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Single Men Messaging
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So, I consider myself to be a thoughtful, respectful human being. I don't give anyone any abuse, and I always write well thought out messages that conform to all the criteria of the person I'm messaging. I also never bombard anyone or mess people around, so...
I did a bit of a count-up and of the last 50 messages I sent on here, 7 are unread, 2 replied, and 41 either read or deleted my message. So that's 2 out of 41 messages that got a response - I do not ask, or expect any explanation from anyone, nobody owes you a response.
To the guys on here - I'm someone who bothers to write well, and is extremely considerate and well mannered, and those are the stats that I come up against. All you dudes on here who send 3 or 4 of the same crappy short message, then get abusive to people - you're the problem. Stop it. |
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"I don't think the men, to whom you are referring to,read the forums OP "
This!!
All you can do is build up a reputation on here for being someone reliable, not a time waster or an idiot and things get better - but it takes time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think the men, to whom you are referring to,read the forums OP
This!!
All you can do is build up a reputation on here for being someone reliable, not a time waster or an idiot and things get better - but it takes time "
Oh don't worry about me - this wasn't a 'woe is me' post. I'm extremely well connected, and have zero issue meeting people here or elsewhere. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, I consider myself to be a thoughtful, respectful human being. I don't give anyone any abuse, and I always write well thought out messages that conform to all the criteria of the person I'm messaging. I also never bombard anyone or mess people around, so...
I did a bit of a count-up and of the last 50 messages I sent on here, 7 are unread, 2 replied, and 41 either read or deleted my message. So that's 2 out of 41 messages that got a response - I do not ask, or expect any explanation from anyone, nobody owes you a response.
To the guys on here - I'm someone who bothers to write well, and is extremely considerate and well mannered, and those are the stats that I come up against. All you dudes on here who send 3 or 4 of the same crappy short message, then get abusive to people - you're the problem. Stop it."
You say this as if a horny guy is going to read this and say to himself “ Well I’ll just stop sending cock pics and fancy a fuck messages from now on “
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, I consider myself to be a thoughtful, respectful human being. I don't give anyone any abuse, and I always write well thought out messages that conform to all the criteria of the person I'm messaging. I also never bombard anyone or mess people around, so...
I did a bit of a count-up and of the last 50 messages I sent on here, 7 are unread, 2 replied, and 41 either read or deleted my message. So that's 2 out of 41 messages that got a response - I do not ask, or expect any explanation from anyone, nobody owes you a response.
To the guys on here - I'm someone who bothers to write well, and is extremely considerate and well mannered, and those are the stats that I come up against. All you dudes on here who send 3 or 4 of the same crappy short message, then get abusive to people - you're the problem. Stop it."
This  Well said ....... it’s when they send the same message day after day and don’t get the hint when the message gets deleted  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, I consider myself to be a thoughtful, respectful human being. I don't give anyone any abuse, and I always write well thought out messages that conform to all the criteria of the person I'm messaging. I also never bombard anyone or mess people around, so...
I did a bit of a count-up and of the last 50 messages I sent on here, 7 are unread, 2 replied, and 41 either read or deleted my message. So that's 2 out of 41 messages that got a response - I do not ask, or expect any explanation from anyone, nobody owes you a response.
To the guys on here - I'm someone who bothers to write well, and is extremely considerate and well mannered, and those are the stats that I come up against. All you dudes on here who send 3 or 4 of the same crappy short message, then get abusive to people - you're the problem. Stop it."
In all honesty we are all in the same boat here... Yes, there are some out there who do what you say that they are but most of us are like you and we get similar stats to you... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, I consider myself to be a thoughtful, respectful human being. I don't give anyone any abuse, and I always write well thought out messages that conform to all the criteria of the person I'm messaging. I also never bombard anyone or mess people around, so...
I did a bit of a count-up and of the last 50 messages I sent on here, 7 are unread, 2 replied, and 41 either read or deleted my message. So that's 2 out of 41 messages that got a response - I do not ask, or expect any explanation from anyone, nobody owes you a response.
To the guys on here - I'm someone who bothers to write well, and is extremely considerate and well mannered, and those are the stats that I come up against. All you dudes on here who send 3 or 4 of the same crappy short message, then get abusive to people - you're the problem. Stop it."
