This is NOT a sex story but I hope you'll be amused at this tale of wounded male pride.
I’ve had some time off work recently, so I thought I’d ask around the local cycling club if anyone was up for some daytime rides. Someone mentioned that Abby worked from home, and might be available to ride during the week. I had ridden with Abby (a slim, attractive lady in her early 40’s) and her husband on several occasions, and found them good company. I sent Abby an email and she replied enthusiastically. She said she’d love to do a midweek riding expedition – especially if I took her somewhere new and exciting. I knew Abby was a regular rider, so I suggested a trip to The South Downs and some of my favourite trails in West Sussex.
We’d had a final phone conversation on Wednesday evening to confirm arrangements. I distinctly remember the following snatches of conversation:
Abby:- “I hope I won’t be slowing you down too much Tim”.
Me:- “I doubt that will happen. – Did I hear somewhere that you got a gold medal in a road event last year?”
Abby:- “Oh they gave those to nearly everyone who took part. And besides – you’re my hero Tim. You ride well, you gave good advice on tyre pressures, clip- |
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...continued.
clip-in pedals, and you really helped my descending technique.”
My ego duly massaged, I looked forward to a nice easy spin the next day.
On Thursday morning, Abby’s 4x4 pulled up at my house, we loaded my bike and riding gear, and we set off for Sussex.
As we drove along and the conversation flowed, it began to emerge that Abby was some kind of fitness fanatic. Apparently she exercised every day, either running or cycling. She reguarly entered triathlons and cycle events. I was beginning to have misgivings.
“Blimey” I thought to myself...”I may have bitten off a bit more than I can chew here.”
As the scenery rolled past and we approached our destination, I recovered from my panic, and was again beginning to relish the prospect of riding my favourite trails. It was at this point that Abby dropped another bombshell. Her work (she explained) consisted of reviewing legal contracts - working from home. During the last year she had become increasingly bored with this work, and had decided to do something more active where she could meet people every day. She was about to become a personal fitness trainer for private clients! She further explained (apologetically) that she would not be available for more daytime rides of a few weeks because (starting Monday) she would be on a full-time course to get her started on her new career.
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...continued.
“Oh My God”, – I thought to myself, “I am gonna be knackered trying to keep up!”
Well, as you can imagine, all her talk about HER slowing ME down turned out to be the complete opposite of the true situation.” Yes, I climbed steep trails, I swooped down twisty woodland descents. I huffed, puffed, and sweated my way up more steep rutted bridleways, I briefly took in fabulous views and then bumped and bounced down more rutted, stony bridleways. All this time Abby sat alongside or just behind me - happily chattering away. I noticed she didn’t seem to be exerting herself at all, and that there didn’t seem to be a drop of perspiration anywhere on her. After 2 hours of this, I was well and truly ready for our lunch stop in the Compton Tea Shop (very highly recommended btw).
The return journey was more of the same – only more so, as
1. I was more tired...and
2. I had eaten the bigger lunch, and finished it off with 2 Earl Grey teas and a large slice of Lemon Drizzle Cake.
Abby waited compassionately at the top of every climb as I gulped in huge breaths and waited for the pounding in my chest to subside. On the final high speed descent back into Funtington, I decided to show Abby that, although I wasn’t as fit as her, I COULD go downhill faster. Yes: – you’ve guessed it already: I lost control about halfway down and ended up somersaulting over the handlebars and landing in a patch of nettles! My bike lay a few feet away, facing the wrong way and upside-down in a bush. Having made sure I was alright, Abby (between fits of giggles) took pictures with her mobile and explained to me that it was very common to crash in the latter stages of a race through fatigue causing a lack of concentration and slowing of the reactions. --- Now she tells me!
So there you have it Ladies and Gents. The moral of the story: never bite off more than you can chew, and always wear protection!
Yes Ok – It wasn’t all that bad and we both had a great time.
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Sounds familiar, every ride I took with my friends as a teenager was like that. I was fine downhill but I never had the strength in the knees or the stamina to do all the uphill bits. Some of them could cycle up what appeared to me to be cliffs. Tried to cycle the South Downs Way and we were doing ok until I took a massive tumble and slid for a twenty feet down a chalk (and flint) track. End of holiday. Very embarassing. |
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