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Grieve and casual sex? Thoughts?
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Had fab meet with "sub" Student,we got on well,followed up with messages after initial meet to arrange meet next day - no show and no feedback to messages (which ranged from desired "rough" to genuinely worried and angrier messages (just wanted to know where we were - still on or not) finally after 9 days received message she had horrible time as close relative died and she needs space - i apologized and offered support, followed up with another recent message she should focus on what she had rather what is lost and again offered to listen - now i am wondering if I overstepped my mark due to meeting here?Maybe she just want to forget about her day to day worries and would quite like sex to release pressure without the emotional linkage? I care and maybe i shouldnt as it has only be a one off (so far) Thoughts? |
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"Had fab meet with "sub" Student,we got on well,followed up with messages after initial meet to arrange meet next day - no show and no feedback to messages (which ranged from desired "rough" to genuinely worried and angrier messages (just wanted to know where we were - still on or not) finally after 9 days received message she had horrible time as close relative died and she needs space - i apologized and offered support, followed up with another recent message she should focus on what she had rather what is lost and again offered to listen - now i am wondering if I overstepped my mark due to meeting here?Maybe she just want to forget about her day to day worries and would quite like sex to release pressure without the emotional linkage? I care and maybe i shouldnt as it has only be a one off (so far) Thoughts?"
Has it occurred to u she may be making up this story as she does not want to see you again. May sound harsh mut may be a reality. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My advice would be, don't ever think of a career in bereavement counseling! 
Leave her be. If she wants to get in touch with you eventually she will but I think you should consider that your actions may have rightly made her think twice. |
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I think you've overstepped the mark, firstly by sending her increasingly angry messages and then by continuing to press when she's told you she had a bereavement.
If it is the truth the last thing she'll be thinking about is a meet with anyone, never mind someone she's only just met, if it's not then you've made her feel uncomfortable and she wants you to leave her alone.
Either way, you need to do nothing. If she wants to see you she will message. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
Patience is a virtue and hindsight is a wonderful thing. If I don’t receive a response after three messages I stop sending them.
I have been in a similar situation and it’s easy to have a rant rather than give someone a chance to respond.
Regardless of how you met I’d be supportive and sympathetic if that’s what she wants. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
Patience is a virtue and hindsight is a wonderful thing. If I don’t receive a response after three messages I stop sending them.
I have been in a similar situation and it’s easy to have a rant rather than give someone a chance to respond.
Regardless of how you met I’d be supportive and sympathetic if that’s what she wants. |
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"Has it occurred to u she may be making up this story as she does not want to see you again. May sound harsh mut may be a reality."
You can think it, have doubts whether it's another liar (the amount of bereavements does seem to be quite astounding when it comes to excuses on here). Never, ever say it out loud though. If it turns out to be true you'll feel like a total arsehole  |
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Thanks Folks for input -some personally valuable some less - either way - Thank you! some remarks: no career in bereavement - had a few friends who found it valuable and were glad to speak to someone with a different view - away from the sadness of their own family.
My motive is at this stage in no way to get her back for sex but a genuine desire to help someone younger and less used to sad events to overcome and move on eventually (going through all these emotions at similar age myself and found family and friends always talking about it overbearing and too much.) But best advice will be followed - allow own space and be there if needed.
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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
"Thanks Folks for input -some personally valuable some less - either way - Thank you! some remarks: no career in bereavement - had a few friends who found it valuable and were glad to speak to someone with a different view - away from the sadness of their own family.
My motive is at this stage in no way to get her back for sex but a genuine desire to help someone younger and less used to sad events to overcome and move on eventually (going through all these emotions at similar age myself and found family and friends always talking about it overbearing and too much.) But best advice will be followed - allow own space and be there if needed.
"
Hmmm. I get the desire to want to help but not from this position. Based on what’s been revealed, due to the nature of your relationship as it stands, brevity of your relationship and her response to you, I’d be quiet. |
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Respect her wishes and giver the room she needs. As above your relationship with her has been very fleeting so you may think you know what she needs but it is very unlikely you actually do. Extend a hand of friendship by all means but don't try and force her to old it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tbh I would leave her alone, you admitted to sending angry messages and stuff...that lasts you can say you are only offering a friendship to help but there will now always be that "if I dont reply he will get pissed" thought on the back of her mind and well if I was her trust would be shattered.
Leave her be, if she wants to get back in touch she will if not then so be it.
