FabSwingers.com > Forums > Scotland > Favourite insult?

Favourite insult?

Jump to: Newest in thread

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I've met some pricks in my time, but you, sir, are a cactus.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *uietbloke67Man over a year ago

outside your bedroom window ;-)

[Removed by poster at 14/11/19 21:39:01]

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"[Removed by poster at 14/11/19 21:39:01]"

Ouch!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

on holiday looking at a dress .... the little morrocan man shows me a size 8.... I say I would need a bigger size..... he says yes I have it HUGE sizes too ...... I didnt buy it

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"on holiday looking at a dress .... the little morrocan man shows me a size 8.... I say I would need a bigger size..... he says yes I have it HUGE sizes too ...... I didnt buy it"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *uietbloke67Man over a year ago

outside your bedroom window ;-)

"[Removed by poster at 14/11/19 21:39:01]"

I use this one quite a lot.

Please use your ears and mouth in the ratio God gave you.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"on holiday looking at a dress .... the little morrocan man shows me a size 8.... I say I would need a bigger size..... he says yes I have it HUGE sizes too ...... I didnt buy it"

I tried that in the chemist with condoms... She just laughed and gave ne a packet of water balloons.

My fave is... " I'm not as stupid as you look."

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"on holiday looking at a dress .... the little morrocan man shows me a size 8.... I say I would need a bigger size..... he says yes I have it HUGE sizes too ...... I didnt buy it

I tried that in the chemist with condoms... She just laughed and gave ne a packet of water balloons.

My fave is... " I'm not as stupid as you look." "

and i can look pretty stupid

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"on holiday looking at a dress .... the little morrocan man shows me a size 8.... I say I would need a bigger size..... he says yes I have it HUGE sizes too ...... I didnt buy it

I tried that in the chemist with condoms... She just laughed and gave ne a packet of water balloons.

My fave is... " I'm not as good as you look."

and i can look pretty good"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ootall2920Man over a year ago

Linlithgow

I was once told:

You're quite funny... but I think you'd be better suited to radio.

It took me a couple of minutes to realise the insult.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eather47Woman over a year ago

Glasgow

your brains must be squashed cause i think you are sitting on them

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ookie an creamCouple over a year ago

Fife

Once heard someone call someone else a 'Chip hoovering heffalump'

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *rallvalCouple over a year ago

Dunfermline

You sir are denying a village somewhere of its idiot.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yi could nae score in a barrel of fannies

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've met some pricks in my time, but you, sir, are a cactus.

Ive been told this recently..

Glayva and Crushed Ice ...is a womans drink ..

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder....Oooft you should have went to spec savers

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ayjay218Man over a year ago

Aberdeen

Don’t get your ambitions mixed up with your abilities

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If brains were a disease you'd be healthy.

Keep that tent flap under your nose shut.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *arlowrodMan over a year ago

harlow

Oxygen thief!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *uffymayfairCouple over a year ago

Almeria

If brains were chocolate you wouldn't have enough to fill a smartie

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fanny like a punched lasagne or a kicked kebab

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *tew1985Man over a year ago

Near You

I would call you a fanny but you lack the depth and warmth.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *lancheifMan over a year ago

Ayr

If common sense was made of cotton wool ye wouldn't have enough to make a tampax for an ant

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *indfkdWoman over a year ago

glasgow

I dont usually get insulted especially not here but my most recent status update got me a reply of

"How can you masturbate to that ffs get a life"

What could he be implying

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ane DTV/TS over a year ago

Glasgow.

"That went surprisingly well".

In a less than impressed tone.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *TBSMan over a year ago

close enough

This has to be said monotone and whilst looking decidedly bored.

"If I threw you a stick would you leave?"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Fanny like a punched lasagne or a kicked kebab

I've also heard fanny like a grenade went off in a deli.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your mum should of swallowed you

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *cotzblokeMan over a year ago

dundee/perth/fife

If you had half a brain youd be dangerous

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ink-KameraMan over a year ago

Livingston

(to a male) if it wasn't for millimeters you'd be a woman.

(To a Woman)It's like throwing a sausage up a close

(to a Man or woman) You must have fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *lancheifMan over a year ago

Ayr

or if ye had half a brain ye'd be lopsided ya cunt

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eoeclipseWoman over a year ago

glasgow

Best part of you ran down your mams leg.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *omaMan over a year ago

Glasgow

You were so ugly as a bairn yer mam had to fix wooden shutters to yer bloody pram

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ittleMizzNaughty88.Woman over a year ago

Renfrewshire

Who put 50p in the dickhead.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cockwombke.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

He looks like he's been chasing parked cars.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *4pu55yMan over a year ago

Falkirk

Your that ugly ya cunt yir maw fed you wae a sling !!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *na78Man over a year ago

Glasgow

I'd be your dad if the dog didn't beat me up the stairs!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *na78Man over a year ago

Glasgow

Me absolute favourite is "if you're looking for sympathy you can find it in the dictionary in-between syphilus and shit!" Good one for so called social media!!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"He looks like he's been chasing parked cars. "

I said that to someone not so long ago who was cheeky to me in a pm

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Insults are the lowest form of wit..

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *lik69Man over a year ago

glasgow

You sister gives better blow job

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *macunninglinguistMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

Is that it? Not my favourite, but frequently heard.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

“She’s got a fanny like an empty headlock” was the best I have heard

-Sid

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *hickEdinMaleMan over a year ago

Edinburgh

Heard a young guy say to his mate "I bet your dad claps when the plane lands!"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"on holiday looking at a dress .... the little morrocan man shows me a size 8.... I say I would need a bigger size..... he says yes I have it HUGE sizes too ...... I didnt buy it"

The award for salesman of the year goes to ......... Not that guy

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *orders CoupleCouple over a year ago

Kelso

I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception!

