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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I know this isn’t the place to air this type of thing but because of the “swinging” element it’s not like I can air this with regular friends.
I was single for a long time. Had my son (now 5) and put my heart and soul into raising him with no interest in men. No lie I didn’t even touch myself from the night before I gave birth til when he past his 2nd birthday. That’s when I realised I missed sex. But not just sex, intimacy. So I joined a single parents dating website. I dated a guy (vanilla) from there. He was separated pending divorce. 11 years older than me. We dated just how normal dating goes I would imagine. I was smitten. He claimed he was smitten with me. It was a whirlwind I will be honest. Something fresh and new and very refreshing. Our kids met and they get in great. We got into the idea of swinging... hence we ended up here. Attended clubs and experimented. Only I really played though. But he insisted that’s what he enjoyed.
We holidayed together. Hit a rough patch and didn’t speak for a few months. But we had another holiday pre booked so reconnected when we were again but I was so cautious. I never went heavy the next time. In the meantime he sent me flowers, gifts, came over and helped me with household things like gardening and what not. We had sex every time he came around. It wasn’t ever loving sex though. When I questioned about our ‘situation’ he’d say “I just want whatever makes you happy” and he never answered my question about what he wanted. I pushed a bit as it was driving me a bit mental. Hot sex and romantic gestures but no “love making”. It’s not like I can’t handle trust. I value honesty a far lot more. Then I asked if he wanted NSA eventually after chatting about fantasies etc, and he said he would like that but he’d still like the odd passionate encounter but keep our feelings in check. But it took months and months and months to get that out of him. I won’t lie, I fantasised about him being my domineering lover but to here it in words about him wanting to “fuck me hard for a good orgasm” has pissed me off. Why the flower, gifts, good morning messages and good night messages, ringing me every day, if he never ever wanted it to progress to anything more?
I know this life is not like many others but surely the things you say and do should match in the same way as any other relationship, vanilla or otherwise.
I feel like two years I have wasted on a romantic endeavour adding in the added excitement of swinging, when all it was was sex.
Maybe I’m reading too much in to it. I could completely handle Sex only if that was offered to me in the beginning, but he dated me and never ever really expressed any feelings whatsoever. I feel a complete mug
I know typical ‘woman with feelings’ post. Sorry  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For what it's worth I wouldn't take that at face value. It's more likely that he just didn't have his shit together than that he was stringing you along.
Doesn't make it okay, mind. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For what it's worth I wouldn't take that at face value. It's more likely that he just didn't have his shit together than that he was stringing you along.
Doesn't make it okay, mind."
I think you’re right tbh
Doesn’t make it any better. But I completely had my shit together at the point I met him. I feel disappointed in myself |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think you’re right tbh
Doesn’t make it any better. But I completely had my shit together at the point I met him. I feel disappointed in myself "
You should be proud that you took a chance on happiness, nothing in that story should make you feel disappointed in yourself. We don't get our shit together just to hold it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think you’re right tbh
Doesn’t make it any better. But I completely had my shit together at the point I met him. I feel disappointed in myself
You should be proud that you took a chance on happiness, nothing in that story should make you feel disappointed in yourself. We don't get our shit together just to hold it."
Yes true. I will get my shit together again, I know I will x |
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Mixed messages. It's never a good sign when the words and actions don't match and a partner won't talk. It means either they don't know what they want, they're hiding something or the reason they aren't talking is because they know you won't like what they've got to say. Whichever it is its a sign of emotional immaturity and doesn't make for a good relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I know this isn’t the place to air this type of thing but because of the “swinging” element it’s not like I can air this with regular friends.
I was single for a long time. Had my son (now 5) and put my heart and soul into raising him with no interest in men. No lie I didn’t even touch myself from the night before I gave birth til when he past his 2nd birthday. That’s when I realised I missed sex. But not just sex, intimacy. So I joined a single parents dating website. I dated a guy (vanilla) from there. He was separated pending divorce. 11 years older than me. We dated just how normal dating goes I would imagine. I was smitten. He claimed he was smitten with me. It was a whirlwind I will be honest. Something fresh and new and very refreshing. Our kids met and they get in great. We got into the idea of swinging... hence we ended up here. Attended clubs and experimented. Only I really played though. But he insisted that’s what he enjoyed.
We holidayed together. Hit a rough patch and didn’t speak for a few months. But we had another holiday pre booked so reconnected when we were again but I was so cautious. I never went heavy the next time. In the meantime he sent me flowers, gifts, came over and helped me with household things like gardening and what not. We had sex every time he came around. It wasn’t ever loving sex though. When I questioned about our ‘situation’ he’d say “I just want whatever makes you happy” and he never answered my question about what he wanted. I pushed a bit as it was driving me a bit mental. Hot sex and romantic gestures but no “love making”. It’s not like I can’t handle trust. I value honesty a far lot more. Then I asked if he wanted NSA eventually after chatting about fantasies etc, and he said he would like that but he’d still like the odd passionate encounter but keep our feelings in check. But it took months and months and months to get that out of him. I won’t lie, I fantasised about him being my domineering lover but to here it in words about him wanting to “fuck me hard for a good orgasm” has pissed me off. Why the flower, gifts, good morning messages and good night messages, ringing me every day, if he never ever wanted it to progress to anything more?
I know this life is not like many others but surely the things you say and do should match in the same way as any other relationship, vanilla or otherwise.
I feel like two years I have wasted on a romantic endeavour adding in the added excitement of swinging, when all it was was sex.
Maybe I’m reading too much in to it. I could completely handle Sex only if that was offered to me in the beginning, but he dated me and never ever really expressed any feelings whatsoever. I feel a complete mug
I know typical ‘woman with feelings’ post. Sorry "
Beats me why people talk about their kids on here, Maybe the fantasy/Story threads if that's your thing, Or not at all would be preferable |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
There are a lot of people who think they know what they want but when it comes to it aren't always so sure..... He sounds like one.
I had a long relationship with one of those. When we were together he was all lovey.... Messages day n night saying same.....
Later found he was banging several women behind my back as it was the thrill of the chase he loved - alongside another one cooking, cleaning and giving him hot sex on tap!
Be careful with your heart lovely - it's a valuable commodity and most won't deserve it x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Obvously every situation is different but, as a single parent who pretty much took a huhg step back from any sort of dating or hook ups for along time, I can understand you wanting to have a deeper connection with another adult. One thing I have learned from not being in a relasionship is about myself. It's unforntunate that some people try to fit themselve in with another persons perception. It's hard to find people who are honest with themselve nevermind other people. I hope you find that person whom ou can share all your dreams and fantasies with. There are some of us that hald decent. Stay strong ad safe. |
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By *kiolo1Couple
over a year ago
Whitland |
"For what it's worth I wouldn't take that at face value. It's more likely that he just didn't have his shit together than that he was stringing you along.
Doesn't make it okay, mind.
I think you’re right tbh
Doesn’t make it any better. But I completely had my shit together at the point I met him. I feel disappointed in myself "
You shouldn't be disappointed in yourself. Every experience is an opportunity to learn and grow as a person. Knowing what you want is now going to help you keep moving forward. You go girl! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks all.
I will be ok.
Just need to shake it all off and get back to being the person I was before once all this is over. This lockdown thing gives you time to think grrrr and I hate thinking!!
Xx |
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