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Learning to be a Dom

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Hi guys

I’ve found a really interest in Dom/sub relationships recently.

I’m after some advice on the best way to learn the ropes on this from a Dom perspective.

All advice appreciated

Thanks x

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By *eavenNhellCouple over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

"Hi guys

I’ve found a really interest in Dom/sub relationships recently.

I’m after some advice on the best way to learn the ropes on this from a Dom perspective.

All advice appreciated

Thanks x "
read read read read but not that shite 50 shades

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hi guys

I’ve found a really interest in Dom/sub relationships recently.

I’m after some advice on the best way to learn the ropes on this from a Dom perspective.

All advice appreciated

Thanks x read read read read but not that shite 50 shades

Any suggestions guys?

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By *tace 309TV/TS over a year ago

durham

Join the fetish bdsm scene. Go to clubs, and munches when they eventually get back on. Until then do some research

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By *Jones19Man over a year ago

Evesham, Worcester, Pershore

There's loads of sites on the Internet you can read through. Absorb as much as you can. Thats the best way at the moment. As well as connecting with people with experience and ask them questions. If you come across with the right attitude, they will help you

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

I would resist the advice that either you are born a dom or not. This is confusing a character trait i.e. being dominant, and a role in a power exchange relationship i.e being a Dominant.

My favourite of the modern books at the moment is

The Domly Dom Manual by Dominik McMaster.

I would also recommend 50 Shades of Curious: BDSM for Beginners by Bo Blaze

Then there are the old favourites

Screw the Roses. Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Miller. Phillip.

There is also SM 101 Jay Wiseman

If you prefer video, then on YouTube Master Arcane of the Crow Adademy has some short videos. But there are videos lead by women that are good which others may recommend.

If you prefer longer videos XR University Aiden Starr and Ian Rath's videos on D/S relationships.

D/S is not how many websites portray it.

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman over a year ago

Victoria, London

Don't know if you can learn to be dom, but I suspect can learn to be a dom.

I would be able to tell in a second, as to which, and it would be up to me if I decided to obey. Probably not.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I love real Dom's but there hard to come by

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By *edangel_2013Woman over a year ago

southend

You can learn to be a Dom, but I think it comes naturally to you whether you are or not.

For example, I have read all sorts of things about how to be a dominatrix, but it is just not in my nature to take a lead role in the bedroom.

A key thing that a lot of men (maybe women too, but I don't have that experience) do is make the mistake of assuming that because they have dominated 1 woman, they can dominate them all. Thats not how it works.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yep I agree. Read read read. Oh and practice. I'm very lucky to have an amazing lady in Lu. That has been into the scene for many years. So I get constant feedback on how I'm improving, failing etc.

It wasnt a natural thing for me, but I'm embracing and enjoying it all now.

Oh, and yes. Dont go near that 50 shades of shit.

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By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Of course you can learn to be a Dom.

The attitude may be “natural”, but you aren't born knowing all the intricacies and nuances of a D/s relationship.

Just as long as your view of being a dom is that you are not doing it to end up with a doormat/sex slave then you are ahead of most Doms. You also have to appreciate you need to have something to offer any sub.

Zensual has listed some good books, but while they and other websites are a good resource remember there is no one true way and each person is different.

Your best bet is to read up now, and then once munches and clubs are back go to them and spend time getting to know and learn from people.

Its hard to learn solely online, but not impossible.

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By *addyBabygirl2020Couple over a year ago

norwich

"Hi guys

I’ve found a really interest in Dom/sub relationships recently.

I’m after some advice on the best way to learn the ropes on this from a Dom perspective.

All advice appreciated

Thanks x "

The best way to learn to Dom is to Sub. Fully understanding what it means to be the submissive will teach you more about being a dom than anything else.

Well that's just my perspective

Daddy

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By *eavenscentitCouple over a year ago

barnstaple

"I would resist the advice that either you are born a dom or not. This is confusing a character trait i.e. being dominant, and a role in a power exchange relationship i.e being a Dominant.

My favourite of the modern books at the moment is

The Domly Dom Manual by Dominik McMaster.

I would also recommend 50 Shades of Curious: BDSM for Beginners by Bo Blaze

Then there are the old favourites

Screw the Roses. Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Miller. Phillip.

