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Post Baby Relationship Blues
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Any advise on managing relationships post having a baby. Statistically 1 in 5 relationships end within first 12 months. Almost sounds as bad as statistics of new businesses failing in the first 12 months.
Lack of sex - where sex is an important part or was an important part of the relationship and it's not happening, what happens next? |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Speaking honestly, I think a lot of people underestimate the impact having a baby has on a relationship.
The sleepless nights, the anxiety of a crying baby that won’t settle. Being too exhausted for anything, never mind sex, physical impact on a woman’s body, especially if a hard labour/birth, an emotional impact if post natal depression is involved.
Men feeling pushed out, women feeling unsupported.
It’s a shock to the system. And a big old shock to a relationship.
I have no answer. You just eventually learn to adjust. You get into a routine. If you have a partner you need to work as a team. Give each other some me time and have some family time all together.
It will get easier, in time. Talk to each other. Be there for each other, and for baby.
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I think sometimes guys are a bit insensitive to the situation and often talk about how sex is lacking after a baby. But the best thing you can do is be supportive. Offering to have the baby during the night /day if you can, letting her have a shower, letting her sit down and eat a meal, doing things you wouldn't normally do (like around the house). These may seem like the smallest things but these can have a huge impact on how your partner feels about you.
I would not expect sex for at least 3 months. And for some women it can be way way longer depending on how they feel about themselves (body wise and emotionally).
Also my last piece of advice is be honest and speak about your feelings. |
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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman
over a year ago
'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks |
"Any advise on managing relationships post having a baby. Statistically 1 in 5 relationships end within first 12 months. Almost sounds as bad as statistics of new businesses failing in the first 12 months.
Lack of sex - where sex is an important part or was an important part of the relationship and it's not happening, what happens next?"
From experience I would say a huge amount of the cheaters on here are or have been in this position...its not just when the baby arrives, it lasts well into them being teens, and by then I guess the guy either has to accept that and support his partner or cheats to fulfill that need to be sexually desirable again and run the risk of losing his family if he gets caught out. I dont condone it but i understand it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If your partner has just pushed a rugby ball out of her vag she's gonna need some time to recover. Also: the baby is going to be like a leech on both of your (but probably more her) energy. Having kids is kind-of traumatic!
My advice would be to consider this an anomalous 12 months. Just tell yourself "we just had a baby and so some of my needs are on hold for this defined period". Mark the date, so you know it ends (it's your child's first birthday).
Once you've reset your expectations like this, focus on your role as a father to a child and partner of a mother. This isn't the rest of your life, but you're gonna spend this year really focusing on it. Become a great father (it takes practice, it's not all instinct) and become a great partner (there are new problems to solve!). Treat it like a new job, go read and watch videos etc.
Apart from all the other reasons: most mothers have a strong reaction to this and will be much more likely to want to have sex with you. So you'll probably get to that reminder you put in your diary and wonder what you were worrying about  if not, that's the cue to start having some conversations about getting your sex life back on track.
I can see you've been on here a long time op so I'm assuming you're not looking elsewhere, but I'll note that you should give it a chance before cutting and running. Give it 12 months  |
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After our first I suffered with post-natal depression. We were almost 12 months without sex.
Hubby was patient and understanding and as I got better we got closer again.
I've been making up for lost time ever since |
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I think new parents are under huge pressure. They often have no idea of the impact a new baby will have on every single area of their life. Nobody tells them and they don't get the help they need.
I think it helps for both partners to remind themselves that the baby is a result of their relationship not a hindrance to it. Life isn't ever going to be as it was but the changes will only be bad if you both allow it. Men can feel neglected, women can feel that every, single bloody person in the world wants something from them when they're exhausted, depressed and can't even sit on the fucking toilet without someone making some sort of demand. Time for one person to say to the other "how can we make this better and more bearable for both of us?" How that happens depends on the relationship. Also the support you give each other varies, sometimes you're the supporter and sometimes the supportee. |
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"If your partner has just pushed a rugby ball out of her vag she's gonna need some time to recover. Also: the baby is going to be like a leech on both of your (but probably more her) energy. Having kids is kind-of traumatic!
My advice would be to consider this an anomalous 12 months. Just tell yourself "we just had a baby and so some of my needs are on hold for this defined period". Mark the date, so you know it ends (it's your child's first birthday).
Once you've reset your expectations like this, focus on your role as a father to a child and partner of a mother. This isn't the rest of your life, but you're gonna spend this year really focusing on it. Become a great father (it takes practice, it's not all instinct) and become a great partner (there are new problems to solve!). Treat it like a new job, go read and watch videos etc.
Apart from all the other reasons: most mothers have a strong reaction to this and will be much more likely to want to have sex with you. So you'll probably get to that reminder you put in your diary and wonder what you were worrying about if not, that's the cue to start having some conversations about getting your sex life back on track.
I can see you've been on here a long time op so I'm assuming you're not looking elsewhere, but I'll note that you should give it a chance before cutting and running. Give it 12 months "
Well said that man. |
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