). I loved seeing him with another and would like to meet another couple. The problem is, with us, I am not bi inclined at all and most women are at least bi curious so aren't interested |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So if something upsets one partner they should still go ahead with it because otherwise its selfish?
Apparently so
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Apparently so.
She wants fun but he’s not allowed it and he’s not happy with that but they’re going ahead anyway. Doesn’t sound like a good basis for a swinging agreement to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So if something upsets one partner they should still go ahead with it because otherwise its selfish?
Apparently so
Apparently so.
She wants fun but he’s not allowed it and he’s not happy with that but they’re going ahead anyway. Doesn’t sound like a good basis for a swinging agreement to me. "
Where does it say that she wants fun?
It's not in the op |
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"So if something upsets one partner they should still go ahead with it because otherwise its selfish?
Apparently so
Apparently so.
She wants fun but he’s not allowed it and he’s not happy with that but they’re going ahead anyway. Doesn’t sound like a good basis for a swinging agreement to me.
Where does it say that she wants fun?
It's not in the op"
It says they have fun with guys but the wife has issues around other women. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So if something upsets one partner they should still go ahead with it because otherwise its selfish?
Apparently so
Apparently so.
She wants fun but he’s not allowed it and he’s not happy with that but they’re going ahead anyway. Doesn’t sound like a good basis for a swinging agreement to me.
Where does it say that she wants fun?
It's not in the op It says they have fun with guys but the wife has issues around other women. "
Yep
I took it that, of the things they have tried, that happens to be what works for her.
Not that she's insisting that's what they do |
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Wow all the comments on here accusing her of being selfish is unreal from people who are supposed to be open minded swingers!
OP: At the end of the day we all have our own personal boundaries and kinks. She might not get off on seeing you with other women.
Theres absolutely nothing wrong with being a in a stag/vixen dynamic when you are swinging. I spent many years in a swinging relationship like that and my former partner loved it 
It's about finding what works for you both and making compromises so you both get enjoyment from your swinging journey. Communication is always key. You may find that as her confidence grows her boundaries may change and she might let you sleep with other women too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Firstly OP I hope your wife knows you’re posting about this on a public forum. If not, it’s certainly not going to help things.
This is something only the two of you can resolve. It doesn’t matter what we all say, it’s not going to persuade your wife to agree to seeing you with another woman.
It does sound unbalanced but we don’t know what boundaries you both set when you decided to start swinging.
Communication, that’s the secret and total honesty. It may be that your wife never wants to see you with another female. In that case you will both have to re-evaluate and decide if you can continue in this lifestyle.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow all the comments on here accusing her of being selfish is unreal from people who are supposed to be open minded swingers!
OP: At the end of the day we all have our own personal boundaries and kinks. She might not get off on seeing you with other women.
Theres absolutely nothing wrong with being a in a stag/vixen dynamic when you are swinging. I spent many years in a swinging relationship like that and my former partner loved it
It's about finding what works for you both and making compromises so you both get enjoyment from your swinging journey. Communication is always key. You may find that as her confidence grows her boundaries may change and she might let you sleep with other women too."
I’m plenty open minded thanks.
If he’s happy for them to only play with guys and she’s just wanting guys then alls good. It’s clear he’s not happy with the arrangement seeing as he’s made a post about it.
To my mind, unless you’re both happy and enjoying the play then you probably shouldn’t play at all, otherwise one ends up building up resentment. |
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We have been in the game around 20 years now & have met cpls , singles , all over the world .
We have never seen peoples sizes or shapes been negative.
We always find personality is the key to a good night of fun, Parties or large gatherings of swinger's is always a good way to mingle with absolutely no pressure to play .
Get out there guys & mix . |
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By *l1pp3ryCouple
over a year ago
Bradford |
"It's different for me (this is the fem). We have had loads of mmf (this is our 2nd profile) but only one mmff half play (the other female called time when her hubby lost his mojo). I loved seeing him with another and would like to meet another couple. The problem is, with us, I am not bi inclined at all and most women are at least bi curious so aren't interested"
I'd like to add, I am very self conscious about my body and some scars I have and maybe if we were meeting single fems which are 20 yrs younger and have what I perceive to be a better body than mine, perhaps I would be a little jealous but I deliberately go for older guys, in fact I am intimidated by anyone under 35 or with a six pack regardless of age so to reduce risk of hubby feeling intimidated. But with a couple it's not like hubby is getting off with wife while other hubby and OP wife are sat thinking well this is crap....on the one occasion we played with a couple all 4 were playing so OP wife has no need to feel insecure with hubby playing if she and other hubby are playing too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Does she know you've posted this? Complete with rolly eyes?