There is also SM 101 Jay Wiseman

If you prefer video, then on YouTube Master Arcane of the Crow Adademy has some short videos. But there are videos lead by women that are good which others may recommend.

If you prefer longer videos XR University Aiden Starr and Ian Rath's videos on D/S relationships.

D/S is not how many websites portray it.

All from a male perspective?

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By *Jones19Man over a year ago

Evesham, Worcester, Pershore

"I would resist the advice that either you are born a dom or not. This is confusing a character trait i.e. being dominant, and a role in a power exchange relationship i.e being a Dominant.

My favourite of the modern books at the moment is

The Domly Dom Manual by Dominik McMaster.

I would also recommend 50 Shades of Curious: BDSM for Beginners by Bo Blaze

Then there are the old favourites

Screw the Roses. Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Miller. Phillip.

There is also SM 101 Jay Wiseman

If you prefer video, then on YouTube Master Arcane of the Crow Adademy has some short videos. But there are videos lead by women that are good which others may recommend.

If you prefer longer videos XR University Aiden Starr and Ian Rath's videos on D/S relationships.

D/S is not how many websites portray it.

All from a male perspective?"

The XR University videos, Adien Starr is a female co-host. Ive not seen them all so not sure if they all have a similar layout to them, but the submissive talks in the one I stumbled across and talks from their point of view too. Got a conversational feel to it, not just showing how to do actions. Was a very good watch.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hi guys

I’ve found a really interest in Dom/sub relationships recently.

I’m after some advice on the best way to learn the ropes on this from a Dom perspective.

All advice appreciated

Thanks x "

You are either naturally dominant or not. You don't learn how to be dominant.

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Hi guys

I’ve found a really interest in Dom/sub relationships recently.

I’m after some advice on the best way to learn the ropes on this from a Dom perspective.

All advice appreciated

Thanks x read read read read but not that shite 50 shades

I like 50 shades.

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"I would resist the advice that either you are born a dom or not. This is confusing a character trait i.e. being dominant, and a role in a power exchange relationship i.e being a Dominant.

My favourite of the modern books at the moment is

The Domly Dom Manual by Dominik McMaster.

I would also recommend 50 Shades of Curious: BDSM for Beginners by Bo Blaze

Then there are the old favourites

Screw the Roses. Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Miller. Phillip.

There is also SM 101 Jay Wiseman

If you prefer video, then on YouTube Master Arcane of the Crow Adademy has some short videos. But there are videos lead by women that are good which others may recommend.

If you prefer longer videos XR University Aiden Starr and Ian Rath's videos on D/S relationships.

D/S is not how many websites portray it.

All from a male perspective?"

Smiles)

You will learn from a submissive perspective.

You will not learn from a Dom.

Always said, put 5 “Doms” in a room and get eight different answers.

There is a website that has a submissive forum, so called Doms are not allowed on, learn from those you need to adore you,

It is an awesome dynamic when everything fits.

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By *eterinpantiesukMan over a year ago

southam

"Hi guys

I’ve found a really interest in Dom/sub relationships recently.

I’m after some advice on the best way to learn the ropes on this from a Dom perspective.

Sub guys are god to practise on we are easily availlable and often very uncritical of fresh masters

All advice appreciated

Thanks x "

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

"I would resist the advice that either you are born a dom or not. This is confusing a character trait i.e. being dominant, and a role in a power exchange relationship i.e being a Dominant.

My favourite of the modern books at the moment is

The Domly Dom Manual by Dominik McMaster.

I would also recommend 50 Shades of Curious: BDSM for Beginners by Bo Blaze

Then there are the old favourites

Screw the Roses. Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Miller. Phillip.

There is also SM 101 Jay Wiseman

If you prefer video, then on YouTube Master Arcane of the Crow Adademy has some short videos. But there are videos lead by women that are good which others may recommend.

If you prefer longer videos XR University Aiden Starr and Ian Rath's videos on D/S relationships.

D/S is not how many websites portray it.

All from a male perspective?"

