FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Guys that can’t get it up
Guys that can’t get it up
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"It's not you OP. It's nerves and performance anxiety as others have said. It's happened to hubby and guys I've hooked up with. Men don't have an on switch and the pressure to perform does affect quite a lot of guys. Tiredness, hydration, hormones, adrenaline, alcohol, etc. can all be factors too. It's not like porn when you drop your knickers and he just slams it straight in already hard. I have had meets like that, but more often its takes a bit of time, conversation, kissing and cuddling to get comfortable. Xx" Summed up perfectly. I have found that a good nights rest and plenty of water helps loads. Most guys I know have suffered from this at some point in their lives. It’s definitely not you OP. | |||
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"I've been on here for 10yrs and met many men , none of them has ever had a problem getting hard ons , it seems there are guys who have stage fright ?? " I suspect many guys aren't really that into sharing with an established MF couple. I would reckon given the choice of having sex with lady in a MF couple on her own or with her and her partner 9 out of 10 would choose to have the female alone. I also suspect when many imagine it they just imagine what they will do with the woman and what she'll look like/do, with very little though of the interaction with her partner. I think for many the only reason they seek MFM is due to a lack of supply one on one with females not because they find it a turn on. This can become problematic in reality because the idea of MFM may not actually be arousing to him, just a means to and end for him to get laid with a woman. Trouble is for a man if he's not aroused by the situation, it shows. | |||
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"IHowever!! there is always a little blue insurance policy for those who suffer with performance anxiety x" Unfortunately a genetic heart condition means those little blue fellas are out of bounds for me  | |||
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"IHowever!! there is always a little blue insurance policy for those who suffer with performance anxiety x Unfortunately a genetic heart condition means those little blue fellas are out of bounds for me "You may want to try... Horny goat , Spanish fly , and go to any Jamiacan restaurant for Irish moss.... | |||
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"It has nothing to do with you, it's mainly nerves and anxiety. It's hard for males to get meets here, and now that it's actually happening they want to impress you. It can become a chain reaction, the more they obsess, the more it causes the very thing they are dreading. It's much less likely with someone who's experienced and had meets before. For first timers, taking an ED drug like sildenafil or tadalafil can help. Another good idea is to take it slowly. Start with non-sexual play and a massage and see if that gets them back in the mood. " Thanks - Great advice- Lovely to hear it straight from the Horses ?? Mouth - We are human beings- Not machines - Connection & No Pressure with Fun is so sexy x | |||
"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this " Yep. It's not you, it's them. They're usually up the next time if given the chance. | |||
"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this " Totally their nerves, you see it in clubs and meets all the time x | |||
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Frustrated I then lost it all together. Later I felt I had to apologise to her, but it was all me and in my head. The minute the evening was over I was back in familiar territory I was fine.
Bloody annoying, and one of the reasons I prefer being in chastity now!! | |||
"I've found Viagra cocks are difficult to get cumming , I've never taken them so do they delay ur orgasm guys ? " They can do. Used it a couple of times but I have found that rather than delaying sensation I have the feeling of erection security so I can take steps to control myself more without fear of failure. Also recovery time considerably less, like seconds rather than minutes. With Viagra - as stated above - it won't work any better if you have a real ED problem outside of a but of nervousness. We have used it when at a party or just together for the fun of it (and it is fun) but for the first few times take an Ibuprofen with it as the headache can be nasty. | |||