I will say tho....wont she be reading this thread herself? Probably not the best move tbh... but that's just my opinion |
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"Thanks Folks for input -some personally valuable some less - either way - Thank you! some remarks: no career in bereavement - had a few friends who found it valuable and were glad to speak to someone with a different view - away from the sadness of their own family.
My motive is at this stage in no way to get her back for sex but a genuine desire to help someone younger and less used to sad events to overcome and move on eventually (going through all these emotions at similar age myself and found family and friends always talking about it overbearing and too much.) But best advice will be followed - allow own space and be there if needed.
"
That would all sound very noble and believablee if it weren't for one wee thing, the thread title |
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"Thanks Folks for input -some personally valuable some less - either way - Thank you! some remarks: no career in bereavement - had a few friends who found it valuable and were glad to speak to someone with a different view - away from the sadness of their own family.
My motive is at this stage in no way to get her back for sex but a genuine desire to help someone younger and less used to sad events to overcome and move on eventually (going through all these emotions at similar age myself and found family and friends always talking about it overbearing and too much.) But best advice will be followed - allow own space and be there if needed.
That would all sound very noble and believablee if it weren't for one wee thing, the thread title"
Thank you for your input-The title relates to the fact some people like to completely shut off reality by launching themselves into either Art, Music or even casual sex to escape their negative thoughts for a bit, I was obsessed with sports at the time and used this to cope. So I still have noble motives but maybe that’s not what the other person wants- |
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"Thanks Folks for input -some personally valuable some less - either way - Thank you! some remarks: no career in bereavement - had a few friends who found it valuable and were glad to speak to someone with a different view - away from the sadness of their own family.
My motive is at this stage in no way to get her back for sex but a genuine desire to help someone younger and less used to sad events to overcome and move on eventually (going through all these emotions at similar age myself and found family and friends always talking about it overbearing and too much.) But best advice will be followed - allow own space and be there if needed.
That would all sound very noble and believablee if it weren't for one wee thing, the thread title
Thank you for your input-The title relates to the fact some people like to completely shut off reality by launching themselves into either Art, Music or even casual sex to escape their negative thoughts for a bit, I was obsessed with sports at the time and used this to cope. So I still have noble motives but maybe that’s not what the other person wants- "
You are out of touch it's unbelievable. You know nobody is buying this crap don't you? You're so transparent it's unreal. Be the knight in shining in armour and it'll be impossible for her to resist your cock is what you're thinking.
If this story of the bereavement isn't just made up because she isn't interested in you she will have many more people to console her besides a virtual stranger on a sex site. Leave her alone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If this is actually true it's quite sad that you've added to her stress at such a difficult time.  "
Agreed, I originally wasnt sure if the start of the msg was her username but thankfully I couldn't find anyone under that name... |
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If I had been that person the abusive messages would have resulted in instant block.
Now you are playing knight in shinning armour!
Sounds like you think there's a chance of play still.
If she's got any sense she will have blocked between abuse & now a thread aimed at her! |
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"In reply to above post:
Yes Sir!!! Completely understood your sensitive take and judgement of me. Will obey as requested..."
I'm sending a hint of sarcasm in your reply. Seems you don't want advice, you're just looking for someone to give you the greenlight that it's ok to pester her for your hole. Not only is that not going to happen but I suspect alarm bells going off in the minds of every woman reading this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In reply to above post:
Yes Sir!!! Completely understood your sensitive take and judgement of me. Will obey as requested...
I'm sending a hint of sarcasm in your reply. Seems you don't want advice, you're just looking for someone to give you the greenlight that it's ok to pester her for your hole. Not only is that not going to happen but I suspect alarm bells going off in the minds of every woman reading this."
Alarm bells....yeah it's a bit like bat signal appearing in the sky....except it's a massive boabie. |
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Alarm bells....yeah it's a bit like bat signal appearing in the sky....except it's a massive boabie."
Oh fuck. I've just snorted my lager through my nose !
But I'm so glad that I've returned to this threat, to find others as concerned as myself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Alarm bells....yeah it's a bit like bat signal appearing in the sky....except it's a massive boabie.
Oh fuck. I've just snorted my lager through my nose !
But I'm so glad that I've returned to this threat, to find others as concerned as myself."
I don't think he mentioned threatening her  |
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" ... angrier messages (just wanted to know where we were - still on or not) ... Maybe she just want to forget about her day to day worries and would quite like sex to release pressure ... I care and maybe i shouldnt as it has only be a one off (so far) Thoughts?"
