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Part 5:
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My heart was thumping as I headed towards the city centre. Palpitations as to the possibilities had I not noticed the camera. My rage started to increase again. I went in to a shop and asked for a box of matches. Those were the days when such a single purchase didn't seem strange. They only had large matches. I didn't care.
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Went to the top floor - empty - of a multi story car park. Got down on my haunches, got the tape out my pocket and set fire to it. Enjoyed the smell of it burning and loved watching it melting, folding in on itself. Waited until it burned out then I stamped on it and scattered it. To cheer myself up, I struck another match and put it in the other matches to "make a genie". Drank in the smell of the burning sulphur. Was amused that my cock twitched.
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I still wasn't right though because I fell down the stairs on my way out the car park and hurt myself. Was now feeling very sorry for myself. Cursing I walked in a strop around the corner in to the main street and collided at force with a policeman. The main station was 500 yards away.
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"Shit !" I blurted, "I am SO sorry sir. Not watching where I was going"
"You OK son?" he asked
I looked at him. Kind eyes concerned. The last thing I needed
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"I'm fine, sir, honestly" I lied
"I ehm....." and then I paused as the adrenaline just seeped out of me and dammit my eyes leaked. Tears dribbled down my cheeks.
"Anything I should know about", he asked gently
"No no", I shook my head vigorously
"I ehm........." I started again,
"I ehm................... I've just been dumped".
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I couldn't believe what I heard coming out my mouth and was in danger of cringing
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"Oh dear", he said, "happens to the best of us"
"Rubbish", I blurted looking him up and down, "who'd be daft enough to dump you?"
Crap! Blurt Babble Blurt
He raised a questioning eyebrow
"They wouldn't dare" I hurriedly attempted to cover.
He laughed
"Been a few", he said, "can't seem to keep them. Must be the job"
"I'd have thought that would have been an attraction" I said, again engaging the gob before the brain.
"I meant the hours" he said.
I nodded.
"You know what's good when you get dumped?" he asked
"A bag of chips" I suggested, having stopped myself just in time from saying something else.
He laughed. I liked his laugh
"I was going to say 'a drink' ", he said, "but I suppose with chips you'd have to stop at one"
"One?" I snorted, "I can get 20 in my mouth at once", I said, "I like a good mouthful"
"We still talking chips?" he asked
Oh hell.
"For that matter", he said, "I meant one BAG of chips you stop at, all in gob at once aside"
"I can get a whole Mars Bar in my mouth sideways" I said.
They were much larger and broader back then.
"Why do I believe you", he asked"
"'Cause you know it's true", I smiled.
"You know", I continued, "maybe a drink would be good. I suppose since you're working it would be inappropriate to invite you to join me".
"Completely", he agreed.
I shrugged. I was quite disappointed
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"I'll be along the road in the Old Bank Bar if you change your mind", I said, "or if you can wangle it. In fact...........", I looked at my watch, "I'll be there a couple of hours and I'll buy you a snack on your break if you are of a mind to and can orchestrate it"
"Noted", he said
I looked at him. He looked back at me kindly and smiled
"Are you sure you are OK son?" he asked
"HONESTLY sir, I'm fine", I insisted, "And I feel much better after having spoken to you. Thank you".
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I held my hand out. "I'd better let you get on"
He took my hand and shook it. A firm manly grip. My cock stirred. and my breath caught.
"Maybe see you later", I offered, pushing my luck, looking right in to his eyes.
"Doubt it", he said, "You won't be there. You'll have copped off and won't even remember your ex"
I laughed
"No chance of action" I said squeezing my groin (what the HELL was I thinking?????).
I looked down at my crotch theatrically , "he's a bit sleepy. Worked hard today. Twice. Bucking for 20 minutes first one; showed me up second time.... only 14 minutes".
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I belatedly thought that sounded a bit boastful, never mind FAR too much information, not to mention not true the implication I'd mounted and banged two out. The truth, dear reader, is I have never had any notion to ride; knew from when I was at school I would be bottom. The only thing I have ever ridden is a few carnival hairy gonks as a horny school kid where I pulled the cardboard off the bottom off it to slip my cock in - having sellotaped inside over that tacks. Cant deny with the gonk on the bottom of a pillow I used as a 'body' - or more for support - that I regularly got myself naked and creaked the bed until I blew my load in to it. Was proud of the stains inside them.