"This is one of the reasons we do separate rooms , so many guys can’t get hard with wifey looking over her shoulder. In rare cases it’s chemistry, as a guy when you have a lot of sex, you really need chemistry to perform well, no amount of blue pills will help that !!" I find it more difficult if Mrs isn't there. The look of lust she gives me when she's watching me with another woman is one of the horniest things I have ever experienced. | |||
"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this " It's definitely NOT you, and I have only struggled to cum not get hard mostly due to being tired. | |||
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I don't take it personally, I don't judge, I don't scold, it happens but I won't entertain all this sucking and sucking and trying and trying. That's why on my profile AND on our couple profile it says in a full swap situation the male MUST be able to perform with a condom on his hard penis, obviously soft swap it isn't an issue. | |||
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"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this " It happens. had it happen a few times, annoying, but hey ho. | |||
"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this " It’s nerves - hubby is right - we get it sometimes as well | |||
"Having looked at your pics, I highly doubt it's you "Thank you xx | |||
"Quite a few times to be honest. And usually with a couple. Think of it this way...a long term couple who decide they want to swing,(probably haven't used condoms for a bit) he has to suddenly be able to get a hard on, maintain the hard on, while wearing a condom, with other people in the room. When this has happened, I have tried other things, take a break, watch the others etc when/if it becomes clear it ain't gonna happen I usually grab my OH and get going with him and let the others sort themselves out, plus side of being a couple
I don't take it personally, I don't judge, I don't scold, it happens but I won't entertain all this sucking and sucking and trying and trying. That's why on my profile AND on our couple profile it says in a full swap situation the male MUST be able to perform with a condom on his hard penis, obviously soft swap it isn't an issue. "Having read your profile I (Mr) was impressed to see both Full Metal Jacket and Pirates of the Carribbean feature with cameos  | |||
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"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this " It's not you (mostly). I remember a meet with a lovely couple, and another male. It wasn't my first meet with a group. But I missed the motorway exit, and started getting stressed. By the time we arrived, I couldn't relax and enjoy the evening. Yes, it's easy to turn men on, but sometimes nerves can block us. So have a social, relax and don't focus on the cock. The added pressure of trying to get hard rarely helps. Distract the chap by sitting on his face. | |||
"Quite a few times to be honest. And usually with a couple. Think of it this way...a long term couple who decide they want to swing,(probably haven't used condoms for a bit) he has to suddenly be able to get a hard on, maintain the hard on, while wearing a condom, with other people in the room. When this has happened, I have tried other things, take a break, watch the others etc when/if it becomes clear it ain't gonna happen I usually grab my OH and get going with him and let the others sort themselves out, plus side of being a couple
I don't take it personally, I don't judge, I don't scold, it happens but I won't entertain all this sucking and sucking and trying and trying. That's why on my profile AND on our couple profile it says in a full swap situation the male MUST be able to perform with a condom on his hard penis, obviously soft swap it isn't an issue.
Having read your profile I (Mr) was impressed to see both Full Metal Jacket and Pirates of the Carribbean feature with cameos "Thanks just had a good ol' perv at your profile  | |||
"Quite a few times to be honest. And usually with a couple. Think of it this way...a long term couple who decide they want to swing,(probably haven't used condoms for a bit) he has to suddenly be able to get a hard on, maintain the hard on, while wearing a condom, with other people in the room. When this has happened, I have tried other things, take a break, watch the others etc when/if it becomes clear it ain't gonna happen I usually grab my OH and get going with him and let the others sort themselves out, plus side of being a couple
I don't take it personally, I don't judge, I don't scold, it happens but I won't entertain all this sucking and sucking and trying and trying. That's why on my profile AND on our couple profile it says in a full swap situation the male MUST be able to perform with a condom on his hard penis, obviously soft swap it isn't an issue.
