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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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iI WROTE THIS A FEW YEARS AGO WHEN THE 50 SHADES OF GREY BOOK CAME OUT... THOUGHT ID UPLOAD IF FOR A LAUGH...
TOLD IN GLASGOW SLANG DIALECT ..
Oh for god sake, a canae wait ti get ye in ma arms, she though, ive no had ye in ma bed in over 3 month noo! And am pure gantin fur it! Her name was marie, been on the gear and the geme since her teens, noo in her late 30s,
she’d been banged mair times than a cell door!She was standing at the wee shop just down fae barlinnie, got her guid bubble jekkit on and her legginz and her guid high heel bits, died yella hair in a wee pony tail,
coudni be fucked washing it this morning, she was watching the front gates, waiting on her wee man getting oot efter a wee 6 months sentence for thieving a couple packets of borboun creams when he was on they valium!
(that’s ma man, she smiled) Her toosh was eatin her leg at the thought o getting him hame! No that she had waited on him, she was oot every weekend while he was locked up and had shagged aww his pals!
But she did like a guid ride et wee sanny, he was the only wan thet didni mind firing the mooth roon her toosh!
Her wee nanny was nice an washed the day, she hud washed it earlier afore getting on the free sacro bus up ti get him, a guid scoosh o jiff lemon had drawn it the gather, noo it was tight as fuck, stung a wee bit but she didnae mind!
anythin for ma sanny boay! he widni even ken she had been getting humped last night in the multi story cor park! Fuck she could even remember the old guys name, an extra tenner in her sky rockit and she had got herself a few o they mad dragon soups! Aw man! Fucken Blis!
She spotted her wee man comin!! Big smile on her mooth, 3 black teeth and a row o rotten stumps, here he is! Roon the corner he swaggered in his kappa tracky looking pure gallas! Troosers tucked inti his fitba socks….
Nice grey pasty look tae his face, ginger hair aww ower the shop! sweating like a priest at the cub scouts hut! joost the wiy a like ma men! I fucking hope hes got his lib grant and were gon for some madness the day!
A few swallys o snakebite and ma drawers will be aff quick style! probly no even make it in the hoose
She ran ower ti him, oh sanny! Long time no see babe! I missed ye! Gone in for the ful winch, like a plunger in the mall bogs,
The wee gallus cunt that he wis, shrugged her aff, mon ti fuck Marie doll, get aff me! The fuckin boys are watchin! Im gon in the shop for a coupla can, u got munny there? Munny??
She said, u no got yer ain munny ? yer joost oot whit about yer lib grant?, I don’t get ma ruby cairo till Thursday sanny! Mon tae fuck baby, get me a couple o can when yer in,
an a half ounce o old hoburn fur a smoke hunny, trying to batter her eyelids at him, and It joost looked like a sneaky wee growl. Fur fuck sakes, don’t growl et me! ,
ye nae munny he said, im joost oot the jail and yer wantin me tae buy ye smokes and drink, u taken the pish ya cow! Ur lucky the boys are here or id crack yer jaw fur ye!
Oh aye! Ye wid like that wint ye! Wait ti a get ye hame, yer getting yer erse leathert! Hiy huv u been on the geme when I was in ? yer looking awfy guid this morning, somethings no right, huv ye ? eh?No babe,Ive been trying to luk efter maself fur ye getting oot darling, Ive been lost withoot ye hunny, she looked doon et hur feet,
wee sanny noticed his pals had fucked off inti the shop and gave her a sneaky winch, hawns on her erse as he ground his hip bones against hurs, and pulled back smiled wi his wan black stump o a tooth and winked et hur, ur getting pumped when I get ye hame ! he telt hur, ston here the noo an wait fur me! Awrite!! Don’t u let me catch ye eyein up other men,
I ken whit yer like ya wee hoor, and slapped her erse! then he jumped inti the shoap.
Awright turban tam! Geez a hawf ounce o old heartburn and a packit o rizlas, and 6 o they dragin soops, an make it fast, ok!
Ma burds gantin fur it and shes waitin outside fur me! ive places tae go awrite! Hes Stondin there wi his snaggletooth, een like a couple o raisins stuck in a skinny skeletons skull and a haircut like wan o sweeny todds victims, looked like he had been shaving wae a broken ginger boatle.
Oot he swaggers, spar carrier bag in hon, and feeling a million lira!
