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Are all men the same?
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Ladies, please help me out!
So, in the past two months I've met three different guys (not breaking any rules, working doors standing outside you meet many people)
It turns out all three are married/partners and they want their cake and eat it!
As im single, my time is limited as I'm working to live. I want to find somebody who i can share everything with and be able to experiment more with. Not grab a quick hour as he's off telling the wife he's out doing a quote.
Are they all attached or am I just looking in the wrong place?
Advice please....... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Loads of them are attached unfortunately.
Don't forget this is instashag for many.
I've met them away from here, its whilst I've been working."
No difference if they're on sex site or not. Cheats are everywhere. |
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"Loads of them are attached unfortunately.
Don't forget this is instashag for many.
I've met them away from here, its whilst I've been working.
No difference if they're on sex site or not. Cheats are everywhere. "
 love it |
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on the flip side, at least they turned up. mine all but two arrange meets then ghost me when it came to the day.
unfortunately huge amount of fantasist time wasters. But I know some people have fabulous time here, mainly helped by going to clubs to meet people who also use fab |
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By *innMan
over a year ago
edinburgh |
"on the flip side, at least they turned up. mine all but two arrange meets then ghost me when it came to the day.
unfortunately huge amount of fantasist time wasters. But I know some people have fabulous time here, mainly helped by going to clubs to meet people who also use fab"
Ghosting you - they must be fakes any one serious about this life choice would not stand you up |
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oh they also think its a 'need to know' information. They don't put it on their profile because they think less women find them attractive (which is probably true) and only say if you ask them directly. some still continue to lie and get you two to meet then act shifty. |
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"on the flip side, at least they turned up. mine all but two arrange meets then ghost me when it came to the day.
unfortunately huge amount of fantasist time wasters. But I know some people have fabulous time here, mainly helped by going to clubs to meet people who also use fab
Ghosting you - they must be fakes any one serious about this life choice would not stand you up "
i cam chatted with them before they ghost. I think they changed their mind for all different reasons. |
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I think it is easier for married people to flirt with others, as there is less 'desperation'. They already have a relationship, so anything else is just icing on the cake.
I'm not even sure it's conscious. When I've been in relationships, I'm probably more relaxed around women, because I'm not trying to go out with them, and consequently had more offers.
Likewise, when I'm with my male friends' wives and girlfriends, they're definitely unavailable, so I relax and be myself, they are surprised I'm single.
But when I'm single and looking, such as I am now, I'm struggling, due to the 'desperation'. |
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"Ladies, please help me out!
So, in the past two months I've met three different guys (not breaking any rules, working doors standing outside you meet many people)
It turns out all three are married/partners and they want their cake and eat it!
As im single, my time is limited as I'm working to live. I want to find somebody who i can share everything with and be able to experiment more with. Not grab a quick hour as he's off telling the wife he's out doing a quote.
Are they all attached or am I just looking in the wrong place?
Advice please......."
I'm the male half (so maybe not the answer you are looking for) but please hear me out as I can possibly offer some insight.
No, not every man is the same in the same way not every woman is the same. In our specific case, we play as a couple and we play separately. We have an open arrangement and actively encourage the other to go on meets. Our only rule is, we don't knowingly meet people who are cheating on their spouses. We are, after all, swingers and not willing parties to another persons infidelity.
Unfortunately, there are people of both sexes on here who are married where their partner does not know. We always shut those down before they start if we find out be it's possible someone has not been honest with us in the past.
But there are also people who are not married and just want something casual on a regular occasion. Years ago I used to spend 1 evening every few weeks with a lady who traveled a lot with her work and that went on for a few years. She met my wife, knew the situation and was quite happy with it until her job took her abroad. During that time she was meeting another guy who was single who she saw far more frequently than me. She did get a kick out of being with a married guy without being in the situation of hurting anyone though. I wont go into details but I think it played a part.
Point is, if that's the sort of thing you're wanting, it is possible to find with some perseverance. Not everyone who is married is cheating. There are plenty of couples where both partners play solo or one plays alone.
If however you're looking for something more like another single for a FWB situation, then again, yeah, you can find it on here but you're gonna have to be more alert to who you are meeting. Be aware of weird times, short time slots, people who cant accommodate etc etc etc. If you think they're hiding something they probably are.
The alternative is go to a club. Meet a single guy there (as they're usually legit) and see if you can turn it into something regular outside of the club.
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Im a bit of a geek and have quite a lot of single guy friends who get overlooked by women as they are the quiet geeky types. But I can guarantee you all those guys would make great and loyal partners.
