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true storys ... written as a "bit"
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By *udiguy OP Man
over a year ago
harrogate |
Stand up wrk in progress
From _udiguy
audi (40) Subject:
story
just this minute!
So i just turned 40 recently. . And i dont know about any of you guys n girls but even tho im older i dont feel more of an adult . I look at people my age and think that guys old . hes middle aged .N i think from what i can tell, most people feel the same But some people look it N act it
FUCK ACTIN YOUR AGE! Fuck that!
I look at the facebook pages of guys i
went to school with . Looks like they are doin ok , bmw, own business , but fat as fuck and looking all middle aged .people have told me i dont look my age , so i guess theres somethin to be said for a beard to hide the double chin and a stupid haircut that belongs to someone half my age.
Its like when it comes to women. guys look at girls . We all know that . But these days my age plays on me . See a young 20 year old perky tits n great ass and all of a sudden im like !! Wooooah granpa your old enough to be her daddy... have sum fuckin shame ffs...
There again she could have daddy issues so could work out..
Its not just the young chicks that i have a problem checkin out tho ill look at women my own age , .. remember how i was sayin i feel young . See some lady n start havin milf fantasys.. then i realise shes under 40 ffs...
Im a cradle snatcher wtf !!!
Let me tell you about
the other day .
im in the playground pickin up my kid.
Chattin to a school mum . Around my age not the best looking woman big
Teeeth and glasses . But a great body often shows up in lycra gym gear . Shes What i like to call a BOBFOC stands for
" body off baywatch face off crimewatch ".
The conversation was all about how our 10 year olds r growin up fast n its not long till big school , and their independance , and all that shit Shes talking to me about peer pressure , n kids doin stuff for the first time . Drugs ,smoking , drinkin all the fun stuff i miss now im 40!
. "Well" i say "you gotta be honest n open i guess our generation understand drugs better than our parents did "
"but how honest "she says " do i say that i used to smoke a bit and blah
Thats it i stop listenin and my minds off wanderin elsewhere , " shit ! Shes was astoner? Yea ok i can see that . Probably back at uni . hell dawg you need to get some ! Make up some bullshit excuse to get back to her place after The school run.. get her chattin and break out the blow ! Get this bitch high n be eat her pussy out before jeremy kyle! Her husband ll be at work n looksa pussy anyway " 20 year old Rich brain just kicked in !!
N thats the point ! 40 years old .A grown up ! fuck off men dont grow up. I think just like i did as a young man. Kids wife responsibiltys all Bullshit. . We throw it all into the back
of our mind at a sniff of pussy!! &
Women know this . This is not news.. but ! Hang on girls . Your quick to call us dogs for it. you can be bitches too
Take a nice girl . Pluck her from normal life . Get her with "the girls" n ply her with alcohol!! There worse than a man .. cos u all got the pick of the dick ... a guy WILL bang any chick BUT any chick CAN bang any guy ... i dont give a fuck what she looks like.
its not like that for guys .. except sometimes just sometimes theres those days when givin off the vibe ! Wearin essance of cock n u cant fail to fuck!!
Let me tell u about the day it happened for me !! Yea thats right once . one sweet day ill never forget!
I was working the lunch shift in a pub. And the girl i was working with , we d be flirting playfully like u do for a few days we both finished at about 3pm n sat at the other side of the bar for a couple of drinks!
After a couple of beers i fancied a joint .. so i invited her back to mine for a smoke.
Ill not go into details but yea i fucked her ! Bareback !
I had no beer in the place so we went back to the bar.. . At the pub we get talking to n drinkin with a table of girls . Average age 18/19 . Im stoned n d*unk n playin up to an all girl Crowd . Few drinks n my "girl" says shes gotta go meet her mum for dinner "look after him for me girls"...
What happened next n how is a bit of a blur . all i can tell you is , i ended up back at mine for a second time that afternoon . With a tall slim brunette , who snuck off from her group of pals! To come get high! n im laid on my bed with her sucking my cock !!
Yea , thats right . The same cock i barebacked the bar maid with then rushed back to the pub ! Now on reflection i might have rinsed it under the tap . But i would nt swear on it !!
I know that This is not a good advert for safe sex !
Or for the new age man
But its my story .
Its the one time i was a man slut . A man whore!
n im proud of it....
YOU KNOW WHY cos im fuckin 40 now n it aint happenin ever again!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good one mate,
Your so right, God the School Run is an amazing
sight.
Shameful Mums who can't be arsed to get dressed, taking the little ones to school in their Uggs and jarmies.
The " dark horses" the quiet ones, who l bet give them a chance, a bit of drink and they would be
an animal in the bedroom, or for that matter, behind closed curtains.
And then our favourites the Yummy Mummy's in Lycra and trainers off to the gym, or yoga / Pilates, or just to walk the dog.
Oh God yes please.
The Gym ones my favourite or just as sexy, the Mummy on route to her Stables, in sexy jodhpurs,
sexy beige or off white, maybe slightly worn and muddy, topped off with sexy black riding boots.
My god the Playground and School run is for sure
A "Target rich environment"...!!!!
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By *udiguy OP Man
over a year ago
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Anyway to set the scene here , myself and my then long term girlfreind . Im 19/20 shes 23 ish . We used to go to this club .. it was advertised as gay freindly.. which really means "straight freindly so long as your not homophobic and open minded "
It was really cool to be honest. Plus the guys werent chattin up my girl whenever my back was turned like a normal club! Plus gay dudes have loads of drugs !!
Now back then i was younger wore my hair diffrent n was really skinny, but still had the specs and i always got " you look like jarvis cocker"
Well i can say i was "all sorted out for Es n whizz" at least!
So this one night my girl comes up to me with this guy n girl couple !