Save your breath for inflating your girlfriend!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *aggismuncher69Man over a year ago

Johnstone

"Yer da' sells Avon"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You’ve got a face like a melted welly

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Teeth like a st mirren scarf

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *alkdirty2meCouple over a year ago

20 miles south of Edinburgh

Ya hoof wanking bungle cunt

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *kbull2000Man over a year ago

Carluke

There but for the price of a condom.

The best part of you ran down your mother's leg.

You're a cunt without a hole.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eiaorganaWoman over a year ago

Dundee

I hope your next shit is a hedgehog

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

""Yer da' sells Avon"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Awww look who it isnae lambert and butler

Well that’s funny your the only fag in here ????

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ilveryFoxMan over a year ago

Midlothian

Aye yer maw

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn’t fuck u even if I was paid

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ucyfur77Woman over a year ago

Pleasuretown

Cock-juggling thundercunt

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *kbull2000Man over a year ago

Carluke

"I hope your next shit is a hedgehog"

Ouch....I just spat out my beer !

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You've got a face like someones put out a forrest fire with a penknife

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There's so much shite coming out your mouth your arse is jealous.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ayjay218Man over a year ago

Aberdeen

I heard one years ago from a barmaid to a punter “ I wouldn’t give you a wank in the dark”

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

“You’re not a unicorn, you’re a unicunt”

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A Widnae pump you way his dick

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *anarkshireguy10885Man over a year ago

Lanarkshire

shove ur fanny up your arse lol

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ilveryFoxMan over a year ago

Midlothian

Yer talking oot yer erse

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/11/19 09:18:06]

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don’t tell me how to do my job !! Do I come to your office and show you how to sweep up ?

I love you I really really love you - but you are so incredibly ugly

I’m sorry - you do not meet the required standard to be with us - please go away

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *unseekers87Couple over a year ago

Glasgow ish

Yae widnae ride you intae battle..

The clyde widnae take you..

Built like the gable-end of a cheese slice..

Away and take yer face fur a shite..

Fanny like a wizards sleeve..

Yer face is too scary fur the ghost train..

Yae look like a dug licking pish aff a nettle..

Fanny like a clowns pocket..

Ya Arsepiece..

Ya wank stain..

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yae widnae ride you intae battle..

The clyde widnae take you..

Built like the gable-end of a cheese slice..

Away and take yer face fur a shite..

Fanny like a wizards sleeve..

Yer face is too scary fur the ghost train..

Yae look like a dug licking pish aff a nettle..

Fanny like a clowns pocket..

Ya Arsepiece..

Ya wank stain..

Lol , heard someone get called a wank bag before

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *andy_FraserTV/TS over a year ago

Edinburgh

Not a case of favourite, but I can't help but laugh when someone calls another person a Muppet.

Mandy

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

100 million sperm and YOU were the fastest??

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Away n bile yer heid ya fanny

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Fanny like a punched lasagne or a kicked kebab

Chuff like a wizard's sleeve

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Cock-juggling thundercunt"

Now that's one I've never herd!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Chump isn't all that popular

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You have fucked more people than universal credit

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can’t remember the film title but Sarah Silverman was whining like a bitch and a male character shouts across to the crowd “ somebody shut that cunt up or I’ll fuck start her head !”

Just made me laugh, I’m not the aggressive type honest.....

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ornyfuckers66Couple over a year ago

fife

Frequently used to single guys who pester us ..... can your cock reach your arse

Best one ever to a big lass ... pull up 2 stools and join us

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ig TennentsMan over a year ago

Glasgow

Your like custard the longer you stand there the thicker you get

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If brains were gunpowder

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You're a skid mark on the underwear of life.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *an from UncleMan over a year ago

ml1

Two girls in a pub were trying to be smart with me once and told them that Cindarella was at the door looking for them , that seemed to wipe the smile off their faces

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *oneybadger67Man over a year ago

Near there

Pretty folk singer to punter "I've got 1 arsehole in my knickers and don't need anther 1"

Punters response "bet you're fanny's like a ripped welly"

buckled

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *oneybadger67Man over a year ago

Near there

[Removed by poster at 25/11/19 18:56:59]

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ilkand2Couple over a year ago

edinburgh

You've got a face like your mother's cunt.....

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Quote from full metal jacket:

What hight are you boy?

Sir 5.6 sir

Jesus christ I never knew they could stack shit that high

Looks like the best part of you slid down your mamas leg and ended up in the abortion bucket

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *heSofaDestroyersCouple over a year ago

HereAndThere

If that boy was any thicker he could become a politician

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *irth VaderMan over a year ago

Glasgow

Heard a wee guy tell a girl who knocked him back that CILLIT wouldn’t BANG her.

Near pished masel’

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Body like bay watch, face like crime watch!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ou first I insistMan over a year ago

Glasgow and Edinburgh

Someone once said to me -

“Why don’t you go and tear your cock off, shove it in your ear and fuck some sense into your head!”

It left me lost for words - tbh - which is unusual for me!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *omaMan over a year ago

Glasgow

Kiss under the mistletoe?

I wouldn't kiss you under anesthetic !

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The way Gordon Ramsay calls people donkeys. So simple and so insulting

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ine of BootyCouple over a year ago

Glasgow/ Manchester

We tried to set up one of our friends mums with another friends dad at Xmas, they are late 50s and our friends dad looked at the photo of the other friends mum and I swear to god he said

“No no she’s got a face like a forgotten tunnel”

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ovesabitoffunMan over a year ago

portobello

Body from Baywatch, but a face from crimewatch

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I hear your maw took nine months to drop a shite

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *rgoodnbadMan over a year ago

greenock

"you've got a face that looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp"