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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Will you please give a big Kerrang welcome to this year's thrash heroes Cystitis and their controversial smash hit 'Burning pee'. The lights come up and roman candles whirr at the side of the stage as the presenter exits with a chorus of shrill boos. The NBC cameras rolled in and one voice is heard above the entrance track shouting "You suck Mason, i hate men".
The lead singer Tully Mason darts onto the stage. His poodle-like perm falls around his shoulders and he scans the packed auditorium. This is what i live for he thought to himself as he swallowed a mouthful of spit to lubricate his arid throat. He could feel the buzz, anger and excitement of the crowd. NME had described the band as 'chauvinistic crap metal' and Q had caned their opening release by saying '..Sonia had more to offer'. Tully's costume was typical rocker, tight and sweaty. He reminded one of Rod Stewart in the mid 1970s with his shaggy mop and scraps of material hanging off his bony frame. He wore tight, slashed at the front, faded jeans and had all manners of trinkets tied around his wrists and through his hair. Tully and Cystitis had had a few novelty hits that year and their success was being compared to that of the Darkness a few years previous. The spotlight shone onto the tall frontman, Mason's eyes narrowed as he prepared to rock the
crowd, he stood feet apart and arms outstretched to his side. He looked messianic as he awaited to kickstart their delivery on the big time. Kerrang sought that edginess and dark talent in its acts and Cystitis lacked no amount of controversy. Tully wrenched the microphone from its stand, it dazzled in the light as he barked into it.
- Greetings people, hello ladies. I am Tully Mason from Idaho and these, my people, are the other members of Cystitis.
The houselights were brought up to show the other members stood or sat in position.
- boooooooo, boooooooo
- I penned this song to my girlfriend a couple of years ago in her hour of need. She left me soon after.
- YYAAAAYYYYY! JEEEEEEERRRKKKK!!!
- It's called Burning pee and it goes like this...
Mason flicked his head towards the drummer who began rattling around the kit before settling into a banging rhythm. The electric guitarist plucked at his instrument playing just over the top of the drums. Mason swung his head to and fro and stomped his foot up and down hard to the side of the microphone stand.
WOOOOOWWW WO-OW WO-OW OO
clap with me....i sssaaaaaiiid clap wiiiiiiiiiittthhh me
WOOOOOWWW WO-OW W0-OW OO (the audience reluctantly began clapping)
It feels terrible (Band members echo: terr-ible)
When you wake up and you reeeeAAAAALLLIISSSSEEEE -
You reaallllllllyyyyy desssspppppiiissssse - yes me. (Guitar: DERN DERN)
Baby what did i do?
You are eyes are gunning, i feel like running - FROM YOU!
I feel terrible (Terr-ible)
I know you're in pain, like pissing, f**king needles of rain (DERN DERN)
The drummer cracks into the beat before the second verse
It feels terrible (Terr-ible)
I see you wince, a pain you've not felt since
The last time (Dern Dern Dern)
WOOOOOOWWW WO-OW OOO burning pee
WOOOOOOWWW WO-OW OOOO BURNING BURNING PEE
At your chair, in your office at god knows where
Legs-a tied in a knot,
How long to stop the rot?
Three hours on the packet,
The office is a racket
Does anyone have any CRANBERRRRRY JOOOOCEE (DERN DERN)
WOOOOOOWW WO-OW OOO BURNING PEE
WOOOOOOOWWW WO-OW OOO BURNING PEE
(Bridge)
I feel so guilty,
I think i wasn't erect enough at all
chaffing at your vaginal wall
when i've been far too small
something's going to happen
something's going to happen
Quickly take a pill - please, please,
i tell you, i tell you, i tell you - BEFORE
WWWWWWWWOOOOOWWW WO-OW OO BURNING PEE
WOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW WO-OW WOOO BURNING PEE PEEE BURNING PEEE BURNING
Ladies, when you've goooot burning peee, ladies, wow f**king ladies Ladies, when you've gottttt IT - this f**king burning peee
GOT, GOT, GOTTA GOTTA, GOT
Drink lots of water (you know you oughta)
Before!
Burrrnnninggg Peee
Cystitis, cystitis ...cystttiiiitiaaayyyiaaiiiiisssssss
(Lights down as the last chord rips on the electric guitar, then lights up)
- Thank-you, i'm Tully Mason and we are Cystitis, i love you
Shouts can be heard above the odd clap in the audience.
-I hate you Masssoooonn, you have no idea, No IDEA.
............................................................
I hope this maybe puts a little smile on your face and you realise that we are not all insensitive like Tully Mason. I'll be thinking of you.  |
