FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Fizzled out?
Fizzled out?
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Myself and hubs joined this just before the first lockdown and over time I’ve grown out of love with it. At first I was really excited and posting pictures all the time and meeting people (back when you could) and gradually I’m just not feeling it. We’ve met lots of lovely people ... dipped our toes and dipped some more, visited clubs and now I’m breaking the ice to my hubby that I’m just not interested any more. It’s hard because he wants to continue because like me he loves the social side, but it’s very hard to keep up a social side without going further and my worry is that when things ultimately return to normal that I’m going to feel pressured into keeping it up when I can’t see me getting any more from it than we already have. I wanted to experience new things and I feel like I have now ... has anyone else felt like they’ve joined the scene but then want to leave but unsure how without hurting your relationship? Or leaving friendships you’ve made? I’m starting to wish I’d never started in the first place or could it just be everything going on in the world making me feel like this .... who knows .... be interested to read if anyone else has felt like this |
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By *renzMan
over a year ago
Between Chichester and Havant |
I think it may be because you are unable to meet at the moment. You've said you enjoy the social side, which obviously can't happen at the moment. I'm sure that doesn't help. I wonder if you suffer from a lack of self confidence generally? Maybe the enforced break has built that up again.
I'm not part of a couple, but I have become jaded with the scene and left. I returned, left and now returned again. This time I joined in the middle of the pandemic, so knew meeting wasn't viable but hoped to chat and make friends.
When I left the first time, I just felt it wasn't for me anymore, jaded. I've been lucky enough to have done many things, so maybe I'd felt there was nothing left. At the time I had been seeing one particular couple that I had been seeing for over a year. Many of the couples I have played with were long term. I found it difficult explaining to them why I felt as I did and I think it probably hurt them. Having said that we have kept in touch and still message regularly, as I do with others I have previously met, some for many years, even when I wasn't on here. Leaving just felt right at the time.
Maybe you just need a break? Hide your profile and stay away for as long as you need. Concentrate on yourselves without fab, and you may find again what led you here together. It will be difficult with one wanting to remain whilst the other doesn't, but you would have discussed in great detail before entering the lifestyle, you should do the same now. Respect the decision made. You joined jointly and if you leave, you should do so together too. You'll both have to do a lot of soul searching I fear, but if one of you isn't happy the other should respect that. Good luck! |
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I doubt it would hurt your relationship of you articulate these feelings to your partner. He'd understand surely and hopefully your relationship is strong enough to withstand a small thing like stopping swinging.
I think it's possible to keep up the social side, maybe with club visits etc. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Maybe you could have a chat with your fella and agree to both step back from Fab completely for awhile to give yourself proper distance and see how you both feel.
Just so you can evaluate whether it’s just current events making you feel like you do or whether it’s something more.
Be open and honest, with yourself and your fella - that way you can get to the bottom of how you feel.
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It’s a good question and of course it’s hard to know if your feelings are directly related to Covid, or a more general lack of interest.
For what it’s worth, seem to us ladies are more likely to be interested in the long term, and it’s guys who tend to get more jaded.
And speaking for ourselves, it’s the social side that’s so important. If we couldn’t have a chat and a flirt with people, I don’t think we’d be that interested to be honest.
Maybe you’re thinking more about specific sexual scenarios and experiences, ie done that, done that, rather than enjoying that little spark and tease when you catch someone’s eye. That never gets old. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
Friendships can endure regardless.
Coming from the kink scene we see burnout and people leaving the scene all the time, especially if they have done all they came to do.
