FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Opening message

Opening message

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Heyy, I'm just looking for help with regards to messaging people for the first time.

I've got a few replies but of substance and was just wondering what people are looking for in a first message

I'm aware it will mainly be down to reading each individuals profile... however I've done that, tried making quirky and funny quips but still no luck. I'm not solely just looking for a quickie, I would like to get to know people first

So if anyone could help itd be greatly appreciated

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like quirky and funny.

Some people take sex very seriously though and prefer to keep messages about sex meat. Orher people want to be treated as people first and lead on to sex when a connection has been formed.

If someone doesn't reply you're not compatible. The sex would be crap. It's a lucky escape.

Be you. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I like quirky and funny.

Some people take sex very seriously though and prefer to keep messages about sex meat. Orher people want to be treated as people first and lead on to sex when a connection has been formed.

If someone doesn't reply you're not compatible. The sex would be crap. It's a lucky escape.

Be you. X

I appreciate you getting back to me, I suppose to solely down to how you relate to whats on their profile. However, is there any like taboos other than the normal and obvious ones people should avoid?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like a normal hello maybe mentioning something they have read in my profile. Or just interesting in general. Sex chat and dick pics just just unfortunately are boring with no thought.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I like a normal hello maybe mentioning something they have read in my profile. Or just interesting in general. Sex chat and dick pics just just unfortunately are boring with no thought.

What in particular catches your eye when they mention something from your profile?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Op I suggest you just let your personality come through in what ever you send as that is what the lucky person would want to read rather than a generic load of other people’s bollocks.

Best of luck.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My likes ...my humour or weirdness. Certain stand out words. All quite easy tbh. It's unfortunate people rarley take the time as alot can be picked up on reading a profile. I enjoy a good written one and will message them to say so normally.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Op I suggest you just let your personality come through in what ever you send as that is what the lucky person would want to read rather than a generic load of other people’s bollocks.

Best of luck.

Oh don't get me wrong I try my best to make it as personal to their profile so I don't seem like I'm after one thing. However its not working hahaha

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My likes ...my humour or weirdness. Certain stand out words. All quite easy tbh. It's unfortunate people rarley take the time as alot can be picked up on reading a profile. I enjoy a good written one and will message them to say so normally. "

So with tku saying that, is there a point in which a message is too short or too long which would kill your interest in talking?

Also I've spoken with others before but how do you like the conversation to go? So do you like them to get to know you then talk about the naughty things or just go straight into the deep end?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Too long or too short . It doesn't matter as long as it is interesting and grabs your attention.

Just be yourself. Be true to yourself and have respect and fun .

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Too long or too short . It doesn't matter as long as it is interesting and grabs your attention.

Just be yourself. Be true to yourself and have respect and fun . "

Thanks i appreciate it ??

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By *umslaveTV/TS over a year ago

Sheffield

Whatever you do send this:

Hi how's you ?

Be persuasive, nicely complimentary (not pervy), witty and charming. That's the kind of message I'd like to receive (never do though)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And your getting replies you said? So you messaged them? They replied so its working

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Whatever you do send this:

Hi how's you ?

Be persuasive, nicely complimentary (not pervy), witty and charming. That's the kind of message I'd like to receive (never do though)"

I do try to make it more interesting, like asking questions or telling them something about myself, and I try to avoid being seedy or Pervy(well maybe a sprinkle of it)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"And your getting replies you said? So you messaged them? They replied so its working "

Id say I've had a handful, but only one seems to be leading towards a good end haha they usually die or people a little defensive(for good reason) about people who aren't verified by users

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Too long or too short . It doesn't matter as long as it is interesting and grabs your attention.

Just be yourself. Be true to yourself and have respect and fun .

Thanks i appreciate it ??

Your most welcome . "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you're messaging a couple, be sure to address them both, at the start and in the main body of your message.

Tell them what you liked in their profile, and why; what your favourite photo of theirs is and why.

Tell them a bit about yourself, and add that if they're not interested, just delete and you'll take the hint.

You come across as a decent guy in your profile, give it some time and I'm sure you'll do well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"If you're messaging a couple, be sure to address them both, at the start and in the main body of your message.

Tell them what you liked in their profile, and why; what your favourite photo of theirs is and why.

Tell them a bit about yourself, and add that if they're not interested, just delete and you'll take the hint.

You come across as a decent guy in your profile, give it some time and I'm sure you'll do well.

Thanks buddy, appreciate it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Our advise is your potentially excluding a lot of couples in your profile by saying you want to do the cuckold thing. I.e you want the bull role in your words fuck the wife while the husband watches but you have no experience yet.

Its fair to say most cuckold couples are looking for an experience bull as its a niche area.

We are a what you'd class as a Stag and Vixen couple where me the hubby is more dominant and K the wife is also quite dominant at times to. Your profile is good and if we were meeting we would have potentially replied but would have been put off doing so when we came to the cukold part.

