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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hello thread,
I hope everyone is well and good!
Firstly I’d like to start with Sorry - because that’s before you start reading as At times I may ramble on but “hopefully you get the message in which I’m trying to portray” (Chris Eubank Sr Voice) ??
Also I hope the regular forum bouncers dont decide to start blasting me for asking this question or if I do, maybe this is because I’ve put this in the wrong section but for me this would be classed as a “fantasy”….. or more of self development
Also please bare with me and read on if at points I seen to mumble on,, which I do slot (had a late night and wanted to have a self discovering discussion with myself that’s ended up with me writing this) - I will use this as a memorandum of my journey to complete freedom and self awareness and growth lol which I’d say I’ve been on for about 2 years now which all started off with me taking a bit of mdma with my older cousin at a rave (please non-drug users don’t start thinking I’m a druggy because I really am not lol) but this was strange for me as I was always complete anti drugs (and still am except for which you can’t class as a drug anyway but that’s s topic for another discussion) oh and also mdma because of my recent experiences with it , but yeah just had to me open up to new people which previously I wouldn’t have allowed myself to due to my own ego and self worth which is more damaging then good I believe, unless when I believe I’m in an alpha competition where I believe my ego allows me to thrive where others would fall - I believe you can do whatever you put your mind to, whether that’s fitness, learning or financial gains - it’s down to you, work hard play hard…
Anyway
So the journey begins that a common occurrence for many men aged my age, believe Their on a self-journey of awareness of sexuality in life, (please don’t fall asleep at this point) but I’ve always been somewhat quite small minded especially when it comes to open relationships and even sex in general - maybe because I came from a cultural background (Arab/Irish) this had a unconsciously effect on how I viewed this? (I mean I believe in old school romance that they’re is a person out there for everybody, like there is a perfect woman out there for me) saying that I mean how many people do you have to “go through” (only way to say it nice) before you find the one?? And when you do find the one I mean you’d want to treasure her with all your heart and give her the world!!
But I mean as a 26yr old single men who regularly likes to party I’ve had my fair share of experience of casual sex as I like to thing I’m not that bad to look at and can hold a conversation ,ALTHOUGH I always tend to find that in real life situations I haven’t found the right partner that I’ve connected with - I really want to find that right person who I can share all the amazing things life has to offer with and also to happily play out all the most kinkiest dirtiest erotic fantasies that we could both think of - but I think with my mind state now it’s hard to find a real one because of the fake facade most girls my age see online, in which turn turns them toxic which starts the cycle of casual sex with no trust or loyalty!!
I initially wanted to go to a swingers club in West Bromwich but bottled it in the end, because again if my small mindedness I didn’t want to feel pressured into anything I didn’t want to do (not like I would) but maybe it’s that added anxiety of the unknown which at other times I love, but like seeing my next door neighbour at a swinging club would make me believe people might look at me as desperate which is the furthest thing I am!! Like so many hungry guys these days that actually give guys like me a bad name - like might look abit bad on the outside but deep down soft as tissue with a heart of gold!! Well I like to think anyway haha
Anyway once I’ve had a chase with a girl at the bar, I’ll be all over it and try and hook up for the night, but I feel unless I’m abit tipsy or wavey I haven’t got my normal confidence which I used to have an abundance of btw lol to say do crazy sexual things - like I’ll pretend something doesn’t arouse me to seem more “normal” - I mean how does one cope with being ok with having non normal views lol
Im always flirty on a night out and it’s because once I love the social aspect of finding something about someone and just the chase in general, to see if they like you , BuT say for first time if I believe they given
or maybe I have just lacked confidence in bringing this about but surely it should all just be el naturale
I always like to give off an alpha vibes when around people, I think I have a false sense of confidence in this aspect because I’m starting to see as a negative because I care too much of what other people think
although I’ll always be a man man; what I’m trying to get at is i love a good chase, but it seems as soon as the chase finishes…. that’s it - I’m mentally checked out - I think it’s a common thing for men my age but I want to break out of this mindset - I have the view that I can only get with a girl if I truly like her, although I’d shag
as I’ve always wanted to know what it is that certain men are that open and secure that they want to be “cucked” and humiliated by someone they truly love
I mean I want to broaden my small mindedness hence why I’ve come on a swinging site to explore this, but I feel as a man you always have that alpha vibe?? Especially with other men, although the thought of men getting with my gf does somewhat arouse me knowing she is getting fucked purely out of pleasure turns me on - but deep down my insecurities would never be able to get over that?
Just some advice really?