( 100mph speed voice)
" this is rich hes the boyfreind i was telling u about rich this is john n julie (not there real names, not that i know there real names of course i was off my nut) there really cool and live in leeds and shes a dance student and they said we can go back to their place n have a smoke after the club and stay over us girls are gonna dance you boys chat"
So fast forward an hour or so n we re piled into the nova sr n heading back to john n julies 1 bedroom basement flat in headingly . Saturday night casette tape blarin out .
We get in the flat . My girl skins up a joint . Julie sticks on some tunes. N john pulls out a "bucket" from behind the sofa....
I see a few nods from the heads. But for those who dont know .. a buckets is a device for cannabis smoking.
Its a bucket!
Half filled with water....
In that is a 2 / 3 litre plastic bottle with bottom cut off !!
And then in the top is some kind of bowl and gauze on which you burn the . Usually a socket from a socket set.
You pull the bottle up as you burn the pot filling the bottle with smoke . Then u bend or kneel over the bottle .. pushing it down n filling your lungs with smoke!
Ok so a few buckets in and a few joints on top of the Es n Whizz n this partys in full fuckin swing. Julies up and dancing. Now i should explain. My 23 24 year old girlfreind was very good looking 5'10 darkhair. nice arse . Punchin well above my weight !!
But julie . Was fucking smokin hot . Dancers body . J lo booty . Bangin tittys . She had changed into lycra gym dance type gear for some reason.
I just rememered she was scottish !! So one flaw when the bitch spoke ! But otherwise .... n john boy he fuckin knows it ! My girl was up with her dancin. But nxt to julie n off her face on class As and blow shes looking like olive oil from popeye !!
Johns encuoragin the girls to dance together. He leans over from his sofa n passes me a joint, a cheeky grin n a wink........
OH SHIT THIS AINT A DRUGS THING ITS A SEX THING !
Ooh fuck a sex thing , oh yea great .. The loved up horny Extacsy urges are back ... group sex . Girl swapping . Girl on girl ?? What they got planned?? Me n my girl have had things at partys . Two couples fuckin in the same room but not like this . This is gonna be the shit!! I know shes game for a bit of lezz fun!!
The girls chill out n have a smoke . Chat resumes .. but now im realisin julies flirtin with my chick n givin me the odd cheeky smile !! Johns just got this shit eatin grin.
Its that time in the am .. suns up . Comedowns lurkin round the corner .. your gettin horny..
My chicks passed out on the sofa
from all tbuckets. Julie trys wakin her up.. im tryin .. bitch is out cold
"Ok man we gonna try get sum shut eye too says john"
Aww man no way
They go thru to the bedroom nxt door . Teeth r brushed toilet flushes.
"Shit the toilet ... you have to go thru the bedroom n i got that urge to piss like a racehorse u get after a night on the class A drugs" |
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By *udiguy OP Man
over a year ago
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I knock n excuse myself.. johns in bed shirtless at least as far as i can tell .. im not gay at all but hes a hunky dude ! My stupid part time light weight drug party bitch missed out...
Julies still in the gym kit...
can i take a piss . Cheers"
In the bathroom i realise im already nursin a semi on ! N u boys here that used to be bad mother fuckers know that it aint easy to get hard on whizz !! Let alone E ! But if it goes up . Its the hardest dick u ever had and it aint goin down !! I take a piss ... wash up a little .. n go back into the bedroom!
Hes in bed grinnin shes smokin a joint n layin around lookin sexy as fuck..
"Want some of this Rich"
she offers up the joint . "Sit on the bed ill move up"
She slides up n nestles into him .. i perch on the edge... take the joint n pray a few tokes will give me sleep ??
I feel a foot on my thigh.. i slide my leg to make room... n its back. But higher up.. i toke n the foot goes straight to my groin !!! Rubbing , twisting , boner OH SHIT ! i look at her shes smiling with fuck me eyes
I look at john n get a knowing smile n a wink!!
OH FUCK !! OH SHIT !! the kicks in ... next thing i got an angel on one shoulder n a devil on the other
Bit Like the kid in Animal house!!
"FUCK HER FUCK HER BRAINS OUT"
" THE GIRL YOU LOVE IS IN THE NEXT ROOM .. SHAME ON YOU"
i jump up.. make a mumbled excuse.. go in the lounge n shake her.. Nothin.
Take out my cock n smack her in the face with it !!
" JESUS WAKE UP .. ITS OUR VERY SPECIAL FANTASY WE TALKED ABOUT .. FUCKIN WAKE UP" ..
Dead to the world.
I get on the other sofa . Have a bucket n lay there listenin to this sexy couple fuck .. on drugs for what seems like forever.. I dont even jerk off to it .. the guilt over my chick missin out shames me...
" THE GIRL YOU LOVE IS IN THE NEXT ROOM .. SHAME ON YOU"
i jump up.. make a mumbled excuse.. go in the lounge n shake her.. Nothin.
Take out my cock n smack her in the face with it !!
" JESUS WAKE UP .. ITS OUR VERY SPECIAL FANTASY WE TALKED ABOUT .. FUCKIN WAKE UP" ..
Dead to the world.
I get on the other sofa . Have a bucket n lay there listenin to this sexy couple fuck .. on drugs for what seems like forever.. I dont even jerk off to it .. the guilt over my chick missin out shames me...
So the mornin comes around n its arkward as hell between us 3
My birds got no clue tho...
We make our excuses n leave ... i go to a bar n drink a few beers and explain what she missed out on
And shes cryin... im a twat im a bastard... i did nt do nuthin n im in the wrong !!
Anyway 6 months later she finishes it with me over some girl i fucked when i first met her 4 years ago .
Todays lesson live in the fuckin now n dont ever pass up an orgy just cos someone slept thru it !!
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