Looks roon about and notices all the the other boys are long gone, Grabs the wee skank marie roon the waist and heads fur the bus stop, shes snugglin inte his shooder and squeezing his wee boney erse through his trackie botums,
whispering whit shes got in store fur him when she gets him ti the squat inti his waxy lug, they just make it ti the bus stop in time, jumps right on the fucker and up the stairs ti the back seat so they can stare at awl the folk on the bus, eyeing up all the pensioners wi a growl! cos hes the man , joost ooti bar-l hotel,
and a pocket wi a weeks giro in it, the worlds oor oyster darling he says, handin her a can o the dragin soop, afore sparking wan open fur his self, a couple moothfoos and hes getting the horny heed oan, hon on her thigh rubbin her lycra legginz, his wee tadger gittin a bit o life innit, baby, hey, u go doon there and gee me a gobble marie , ill keep edgy so naecunt sees ye , im chockin!
He starts moving his wee nicotine stained paws up towards her punani. Oh no yit sanny, ive only hud a moothfu o ma dragin soop darling, ill sook it in a meenit she grins, a sleekit look in her een, right he said, fuck waiting!!, get stuck right in there, he pulls doon his trackie bottoms ti his skinny pipe cleaner thin thighs, and his burd bends her heed ower and sterts sookin away, mooth full a ginger pubes and cheese crust like on the dominos pizzas!
But she luved it, feelin his erse rize and fall as she sooked his boaby through her gums, he grabbed her hair and growled in her lug, his een looked upwards af if staring into his inner skull……swally it ya hoor!
She spat his cock oot her mooth an sat up took a swally at her dragin soop, turns ti him and tells him, were gone hame for aguid ride the day sanny boy! ,,, and then im gonni boot yer baws!
And burst oot laughin, half her dragin soop gone aww ower sannys semi on bobby!
Daft wee sannys sittin ther, his guid kappa trackies at his fucking knees, the dragin soop soaked right through him and runnin doon his baws an the crack o his erse, face chalk white wi surprise, stutters, ya, ya,ya, fffucking wee cow ye!! A was joost about ti fucking shoot ma cum doon yer throat there ya midden! Whit ye stoap fur, ma erse and baws are fuckin sticking ti the seat ya daft cow!
Ur lucky yev nae teeth or id fucking knock thum oot fur that! The bint cackles like an auld hag , winks at him wi her skelly eye and mair o the dragin soop splutters over her bubble jaikit! Right its oor stop he telt her, lets go, ur getting the tadger ya wee hoor ! aye aye, aw tawk sanny boay! U shair the boys in that bar-l-hotel huvni been makin u pick up the carbolic soap??
Cmoan, ye can tell me hunny, ill no slag ye! A ken ye like it! She doubles over wi the fit o the giggles at the look on his face! Ya daft bastart, whit ye sain shite like that fur marie, u ken im aww urs hen!
They walk hon in hon doon tollcross taewards the barrras, she had wrote him a letter tellin him she a new pad fur thum ti crash et, wee sanny was in a right guid mood, joost oot the tin pail and gon for his nat king cole! Im the fucking man was the look on his coupon, and the wee marie wan felt like a princess, her fella wiz hame,
and she knew he was in the mood for a guid ride et hur the day, hoping he lastit mair than before he got jailed, a quick 2 second fumble and popped his cork, she was always left ti lie on the wet patch while he smoked a roll up and fell asleep,she wis left wantin mair.
but she knew whit she wis dain, shed sneaked oot a few times and went inti the toon and got hersel anither numpty who hud munny and a doze o the horn,
and was willing to dish oot the dosh for a wee burl et hur, she hud ti be quick though or wee sanny would know shed been oot terting it again, he wisni really bothered about it, as long as she gave him the munny and filled him in on the gory details, he liked to hear the stories, he said it turnt him right oan thinkin o aww they men oot there who fancied his burd,
and they wid even be willin to gae thum munny intae the bargain! Mair dragon soops for us he wid say!
Wee marie pulled him across the road towards a tenement block o flats, and opent the front door, the aroma o stale pish and puke whafted through the door et thum, fucksakes marie, long u been here ? sanny saiz, joost a couple o months darling, its joost temporary the noo, im waiting on the hoosin list ti get me a hoose sumwhere,
were joost up the stairs babe, up she steps ower the piles o bin liners fu o rubbish and auld shitey nappies, there lyin aww ower the joint and wee sanny joost shrugs, fuck, feels like ive never been awa!
Marie looks back et sanny boy, cmoan darling, ive got something u really wantin baby! She bends ower 3 stairs up fae him, lifts the tail o her bubble jaikit and sterts runnin her wee mokit hawnz up and doon the back o her thighs and grabbing her wee boney erse, through her saggy lycra legginz, wee sanny sterts ti hurry up behin her, shes movin fast and hes got a semi oan,
up they go onti the second flair landing and baith doors are boarded up, marie grabs wan o the boards and gives it a guid yank, the board slides open and she turns ti sanny, aftur you babe, gone right in, this is oor wee temporary digs, disni cost fuck all either and naecunt will bother us as long as we keep the board pulled tight,
ive cleaned it up a wee bit but theres nae lecky, but am only in et night time for a crash an up an oot in the morning,
I get a wash et the wummins aid or et the central station, ten bob and ye can git a shower babe, cheap living at the hilten hunny!