Self retention is something I have also been looking at and exploring - as this is something of a surprise, recently on more than a couple casual one nights encounters I haven’t found myself as horny as expected when it comes to the finale, whether I’m not as hard as I could be or I’m just not mentally there
Perfect example was a got one girl from Croydon when I was down Brixton one night, and like conversation was there looks were there but I think it’s because when we finally got to hers I felt maybe the chase was up and I had got what I wanted.. I mean I got this girl to leave her sister, offer to get taxi back to hers and drop me back to Birmingham next day and like I was feeling her she had bubbly cockney personality and had Irish background again something which I liked anyway we’ve left Brixton jam for those that know lol but went back to the girls place and everything was fine, but I feel like I didn’t have that sexual domination desire to go completely crazy with her and I didn’t even really get that hard, maybe it’s because recently I have been masturbating too frequently - it’s because of all you sexy fabbers turning me on but on a serious note had me question everything ALOT, was my fitness not there, was my mind not into it, maybe I had whisky dick, I’m not quite sure how to put the nail on the head but
Not sure why but I feel like I want to feed it every My ideal girl, so she would be someone who can bring out the best in me, be open, be funny, caring, be open sexually be trusting and honest with me - loyalty over everything and to be fair I think that’s where I’ve struggled with finding someone who is loyal who I genuinely feel for because then I’d give that person my all - but I feel for that person I could submit myself for their benefit which would make me a better person for it!! I believe if everyone had a swingers mentality there would be world peace lol and a lot of sex clubs but you get the drift of what I’m saying I hope lol I feel like if I truly loved someone And vice versa it could really open up a world of explorations - I mean I look with jealousy sometimes at couples profiles like how they did they get to the position they’re in now being that open and happy with it!! But again this is my small mindedness leaking from within but it’s s times like this which I think I know
This sounds like it could be apart of an Eminem rap lol also it may seem it but I do not have mental health issues lol well I feel like we all do to a certain degree it’s just how you manage it and handle it - and I’m very hard on myself only expect the best and maybe I put that much high of an expectation On myself a lot when it comes to sex?? I’m really not to into it or because I’ve stressed myself so much I cannot enjoy it - I mean I can’t remember the last time I actually enjoyed sex - other than the casual brief encounters which sounds like I’m being hypocritical because I said I put too much expectations on myself but nothing Then a better night with a sexy girl who knows what she wants!!
If you’ve stayed in the way until the end A congratulations lol you probably think what a self righteous wanker who thinks too much of himself but I think by me writing all this I have answered some of my own questions and I believe these are steps I need to take for my self development!
- Stop caring what other people think
- Have more self confidence
- Be complete open
- Be honest with myself
- Stop putting so much pressure on myself - meaning trying to always secure the best looking girl, or always give a top quality performance in the shagging department lol (I’m sure this is how all guys feel - or is it just me???
What is the advice I can get from likeminded men my age - do you agree with how I look at things or is your opinion different? I mean I’m 26yr old, own place, own car and own business - but I still feel I have the mindset of a boy, but I have desire to become a man I believe that is only accomplished once your married and have kids?? Am I wrong I. Thinking this or?
Like right now I wouldn’t like to think I couldn’t get mugged off by anyone as the alpha male vibe is always there within me so I wouldn’t say I’m not a men in front of other people because as men I think we all strive to have that number 1 presence in the room - feel like yeah your the man and no one can trouble you and you could have any guys girl lol
Ladies - how do my opinions make you feel, like do you know men feel/think like this? Is your experience/personality different or similar? I mean do you like when a guy is completely honest (and obviously you’d say yes but I mean completely honest, like imagine your husband for 5years says I want to shag other women in front of you because it turns me on)?? I mean I feel like I’m still young in that regards to my mentality because I think know what I’m looking for (hence why I described perfect girl earlier)
Please private message me aswell if you feel like you could help or mentor a young stallion into finding out who he can really be - I need the David Dein to my Arsene Wenger lol (big Arsenal fan) hopefully don’t lose points for that
The order of some of these paragraphs have been scrambled so please try get a rough idea of what I’m saying - if I spent any longer writing This I feel like I’d need to start naming chapters!!
Yeah I’ve rambled on enough you’ll probably think I need some therapy sessions but thought what better way to vent out my thoughts on this early Sunday morning after a crazy night of shenanigans Saturday night - we’ll every weekend for me - I love to party too much which is something of s concern aswell - I have FOMO!!
What I think I’m really think is a bit of reassurances that many people found themselves in my shoes once with all these thoughts flying around my head while trying to look for potential love and sex |
