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Female Subs - Advice needed
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So a bit of back story. I went on a bit of journey last year and had a few relationships with subs. I loved them all and to be honest it scratched an itch I really like.
So I’m here looking for someone special. What I want to know is, what advice would you give me in trying to find the right sub? What do you look for in a Dom? How can I be successful in my approach?  |
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I'd think about what you did last year in order to have relationships with a few subs and repeat that.
Although I'd also suggest that if you had a few subs in the space of a year, you possibly didn't spend enough time with them to truly get to know and understand them. |
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Lucky you on last year! However in general terms I'd say listen and learn from your sub. Show your intelligence and don't be a bully!
You'll need to learn what each other needs from the relationship?
Good luck! |
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"Talk, talk, talk and more talking. Listen, listen, listen and more listening.
What you're looking for in a sub is particular only to you and negotiated between you and her, as I'm sure you know. "
Yes |
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By *udosMan
over a year ago
hull |
I love the idea of having a sub, really excites me. But wouldn't know how much of a dom I'd need to be !
I deffo wouldn't want to administer any sort of pain to dominate but to have a lady who would enjoy satisfying my every desire gives me a hard on !
Any advice appreciated |
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Start very slowly.
Build trust by being reliable and kind
Control the pace. If she asks for intensity of 6/10, stop at 5/10.
Make it really easy to say no. Make her proud of saying no.
Let her talk about her fantasies without feeling she’s committing to acting them out. “What are your fantasies?” and “What do you want to do in real life?” are two different lists.
Don’t always turn the conversation to sex.
If you do all this right, she might feel able to tell you her darkest, dirtiest desires.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It sounds like last year was really successful for you.  "
Yeah it was a little mental time be honest, but I’m trying to learn from it and take that into this new profile that’s been dormant. My hope is to really push myself as at times last year was a bit manic.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'd think about what you did last year in order to have relationships with a few subs and repeat that.
Although I'd also suggest that if you had a few subs in the space of a year, you possibly didn't spend enough time with them to truly get to know and understand them."
That’s a fair point to be honest, I think I ended up in these situations by accident and it’s as I’ve reflected on what happened I feel like I naturally want this kind of relationship and I didn’t put the effort in at the time. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Talk, talk, talk and more talking. Listen, listen, listen and more listening.
What you're looking for in a sub is particular only to you and negotiated between you and her, as I'm sure you know. "
Yeah I’d agree on this. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Lucky you on last year! However in general terms I'd say listen and learn from your sub. Show your intelligence and don't be a bully!
You'll need to learn what each other needs from the relationship?
Good luck! "
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Start very slowly.
Build trust by being reliable and kind
Control the pace. If she asks for intensity of 6/10, stop at 5/10.
Make it really easy to say no. Make her proud of saying no.
Let her talk about her fantasies without feeling she’s committing to acting them out. “What are your fantasies?” and “What do you want to do in real life?” are two different lists.
Don’t always turn the conversation to sex.
If you do all this right, she might feel able to tell you her darkest, dirtiest desires.
Good luck. "
I love this |
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By *onty1971Man
over a year ago
London St Helier Trier |
"Lucky you on last year! However in general terms I'd say listen and learn from your sub. Show your intelligence and don't be a bully!
You'll need to learn what each other needs from the relationship?
Good luck! "
Exactly this.
Understanding them to really know their buttons will make it great.
Listen, ask questions, experiment, refine. Enjoy both of you. |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
My advice is pretty much always the same.
Do a lot of book learning.
Screw the roses send me the thorns,
The loving dominant,
The new topping book,
The new bottoming book,
SM 101,
The ethical slut
Are all good starts. Then there are a whole list more depending on what you mean by dominant and what you're looking for in a submissive as that may or may not include other aspects and elements of BDSM.
I'm a big advocate of attending munches (meeting of kinky people in a usually normal environment like a pub) to talk to like minded people and workshops to hone skills... The BBB and LAMchester both have workshops when they are running. As do a fair few munches.
(not going to promise you'll meet the sub of your dreams, but most successfully coupled kink people seem to have more luck when attending events)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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J here kittens daddy
From my experience as others have noted here already, it’s all about being open honest and lots and lost if listening, subs are complicated and just want a Dom who will understand and take time to get to know them.