Wee sanny walks inti the flat, flairboards been lifted up through the lobby, fuck sakes marie, nearly broke ma fucken ankle there! Wheres the fucken flairboards??
Me and bats liftit thum up last week, we wur freezing and we broke thum up and used them fur firewid hunny, ye know whit hes like fur the cauld! Like a fish ooti water so he is!
Sanny stertit pishing hisself laughing, tears runnin doon his face, he could just picture his best pal bats, brekin up the flairboards fur a heat,, haha!
Fucken Steptoe so he wis, always moanin aboot freezing aww the time, but he wis a guid pal, I hink hes the only wan whos no humped wee marie while ive been locked up, he hud a wee burd ae his ain, hud a few bairns though, hink hur name is pammy or sumfink, we aww joost caw her panadol, cos shes always goat a sair heed!
She wis a no bad lookin burd but hud a big erse, hink bats liked that though cos hes sa skinny, ye should see him if ye think sannys skinny,
fuck, his ribs are like the keys oan a xylophone, arms like the mighty spiders legs, least hes got teef though, alas, there faws wanz but hes got thum! just imagine auld albert steptoe and u got him bang on!
Anyhoo, sanny stops his laughin et wee batz and stert looking aboot the marie tells him ti go into the room, whit fucken wan marie? Theres nae doors on the rooms?
Marie shouts fi the other room, aye, we burnt the doors anaw babe, it wis freezing! Sanny opens anither o his dragin soops and takes a long swally et it, lets oot a huge burp and laughs ti hisself, mad bassas, ive missed this!
He walks inti wits supposed ti be the livin room, at least thers sum flairboards in here! Piles o claithes lying aw ower the room,
and an auld set o winter dykes in front o the fire, few pairs o marries yella knickers ower it and some o her holey tights, wee sanny lifts a pair o her knickers up ti his nose, mmmmmmmm, the scent of love! Ma marie, ive missed hur! He has them in baith hons and pulls them from side to side under the nose,,, savouring the aroma! Sanny babe!!
Whit ye dain doll, marie shouts,, eh, nuhhin hen, putting the breeks back on the winter dykes and taking a few steps to look oot the flar windae, oot into the back gairdens, a few burnt oot motors and like a fucken jungle oot there, that david belamy cunt wid get loast oot ther!
Im gonni slip inti summin mair comfy darling, I know u must be choking, u jist get yer kit aff and ill be throo in a jiffy! ……… get inti bed, im gonni gae ye a guid seein tae!
Wee sannys getting excitit aftur smellin her wee belly warmer breeks, and walks ower the faw throo flair inti the ither room, thers a singo bed and some fucking scaffolding hawdin up the ceiling in front o the platic windae shutters , a few bits a rope dangling aff the bars, but at least thers a kerpit in here and the duvet looks clean ennuf,
ive fucking slept in worse wee sanny thought ti himself, fuck, lived doon in that scheme place near bats a while ago, and we hud nae flairboars at aw! Fond memories he thinks wi a wry smile oan his face, aww the fucking days!
He takes his trainers and trackie aff and sits thum aside the bed, nixt ti marries trainers, and notices a couple o auld empty gongy wrappers, the wee cows been getting humpit in here, im gonnae gee her a guid leatherin the noo he though as he lay doon on the bed, his purple and broon paisley partern skants looking sexy as fuk next ti his bulge,
joost et that, marie shouts, ye ready babe? Im comin fur ye! Ye better be or im gonni batter yer wee baws fur ye! Ye know whit am like when im horny! Oh am ready darling, cmoan ya wee hoor, ive got it right here fur ye! he finished the last o his dragin soop and chucks the tin across the room,
luks et the doorframe and theres a sexy thigh high black shiney bit wi big stiletta heels on thum ! then at the top o it theres grey/white fishnet stoakings,
a few rips in thum, but it joost turn the sanny boay on mair! Hes rubbin the tadger throo the keks, wee marie steps inti the room, fucksakes!! There she is, in aww her glory, her big bits, stoakings and wan o they suspender belts, wee siky rid vest tap thing and hur hair aww up in pigtails, her lips bright rid and een filled wae lust for the sanny boay!
Hes pitching a tent here in his paisleys hiy ! Ston up ya wee handsum basturt she says, ur in fur a treat the day ma sanny boay, wee sanny bounces right up aff the bed like hes joost sat on a lit fag! Aye darling, whit ye goat fur me? The horn ripping right ooti him! Turn aroon ya wee sexy basturt she tells him, move ower ti the bars!