This thread has been an eye opener. There's always been at least a small part of me that's thought, ' here we go , again ' whenever I've come across a thread where a woman has bashed a male.
But this guy has forced me to completely re-asses the situation. Is this how stalking starts ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd only have grief-sex with a lover I'd known for a good long while.
If some guy who I'd messaged a few times started chasing my tail I'd be furious. That's crossing a line. The fact that your messages got angry, well burning red flag. That's so not on, even if you think it's a lie.
She may have lied as she found it awkward to bail out. |
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Before you all slaughter me (rightly or not) - the angrier message was before she told me and was related to fact i just wanted to know where we stand, i can take rejection (like any other man - sulk and huff for weeks on end) -after telling me the reason there was a total of 2 messages - 1 offering support, the second one just asking how she copes.Not defining this as stalking and hence i asked for advice from community - |
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"Before you all slaughter me (rightly or not) - the angrier message was before she told me and was related to fact i just wanted to know where we stand, i can take rejection (like any other man - sulk and huff for weeks on end) -after telling me the reason there was a total of 2 messages - 1 offering support, the second one just asking how she copes.Not defining this as stalking and hence i asked for advice from community - "
Of course you aren't defining it as stalking. That's because you are clearly so detached from reality. You're never going to see that your behaviour is extremely disturbing because you've convinced yourself that all this student needs to get over her apparent bereavement is your middle aged cock. Stop being so damn desperate and look at how absurd you sound. You say you want advice, well it's obvious you're needing it told tough. |
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"Before you all slaughter me (rightly or not) - the angrier message was before she told me and was related to fact i just wanted to know where we stand, i can take rejection (like any other man - sulk and huff for weeks on end) -after telling me the reason there was a total of 2 messages - 1 offering support, the second one just asking how she copes.Not defining this as stalking and hence i asked for advice from community - "
But that’s the point. If I’d had a meet with a new person, then they sent messages demanding to know when we were meeting again, that would be a red flag to me. You had one meet with her, you said it went well so there was potential for more - THAT was where you stood. I can understand maybe sending a couple of messages, but if you get no response then maintain your dignity and back off. If she wants to see you again she’ll be in touch. She’s only just met you, she will already have a support network and that’s who she will turn to, not someone she doesn’t really know. |
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"Before you all slaughter me (rightly or not) - the angrier message was before she told me and was related to fact i just wanted to know where we stand, i can take rejection (like any other man - sulk and huff for weeks on end) -after telling me the reason there was a total of 2 messages - 1 offering support, the second one just asking how she copes.Not defining this as stalking and hence i asked for advice from community -
But that’s the point. If I’d had a meet with a new person, then they sent messages demanding to know when we were meeting again, that would be a red flag to me. You had one meet with her, you said it went well so there was potential for more - THAT was where you stood. I can understand maybe sending a couple of messages, but if you get no response then maintain your dignity and back off. If she wants to see you again she’ll be in touch. She’s only just met you, she will already have a support network and that’s who she will turn to, not someone she doesn’t really know. "
What?? You mean she won't just want sex with him to forget her day to day worries and release the pressure? |
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"Before you all slaughter me (rightly or not) - the angrier message was before she told me and was related to fact i just wanted to know where we stand, i can take rejection (like any other man - sulk and huff for weeks on end) -after telling me the reason there was a total of 2 messages - 1 offering support, the second one just asking how she copes.Not defining this as stalking and hence i asked for advice from community -
But that’s the point. If I’d had a meet with a new person, then they sent messages demanding to know when we were meeting again, that would be a red flag to me. You had one meet with her, you said it went well so there was potential for more - THAT was where you stood. I can understand maybe sending a couple of messages, but if you get no response then maintain your dignity and back off. If she wants to see you again she’ll be in touch. She’s only just met you, she will already have a support network and that’s who she will turn to, not someone she doesn’t really know. "
In the Ops defence a meet had been planned for the following day and she stood him up and blanked his messages. Think thats when he got annoyed which can be justified to some extent. |
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"Before you all slaughter me (rightly or not) - the angrier message was before she told me and was related to fact i just wanted to know where we stand, i can take rejection (like any other man - sulk and huff for weeks on end) -after telling me the reason there was a total of 2 messages - 1 offering support, the second one just asking how she copes.Not defining this as stalking and hence i asked for advice from community -
But that’s the point. If I’d had a meet with a new person, then they sent messages demanding to know when we were meeting again, that would be a red flag to me. You had one meet with her, you said it went well so there was potential for more - THAT was where you stood. I can understand maybe sending a couple of messages, but if you get no response then maintain your dignity and back off. If she wants to see you again she’ll be in touch. She’s only just met you, she will already have a support network and that’s who she will turn to, not someone she doesn’t really know.
