FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Dealing with pressure.
Dealing with pressure.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Could anyone advise me on how best to deal with pressure and nerves?
I feel that I put too much pressure on myself to perform, and in almost every single meet we have had so far, I have been unable to keep it up, or even get it up in the first place.
I find that I am so worried about not being able to perform that I cause myself to fail each time. I am also worried about letting my wife down.
We've been to clubs and I've had no problem with it there, with people watching us, but with any full or soft swaps, it just doesn't happen for me.
It's not a huge issue for the other lady, as I consider myself to be very good at oral and finger play, but I always feel like I'm letting the side down a little as they may want full sex, which so far I have been unable to provide.
Also to note that we have a regular couple that we meet, that we are also good friends with, and even though I am comfortable around them, it still doesn't work out very often.
Can anyone advise me at all? |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
relax, the more pressure you put on yourself, the more it won't work
discuss fully what turns you on with all parties and see if you can start off watching others do some of these ( if they are ok with it ) and then join in.
maybe start soft swing until all parties are really turned on and then swop.
good luck
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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talk to you other half about it and if its ok by here leave couples out for a while and go for single guys this is what we did as i had the same problem and im over it now as i found on a couples meet i couldnt perform as i was morintrested in the wife having fun |
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Try something like viagra/kamgara or one of those "herbal" supplements the herbal ones might not do anything but this is a pure mental problem so if you think they are working then it might well work!
Also get your other half to drive so you can have a few drinks. Always helps to relax you.
These situations are a catch 22 though, you want to perform so you put pressure on yourself to do so, the more pressure you put on yourself the less likely it is to happen.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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sound to me guilt. u have issues still about swinging u think its some kind of cheating in your mind and little Boris Wont perform ..try ti just lay of sexual encounters try been a husband and please your wife first |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"sound to me guilt. u have issues still about swinging u think its some kind of cheating in your mind and little Boris Wont perform ..try ti just lay of sexual encounters try been a husband and please your wife first "
What utter pish!
They are swinging together! Nowt to do with guilt ....the guy is nervous  |
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It does sound like it is just a nerves issue.
How about just doing softswap for a while and let the other couple know you enjoy watching a lot.
Then you can watch to your hearts content and when you feel ready join in but with no pressure to do so.
They also have no expectations of you to play and your sexy wife still gets to have fun to?
Obviously the more you are concerned about it the less likely it is to happen so we would look to minimise that worry.
Good luck! |
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I still get a nervous excitement before meeting someone new.
Iknow im not a man, but try and relax, maybe mention to those your going to meet that your nervous, then that will take a bit of pressure off. Remember your not the only one, im sure it will work itself out the more meets you have.
Good luck |
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By *issMidsWoman
over a year ago
North Notts |
Lol thought we were to give advice, bot jump to conclusions 
Best way is to take some deep breaths, chill out and remember that its all consentual fun. If you are fine in clubs with an audience you can do it anywhere Just forget about issues and think - i'm here for fun and i'm gonna get so turned on the missus is so gonna get it later!
Oddly, its the letting go of worries that seems to help a lot. Deep breath, chill out, and a little blue pill the next time just for a boost |
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take the pressure away, and go with your partner but you say to yourself that you are not going to play. Do this a few times and see how you feel, without the pressure you may be able to feel yourself getting aroused and then be able to maintain an erection |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"sound to me guilt. u have issues still about swinging u think its some kind of cheating in your mind and little Boris Wont perform ..try ti just lay of sexual encounters try been a husband and please your wife first "
" yes but he does not wanna swing i can tell"
I've never heard so much crap in all my life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's not clear whether you both want to swing equally.
One thing's for certain - carrying on COULD make things worse.
I can only suggest that if you continue swinging you take the pressure off by being up front and stating you will not be doing penetrative sex, but the other things are on!
It may well be that a few meets like that and you'll be gagging for it!
PM me if you want to talk further |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you for the responses. I'm sorry that II have been so late in responding, I'm quite bad at posting in forums.
To the person who is assuming that I'm not keen on swinging, I can assure you that it excites me and I am happy with it. I'm just nervous, please don't assume things like that. You don't know.
To everyone who responded with advice, thank you. I know it is all in my head and it's something I need to get over. I'm feeling a lot better after we had quite a successful meet recently. It's just nerves, but positive thinking is difficult, because I can never convince myself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nerves do subside in time but I've had a lot of meets and I still get them a little before every meet. The thing is, I actually like them and it all adds to the excitement! Try changing your line of thinking in that the nerves are part of the excitement, not part of the scare factor. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for the responses. I'm sorry that II have been so late in responding, I'm quite bad at posting in forums.
To the person who is assuming that I'm not keen on swinging, I can assure you that it excites me and I am happy with it. I'm just nervous, please don't assume things like that. You don't know.
To everyone who responded with advice, thank you. I know it is all in my head and it's something I need to get over. I'm feeling a lot better after we had quite a successful meet recently. It's just nerves, but positive thinking is difficult, because I can never convince myself."
First of all, full marks to you in having the guts to post this very touchy subject.
There are so many contributing factors to what might be causing the problem that it would be difficult for any of us on here to offer advice which could be considered 'helpful'. What we would say, however, is why don't the TWO of you go along to your local family planning or STI clinic and see if you can speak to either an advisor/counsellor or doctor and go through it with them? You will find them surprisingly receptive and they have all dealt with swingers before - fact of life for them!
You need to get to the bottom of what is stressing you out, and you need to get this sorted sooner rather than later as the more you meet, the more you compound the problem and make it harder to turn around.
Good luck to you both - and once again, good on ya for having the balls to bring this to the forum.
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I get nervous too . love it .exhilaration been and during the meet .learn not to fear a very natural feeling . I find kissing the cure to most performance issues . Many relaxed women love to arouse a soft cock . I must say I really enjoy being slowly aroused from soft to rigid |
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