Lol, I was thinking of the context that D/S is all about sex. The more I do D/S and BDSM and kink, the more (along with competence in the skills) I believe it is about communication and negotiation which is messy and does not fit easily into a pornographic context. Unless the decision is to do pick up play (and even then there should be communication and negotiation) it is a dangerous fantasy (but it happens) that D/S is and should be automatic obedience.

But other people have different views. But it is essential for submissives to know they have agency.

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"I would resist the advice that either you are born a dom or not. This is confusing a character trait i.e. being dominant, and a role in a power exchange relationship i.e being a Dominant.

My favourite of the modern books at the moment is

The Domly Dom Manual by Dominik McMaster.

I would also recommend 50 Shades of Curious: BDSM for Beginners by Bo Blaze

Then there are the old favourites

Screw the Roses. Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Miller. Phillip.

There is also SM 101 Jay Wiseman

If you prefer video, then on YouTube Master Arcane of the Crow Adademy has some short videos. But there are videos lead by women that are good which others may recommend.

If you prefer longer videos XR University Aiden Starr and Ian Rath's videos on D/S relationships.

D/S is not how many websites portray it.

All from a male perspective?

But other people have different views. But it is essential for submissives to know they have agency."

Lost me with agency.

There are equally rights in the play for me.

Think you need to ask: what are the values and needs in Dom play.

And what are the values and needs in submissive play.

Equally, I may have got wrong in past relationships.

Just from my perspective, never met a submissive lady who isn’t in a very strong domestic workplace.

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By *nforcer68Man over a year ago

leeds

Find out what area of domination interests you then research it and talk to as many people within that kink as possible, especially subs. Subs are far better qualified to tell you what makes a good Dom than anyone. Communication is key and Dom with your eyes and head not your ego.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By *ickygirl41Woman over a year ago

Glasgow

"Hi guys

I’ve found a really interest in Dom/sub relationships recently.

I’m after some advice on the best way to learn the ropes on this from a Dom perspective.

All advice appreciated

Thanks x

The best way to learn to Dom is to Sub. Fully understanding what it means to be the submissive will teach you more about being a dom than anything else.

Well that's just my perspective

Daddy "

I'd agree 100% with this

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

"I would resist the advice that either you are born a dom or not. This is confusing a character trait i.e. being dominant, and a role in a power exchange relationship i.e being a Dominant.

My favourite of the modern books at the moment is

The Domly Dom Manual by Dominik McMaster.

I would also recommend 50 Shades of Curious: BDSM for Beginners by Bo Blaze

Then there are the old favourites

Screw the Roses. Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Miller. Phillip.

There is also SM 101 Jay Wiseman

If you prefer video, then on YouTube Master Arcane of the Crow Adademy has some short videos. But there are videos lead by women that are good which others may recommend.

If you prefer longer videos XR University Aiden Starr and Ian Rath's videos on D/S relationships.

D/S is not how many websites portray it.

All from a male perspective?

But other people have different views. But it is essential for submissives to know they have agency.

Lost me with agency.

There are equally rights in the play for me.

Think you need to ask: what are the values and needs in Dom play.

And what are the values and needs in submissive play.

Equally, I may have got wrong in past relationships.

Just from my perspective, never met a submissive lady who isn’t in a very strong domestic workplace."

My own view is that it is more nuanced. One has to look at ones own views as a dom and be able to state them. But those views have to largely be sensible and be based on reality and not on fantasy (apart from fantasy agreed with subs). Then the relationship clearly has to take into account the sub's views. Despite the stated cliche of within every sub there is a CEO of a major company (to which there is a kernel truth) I have known some powerful women and they still had been screwed over by their first or first few doms. That is because they either believed as submissive they had no say, or the dom's personality was such that the dom just ignored what the submissive wanted. Therefore it is important for submissives to understand they are not passive members to the relationship. It is also important for doms to understand it is not merely about control but it is also about care of the sub.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yep I agree. Read read read. Oh and practice. I'm very lucky to have an amazing lady in Lu. That has been into the scene for many years. So I get constant feedback on how I'm improving, failing etc.

It wasnt a natural thing for me, but I'm embracing and enjoying it all now.

Oh, and yes. Dont go near that 50 shades of shit.