Having read your profile I (Mr) was impressed to see both Full Metal Jacket and Pirates of the Carribbean feature with cameos
Thanks just had a good ol' perv at your profile "More than welcome. We do like a perv | |||
"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this " It's not you. Some guys like the idea of swinging but when given the chance nerves get the better of them. Some guys find out they cannot get hard in front of other men. | |||
"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this It's not you. Some guys like the idea of swinging but when given the chance nerves get the better of them. Some guys find out they cannot get hard in front of other men. " I've been doing private house parties with tgirls and admirers for over 5 yrs , never has any guy struggled to get an erection so I wonder why that is given so many men put it down to nerves about performance or other men present , it's definitely a weird one ha  | |||
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"IHowever!! there is always a little blue insurance policy for those who suffer with performance anxiety x Unfortunately a genetic heart condition means those little blue fellas are out of bounds for me "Sadly I am in the same situation, No Viagra or Cialis | |||
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"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this " Not sure if I should admit this but I occasionally use viagra. I have not had sex with more than one person at one time but I played with a lady while her husband filmed it and the blue pill helped with the nerves that time. So I would recommend that to anyone who has struggled at times. | |||
"I used to feel this way if I couldn’t make the guy cum.... I’d think it was because they didn’t find me attractive enough ... but then they’d either say they find it hard to start with without throwing me into the mix or because they find it harder with condoms. I’ve learnt to get over this now as everyone is different and I shouldn’t feel disheartened as you can tell they are enjoying it whether they cum or not. Def don’t think it’s because the guy doesn’t fancy you because it’ll not be that. My hubby struggles sometimes ... his dick has a mind of its own.. even when we are on our own... especially after he’s had a drink ... as long as people don’t make a song and dance about it as the guy feels embarrassed to begin with ..." Well said u look fabulous | |||
"I believe its called performance anxiety. In a lot of swinging scenarios males often suffer this. It's a state of mind, you can feel horny and excited beyond imagination and then it fails to rise to the occasion! It's embarrassing and worrying for all concerned and has nothing to do with erectile disfunction. It also has nothing to do with you OP, it happens, we are not machines, and we all have to cope with natural oddities. I'm sure all men like to consider themselves some sort of sex god, but I think we all need to take a reality check at times. " after seeing your first couple of pics i nearly cum in my pants lol | |||
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"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this " It’s not you , it’s quite normal for a guy to struggle in that situation, many guys get the exact same insecurities and fears as women, they just are less likely to articulate it like women. After a few bad experiences for Mrs, we now mostly do separate room, it fixes it. I don’t have an issue getting hard and happy to perform while others watch , unless I’m very tired or there’s zero chemistry , but still don’t want my wife looking over her shoulder while I’m indulging in a hottie, I want to be able to do and say all kinds of things to enhance play and neither of us really want to see or hear our partner doing that ! It’s bound to have a psychological impact on performance | |||
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"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this " It's not you. Just performance issues. I've been fortunate to not be in this position and always rise to attention. | |||
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"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this " Yes, a very common scenario and he’s right,but it’s usual for a lady to think it’s her fault and feel bad over it. It’s happened a few times to us but it’s more common with couples, especially older ones where the guy can’t for medical reasons etc. We once met a gorgeous younger couple in Spain and didn’t expect to play but they were very keen, the poor lad just couldn’t get hard as the scenario was all too much for him. | |||
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But some guys need to know there are other ways to please. They concentrate on the penis and put too much pressure on themselves. If it doesn't pop up take a break, play in other ways , concentrate on your playmate's pleasure and let them cum first (that should be a given) then see what happens. At the end of the day it's about enjoying who your with not always about getting your dick wet | |||
"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this " Hubby's right - that's why a relaxed 'get to know you' type meet can be so much better.... | |||
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"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this Hubby's right - that's why a relaxed 'get to know you' type meet can be so much better...." have you ever noticed tho that quite a big percentage of social meets verified don't seem to progress to a play meet ? | |||
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"It's not you OP. It's nerves and performance anxiety as others have said. It's happened to hubby and guys I've hooked up with. Men don't have an on switch and the pressure to perform does affect quite a lot of guys. Tiredness, hydration, hormones, adrenaline, alcohol, etc. can all be factors too. It's not like porn when you drop your knickers and he just slams it straight in already hard. I have had meets like that, but more often its takes a bit of time, conversation, kissing and cuddling to get comfortable. Xx" Totally agree with you. We all want to give a good account of ourselves, and we can feel anxious when meeting for first time. You can fancy the hell out of the lady and sometimes the brains saying yes, but he’s saying what a minute. Being relaxed and at ease in the ladies company is a big factor too. Cant beat a chat and some great kissing to get the motor running either. . Porn stars still have fluffers to get them going right ?.
