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Advice maybe,
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Hey all,
So just some advice from you knowledgeable lot lol.
I've been seeing my current partner since February, she was experience in this world also and said she is very dirty etc and would probably scare me off with her sexual needs and desires. So things were great and she would disappear upstairs and come down wearing a sexy little outfit and fun would commence. But lately last few weeks it's now once a week if that and always late at night in bed lights out. Every time I come into her I get an excuse as not to have sex, I've sat and spoke to her about it and asked if it's me she does not fancy etc anymore but assures me she does and loves me loads. She is in training for a new job now which I support her in 100% and knows that. But this is only recent. She does still chat with guys from her tinder who says are just mates. I'm in the thinking of do I stay or go as cant do this no physical contact etc. |
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That's meant to say come onto her not in to lol.
Yeah in my heart I love her to bits but just think something else is going on. She does say it's the stress of passing her training but surely can set aside an hour or so for some us time. Or am I being selfish? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think she's made the classic mistake of trying too hard at the beginning to demonstrate how 'sexually adventurous and fun' she is to capture your interest and then it has waned because she realised it has become expected and it actually doesn't fulfil her in any way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Firstly I’d never blow my own trumpet and say to a guy I was absolute filth and probably scare him with how kinky and sexy I was. I try to under promise but over deliver.
She may have pulled out all the stops to begin with to land you and now she has you she doesn’t have to make effort.
Also the training for a new job thing could be legit but if you’re genuinely into certain kink and sex acts then you’re into it and want to do it all the time.
Like I love rimming, a lot, I wouldn’t say to a guy that I love doing that and then all of a sudden stop, no I’d be rimming in the morning, rimming in the evening, up his arse like a rat up a drain pipe whilst he slept, it’s my thing, no stress would interfere with that. |
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I agree with saying if she likes certain things then why stop or is she carrying on but just not with me. I have a stressful job but like to unwind and she likes to tell people she chats to what I do like some sort of badge of honour or something ie these other guys so called mates she chats |
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Maybe you're moving too fast. You say you lover her, but you've only been together since February. You're not even past the honeymoon phase yet.
You could be giving her cold feet about the whole thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe shes stressed with the current situation and finding that sex is not importsnt right now or maybe youre a shit shag 
Either way give her some time and dont pressure her, it may just work itself out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She really probably is just stressed. My partner and I are very into kink, but if one of us is stressed then those things get put on the back burner for a while and we focus more on non sexual intimacy.
Not everyone who is into kinky things will just carry on regardless, and being put off sex by stress is actually really common. Cut her some slack. Or better yet, talk to her and if she says nothing is going on then its up to you to decide if you believe that and can live with it or not. |
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Shit shag lol didn't think of that hahahaha. Definitely not that, well I hope never had any complaints.
I hear what your saying and I'm not putting pressure on her in anyway quite the opposite really I've said once you feel up to it then let me know as I wont come on to you anymore as keep getting rejected and dont want her to feel that pressure of doing that. But on the other foot she likes a dominat person which I'm being also so it's quite confusing to be honest. She will flash her tits at me when going off to work saying just a reminder. But when hone nothing but just a kiss and odd cuddle. |
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So she's told you why she's not feeling it at the moment but you don't believe her.
Sometimes people's libido drops for loads of reasons. If you don't want to hang around to see if it picks up again that's fair enough but move on sooner rather than later.
Good luck to you both |
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There was a similar thread in the Swingers Support and Advice section a couple of weeks back. That time it was a guy who'd lost his interest in sex and the lady was asking for advice.
I quote one of the replies to that thread below, and you can make up your own mind as the validity of the advice (it riled me)
Just swap the genders round to get your answer:
"Jump on him.
If you wait for him you will wait forever.
You have needs too! Remind him of that." |
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"There was a similar thread in the Swingers Support and Advice section a couple of weeks back. That time it was a guy who'd lost his interest in sex and the lady was asking for advice.
I quote one of the replies to that thread below, and you can make up your own mind as the validity of the advice (it riled me)
Just swap the genders round to get your answer:
"Jump on him.