I hope that insight helps in some way and good luck on fab.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Also the rest of your profile suggests your messages will be decent and way beyond the Hi, Fancy a fuck types we get inundated.

The whole pandemic is really hard pre covid we would chat we an aim to meeting fairly soon ie weeks not months. It's hard to keep convos going for an long and undetermined length of time.

A few people we have spoken to we have agree to chat again once meets are safe again.

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By *immy1986Man over a year ago

Spalding

Can I ask advice in this thread too?

When I message people, Im polite and send a message as I would speak to anyone for the first time and introducing myself. I.e I always ask how they are etc. I've noticed in quite a few profiles "don't ask how we are, we are fine" but then they want a nice message it confuses me to be honest. I'm being me and being nice but it seems to be taken the wrong way??

I never send dick pics unless asked and I never just send a one liner "meet/fuck now" kind of thing because it's not me. I send a message like I was meeting at pub/club and try to engage in conversation and ask about the person and try to tell them a bit about myself etc without going in to full sex talk.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I know it’s a ball ache but reading and showing you have considered someone’s profile is a huge plus, and gets a response from me even if it’s just to say ‘no thanks’

Nothing more off putting than somebody who is/wants something on your ‘no list’ messaging you and being completely oblivious of it x

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By *lan157Man over a year ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex

"Can I ask advice in this thread too?

I think perhaps that " hello how are you " etc is half of the preview of your message . There are likely to be many other messages that start the same way. They would probably be ignored too . In reality in a social situation when seeing a single woman in a bar ,shop etc. your first words are not " hello how are you " but something more relevant to the situation

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By *harAndBryCouple over a year ago

Peterborough / Stamford

"I'm not solely just looking for a quickie, I would like to get to know people first"

This might actually be doing you more harm than good with a large number of people. We are a couple and we meet single guys.....but we don't tend to "chat". We need to know what they're like, how to arrange something, and that's about it. We understand others might want long chats but we don't. And because we can't meet right now, we have no need to chat to guys at all, unfortunately.

But defo read the profile carefully, make sure you are what they are looking for, then a two paragraph message mentioning something that shows you've read about them, and something that enables a reply.

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By *harAndBryCouple over a year ago

Peterborough / Stamford

".The whole pandemic is really hard pre covid we would chat we an aim to meeting fairly soon ie weeks not months. It's hard to keep convos going for an long and undetermined length of time."

This. Invariably "chats" end up with guys messaging us every three days asking if we've done anything "naughty".

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm not solely just looking for a quickie, I would like to get to know people first

Thank you, this is helpful ??

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By *ikingpairCouple over a year ago

Cambridge

You have joined the site 4 weeks ago which even in normal times is not very long to have got to the stage of having a meet as a single guy. Add to that the fact people aren't meeting due to Covid (I'm aware there are exceptions

) and 4 weeks really is no time at all. I would say of you have had replies you are doing something right and it is just a matter of time. A lot of people don't want to put time into chatting online when there is no end in sight with Covid.

My advice would be to hang out on the Forums chatting to people and getting yourself known. So that when meets are again allowed you will be in a better position.

Good luck.x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You have joined the site 4 weeks ago which even in normal times is not very long to have got to the stage of having a meet as a single guy. Add to that the fact people aren't meeting due to Covid (I'm aware there are exceptions

My advice would be to hang out on the Forums chatting to people and getting yourself known. So that when meets are again allowed you will be in a better position.

Good luck.x"

Okay great, I appreciate this

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By *orkswatcherMan over a year ago

Wakefield

Blimey I never know what to put in the subject let alone in the message.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Blimey I never know what to put in the subject let alone in the message."

I feel your pain mate hahaha the subject is without a doubt the hardest part, I've taken to putting my height and age and with a word or two that they've used in Their profile which stood out

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

".The whole pandemic is really hard pre covid we would chat we an aim to meeting fairly soon ie weeks not months. It's hard to keep convos going for an long and undetermined length of time.

This. Invariably "chats" end up with guys messaging us every three days asking if we've done anything "naughty"."

Or "fun" or "exciting"

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By *iner69erMan over a year ago

inverness

Doesn't really matter what your message is like. I've tried all sorts of ways of wording first messages over the years,99% still get deleted,ignored,unread(sometimes even blocked). I reckon it's the picture used,they don't like it,or any of the ones used over time. Guess you have to be a hunky handsome guy to have success.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I introduce my self and point out compatibilities in our likes and suggest they check my profile, photos and verifications and respond if they are interested. I am polite and not crude. More explicit corresponding can be kept for later if they are interested. I prefer similar initial messages myself. I do not see any point in silly messages saying Hi or How are you. I delete these immediately unless the profile picture is very interesting

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