It can be hard to close pandora’s box on e it has been opened. Would you allow your partner to carry on in the scene without you if that is what they wished? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Myself and hubs joined this just before the first lockdown and over time I’ve grown out of love with it. At first I was really excited and posting pictures all the time and meeting people (back when you could) and gradually I’m just not feeling it. We’ve met lots of lovely people ... dipped our toes and dipped some more, visited clubs and now I’m breaking the ice to my hubby that I’m just not interested any more. It’s hard because he wants to continue because like me he loves the social side, but it’s very hard to keep up a social side without going further and my worry is that when things ultimately return to normal that I’m going to feel pressured into keeping it up when I can’t see me getting any more from it than we already have. I wanted to experience new things and I feel like I have now ... has anyone else felt like they’ve joined the scene but then want to leave but unsure how without hurting your relationship? Or leaving friendships you’ve made? I’m starting to wish I’d never started in the first place or could it just be everything going on in the world making me feel like this .... who knows .... be interested to read if anyone else has felt like this "
Definitely not just you! The situation has driven us a bit stir crazy, and Fab is much less fun when you can't scratch the itch!
Maybe take a step back with Mr and have a bit of time off. See how you feel when things start to improve in the world and meeting might be an option.  |
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"I think it may be because you are unable to meet at the moment. You've said you enjoy the social side, which obviously can't happen at the moment. I'm sure that doesn't help. I wonder if you suffer from a lack of self confidence generally? Maybe the enforced break has built that up again.
I'm not part of a couple, but I have become jaded with the scene and left. I returned, left and now returned again. This time I joined in the middle of the pandemic, so knew meeting wasn't viable but hoped to chat and make friends.
When I left the first time, I just felt it wasn't for me anymore, jaded. I've been lucky enough to have done many things, so maybe I'd felt there was nothing left. At the time I had been seeing one particular couple that I had been seeing for over a year. Many of the couples I have played with were long term. I found it difficult explaining to them why I felt as I did and I think it probably hurt them. Having said that we have kept in touch and still message regularly, as I do with others I have previously met, some for many years, even when I wasn't on here. Leaving just felt right at the time.
Maybe you just need a break? Hide your profile and stay away for as long as you need. Concentrate on yourselves without fab, and you may find again what led you here together. It will be difficult with one wanting to remain whilst the other doesn't, but you would have discussed in great detail before entering the lifestyle, you should do the same now. Respect the decision made. You joined jointly and if you leave, you should do so together too. You'll both have to do a lot of soul searching I fear, but if one of you isn't happy the other should respect that. Good luck!"
Hey ... that’s a brilliant reply... thanks for that. I’ve tried to give myself a break by hiding our profile now since around October time and to be honest I haven’t missed it. I had a bit of a tough time on here at first,I’ve been told people are sharing my pictures outside of this and they know who I am etc, which led to us changing our username and profile 3x, I’ve then been constantly messaged separately to groups even though we say we only chat as a couple, I’ve been made to feel guilty for feeling like I’ve upset a couple because one of them isn’t happy following something and I blame it on myself even though it’s probably nothing to do with me and to be honest the whole thing has been one emotional rollercoaster. From the highs of thinking we could go out and meet people to then not, to everything being shut, etc so I think it probably is a sign of the times and yes I’ve lost confidence from when I first started too as I’ve gained 2 stone in lockdown so that hasn’t helped at all as before all this I felt sexy now I feel like a frump. I think the reason I am saying this too is that the lockdown has made me closer to the hubby because he hasn’t been able to go out every weekend with his mates and it’s just been us it’s made us appreciate each other more and makes me think I’ve had my fun on here ... I just want it to be us again .... it’s really hard as like I say I love the social side and I’m the social instigator so the way I feel is knacking our social side haha. He’s happy to do whatever I want as we always said if one of us wanted to stop then we’d stop together... he just wants to make sure im doing it for the right reasons x |
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That’s a good way to describe it ... the what’s the point syndrome .... I’ve hidden our profile for half a year now and think there’s no point in having it on because I’ll just get people badgering to meet and you can’t .... so “what’s the point”  |
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"Myself and hubs joined this just before the first lockdown and over time I’ve grown out of love with it. At first I was really excited and posting pictures all the time and meeting people (back when you could) and gradually I’m just not feeling it. We’ve met lots of lovely people ... dipped our toes and dipped some more, visited clubs and now I’m breaking the ice to my hubby that I’m just not interested any more. It’s hard because he wants to continue because like me he loves the social side, but it’s very hard to keep up a social side without going further and my worry is that when things ultimately return to normal that I’m going to feel pressured into keeping it up when I can’t see me getting any more from it than we already have. I wanted to experience new things and I feel like I have now ... has anyone else felt like they’ve joined the scene but then want to leave but unsure how without hurting your relationship? Or leaving friendships you’ve made? I’m starting to wish I’d never started in the first place or could it just be everything going on in the world making me feel like this .... who knows .... be interested to read if anyone else has felt like this
Definitely not just you! The situation has driven us a bit stir crazy, and Fab is much less fun when you can't scratch the itch!