Sadly it's the case that women love the "bad boy" and those same "bad boys" have learnt they have the gift of the gab at a younger age and never learn to respect their partner by being honest (not always).
Luckily I found my fellow female nerd and we both swing together. Sadly a lot of the nice guys I know just don't have the confidence or attitude to randomly hit on a stranger at a club or on the doors. |
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"Cheating happens, wether you like it or not, it's a thing. And it's not just men I might add.
There are probably more women on here who are cheating...but apparently that’s ok! "
It's not. It's just a lot of guys just don't care. |
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By *lan157Man
over a year ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
OP, none of the criteria for someone you wish to meet that you have set out in your post is included on your profile . May I respectfully suggest it might help if you include it . Not seeking a married man etc . |
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"OP, none of the criteria for someone you wish to meet that you have set out in your post is included on your profile . May I respectfully suggest it might help if you include it . Not seeking a married man etc . "
While I see the sense in your comment, OP is referring to men, who she has met in the real world, not through the site. |
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"OP, none of the criteria for someone you wish to meet that you have set out in your post is included on your profile . May I respectfully suggest it might help if you include it . Not seeking a married man etc . "
As i did state 'whilst at work' I am security, therefore I meet many people during work. Whilst looking i can live my life how I like but if I find that person then things would change or I may be able to change his mind. |
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"I think it is easier for married people to flirt with others, as there is less 'desperation'. They already have a relationship, so anything else is just icing on the cake.
I'm not even sure it's conscious. When I've been in relationships, I'm probably more relaxed around women, because I'm not trying to go out with them, and consequently had more offers.
Likewise, when I'm with my male friends' wives and girlfriends, they're definitely unavailable, so I relax and be myself, they are surprised I'm single.
But when I'm single and looking, such as I am now, I'm struggling, due to the 'desperation'."
‘Desperation’ is VERY unattractive yuk!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ladies, please help me out!
So, in the past two months I've met three different guys (not breaking any rules, working doors standing outside you meet many people)
It turns out all three are married/partners and they want their cake and eat it!
As im single, my time is limited as I'm working to live. I want to find somebody who i can share everything with and be able to experiment more with. Not grab a quick hour as he's off telling the wife he's out doing a quote.
Are they all attached or am I just looking in the wrong place?
Advice please......."
The way I look at that..
Least they've been honest with you.
Keep searching, dont put up with second best!
|
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"Ladies, please help me out!
So, in the past two months I've met three different guys (not breaking any rules, working doors standing outside you meet many people)
It turns out all three are married/partners and they want their cake and eat it!
As im single, my time is limited as I'm working to live. I want to find somebody who i can share everything with and be able to experiment more with. Not grab a quick hour as he's off telling the wife he's out doing a quote.
Are they all attached or am I just looking in the wrong place?
Advice please.......
The way I look at that..
Least they've been honest with you.
Keep searching, dont put up with second best!
"
Eventually they've been honest, at the start always maintain single. Its not until yoy start chatting and it don't add up.
And thank you. |
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"‘Desperation’ is VERY unattractive yuk!!!"
Exactly. That's why I enjoy fab, the people on here are generally open, honest and up-front about what they are looking for.
Don't have the stress of over-thinking every comment. |
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"Loads of them are attached unfortunately.
Don't forget this is instashag for many.
I've met them away from here, its whilst I've been working.
No difference if they're on sex site or not. Cheats are everywhere. "
I must be rare I am actually single even my profile says that too! |
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No, not all men are the same just as not all women are the same.
As said previously, there are plenty of cheating women on this site so does that make all women cheats?
Plus what is your definition of single? If a guy isn't married or in a committed relationship, like I'm not, but has a friend with benefits arrangement would that place him off limits? Or would you expect him to give up the friend if anything developed between the two of you?
Would you want an FWB scenario to be exclusive? |
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"I think it is easier for married people to flirt with others, as there is less 'desperation'. They already have a relationship, so anything else is just icing on the cake.
I'm not even sure it's conscious. When I've been in relationships, I'm probably more relaxed around women, because I'm not trying to go out with them, and consequently had more offers.
Likewise, when I'm with my male friends' wives and girlfriends, they're definitely unavailable, so I relax and be myself, they are surprised I'm single.
But when I'm single and looking, such as I am now, I'm struggling, due to the 'desperation'.
‘Desperation’ is VERY unattractive yuk!!!"
Yes very unattractive as is misleading signals and communication problems. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Loads of them are attached unfortunately.