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"Twice? And you still got dumped?" he asked
"Uh huh", I said, "......... who said it was them?"
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"Ha Ha", he snorted, "what are you LIKE?"
"Attentive, affectionate, caring, considerate, devoted, discreet, honest, loyal, passive, sincere, supportive, tender..........."
I trailed off.
Oh oh...............
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Strangely enough, it was only the 'passive' I was belatedly thinking was pushing it, never mind he wasn't expecting an answer, far less what he got. But I was hitting on him as blatantly - but politely - as I dared and I had with my fib about two rides now given him the impression I was top. If he was at all interested, it was important he twig I was bottom, not to mention all those other nice things I said about myself: "attentive / affectionate / passive loyal......."..........take a fucking hint why don't you??? 
It was at this point I suddenly remembered the £240 in my pocket which I wouldn't be able to explain if I overdid it resulting in 'a search'
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My answer to his rhetorical question hung in the air.
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Nature abhors a vacuum
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"And a strange obsession with putting things in alphabetical order" I offered
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"I think you'll find 'affectionate' comes before 'attentive' '" he corrected.
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I was impressed! I inclined my head sort of sideways in recognition and respect.
"Hmm", I pursed my lips and looked at him. I was bursting to make a smart arse comment about my attentiveness being first and foremost.
My "I like a man with a brain on him and a fast mind" wasn't much better.
We looked at one another
"I'd be very privileged if you manage to join me sir. For a snack. It's not an empty offer. I WILL be there. I told you, I'm loyal and sincere. You won't be adding me to the list of idiots who stood you up or...." and I grinned, really I did..... "to put it another way dumps you before you got there just because another offer came along"
There it was. On a plate.
"I know", he said
There was more silence. He looked at me kindly, right in the eyes. I'm a sucker for a man who maintains eye contact during conversation
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"Again, sir, thank you" I said deciding to extract myself, "You have been very kind. I much appreciate your concern. I could stand here chatting to you all night" (thank fuck I never said 'hitting on you all night")
"I've taken up more than enough of your time and had better let you get on before they send out a search party.........Enjoy your shift"
"Thank you", he answered "and you are more than welcome. They wouldn't have to come far from Reception though to find me here gabbing. You're good company and civil to boot. You have cheered me up. Enjoy your pub time"
I refrained from repeating (who the hell am I kidding..... emphasising!) how welcome he was to join me.
I offered my hand again and he shook it vigorously. before we parted.
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I stayed in the pub four hours. Four is 'a couple of.........' isn't it?????????
Soup, Pie / chips / beans , Cheesecake. Actually I had three HUGE slices of cheesecake, the days when a slice of cake was a slab.
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And six pints.
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On pint five when my 3rd slab of cheesecake was delivered, I noticed out the corner of my eye two women watching me. I picked the cheesecake up with my hands and shoved it all in my mouth in one go, relishing the shock and horror on their faces. It was a struggle to get it down without spitting some out but I managed it. Had to sook some lager in though to help. For devilment - no doubt alcohol fuelled - I burped loudly and laughed, pretending to be so self unaware. It did occur to me in my alcoholic haze to try to add a fart but I was worried it might come out solid.
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The policeman didn't turn up. Alcohol increased my disappointment. I cried bitterly walking up the road. Again, probably alcohol fuelled.
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In the taxi home - I could afford it! - I replayed the day's events wondering if I had had two lucky escapes, or one lucky escape and let one - the policeman - slip through my fingers. I did mull maybe I'd let two slip through my fingers.
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When the taxi driver dropped me at the requested off license half mile from me, fare was £3.90 I folded a tenner, put it in his shirt pocket with a "thanks mate" and without thinking planted a kiss on him. Tongues as well.
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In the morning, slightly hungover, I had palpitations thinking about the tape and the potential consequences.
Then I remembered what I'd done to the taxi driver and I whined in shame. The poor man.
Those palpitations were NOTHING compared to six months later...........
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Chickens / Roost.
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