In the Ops defence a meet had been planned for the following day and she stood him up and blanked his messages. Think thats when he got annoyed which can be justified to some extent."
He had no show and no response to messages. By all means be annoyed but imo you maintain a bit of self dignity and leave it at that rather than bombard them with increasingly aggressive messages and still be so out of touch with reality to think what she needs is sex with him to get over her loss. Sorry, I'm not gonna be defending him. Quite frankly he's coming across as an utter weirdo. |
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"Before you all slaughter me (rightly or not) - the angrier message was before she told me and was related to fact i just wanted to know where we stand, i can take rejection (like any other man - sulk and huff for weeks on end) -after telling me the reason there was a total of 2 messages - 1 offering support, the second one just asking how she copes.Not defining this as stalking and hence i asked for advice from community -
But that’s the point. If I’d had a meet with a new person, then they sent messages demanding to know when we were meeting again, that would be a red flag to me. You had one meet with her, you said it went well so there was potential for more - THAT was where you stood. I can understand maybe sending a couple of messages, but if you get no response then maintain your dignity and back off. If she wants to see you again she’ll be in touch. She’s only just met you, she will already have a support network and that’s who she will turn to, not someone she doesn’t really know.
In the Ops defence a meet had been planned for the following day and she stood him up and blanked his messages. Think thats when he got annoyed which can be justified to some extent.
He had no show and no response to messages. By all means be annoyed but imo you maintain a bit of self dignity and leave it at that rather than bombard them with increasingly aggressive messages and still be so out of touch with reality to think what she needs is sex with him to get over her loss. Sorry, I'm not gonna be defending him. Quite frankly he's coming across as an utter weirdo."
Coming across as a bit desperate to me. If someone stood me up and blanked my messages i would just move on. |
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"Before you all slaughter me (rightly or not) - the angrier message was before she told me and was related to fact i just wanted to know where we stand, i can take rejection (like any other man - sulk and huff for weeks on end) -after telling me the reason there was a total of 2 messages - 1 offering support, the second one just asking how she copes.Not defining this as stalking and hence i asked for advice from community -
But that’s the point. If I’d had a meet with a new person, then they sent messages demanding to know when we were meeting again, that would be a red flag to me. You had one meet with her, you said it went well so there was potential for more - THAT was where you stood. I can understand maybe sending a couple of messages, but if you get no response then maintain your dignity and back off. If she wants to see you again she’ll be in touch. She’s only just met you, she will already have a support network and that’s who she will turn to, not someone she doesn’t really know.
In the Ops defence a meet had been planned for the following day and she stood him up and blanked his messages. Think thats when he got annoyed which can be justified to some extent."
To an extent yes, but after a couple of messages sent without a response I would have just left it. To continue sending more irate messages is rather pushy, imo. After all, real life comes first. I'd wait to see if they got in touch or not. |
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He had no show and no response to messages. By all means be annoyed but imo you maintain a bit of self dignity and leave it at that rather than bombard them with increasingly aggressive messages and still be so out of touch with reality to think what she needs is sex with him to get over her loss. Sorry, I'm not gonna be defending him. Quite frankly he's coming across as an utter weirdo."
I understand your point but I think you're being a bit harsh. |
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OP, I think you had the clues as to where you stood but.., you decided to ignore them. No show, no response to your messages. That should have been it.
She gave you another clearer clue...I need space... but you have deciding to ignore it again!
I am not sure what you are looking to achieve by starting a thread about this poor girl that may or may not be grieving?!
As I said to you on another thread, there are questions and situations you shouldn't spend too much time ruminating. Put this one in the 'No Closure' folder and move on...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP, I think you had the clues as to where you stood but.., you decided to ignore them. No show, no response to your messages. That should have been it.
She gave you another clearer clue...I need space... but you have deciding to ignore it again!
I am not sure what you are looking to achieve by starting a thread about this poor girl that may or may not be grieving?!