How about you talk to her about it?
It is not always easy to see the person you love with someone else and we all get there at different speeds. Some may never get there at all. Just because you're OK seeing her with other blokes doesn't mean she should automatically feel equally at ease seeing you with another woman. Communication, patience, love and reassurance might help. Everyone is different. As a couple I believe you need to be prepared to move at the pace of the slowest person. Are you prepared to risk your relationship to rush her into something that she's obviously not comfortable with? |
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"Does she know you've posted this? Complete with rolly eyes?
How about you talk to her about it?
It is not always easy to see the person you love with someone else and we all get there at different speeds. Some may never get there at all. Just because you're OK seeing her with other blokes doesn't mean she should automatically feel equally at ease seeing you with another woman. Communication, patience, love and reassurance might help. Everyone is different. As a couple I believe you need to be prepared to move at the pace of the slowest person. Are you prepared to risk your relationship to rush her into something that she's obviously not comfortable with? "
The eyeroll got me too, but noone else seemed to pick up on it and on their second thread, it didn't have it. Op just seems a little disrespectful and entitled to me. |
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I don’t think she’s selfish. We don’t know her or her reasons for swinging, she may have agreed to it to please her partner but has since realised she doesn’t like seeing him with other women. Her husband may enjoy seeing her with other men, should she stop if that makes both of them happy? If seeing him fuck other women is a step too far for her. Should she just keep quiet about how she feels? That wouldn’t make for a healthy relationship.
Sharing your partner with another person is a huge step in a committed relationship. You won’t know how you feel until it happens but if one person enjoys it more than the other it could have huge repercussions.
I think the OP is the selfish one. His wife has made it clear how she feels and he still hopes to change her mind for his own benefit.
Lou x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"‘Reluctant female’ is a very patronising description.
OP I suspect swinging isn’t for you both right now. "
Off topic.... what thoughts do you have regarding the term “chest feeding”? |
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"Would being at a BBW event give her more confidence ? possible but if I went near another lady she wouldn't be happy
Think you have just answered your own question there I’m afraid."
I think so too...just stick with the 2 of you or mmf? |
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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
Are you happy with a male only joining your situation? I'm guessing not judging by what you've said thus far, op. It seems she's explained her swinging parameters and you disagree with them or go along with the other male participating so you can live in hope of having the joys of another female. In our opinion you shouldn't be swinging as there's no fundamental agreed behavior, no sound foundations. Work on your relationship and put swinging on the back burner or ditch it completely is our advice. |
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"Hi male here.
Me and Mel have played on and off with couples, but Mel is a big girl and feels insecure and a little green eyed around other women. She is happy for us to play with single guys, but throw a female for me into the equation and it's a big no no.
Anyone else had this problem and if so any tips please x "
Reading as a female for you, I find this comment as a bit selfish in my eyes. It seems like you want your cake and eat it too.
I would consider talking together about what you both want as if you continue in this way I feel that you will not be a couple for much longer |
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Well your clearly not happy with the situation to write a thread about her. And she’s made her limits clear.
So either talk to each other about it or don’t do it 
If she’s genuinely uncomfortable with it, why would you want to persuade her otherwise and write a thread about changing her mind
Show her the thread and I know what my answer would be haha! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a little self conscious (after weight loss) I find many of the women build me up and make me feel sexy again which is great, maybe she's not met one that she's comfortable sharing herself with just yet, it could possibly happen.
Some of the women here are absolutely stunning if your lacking in self confidence it can be difficult from my own experience, but chatting to couples, being honest and open I find I get more and more relaxed.
Knowing I can turn another woman on, as well as A, that they are excited by us both is what makes me excited and gives me that boost.
If your not happy with the situation I'd suggest an honest conversation, maybe have her look for women she feels comfortable with? |
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Im also a "big girl" who has confidence issues because of my weight.
For me the issue is with women,men,tv's the lot,she is a lucky lady to have zero confidence with just women, youd think she'd lack confidence with men also!
It might be that she is fine with getting raunchy with guys but its more that she just struggles seeing you with other women rather than being uncomfortable with her size!
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