You're never failing...only learning and exploring

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yep I agree. Read read read. Oh and practice. I'm very lucky to have an amazing lady in Lu. That has been into the scene for many years. So I get constant feedback on how I'm improving, failing etc.

It wasnt a natural thing for me, but I'm embracing and enjoying it all now.

Oh, and yes. Dont go near that 50

You're never failing...only learning and exploring

"
submission isn't about pain , It's about training your mind and body to surrender control to a Dom who wants to meet your and protect you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yep I agree. Read read read. Oh and practice. I'm very lucky to have an amazing lady in Lu. That has been into the scene for many years. So I get constant feedback on how I'm improving, failing etc.

It wasnt a natural thing for me, but I'm embracing and enjoying it all now.

Oh, and yes. Dont go near that 50

You're never failing...only learning and exploring

"
submission isn't about pain , It's about training your mind and body to surrender control to a Dom who wants to meet your needs and protect you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yep I agree. Read read read. Oh and practice. I'm very lucky to have an amazing lady in Lu. That has been into the scene for many years. So I get constant feedback on how I'm improving, failing etc.

It wasnt a natural thing for me, but I'm embracing and enjoying it all now.

Oh, and yes. Dont go near that 50

You're never failing...only learning and exploring

submission isn't about pain , It's about training your mind and body to surrender control to a Dom who wants to meet your needs and protect you "

Erm...neither of us mentioned pain

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By *adyBugsWoman over a year ago

cognito

"Hi guys

I’ve found a really interest in Dom/sub relationships recently.

I’m after some advice on the best way to learn the ropes on this from a Dom perspective.

All advice appreciated

Thanks x

The best way to learn to Dom is to Sub. Fully understanding what it means to be the submissive will teach you more about being a dom than anything else.

Well that's just my perspective

Daddy "

yes, this!! There are very, very few born "true" Dominants. Most people sway between both ends of the scale to some degree before they find where they are comfortable. And if you've been submissive yourself or spent time learning from another Dominant with their submissive then you are going to have a much better relationship from your submissive and won't end up damaging them like a lot of "Doms" do.

Communication is key! Build trust with your sub before getting into heavy stuff. And respecting hard limits and understanding the reasons for them. Negotiation is important too, your dynamic is all about trust, your sub trusting you know when to push a limit and when to stop and them understanding your limits too, not many people have a 24/7 dynamic and even if they do theres times you need a "break" from it too. And both parties are responsible for giving proper aftercare especially after intense scenes.

You could try reading books from Michael Makai and similar authors for ideas about the world and get involved in local groups when socialising in groups is open again.

Best of luck OP!

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By *ncutgemMan over a year ago

Bath ish

If you have to ask advice how to become a Dominant you are cleary not a natural and probably not suited to the role and do not empathize with the needs of a Submissive My advice is First to become a sub to a dom so you understand their needs

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I wouldn’t read anything, not yet anyway , learn about and be yourself not others, find an experienced sub who can help you to bring it out a little and understand your preferences and characteristics then find a submissive at the start of their journey to adventure with

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"I would resist the advice that either you are born a dom or not. This is confusing a character trait i.e. being dominant, and a role in a power exchange relationship i.e being a Dominant.

My favourite of the modern books at the moment is

The Domly Dom Manual by Dominik McMaster.

I would also recommend 50 Shades of Curious: BDSM for Beginners by Bo Blaze

Then there are the old favourites

Screw the Roses. Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Miller. Phillip.

There is also SM 101 Jay Wiseman

If you prefer video, then on YouTube Master Arcane of the Crow Adademy has some short videos. But there are videos lead by women that are good which others may recommend.

If you prefer longer videos XR University Aiden Starr and Ian Rath's videos on D/S relationships.

D/S is not how many websites portray it.

All from a male perspective?

But other people have different views. But it is essential for submissives to know they have agency.

Lost me with agency.

There are equally rights in the play for me.

Think you need to ask: what are the values and needs in Dom play.

And what are the values and needs in submissive play.

Equally, I may have got wrong in past relationships.

Just from my perspective, never met a submissive lady who isn’t in a very strong domestic workplace.

Last sub I had a relationship with, there was seven meetings before there was any physical contact (she believed she had, had a D/s relationship. She hadn’t).

Totally agree about what is reality and often projection of others.