Maybe take a step back with Mr and have a bit of time off. See how you feel when things start to improve in the world and meeting might be an option. "
True ... there’s that worry too that when things do open up everywhere is gonna be rammed too and it’ll not have the same vibe as it think over lockdown too everyone and their granny has joined the scene haha .... I’m just gonna see how I get on... my problem is I’m so indecisive and I’d rather stop something early on than prolong it and think why did I do that ... it’s hard when what I say goes .... |
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"Friendships can endure regardless.
Coming from the kink scene we see burnout and people leaving the scene all the time, especially if they have done all they came to do.
It can be hard to close pandora’s box on e it has been opened. Would you allow your partner to carry on in the scene without you if that is what they wished?"
I did say to him he could carry on without me ... but without sounding nasty he’d not get far.... in terms of social etc I am the instigator in everything, socially ... on here.... etc he wouldn’t have a clue ... he just goes along for the ride and I don’t think he’s enjoy it without me there either. Part of the thrill for him is doing things as a couple he has never entertained the idea of being alone. X |
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By * and BCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
"That’s a good way to describe it ... the what’s the point syndrome .... I’ve hidden our profile for half a year now and think there’s no point in having it on because I’ll just get people badgering to meet and you can’t .... so “what’s the point” "
If you have been getting badgered by people on this profile why don't you delete and when things get better in the world, and you both feel like visiting again, create a brand new profile which will in no way look like your existing profile, even change the postcode if you do return so any crazies who are local don't realise you are back. Any good friends you have made on your journey you could keep in touch with phone number. We know if we had friends and they decided not to play we would still want to see them as friends, without benefits, after all good friends are hard to come by (excuse the pun that wasn't intended) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Myself and hubs joined this just before the first lockdown and over time I’ve grown out of love with it. At first I was really excited and posting pictures all the time and meeting people (back when you could) and gradually I’m just not feeling it. We’ve met lots of lovely people ... dipped our toes and dipped some more, visited clubs and now I’m breaking the ice to my hubby that I’m just not interested any more. It’s hard because he wants to continue because like me he loves the social side, but it’s very hard to keep up a social side without going further and my worry is that when things ultimately return to normal that I’m going to feel pressured into keeping it up when I can’t see me getting any more from it than we already have. I wanted to experience new things and I feel like I have now ... has anyone else felt like they’ve joined the scene but then want to leave but unsure how without hurting your relationship? Or leaving friendships you’ve made? I’m starting to wish I’d never started in the first place or could it just be everything going on in the world making me feel like this .... who knows .... be interested to read if anyone else has felt like this
Definitely not just you! The situation has driven us a bit stir crazy, and Fab is much less fun when you can't scratch the itch!
Maybe take a step back with Mr and have a bit of time off. See how you feel when things start to improve in the world and meeting might be an option.
True ... there’s that worry too that when things do open up everywhere is gonna be rammed too and it’ll not have the same vibe as it think over lockdown too everyone and their granny has joined the scene haha .... I’m just gonna see how I get on... my problem is I’m so indecisive and I’d rather stop something early on than prolong it and think why did I do that ... it’s hard when what I say goes .... "
Don't log on to fab for a month. Switch off notifications and don't look no matter what.
In 30 days if you're curious and want to log in, talk about it with Mr before you do. If you both agree, log in together and share looking and reading fab together.
If you don't feel the need to come back after a month, you have your answer!
Swinging should be something fun and extra to what you already have. If it doesn't feel like fun, do something else that is.
Take care and don't be so hard on yourself. The world is all kinds of funny right now, but there's light at the end of the tunnel. |
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