 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
This was one seriously strange day.
Got up as usual and went to work for the first time after the holidays. It was hard getting up but isn’t always when your not looking forward to it. In some ways holidays can be too much I hate having time to think and if I’m honest for a few reasons Christmas is not my favourite holiday. I start to get on my own nerves so fed up I can’t even decide to do anything. Then of course there are the dates. Let’s use that in the loosest possible sense and I don’t mean a literal date I mean the men. Only one I had time for over the holidays lets call him M (see Saturday night fever, with bells on blogs) the other I may have seen if he had time (Morning fun on a cold day). The rest well, I’ve never had much male attention and I am not used to as many wanting my company and there are a few. I am not being big headed I to be honest have not got a clue what they see in me, they in my opinion are possibly certifiable. Let me rephrase that some of them are definitely certifiable they stalk me, text me, invite me to move in with them after a week even after ive done a really good attempt to impersonate Kate Hudson in ‘How to lose a guy in Ten Days’.
My New Years Resolution was to stop letting myself being taken advantage of by men who do not deserve me (like I said in the butterfly blog). To think of the results of my actions and to weigh up the consequences of behaving like a total ass more than twice before doing it anyway. I want to feel special, feel excited and know that despite the fact all I want at the moment is a casual relationship somewhere out there romance is still alive. Yes you can lust after someone but in my opinion this can maybe lead to a more enjoyable experience. To have the anticipation of wondering and imagining what someone’s touch might feel like as the hands move softly over you skin or how their breathe feels on your neck. With this thought in mind a resolve this will be a good year and I have my head sorted at last.
OR is it?
Despite this I thought about a few men the last few days some I’ve met some I may never meet. Men I’ve worked with, went to school with, men with whom I have had random conversations about life, those who have lent an ear, a shoulder and possibly a cock. Men of mymore recent acquaintance, who I’ve shared more than a few conversations or chats with. There are various reasons they have crossed my mind, been on my mind or blatantly stuck in my head. Sometimes the connections you have had for years do nothing for you do not have any bearing on your thoughts, feelings or way of life. Then there is the briefest of encounters the shortest of conversations that can change you transform you for ever. I do not necessarily mean in a romantic sense for some of the changes i have witnessed in myself have been because others had faith in me, or because of something that was said in regards to life has changed the way I perceive things. I am still learning everyday brings its new challenges and I don’t want this to stop.
The day started as I was saying and a few clients did not show up I found myself with a spare hour. I move around a lot so do not always have access to other work while out and about. I went on facebook on my phone and there out of the blue was a message from a guy who left the site a while back we still keep in touch and always good to catch up although we met on the hub we never chatted about sex it was always just conversation. Then very strangely there was a message from a guy who used to go to my school we had talked briefly over the years when we had met out and about. Mostly at golf socials my ex had dragged me to or in the clothes shop he worked in. It was peculiar but I replied to his Happy new year. He then asked if I wanted to call see him for coffee after work. Why would I do that I asked? He replied because I just passed you car and you are only over the road from my house. ‘I’m in a hurry today I said no time on Tuesdays’. Go on he said please. To which I replied no but some other day maybe but it is just coffee. I do not fancy you. The response was ‘well I might be good for you’. I’ve wanted you since the day you went into the changing rooms at work and I saw you in some black lace underwear. I do hope you are kidding I responded that is very unprofessional and inappropriate. I am seriously not interested lets not bother with the coffee besides you play golf so you’d spend more time playing with you own balls. Well a good long hard shaft and balls of steel are sometimes good to play with he replied. I did not respond and logged off.
Man number three the Turkish Delight very good looking married Turkish guy with lots of muscles and a very naughty smile. I know him from work he is such a flirt. Today he comes on a bit stronger than usual it no longer seems like he is just flirting. He wants to know why I am single I should have a man everyone gets lonely sometimes. I tell him I do not have a boyfriend but that does not mean I am lonely or not getting any. I leave it at that but I no longer feel that I should flirt or encourage him although if he had a good sized cock he might be a good shag. The Grifter is also at work tonight only because he thought I wouldn’t be. He tells me he does not like my new nose stud he also appears nervous about me. I know he is still totally infatuated and I have been doing my very best to avoid him (see high speed dating blog) but yet he still does not get the message. On his way out the door he baits Mr Galaxy saying I will be getting tattoos next. Mr Galaxy responds sure she has one on her hip I thought you would have seen it. (I don’t) This is Mr Galaxy’s way of implying he has slept with me when he hasn’t, he does it frequently around other men to chase them off. Mr Galaxy might find his sexy blue eyes are no longer as charming as I used to think. Charm is one thing but actions speak louder than words. He has had a year now to make a move and has chosen not to therefore he has lost his chance.
M the guy I met on the date site texts me as he always does now to see how work went today a brief flirty texting session with promises of some weekend fun if I have gotten my feelings out of the way and am still interested in no strings sex. I assure him last week was a blip and other things were on my mind (see sex in lift blog) I definitely want some sex soon. I have not known M long (bells Christmas blog) but he is really easy to get on with and I feel comfortable with him. He is going to break my heart but with a smile like his I knew he would be trouble from the start. This is not going to be about just sex and for once someone knows everything there is to know about me. Including any crushes I have on other men and members of the site. I have not lied and I have made it clear to him that I have one itch that if I was given the chance I need to scratch.
Speak of the devil. The biggest surprise of the day comes when someone I have not chatted to in a couple of months messages. I am shocked I honestly thought that I had heard the last of him. But I am pleased as he is the only person on the site I have actually clicked with. I had been a little over the top when we had last spoke and if he reads this I hope I am forgiven. I have also learnt my lesson and know that I need to back off occasionally and not be so full on. It is nice to chat. I have not chatted on line in a few months it is amazing how much time you can spend talking to someone you like but do not really know.
This is one strange day that some people both of old and short acquaintance can make different lasting impressions in many different ways. The Grifter despite our short regrettable fling taught me that it is possible for someone to want me as a permanent fixture in their lives. I shall ignore the fact he is a total bunny boiler and awful in bed. It was nice to have someone want to have me around for a while. It also taught me that I was horrible to him especially when I came into the opposite situation with M last week. I was such a bitch I messed with his head, not on purpose but I should have tread more gently where his heart was concerned. Mr Galaxy over the last year has shown me that I can feel safe around a man and have no expectations romantically and know that if I ever needed anything he would help. R has taught me to be myself again to say what I think and feel and to be myself. I have my imagination back and my creativity. It is odd that so many people contacted me on a day when I am questioning so many different things. When I had tried to put many of them out of my head some with more difficulty than others. But then whatever will be will be perhaps I am not meant to forget, my lessons are not yet learned. In the words of Barbara Streisand
When did the right road take the wrong turn
When did our hearts break
Whyd we get burnt
Just like the seasons there are reasons for the paths we take
There are no mistakes
Just lessons to be learnt
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