However, recognising projection is a great insight in to others values and a great skill to have, don’t you agree?

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By *ickyplymMan over a year ago

Plymouth

Love to meet a dominant couple i could serve

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

"I would resist the advice that either you are born a dom or not. This is confusing a character trait i.e. being dominant, and a role in a power exchange relationship i.e being a Dominant.

My favourite of the modern books at the moment is

The Domly Dom Manual by Dominik McMaster.

I would also recommend 50 Shades of Curious: BDSM for Beginners by Bo Blaze

Then there are the old favourites

Screw the Roses. Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Miller. Phillip.

There is also SM 101 Jay Wiseman

If you prefer video, then on YouTube Master Arcane of the Crow Adademy has some short videos. But there are videos lead by women that are good which others may recommend.

If you prefer longer videos XR University Aiden Starr and Ian Rath's videos on D/S relationships.

D/S is not how many websites portray it.

All from a male perspective?

But other people have different views. But it is essential for submissives to know they have agency.

Lost me with agency.

There are equally rights in the play for me.

Think you need to ask: what are the values and needs in Dom play.

And what are the values and needs in submissive play.

Equally, I may have got wrong in past relationships.

Just from my perspective, never met a submissive lady who isn’t in a very strong domestic workplace.

Last sub I had a relationship with, there was seven meetings before there was any physical contact (she believed she had, had a D/s relationship. She hadn’t).

Totally agree about what is reality and often projection of others.

However, recognising projection is a great insight in to others values and a great skill to have, don’t you agree?"

If I understand you right and projection meaning people superimposing or attempting to superimpose their ideas, I would agree being able to recognise if someone is projecting is a good skill. I tend to believe it is the psychopaths/sociopaths on the scene that are best at reading projection in submissives and manipulating it to their own ends. It is important for subs to recognise when a dom is trying to project an unsuitable style of behaviour on them.

The problem with the scene is that it has given birth to many stereotypes that people believe they must conform to in order to be "true". In my view it is more about being yourself and finding compatible people.

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"I would resist the advice that either you are born a dom or not. This is confusing a character trait i.e. being dominant, and a role in a power exchange relationship i.e being a Dominant.

My favourite of the modern books at the moment is

The Domly Dom Manual by Dominik McMaster.

I would also recommend 50 Shades of Curious: BDSM for Beginners by Bo Blaze

Then there are the old favourites

Screw the Roses. Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Miller. Phillip.

There is also SM 101 Jay Wiseman

If you prefer video, then on YouTube Master Arcane of the Crow Adademy has some short videos. But there are videos lead by women that are good which others may recommend.

If you prefer longer videos XR University Aiden Starr and Ian Rath's videos on D/S relationships.

D/S is not how many websites portray it.

All from a male perspective?

But other people have different views. But it is essential for submissives to know they have agency.

Lost me with agency.

There are equally rights in the play for me.

Think you need to ask: what are the values and needs in Dom play.

And what are the values and needs in submissive play.

Equally, I may have got wrong in past relationships.

Just from my perspective, never met a submissive lady who isn’t in a very strong domestic workplace.

Last sub I had a relationship with, there was seven meetings before there was any physical contact (she believed she had, had a D/s relationship. She hadn’t).

Totally agree about what is reality and often projection of others.

However, recognising projection is a great insight in to others values and a great skill to have, don’t you agree?

Disagree about psychopaths, find they are the ones that project, feel sorry for those that believe and engage with them.

Yet each to their own, as you hinted (I think), it is a dance, some partners sense that, others live under the spell of projection.

I know which I prefer.

Have fun.

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By *ing_Wookie_RodeoMan over a year ago

stockport wasteland

"Find out what area of domination interests you then research it and talk to as many people within that kink as possible, especially subs. Subs are far better qualified to tell you what makes a good Dom than anyone. Communication is key and Dom with your eyes and head not your ego."
i agree with this. There is more then 1 way to how you pleasure and behave towards a sub all depending on the specific people, i for instance am liking the restraint and teasing, spanking and fustration but like people have said im waiting for clubs to ooen to start learning rope side of things. Everyone is different whatever you decide to do it ego shouldnt be involved confidence yes ego no

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