As I said to you on another thread, there are questions and situations you shouldn't spend too much time ruminating. Put this one in the 'No Closure' folder and move on...
"
This  |
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"OP, I think you had the clues as to where you stood but.., you decided to ignore them. No show, no response to your messages. That should have been it.
She gave you another clearer clue...I need space... but you have deciding to ignore it again!
I am not sure what you are looking to achieve by starting a thread about this poor girl that may or may not be grieving?!
As I said to you on another thread, there are questions and situations you shouldn't spend too much time ruminating. Put this one in the 'No Closure' folder and move on...
"
Agree with this. |
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Moving on and last post put it correctly, signs been ignored and I will learn from
It-and as cheap it sounds, having sex again was not my motive at all but maybe i was not able to convey this correctly as non native speaker, so we can close this topic now- number deleted And young Lady stays safe and hopefully has a wonderful time. Happy Wednesday |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If youre motive wasnt for sex...Why have you created a thread with the title "casual Sex?"
If the Lady in question has stated shes needing space..whether there is a bereavement or not surely thats enough for you to focus elsewhere and leave her be.
Personally, with your angered messages..you come across as pushy.
Let it be.
Dont waste youre time on someone who isnt willing too waste their time on you.
Good luck OP  |
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"If youre motive wasnt for sex...Why have you created a thread with the title "casual Sex?"
If the Lady in question has stated shes needing space..whether there is a bereavement or not surely thats enough for you to focus elsewhere and leave her be.
Personally, with your angered messages..you come across as pushy.
Let it be.
Dont waste youre time on someone who isnt willing too waste their time on you.
Good luck OP "
This ^^^^ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If someone has asked for space for whatever reason then give them space, if they want to contact you again they will, if no further contact is made move on.
The same for advice don’t offer it unless it’s asked for |
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By *hav02Man
over a year ago
Glasgow/London |
Often think you can't build traditional relationships/friendships etc on a site like this. if she's stopped messaging, then just let it go. She'll come back to you if she wants to.
The more you message, the more it'll annoy her.
A lot of women here are bad communicators, ironically! (don't shoot me!) |
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Not only does it sound like you had no interest in her wellbeing whatsoever by telling her to "focus on what she has now and not on what was lost" and offering her sex to get over the loss of a family member, you also have put a massive warning out there to any other woman reading this that any connection with you can quickly turn abusive and harassing of you dont get the attention you desire from them.
You have done yourself no favours with this post trying to come across as the "knight in shining armour".
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"Had fab meet with "sub" Student,we got on well,followed up with messages after initial meet to arrange meet next day - no show and no feedback to messages (which ranged from desired "rough" to genuinely worried and angrier messages (just wanted to know where we were - still on or not) finally after 9 days received message she had horrible time as close relative died and she needs space - i apologized and offered support, followed up with another recent message she should focus on what she had rather what is lost and again offered to listen - now i am wondering if I overstepped my mark due to meeting here?Maybe she just want to forget about her day to day worries and would quite like sex to release pressure without the emotional linkage? I care and maybe i shouldnt as it has only be a one off (so far) Thoughts?"
I had to block someone for not letting go after a meet.
When someone ghosts it can be a trauma like bereavement but is often just that they don't want to meet you again.
We come to fab often with a wealth of family, friends, colleagues etc and someone we've just met isn't going to be a confidante.
The stream of messages you describe sending comes across as single minded and arrogant.
I've learned to send two querying messages then a "sorry I can't reach you hope you're ok" msg and I forget about it after that and leave them to contact or not.
Learn to let go. Be more humble.
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"In reply to above post:
Yes Sir!!! Completely understood your sensitive take and judgement of me. Will obey as requested...
I'm sending a hint of sarcasm in your reply. Seems you don't want advice, you're just looking for someone to give you the greenlight that it's ok to pester her for your hole. Not only is that not going to happen but I suspect alarm bells going off in the minds of every woman reading this."
Yup.
All the red flags.  |
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"Before you all slaughter me (rightly or not) - the angrier message was before she told me and was related to fact i just wanted to know where we stand, i can take rejection (like any other man - sulk and huff for weeks on end) -after telling me the reason there was a total of 2 messages - 1 offering support, the second one just asking how she copes.Not defining this as stalking and hence i asked for advice from community - "
Lots of men can take rejection.
Usually due to humility and resilience.
I'm 100% willing to assume she saw the real you during play and decided to back away slowly and find someone with a less developed ego. |
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