Nae bother babe oor sanny of off like a shot across the room, marie right behint um, right bawbag, hons on the bors and spread yer fuskin wee legs fur mammy! Sanny diz as hes telt, marie grabs his wrist wae wan hon, standin behint him, she bited his shoodur as she slowly sterts ti tie his wrist wi the wee bots a rope hinging fi the scafoldin hawdin up the ceiling,
she rakes her stumpy bitten nails doon wee sannys back and onti the next wan, wee sanny tries turning roon fur a winch et hur, slap, right across the back, his back arches, ya fucking cow!!! Whit ye dae that fur, im no ready! He howls et hur, marie disni even reply, sterts kissin the back o his neck wi her teethless mooth wi the wee stumps and ties his ither wrist ti the bar,
noo yer mine sanny boay! Aww mine baby! Just u stiy there son, the bold marie stalks ower ti the spar carrier bag and dips inti the poke, poo soot the dragin soop and her auld heartburn, a durty look in her een, quickly fires herself a spiders leg rollie the gather and sparks her soop open, a long swally, nearly hawf the can doon, and her rollup lit,
she inhales, a big deep draw, then bends ower and sterts coughing her lungs oot! Fucking bassa! Swallied some o that smoke ther babe!
Wee sanny stonding there, his wrists shackled ti the bors o the scaffold, fucking freezing in here baby he sais, ye awright?
Nearly coughed yer soop up ther! Marie takes a quick two step fi the bed and draws her leg back wi they big bits oan and boots sanny square in the fucking baws fi the back!
The wee man crumples! Shaking like a skeleton, aww fucksakes,and spews his dragin soop and his barlinne mistery bowl all over his feet, he moans through gritted teeth, whit ye dae that fur? Wit u still got they fucking skants on fur ya wee prick! Marie shouts inti his lughole! Marie geez him a big wedgie wi his keks before rippin thum right aff him, theres a look af glee in her een,
and she knows shes in control o the sanny boay! The day you are goin to do whatever I fucking want ye tae and you won't leave tae am fully satisfied right! Marie is in her element, takes anither swally et her dragin soop and tans the rest o the can.Wee sanny’s sterting tae recover his wits eftur the boot in the baws, hiy ya basturt, let me fucking go, untie these basturt things,
im gonni punch yer lights oot fur that, he sterts pullin et the bonds like a mad man, marie stands behint him, mon baby, im only teasin ye, ye wull like it, ive got some guid plans for ye, she kisses his back, bends ower and bites his bare erse cheek, dae as yer telt or im gonni tell yer pals sanny boay!
Awww mon marie darling, this shite isni fur me, when did ye get inti aww this stuff, its feakin me oot doll, WHACK!
His fuckin backs burning, marie is standin there wi a strip o copper cable, torn doon fi where the light used be in the ceilin!, we sanny lets oot a blood curdling scream! Yaaaaaaaaa hoooooor!!!!!
Al fucking kill ye fur that!! He sags trying to kneel on the flair, but the ropes biting inti his wrists and hawdin him inches fi the flair, marie stands over him and whispers inti his lug,
ive had loads a men where u are ya wee prick, battered fuck ooti thum aww and made thum dae whit there telt, but ive rewarded thum after, so u joost hawd yer horses there and dae as I want awright big hard man fi the bar-l hotel, ye hink that jail is punishment eh ?
ye wulni leave me oot here again masel, a wis fucking stervin and hud tae move inti this squat eh!
Anither whack wi the cable this time right ower his shooder and onti his wee boney chest, where he joost hud her name tattood in the jail wi an auld guitar string needle and some biro ink !
Wee sannys greetin noo, tears streaming doon his face and dripping aff the end o his
...cmon marie hunny, al be guid tae ye, a promise, I didni mean to knock they fuckin burboun creams, it was they blues gave me the munchies! Am beggin ye, untie me hen, al no dae it again!
Marie just laughs et him, sparks open anither o her dragin soops and gulps it doon her wee gullet, dae ye know how may men ive been wae in this roon sanny boay ? she gloats….
Maist o yer pals! Wan or two guys every nicht! How dae ye think ive been able tae live oot here while ur in that jail, aww comfy, 3 square dinnerz a day and yer fucking sky telly! Ive been stervin! Freezing wi yer fucking pal bats for company and brekin up flairboards for firewid ya wee basturt!
Boy ...Ur going to fucking regret leavin me for a packit o borboun creams!!!! PMSL....
JUST SOME MAD FICTION TO PASS THE TIME! ENJOY! HEE HEE
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