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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey, I was looking for some advice. I have broached the subject of swinging with my wife and she's not 100% sure yet, we have cammed on here which she did have a good time doing, it's just trying to get to the next step now.
She's read the 50 shades books thought they where ok. I was jut wondering if anyone knows any books erotic books that are about swinging etc that she could read?
Thanks |
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With the greatest respect, swinging is a lifestyle that you either know you want to indulge in or you don't. Reading books on swinging may give you an insight into the lifestyle, but as for actually indulging, you need to have trust, respect and be 100% certain its what you want to do. 'Persuading' someone to try it often has disastrous consequences to relationships. If either of you is not 100% certain, then don't do it. Sit down and discuss what it entails, watching your partners with other men/women...are they a better lover?....better endowed?....prettier?....jealousy can rear its ugly head and so you should discuss in depth what swinging means to you both and how you would hopefully handle any adverse situations that may arise.
Don't wish to put you off what is a great lifestyle choice, but it is only great when you BOTH understand boundaries, show respect and enjoy it.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the advice, we are a strong couple very much in love and trust each other fully.
I guess your right we should just speak about it fully so we both have an understanding, I don't know if I worded it wrong but I wasn't trying to convince her into swinging with the book, just give her an insight into the lifestyle.
Thanks again |
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"With the greatest respect, swinging is a lifestyle that you either know you want to indulge in or you don't. Reading books on swinging may give you an insight into the lifestyle, but as for actually indulging, you need to have trust, respect and be 100% certain its what you want to do. 'Persuading' someone to try it often has disastrous consequences to relationships. If either of you is not 100% certain, then don't do it. Sit down and discuss what it entails, watching your partners with other men/women...are they a better lover?....better endowed?....prettier?....jealousy can rear its ugly head and so you should discuss in depth what swinging means to you both and how you would hopefully handle any adverse situations that may arise.
Don't wish to put you off what is a great lifestyle choice, but it is only great when you BOTH understand boundaries, show respect and enjoy it. "
Very well said and great advice |
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I don't think you can get to where you want to be by reading books, but that's only my view.
We both decided that we'd like to experience sex with other people without having to cheat on each other, and by getting into the swinging scene, we thought we'd be able to meet those fantasies.
The thing you need to prepare yourself for though, is that once you've experienced the fantasy, it's no longer a fantasy, it's a reality and you need to be sure that you can both handle that, both emotionally and physically.
Once you've done it, it's done. You can't un-fuck someone 
If you are a long term couple you will know each other more than anyone, so you should have an inkling which way it's going to go.
Novels are other peoples fantasies and we all see them differently.
You'll get loads of different view points on all types of subjects when you air them in a public forum, but something like "Is swinging for us? or How do I get my partner to swing?" is something only the two of you can decide.
Hope you sort it, and hope it works out whichever way you go.
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I first me my OH I had never considered swinging, but after we had been together for a while, I (f) thought about it & we decided to go for it together. We only ever play together, & my limits are always respected by both him & the other guy/s. it hasn't been without its issues, but on the whole, we both enjoy it. We havent allowed it to take over our lives either, and only play when we are both ready. Talking has definitely helped |
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I am not sure if the 50 Shades of Grey books are a good insight into swinging.
Rather than giving her insight through an account that is someone else's fantasy, I would suggest a book like "The Ethical Slut".
Although it is primarily about polyamory, its practical advice about the pros and cons of having more than one partner, whether for love or sex, is very helpful.
There might be a more specific swingers handbook, but I can't think of one at the moment.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah there are loads of books on amazon about swinging. I would gather that ur partner hasn't fantasied about sleeping with others cos this is what led us to swinging. Bern together a long time and dirty talk became a reality but only because we were on the same page. If u dont think swinging is her thing look for othet ways to boost your sex life and maybe she will gain confidence and open up more sexually. Please don't coerce her into it cos she may end up feeling unloved and prostituted. Good luck.
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"Thanks for the advice, we are a strong couple very much in love and trust each other fully.
I guess your right we should just speak about it fully so we both have an understanding, I don't know if I worded it wrong but I wasn't trying to convince her into swinging with the book, just give her an insight into the lifestyle.
Thanks again "
There's been a fair bit of good advice on this thread for you.
Just a slightly different slant on it for you to consider.
Try going to a clothed club like for example Xtasia near West Brom or Atlantis Evolution, I pick these two because I've been to both and they are reasonably near your location.
The benefit of them being clothed clubs is you can both dress up (your wife as sexily as she chooses). You can spend your evening at the bar and in the social rooms venturing round the club to see whats happening without taking part yourself and without removing a single item of clothing, or if the mood takes you, you can take the plunge from the shallow end to the diving pool depending on how you feel.
A friend of mine, took 5 years from opening converstaion before he and his wife jointly agreed to go to a swinger club. They chose New years Eve 3 years ago, they'd agreed they would just go for the dancing and to see what happens. Not long after midnight having ventured round to see what was happening in the play rooms a lady helped remove the wifes dress and the rest was history. Primarily she plays with single guys and couples and he often stays at home and watches what happened on video's which was he had wanted all along, but the route to get there can be long and twisty...
Best of luck whatever you choose.
Final thought though, does your wife know you have a single guys profile on here, might be a start t change it to a couples profile and let her know you've moved on from 50 Shades... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I actually think you got off relatively lightly for a "I am trying to persuade my wife" thread.
You are, at some point and with a GREAT deal of thought, gonna have to tell her you fantasies if you ever want her to consider it. She might be happy, she might not. I am afraid buying her lots of erotic books involving multiple partner sex, cuckolding etc is not a subtle form of cognative behavioral therapy that will reprogramme her sexuality.
Sexuality is very deep seated. It can change, but only usually with great effort.
Course, the easy way is copious amounts of alcholhol,/ other inhibition relaxants and some willing (if morally lacking) men to accomplish the task, the setup is usually called a nightclub. She might not be too happy the nextday though  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is a hard decision to make for BOTH of you.
Do you and your wife talk about what you would like from sexual encounters with others?
Have you both discussed the pro's and cons of what could happen?
Have you shown your wife this thread?
Would she like to be on here and make her own mind up?
A lot of men coerce their partners into sexual play with others, a lot of men aren't prepared for the emotions of seeing their partners with someone else, as the fantasy and reality are VERY different.
Do you think you could both handle the feelings and emotions that go along with sex with others?
Good luck with whatever you choose, but choose wisely. |
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"I actually think you got off relatively lightly for a "I am trying to persuade my wife" thread.
You are, at some point and with a GREAT deal of thought, gonna have to tell her you fantasies if you ever want her to consider it. She might be happy, she might not. I am afraid buying her lots of erotic books involving multiple partner sex, cuckolding etc is not a subtle form of cognative behavioral therapy that will reprogramme her sexuality.
Sexuality is very deep seated. It can change, but only usually with great effort.
Course, the easy way is copious amounts of alcholhol,/ other inhibition relaxants and some willing (if morally lacking) men to accomplish the task, the setup is usually called a nightclub. She might not be too happy the nextday though "
 couldn't agree more! |
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"It is a hard decision to make for BOTH of you.
Do you and your wife talk about what you would like from sexual encounters with others?
Have you both discussed the pro's and cons of what could happen?
Have you shown your wife this thread?
Would she like to be on here and make her own mind up?
A lot of men coerce their partners into sexual play with others, a lot of men aren't prepared for the emotions of seeing their partners with someone else, as the fantasy and reality are VERY different.
Do you think you could both handle the feelings and emotions that go along with sex with others?
Good luck with whatever you choose, but choose wisely."
common sense well articulated, totally agree |
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