Don't forget this is instashag for many.
I've met them away from here, its whilst I've been working.
No difference if they're on sex site or not. Cheats are everywhere. "
Just shag them. They are the ones cheating, not me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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5 years divorced and still to meet any single, geniune men. Think its time i gave up and hang up my stockings! Its on all sites not just fab, maybe not meant to be, but at least ive tried. |
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we are definitely not all the same.
I would always think about how I would feel of someone treated me first and how it would make me feel and act accordingly, if I wouldn't be happy about what another person was doing then they would likely feel the same way too.
Honesty is everything. |
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"Cheating happens, wether you like it or not, it's a thing. And it's not just men I might add.
There are probably more women on here who are cheating...but apparently that’s ok! "
No its not OK its just the men don't really care if they are attatched as long as they are getting sex where wemon do care if that makes sense x |
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Definitely think there are more and more people on Fab nowadays with single profiles but sadly there partners don’t know about it. As preciously been said it’s not only men quite a few women as well. Was only chatting to a friend on here recently how Fab has changed so much over the years regarding that. She said she won’t meet any guys that won’t accommodate and she always has a call with them in evening or early in morning when they might be with partners to try and find if there single. Do feel for the women that get chatting to these so called single guys to then get let down as they can’t get out. Maybe the women who cheat can hide it better? |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
OP clearly said she did not meet the men on Fab. I may be making a misjudgment but given OP's profile name there may be aspects in her preferences that may be acting against her. I would add the following quote:
"Narcissism is one of the three dark triads that are catnip to women (the other two are machievellianism and psychopathy)." I suspect though at a below consciousness level.
In regard to the male/female cheating comments, my mates (who are not on Fab) have over the years ran into plenty of women who were willing to cheat on their husbands/partners as one off or as a relationship. The women were on the whole (a) better at hiding their infidelity than men; and (b) very good at lying but also had women friends who would back them up. |
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" But I know some people have fabulous time here, mainly helped by going to clubs to meet people who also use fab"
Depends; if you live near to a club, people tend to use Fab as a messenger service for their club friends. Those of us without a club on our doorsteps put more effort in to using Fab for meets |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Seems to me girls only sleep with the known so a friend’s bf is golden material for you’re mates, it’s like you encourage men to cheat ? By advertising them to all you’re mates lol |
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There is nothing on your profile that says you won't meet married or attatched men so perhaps add it to your profile asking if they are not to contact you .
of course there will be chancers who will contact you and lie about it but its then upto you to do your homework before meeting |
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"There is nothing on your profile that says you won't meet married or attatched men so perhaps add it to your profile asking if they are not to contact you .
of course there will be chancers who will contact you and lie about it but its then upto you to do your homework before meeting "
That's the trouble with meeting real people in the real world, no profile to read, no verifications to check.
OP met these three married men the old fashioned way, chatting whilst working, not on fab. |
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"There is nothing on your profile that says you won't meet married or attatched men so perhaps add it to your profile asking if they are not to contact you .
of course there will be chancers who will contact you and lie about it but its then upto you to do your homework before meeting
That's the trouble with meeting real people in the real world, no profile to read, no verifications to check.
OP met these three married men the old fashioned way, chatting whilst working, not on fab."
oh the that's another matter in it's self... it was because she posted it on the fab forum, everyone will naturally assume it's about Fab. The problem meeting anyone 'off the street' is you learn differently about their character. But I wouldn't treat it differently to fab. So taking your time getting to know them through texting, phone calls, cam chats, drinks before you want to get sexually involved would avoid all this heart ache.if it's a one night stand, best not to talk about too much stuff, have fun and off you disappear. I done both and wouldn't be surprised if afew of my one night stands had girlfriends or wives. But for ones I got to know slowly over time, tell tale signs indicate they are attached. |
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"No, not all men are the same just as not all women are the same.
As said previously, there are plenty of cheating women on this site so does that make all women cheats?
Plus what is your definition of single? If a guy isn't married or in a committed relationship, like I'm not, but has a friend with benefits arrangement would that place him off limits? Or would you expect him to give up the friend if anything developed between the two of you?
Would you want an FWB scenario to be exclusive? "
for me if the guy has a fwb, I don't really need to know. As long as he respects me and doesn't cancel my dates for other women, I really don't mind as I be a hypocrit.
But if he's in a serious relationship where he tells his partner he "loves them" then I definitely need to know and most likely not to be interested. Unless the woman says she wants a threesome or I can borrow him for the night  |
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"
for me if the guy has a fwb, I don't really need to know. As long as he respects me and doesn't cancel my dates for other women, I really don't mind as I be a hypocrit.