If you wait for him you will wait forever.
You have needs too! Remind him of that." "
Yep, the advice towards women will always be different from a lot of people. It's the same with married women going behind their husbands back. That's hot apparently but the men will have left a sobbing woman at home with several children. |
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"Hey all,
So just some advice from you knowledgeable lot lol.
I've been seeing my current partner since February, she was experience in this world also and said she is very dirty etc and would probably scare me off with her sexual needs and desires. So things were great and she would disappear upstairs and come down wearing a sexy little outfit and fun would commence. But lately last few weeks it's now once a week if that and always late at night in bed lights out. Every time I come into her I get an excuse as not to have sex, I've sat and spoke to her about it and asked if it's me she does not fancy etc anymore but assures me she does and loves me loads. She is in training for a new job now which I support her in 100% and knows that. But this is only recent. She does still chat with guys from her tinder who says are just mates. I'm in the thinking of do I stay or go as cant do this no physical contact etc. "
Does she know you are asking a bunch of swingers advice about how to deal with her? Talk to her OP. Communication is key. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
So you started seeing each other in February and then in March we had lockdown kick in and either you'd moved in together already or did so because of lockdown? That's quite quick to go from not knowing each other to being together 24/7 - add into that training for a new job and the whole lockdown situation and I'm not surprised she's feeling stressed and has potentially lost her mojo somewhat - I know mine has gone walkabout mostly in similar circumstances.
If you seem happy as a couple in all other ways give it time, you've been together 4 months and a lot has happened in that period - even if she has lost interest it can't be for more than a couple of months, which is no time at all really, all things considered. |
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I'll just say, you've had some views, who knows but none are really wrong guesses. I'll only add, this is like the coin toss experiment, you know what the answer you want is before it lands...
And, I quote "the moment you start googling (fab asking..) someone's behaviour in order to understand it is the biggest red flag you'll need"
Covid shit defo adds a slant though, be mindful and patient if you care as you say you do. Good luck xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think she's made the classic mistake of trying too hard at the beginning to demonstrate how 'sexually adventurous and fun' she is to capture your interest and then it has waned because she realised it has become expected and it actually doesn't fulfil her in any way "
This  |
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Wake up and smell the roses you met her on a sexsite no wonan is ever just friends with other guys unless they are gay she is clearly playing away and hasnt the guts to tell you sorry if this sounds harsh i jusf dont like people being taken advantage of |
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Hey Fella I feel your pain and I'm sure we all do at some level.. Negative comments about bein a shit shag don't help in my opinion.. As people in glass houses n that...
Anyhow here's my 2 cents worth for what it's worth, she may be stressed, she may have other stuff on her plate that she ain't shared yet, but from what you've said maybe just maybe you don't float her boat anymore and from experience the thrill of the chase and trying your damndest in the start (I'm talking about your girl here btw) sometimes leads to any one of the following disappointment, familiarity which breeds contempt for the person you're trying to impress, as you've said she's messaging guys on tinder I'm guessing that she may well want the next thrill, the next chase or potentially that she is lacking in the ties that bind department... The game is the game until you get bored with it and we've all been there and done it and suffered for it... I hope my perspective even if 100% incorrect in your case helps. |
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Thanks everyone for taking the time out to give me your advice and mostly is all good advice.
Quick update.
So she didn't get the job she was training for and things did get better for a few days. Wednesday this week I come home and she said been in all day chilling as we were in garden all day the day before and she was a little red lol. But she had her makeup on etc and said was to cover up her sun burn face but the day before didn't have any on at all even when we went out. Seems strange to have it on just to sit in the house on your own as not Like her. There was 2 Macdonald's coffee cups in the outside bin when I put the rubbish out and 2 coffee mugs in the sink. Also a change on clothes were out on the chair in the bed room but was wearing her shorts etc from day before as said just been sat in all day. She said Macdonald's cup were nothing to do with her.
Think I know in my heart as I stand in front of her with a huge hard on and just plays it down and says not the now and just kiss and roll about. She turns me done alot but jumps on me when her moods takes it mostly after a drink. |
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