I think lot of guys say they are Dom but don’t really understand what it means to be Dom, so always good to start a Message saying a little bout yourself as a dominant to separate you from the time wasters.
I met kitten through fab and she is by far the most delightful sub I’ve had the pleasure of training, so fab can work for finding a sub. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"J here kittens daddy
From my experience as others have noted here already, it’s all about being open honest and lots and lost if listening, subs are complicated and just want a Dom who will understand and take time to get to know them.
I think lot of guys say they are Dom but don’t really understand what it means to be Dom, so always good to start a Message saying a little bout yourself as a dominant to separate you from the time wasters.
I met kitten through fab and she is by far the most delightful sub I’ve had the pleasure of training, so fab can work for finding a sub."
This was a great, I’m known as a good listener and I think for me I want to provide the pleasure thats wanted by the sub and understanding what they need.
Thanks |
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why did your previous subs not want to stay with you, maybe you want to look at the reasons
to have a complete master/sub partnership in my opinion takes a little time, as the limits and boundaries need to be pushed |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"why did your previous subs not want to stay with you, maybe you want to look at the reasons
to have a complete master/sub partnership in my opinion takes a little time, as the limits and boundaries need to be pushed"
Just fizzles our as you see with normal relationships that’s all. I was in a period of transition in my life as a whole which has now settled down |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Be a good dom by explaining to her your terms and conditions. She if she's wants that too. Communication is the key which most men lack on fab, that's my humble opinion "
Love this x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Take the “Dom” out of your head when first approaching any submissive on here, I find when guys message me all about their “Dom” ways it puts me off.
Let them ask about you & what you like rather than telling them straight away. Be polite, open, maybe even state your likes in regards to kink in your profile.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My advice is pretty much always the same.
Do a lot of book learning.
Screw the roses send me the thorns,
The loving dominant,
The new topping book,
The new bottoming book,
SM 101,
The ethical slut
Are all good starts. Then there are a whole list more depending on what you mean by dominant and what you're looking for in a submissive as that may or may not include other aspects and elements of BDSM.
I'm a big advocate of attending munches (meeting of kinky people in a usually normal environment like a pub) to talk to like minded people and workshops to hone skills... The BBB and LAMchester both have workshops when they are running. As do a fair few munches.
(not going to promise you'll meet the sub of your dreams, but most successfully coupled kink people seem to have more luck when attending events)
"
Absolutely this!
As a submissive I’m always learning new things about kink, and about myself. I don’t think you can ever be too knowledgable. |
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I've had a dozen subs, all collared, intensity varying from strict bondage to impact play. Respect and communication are the keys. If the sub volunteers the power to their master, the master needs to understand the sub's needs. It should be fulfilling for both. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've had a dozen subs, all collared, intensity varying from strict bondage to impact play. Respect and communication are the keys. If the sub volunteers the power to their master, the master needs to understand the sub's needs. It should be fulfilling for both."
Thanks for the response |
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By *latinumkittenWoman
over a year ago
from Home Counties to Middle Earth |
Building the trust that's required takes time, dedication and patience. Be prepared to put in the hours; the ground work is vital, along with understanding each others' motives.
Exciting times ahead for you. Best wishes x
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Building the trust that's required takes time, dedication and patience. Be prepared to put in the hours; the ground work is vital, along with understanding each others' motives.
Exciting times ahead for you. Best wishes x
"
Thank you, and as a side bar love your profile |
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By *latinumkittenWoman
over a year ago
from Home Counties to Middle Earth |
"Building the trust that's required takes time, dedication and patience. Be prepared to put in the hours; the ground work is vital, along with understanding each others' motives.
Exciting times ahead for you. Best wishes x
Thank you, and as a side bar love your profile"
thanks x |
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"I'd think about what you did last year in order to have relationships with a few subs and repeat that.
Although I'd also suggest that if you had a few subs in the space of a year, you possibly didn't spend enough time with them to truly get to know and understand them."
I'd agree, it takes time to build a strong sub/dom relationship |
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I just prefer my Dom side.