But if he's in a serious relationship where he tells his partner he "loves them" then I definitely need to know and most likely not to be interested. Unless the woman says she wants a threesome or I can borrow him for the night "
I very much love my wife, we love a good threesome and both of us are happy to send the other off for the night.
As far as we are concerned it's a straight forward arrangement. You can have both or just one of us. When it comes to fab though, a lot of women just wont entertain me (the male half) because I'm married.
I'm completely fine with that but this is supposed to be a swingers site. Being married shouldnt matter if both parties are in on it. |
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"There is nothing on your profile that says you won't meet married or attatched men so perhaps add it to your profile asking if they are not to contact you .
of course there will be chancers who will contact you and lie about it but its then upto you to do your homework before meeting
That's the trouble with meeting real people in the real world, no profile to read, no verifications to check.
OP met these three married men the old fashioned way, chatting whilst working, not on fab."
Im assuming as its posted here it was here she met these people ! |
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You're only counting the men who have approached you.
How many have walked past and said nothing? The nice men won't hound you at work. The good, loyal men won't betray their wife.
It's all down to perspective.
Also, it's a swinger's site. Don't assume they're all cheats when you're part of a lifestyle build around non monogamy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im a bit of a geek and have quite a lot of single guy friends who get overlooked by women as they are the quiet geeky types. But I can guarantee you all those guys would make great and loyal partners.
Sadly it's the case that women love the "bad boy" and those same "bad boys" have learnt they have the gift of the gab at a younger age and never learn to respect their partner by being honest (not always).
Luckily I found my fellow female nerd and we both swing together. Sadly a lot of the nice guys I know just don't have the confidence or attitude to randomly hit on a stranger at a club or on the doors. "
This resonates with me so much. I really find it hard to be that social and outgoing. Glad to hear I'm not the only guy like that 
To OP I'm sorry you've had those of experiences but no not every guy is looking to cheat. The one's that do just make it harder for the rest of us unfortunately. Hope your luck picks up though OP |
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Here are some generalisations
1. The bad boy of a social group marries the pretty girl. Outside it looks like bliss but bad boy isn't ready to stop being bad. He's buff and got the chat and that's what attracts the single women. They want someone who doesn't wear socks with his loafers.
2 married man - wife goes off sex and the married man has his needs. So he comes on her in the hope to find someone. He is a solid dependable bloke which some women love. His excuse "ive got a right to sex, if she won't give it to me then I should be able to find it elsewhere." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ah OP I'm sure not all men are cheats, don't get me wrong every man I have had a relationship with has cheated on me, to the point I've now given up on the idea of even trying to have a relationship, I just shag lol.
But some of my friends are married to or in a relationship with the most living a d loyal men, so there are some good eggs out there . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You're only counting the men who have approached you.
How many have walked past and said nothing? The nice men won't hound you at work. The good, loyal men won't betray their wife.
It's all down to perspective.
Also, it's a swinger's site. Don't assume they're all cheats when you're part of a lifestyle build around non monogamy."
Excellent points. |
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"Ladies, please help me out!
So, in the past two months I've met three different guys (not breaking any rules, working doors standing outside you meet many people)
It turns out all three are married/partners and they want their cake and eat it!
As im single, my time is limited as I'm working to live. I want to find somebody who i can share everything with and be able to experiment more with. Not grab a quick hour as he's off telling the wife he's out doing a quote.
Are they all attached or am I just looking in the wrong place?
Advice please......."
Shane your far away..
I'm Single and Genuine looking for Sexy Fun times, maybe more xxx
Andy |
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I’ve said it before and I will say it many times again. Humans are not suppose to be monogamous. Swinging proves this. Why do swinging couples have sex with others? Come on people! Who cares if others are attached. This lifestyle is suppose to see beyond this. |
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I've only had a few meets but everyone I've met has complained about men wasting their time.
One lady went so far as to say moat men are timewasters who seem to get off on letting women down.
Maybe that sort of controlling behaviour ought to be recognised as a harmful paraphilia? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve said it before and I will say it many times again. Humans are not suppose to be monogamous. Swinging proves this. Why do swinging couples have sex with others? Come on people! Who cares if others are attached. This lifestyle is suppose to see beyond this. "
sorry thia is rediculess, if thier partner know then fine, but if not its cheating, how would you like it if your oh had been having sex with others behind your back? swinging is about being honest |
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