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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hello,
I don't know if this is really the right place for erotic poetry but it seems as good as any, I'll move it if I need to.
I wrote a thing, I've not written in a long time but I hope that you lovely people might enjoy it.
The Quickening
My eyes explore every curve.
I surrender to desire
Tides of passion consumes me
Rushed by lust,
Your flame inspires the fire.
Fingertips dance.
Tongues caress.
Bodies mold together
Beguiled by your scent
Enslaved by your kiss
Your sensual feast,
The sweet taste,
of heat and honey.
We move in rhythm
In race to ecstasy
In fevered motion,
sweat drips
Lost in sensual devotion,
nails across skin,
your weight on my hips.
Then,the quickening,
Our bodies surge,
breathless, entwined
Every inch of you perfect
Every inch divine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have you tried to record it spoken word? I was having a little difficulty figuring out the proper pacing and rhythm of it.
Nice though and thanks for sharing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you tried to record it spoken word? I was having a little difficulty figuring out the proper pacing and rhythm of it.
Nice though and thanks for sharing."
I haven't I honestly don't have the confidence for that. The formatting got messed up, which slightly irked me.
Thank you and thanks for taking the time to read it. |
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"Hello,
I don't know if this is really the right place for erotic poetry but it seems as good as any, I'll move it if I need to.
I wrote a thing, I've not written in a long time but I hope that you lovely people might enjoy it.
The Quickening
My eyes explore every curve.
I surrender to desire
Tides of passion consumes me
Rushed by lust,
Your flame inspires the fire.
Fingertips dance.
Tongues caress.
Bodies mold together
Beguiled by your scent
Enslaved by your kiss
Your sensual feast,
The sweet taste,
of heat and honey.
We move in rhythm
In race to ecstasy
In fevered motion,
sweat drips
Lost in sensual devotion,
nails across skin,
your weight on my hips.
Then,the quickening,
Our bodies surge,
breathless, entwined
Every inch of you perfect
Every inch divine."
Rushed by lust is a lovely line. I also like heat and honey. I would be wary of tides of passion as I think sea metaphors, unless carefully crafted, have been overused to describe sexual congress.
There is some good internal rhyming but at times this clashes with the line endings which rhyme, and a rhythm which then becomes unsettled and confused. Look again and read aloud to yourself and see if you can get the metre of the poem to match the subject. Perhaps longer, looser, languorous lines, building up to a more feverish pitch? Experiment with what you have, because you beautifully evoke the multi sensory experience of sex.
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