So to the OP, its not your fault.. put them at ease first with your feminine charms and sensual nature and reap the rewards. If they with you, they want you. | |||
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"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this Hubby's right - that's why a relaxed 'get to know you' type meet can be so much better.... have you ever noticed tho that quite a big percentage of social meets verified don't seem to progress to a play meet ? " Most of my veris are from the initial social meet, but I don’t see the need for subsequent veris from play dates afterwards. A veri is confirmation that the person is who they purport to be in their profile, and nobody needs to know what happened on a play date. Similar goes for the repeat veris from friends, over and over and over.....what is the point?  | |||
"After bowel cancer and an ex wife who took a razorblade to my penis I sometimes have trouble but I have Cialis on prescription and wear my steel cockrings as a necklace to keep then to hand
But some guys need to know there are other ways to please. They concentrate on the penis and put too much pressure on themselves. If it doesn't pop up take a break, play in other ways , concentrate on your playmate's pleasure and let them cum first (that should be a given) then see what happens. At the end of the day it's about enjoying who your with not always about getting your dick wet "Your Ex Wife took a razor blade to your cock bloody hell! What exactly happened buddy? KJ | |||
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Lou | |||
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"we've had this happen loads and I'm starting to genuinely think it's me
"It certainly isn't due to you, seriously! | |||
"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this " I am sure I will get called a white knight but so be it. Looking at your pictures you have a very sexy body and gorgeous sexy legs. It's not you. If it was you why would men ask to meet you? | |||
"Diabetes find it hard to get a erection and other medications can do that as well .." When I was anti depressants I had the same problem | |||
"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this I am sure I will get called a white knight but so be it. Looking at your pictures you have a very sexy body and gorgeous sexy legs. It's not you. If it was you why would men ask to meet you?" any holes a goal ? I hear this so bloody much it makes my piss boil ! | |||
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"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this " This is why I set my age limit to 55 as I found guys older either couldn't get it up, Sustain or repeat. 4hrs to get ready for 2mins didn't seem worth it | |||
"Get you cock hard put a towel over it And focus ur cock to keep it up Train it Will strengthen you hard on " What Poundland book did you get that advice from? E | |||
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"Guys often get seen a very simple base creatures when it comes to sex. But really a guys biggest sex organ is also his brain. A lot of guys need to be totally in the moment and care free to preform. So in a unfamiliar situations, mixed with a need to perform can cause anxiety or mental distraction. A lot of this can either be reduced or made worse by the couple in question and how they go about things. Its really important to create the right atmosphere were the guy can feel at ease, totally welcome and everything flows totally naturally. Also not every guy responds well to being treated like a living sex toy (even if in his own mind that sounds cool). So if this keeps happening it may be just worth asking if theirs anything you can do to create a more comfortable, relaxed and natural enviroment for the guy? And of course some guys are just more carefree, comfortable and confident than others. So always worth checking reviews, word of mouth and looking for a guy who has a good track record when it comes to MFM." This a great reply. I think a lot of us, both men and women put pressure on ourselves at times in all aspects of life and in a sex scenario that pressure can be ramped up but the expectation to perform etc. For us single guys as there are lots of us on here it can be easy to fall into feelings of “oh they’ve selected me over all the others they could have chosen so I’d better be a rampant stud” which can lead to issues getting hard. Yes there are couples who want rampant sex and for you to be able to stay hard all night but there are also lots of couples on here who like the social aspect of a meet and the teasing and flirting which definitely helps. So OP don’t get down on yourself. As you’ve seen from all the responses, it happens. Keep your pecker up, so to speak. | |||
" By M Plus EFind posts by M Plus E Couple 11 minutes ago The South "Get you cock hard put a towel over it And focus ur cock to keep it up Train it Will strengthen you hard on " What Poundland book did you get that advice from? E No book just common scense and imagination Don’t knock it untill u try it" Common sense you say? Non-sense actually. Imagination? Too much imagination methinks. Utter rubbish. Sorry to disappoint you. You can strengthen a muscle, unfortunately a penis isn't a muscle. It's an empty sack of skin that's only filled and firmed by blood pressure. No amount of towels and "thinking it hard" will help. E | |||
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too much booze / hungover
but generally once up its up lol strong like bull | |||
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