I’m sure at some point in the past we have messaged and if my memory serves me rightly I replied cos you had manners and sent a decent conversation message not just a wanna f#*#
Sadly the idiots will still send stupid messages for which I just delete
But if you make an effort I will always reply politely
Manners cost nothing
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, I consider myself to be a thoughtful, respectful human being. I don't give anyone any abuse, and I always write well thought out messages that conform to all the criteria of the person I'm messaging. I also never bombard anyone or mess people around, so...
I did a bit of a count-up and of the last 50 messages I sent on here, 7 are unread, 2 replied, and 41 either read or deleted my message. So that's 2 out of 41 messages that got a response - I do not ask, or expect any explanation from anyone, nobody owes you a response.
To the guys on here - I'm someone who bothers to write well, and is extremely considerate and well mannered, and those are the stats that I come up against. All you dudes on here who send 3 or 4 of the same crappy short message, then get abusive to people - you're the problem. Stop it."
These days I only message to offer compliments as I don’t intend to meet so my messages are short but sweet I hope Like you only a very tiny number bother to reply and there’s a new trend of friend making but in my experience you are ignored when sending a message of thanks for allowing you to be added  |
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By *on_LaraCouple
over a year ago
london |
"So, I consider myself to be a thoughtful, respectful human being. I don't give anyone any abuse, and I always write well thought out messages that conform to all the criteria of the person I'm messaging. I also never bombard anyone or mess people around, so...
I did a bit of a count-up and of the last 50 messages I sent on here, 7 are unread, 2 replied, and 41 either read or deleted my message. So that's 2 out of 41 messages that got a response - I do not ask, or expect any explanation from anyone, nobody owes you a response.
To the guys on here - I'm someone who bothers to write well, and is extremely considerate and well mannered, and those are the stats that I come up against. All you dudes on here who send 3 or 4 of the same crappy short message, then get abusive to people - you're the problem. Stop it."
I think a 5% response rate is pretty good - around double what you’d get from conventional direct marketing. We get a stack of messages from single guys every day so it’s unrealistic for us to politely decline every one of them.
I’d say well done on the 2-3 you engaged with...
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By *nya888Woman
over a year ago
London |
"So, I consider myself to be a thoughtful, respectful human being. I don't give anyone any abuse, and I always write well thought out messages that conform to all the criteria of the person I'm messaging. I also never bombard anyone or mess people around, so...
I did a bit of a count-up and of the last 50 messages I sent on here, 7 are unread, 2 replied, and 41 either read or deleted my message. So that's 2 out of 41 messages that got a response - I do not ask, or expect any explanation from anyone, nobody owes you a response.
To the guys on here - I'm someone who bothers to write well, and is extremely considerate and well mannered, and those are the stats that I come up against. All you dudes on here who send 3 or 4 of the same crappy short message, then get abusive to people - you're the problem. Stop it."
Don't assume I'm one of your last 50, as it's been a while since we spoke. But always enjoyed our conversations. If I've ended it by not responding, I have to admit that it's not your fault, but mainly due to my full inbox of junk. The good ones get lost when I can't find the old massages. I don't bulk delete, as this will also delete the good ones, but I don't have time to admin through everything to only keep the ones I'm enjoying.
I should have a better system, but I don't.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well said OP I only started using this site recently and have found that i only get a handful of replies even though my messages are thoughtful and not rude, aggressive or desperate. Reputation and verification from other users very important |
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I'd save not to give up on the messages. I know as a single guy on here (before) you have to make your own opportunities, they rarely come to you. Its great that you put thought and time into your messages. This will increase your chances. Granted its always welcome to get a reply either way. But just because you made the effort off your own back to write a well thought out individual but unsolicited message doesn't mean anyone owes you the same effort back. I think you have to keep that in mind when you play this game and accept it. This will unfortunately often be the case. Just got to keep your chin up, stay positive and keep at it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, I consider myself to be a thoughtful, respectful human being. I don't give anyone any abuse, and I always write well thought out messages that conform to all the criteria of the person I'm messaging. I also never bombard anyone or mess people around, so...
I did a bit of a count-up and of the last 50 messages I sent on here, 7 are unread, 2 replied, and 41 either read or deleted my message. So that's 2 out of 41 messages that got a response - I do not ask, or expect any explanation from anyone, nobody owes you a response.
To the guys on here - I'm someone who bothers to write well, and is extremely considerate and well mannered, and those are the stats that I come up against. All you dudes on here who send 3 or 4 of the same crappy short message, then get abusive to people - you're the problem. Stop it."
I fully agree with you OP, I feel I have the same outlook and way of messaging as you with similar stats for my effort. Theres no need or positive outcome from getting dickish about it, if people like what you have to offer and what they read they'll reply, if not that's completely up to them   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I certainly don't expect a reply from anyone - having been into this sort of thing for about 15 years, I've seen it change and evolve, also been a couple, and a 3-person-poly thing so I know my way round.
It was merely observational, not looking for sympathy or advice, but I appreciate the replies and insight. Of course the experience is very different depending on the person/persons/dynamic and I've seen every side of it.
I expect lockdown hasn't helped, but I'm very close to deleting all this and jacking it in for good. |
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Thanks for making me feel much less rejected because i’ve been getting the same. I dunno what the answer is or how to get through. A lot don’t even look at my profile. Not much we can do just hope a nice lady eventually replies haha |
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"Thanks for making me feel much less rejected because i’ve been getting the same. I dunno what the answer is or how to get through. A lot don’t even look at my profile. Not much we can do just hope a nice lady eventually replies haha"
A lot of women look at your profile in stealth mode before even reading your message .... so you will never really know if they have looked  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Same here OP.
I've been around this game for years too, as a couple and single guy. It is what it is I'm afraid.
Sometimes a well thought out message doesnt even get read, sometimes a crass message gets a reply. Its pot luck.
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Most people will not have full mutual compatibility, however good or bad the message is to start things.
Due to the volume of choice, it does help people to hit the spot better than a more limited site.
If you write well, you'll be able to communicate better to help others filter accordingly.
Those unread, deleted and not replied to are just part of the sites choice and people saving you from wasting further time. That's how it is here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally my main issue with men is that you tend not to read profiles and then message women who have publicly stated they are not interested and then complain about a lack of response.
However well intentioned the desire to dish compliments may be, I'd rather men kept their thoughts to themselves unless they matched my very detailed criteria and wanted to meet. I dont have time in the day to respond individually to everyone so I limit my replies to profile readers. If a guy doesn't have 2 mins to spend getting to know me, he's never going to see me naked (except for my pics lol) |
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My thoughts
There are far more men than women on here, I estimated 12 to 1 and therefore they can't answer them all. So it is tough for us men.
Although some women like full frontal images of men, no matter how proud you are, it is a put off for most women. This means you are instantly ignored. Many profiles written by women state this.
It is essential to read the profile before messaging. You have to engage women with their needs.
It is very tough but when you connect with the right people it is awesome.
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16 years ago I was chatting with a chap at a sex party. He was unhappy that one in fifty of the messages he sent to women had any kind of response. Once i told him that was typical he seemed much happier.
It's not you. That's just how things are in this scene. |
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Lately, due to the given site m/f ratio and consequent futility of attempting to beat to odds, I’ve taken to standing back a bit, sending far fewer messages, adding more intriguing pics etc to my profile.
So far, (provided I don’t want a meet every week), it has paid off with approaches from some very nice people! |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Lately, due to the given site m/f ratio and consequent futility of attempting to beat to odds, I’ve taken to standing back a bit, sending far fewer messages, adding more intriguing pics etc to my profile.
So far, (provided I don’t want a meet every week), it has paid off with approaches from some very nice people!"
Well done.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know there will probably be some backlash for this comment but it’s a point for discussion lol.
As previously stated above the ratio of men to couples / females is just huge and it’s not working for either genuine participant , the system doesn’t work full stop , the only people benefiting here are the single trolls who stay for a very short term and blast every female / couple with the same boring dross.
It needs a radical rethink ?
Maybe guys should not be allowed to message until invited ? As if it where a virtual club environment.....a couple or a single lady would engage or catch the eye of someone in a club then chat and see if there is any interest in it going further.
The biggest thing that puts couples and women off in this lifestyle is groups of guys stood like predators hunting and cock waving and fabs is a virtual version of this scenario , guys this isn’t swinging and the site is full of people who aren’t swingers it needs fixing badly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know there will probably be some backlash for this comment but it’s a point for discussion lol.
As previously stated above the ratio of men to couples / females is just huge and it’s not working for either genuine participant , the system doesn’t work full stop , the only people benefiting here are the single trolls who stay for a very short term and blast every female / couple with the same boring dross.
It needs a radical rethink ?
Maybe guys should not be allowed to message until invited ? As if it where a virtual club environment.....a couple or a single lady would engage or catch the eye of someone in a club then chat and see if there is any interest in it going further.
The biggest thing that puts couples and women off in this lifestyle is groups of guys stood like predators hunting and cock waving and fabs is a virtual version of this scenario , guys this isn’t swinging and the site is full of people who aren’t swingers it needs fixing badly "
your quite right in would say 70% of guys on here are here just to see what swinging is all about , complete fantasist who are probably married and dream of being in a swinging relationship. I think fab should automatically delete profiles that have not been verified after a period of 4 month . Far far to many un verified profiles now |
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"Personally my main issue with men is that you tend not to read profiles and then message women who have publicly stated they are not interested and then complain about a lack of response.
However well intentioned the desire to dish compliments may be, I'd rather men kept their thoughts to themselves unless they matched my very detailed criteria and wanted to meet. I dont have time in the day to respond individually to everyone so I limit my replies to profile readers. If a guy doesn't have 2 mins to spend getting to know me, he's never going to see me naked (except for my pics lol)"
You only limit yourself to readers so you can laugh at the message header, don't you?
What a pity I can only answer yes to 9 of your 10 points.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve had messages from men who sound incredibly polite, well mannered and decent, yet when I’ve stated in the nicest possible at they are not what I’m looking for they’ve still got abusive and threatening.
Sending a “polite” message doesn’t mean one can’t get abusive or isn’t a prick. I’d rather not run the risk personally and I simply delete messages from those that don’t interest me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know there will probably be some backlash for this comment but it’s a point for discussion lol.
As previously stated above the ratio of men to couples / females is just huge and it’s not working for either genuine participant , the system doesn’t work full stop , the only people benefiting here are the single trolls who stay for a very short term and blast every female / couple with the same boring dross.
It needs a radical rethink ?
Maybe guys should not be allowed to message until invited ? As if it where a virtual club environment.....a couple or a single lady would engage or catch the eye of someone in a club then chat and see if there is any interest in it going further.
The biggest thing that puts couples and women off in this lifestyle is groups of guys stood like predators hunting and cock waving and fabs is a virtual version of this scenario , guys this isn’t swinging and the site is full of people who aren’t swingers it needs fixing badly "
I disagree.
Fab works fine for many of us and doesn’t need change.
Making it harder for men to message/join doesn’t mean it’ll get easier for you or others to get a meet. If people aren’t interested they’re just not interested. |
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"So, I consider myself to be a thoughtful, respectful human being. I don't give anyone any abuse, and I always write well thought out messages that conform to all the criteria of the person I'm messaging. I also never bombard anyone or mess people around, so...
I did a bit of a count-up and of the last 50 messages I sent on here, 7 are unread, 2 replied, and 41 either read or deleted my message. So that's 2 out of 41 messages that got a response - I do not ask, or expect any explanation from anyone, nobody owes you a response.
To the guys on here - I'm someone who bothers to write well, and is extremely considerate and well mannered, and those are the stats that I come up against. All you dudes on here who send 3 or 4 of the same crappy short message, then get abusive to people - you're the problem. Stop it."
Well said! As a single woman I get a lot of messages every day so don't always have the time to respond. I may start to go through my messages and after a few crude messages (one guy's first message said "you will be riding my cock next week" uh no!) and one liners I start to lose hope and stop reading.
I delete the "wanna f**k" messages, ones with statuses that are blank or just one line and ones that are clearly a blanket message sent to loads of women.
If men want a reply they need to make an effort on their profile - I have to say yours is a very good profile |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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most guys wouldnt believe the sort of messages we sometimes get, a few men ruin it for the many, we often just block men from messaging, and if we want to meet one we look ourselves, and make first contact |
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