FabSwingers.com > Forums > Scotland > Favourite insult?

Favourite insult?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I've met some pricks in my time, but you, sir, are a cactus.

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By *uietbloke67Man over a year ago

outside your bedroom window ;-)

[Removed by poster at 14/11/19 21:39:01]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"[Removed by poster at 14/11/19 21:39:01]"

Ouch!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

on holiday looking at a dress .... the little morrocan man shows me a size 8.... I say I would need a bigger size..... he says yes I have it HUGE sizes too ...... I didnt buy it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"on holiday looking at a dress .... the little morrocan man shows me a size 8.... I say I would need a bigger size..... he says yes I have it HUGE sizes too ...... I didnt buy it"

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By *uietbloke67Man over a year ago

outside your bedroom window ;-)

"[Removed by poster at 14/11/19 21:39:01]"

I use this one quite a lot.

Please use your ears and mouth in the ratio God gave you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"on holiday looking at a dress .... the little morrocan man shows me a size 8.... I say I would need a bigger size..... he says yes I have it HUGE sizes too ...... I didnt buy it"

I tried that in the chemist with condoms... She just laughed and gave ne a packet of water balloons.

My fave is... " I'm not as stupid as you look."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"on holiday looking at a dress .... the little morrocan man shows me a size 8.... I say I would need a bigger size..... he says yes I have it HUGE sizes too ...... I didnt buy it

I tried that in the chemist with condoms... She just laughed and gave ne a packet of water balloons.

My fave is... " I'm not as stupid as you look." "

and i can look pretty stupid

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"on holiday looking at a dress .... the little morrocan man shows me a size 8.... I say I would need a bigger size..... he says yes I have it HUGE sizes too ...... I didnt buy it

I tried that in the chemist with condoms... She just laughed and gave ne a packet of water balloons.

My fave is... " I'm not as good as you look."

and i can look pretty good"

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By *ootall2920Man over a year ago

Linlithgow

I was once told:

You're quite funny... but I think you'd be better suited to radio.

It took me a couple of minutes to realise the insult.

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By *eather47Woman over a year ago

Glasgow

your brains must be squashed cause i think you are sitting on them

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By *ookie an creamCouple over a year ago

Fife

Once heard someone call someone else a 'Chip hoovering heffalump'

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By *rallvalCouple over a year ago

Dunfermline

You sir are denying a village somewhere of its idiot.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yi could nae score in a barrel of fannies

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've met some pricks in my time, but you, sir, are a cactus.

Ive been told this recently..

Glayva and Crushed Ice ...is a womans drink ..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder....Oooft you should have went to spec savers

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By *ayjay218Man over a year ago

Aberdeen

Don’t get your ambitions mixed up with your abilities

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If brains were a disease you'd be healthy.

Keep that tent flap under your nose shut.

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By *arlowrodMan over a year ago

harlow

Oxygen thief!

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By *uffymayfairCouple over a year ago

vera playa, Almeria

If brains were chocolate you wouldn't have enough to fill a smartie

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fanny like a punched lasagne or a kicked kebab

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By *tew1985Man over a year ago

Near You

I would call you a fanny but you lack the depth and warmth.

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By *lancheifMan over a year ago

Ayr

If common sense was made of cotton wool ye wouldn't have enough to make a tampax for an ant

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By *indfkdWoman over a year ago

glasgow

I dont usually get insulted especially not here but my most recent status update got me a reply of

"How can you masturbate to that ffs get a life"

What could he be implying

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By *ane DTV/TS over a year ago

London

"That went surprisingly well".

In a less than impressed tone.

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By *TBSMan over a year ago

close enough

This has to be said monotone and whilst looking decidedly bored.

"If I threw you a stick would you leave?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Fanny like a punched lasagne or a kicked kebab

I've also heard fanny like a grenade went off in a deli.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your mum should of swallowed you

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By *cotzblokeMan over a year ago

dundee/perth/fife

If you had half a brain youd be dangerous

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By *ink-KameraMan over a year ago

Livingston

(to a male) if it wasn't for millimeters you'd be a woman.

(To a Woman)It's like throwing a sausage up a close

(to a Man or woman) You must have fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

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By *lancheifMan over a year ago

Ayr

or if ye had half a brain ye'd be lopsided ya cunt

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By *eoeclipseWoman over a year ago

glasgow

Best part of you ran down your mams leg.

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By *omaMan over a year ago

Glasgow

You were so ugly as a bairn yer mam had to fix wooden shutters to yer bloody pram

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By *ittleMizzNaughty88.Woman over a year ago

Renfrewshire

Who put 50p in the dickhead.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cockwombke.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

He looks like he's been chasing parked cars.

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By *4pu55yMan over a year ago

Falkirk

Your that ugly ya cunt yir maw fed you wae a sling !!

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By *na78Man over a year ago

Glasgow

I'd be your dad if the dog didn't beat me up the stairs!

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By *na78Man over a year ago

Glasgow

Me absolute favourite is "if you're looking for sympathy you can find it in the dictionary in-between syphilus and shit!" Good one for so called social media!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"He looks like he's been chasing parked cars. "

I said that to someone not so long ago who was cheeky to me in a pm

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Insults are the lowest form of wit..

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By *lik69Man over a year ago

glasgow

You sister gives better blow job

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By *nferno sausageMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

Is that it? Not my favourite, but frequently heard.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

“She’s got a fanny like an empty headlock” was the best I have heard

-Sid

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By *hickEdinMaleMan over a year ago

Edinburgh

Heard a young guy say to his mate "I bet your dad claps when the plane lands!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"on holiday looking at a dress .... the little morrocan man shows me a size 8.... I say I would need a bigger size..... he says yes I have it HUGE sizes too ...... I didnt buy it"

The award for salesman of the year goes to ......... Not that guy

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By *orders CoupleCouple over a year ago

Kelso

I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception!

Save your breath for inflating your girlfriend!

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By *aggismuncher69Man over a year ago

Johnstone

"Yer da' sells Avon"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You’ve got a face like a melted welly

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Teeth like a st mirren scarf

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By *alkdirty2meCouple over a year ago

20 miles south of Edinburgh

Ya hoof wanking bungle cunt

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By *kbull2000Man over a year ago

Carluke

There but for the price of a condom.

The best part of you ran down your mother's leg.

You're a cunt without a hole.

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By *eiaorganaWoman over a year ago

Dundee

I hope your next shit is a hedgehog

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

""Yer da' sells Avon"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Awww look who it isnae lambert and butler

Well that’s funny your the only fag in here ????

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By *ilveryFoxMan over a year ago

Midlothian

Aye yer maw

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn’t fuck u even if I was paid

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By *ucyfur77Woman over a year ago

Pleasuretown

Cock-juggling thundercunt

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By *kbull2000Man over a year ago

Carluke

"I hope your next shit is a hedgehog"

Ouch....I just spat out my beer !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You've got a face like someones put out a forrest fire with a penknife

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There's so much shite coming out your mouth your arse is jealous.

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By *ayjay218Man over a year ago

Aberdeen

I heard one years ago from a barmaid to a punter “ I wouldn’t give you a wank in the dark”

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

“You’re not a unicorn, you’re a unicunt”

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A Widnae pump you way his dick

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By *anarkshireguy10885Man over a year ago

Lanarkshire

shove ur fanny up your arse lol

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By *ilveryFoxMan over a year ago

Midlothian

Yer talking oot yer erse

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/11/19 09:18:06]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don’t tell me how to do my job !! Do I come to your office and show you how to sweep up ?

I love you I really really love you - but you are so incredibly ugly

I’m sorry - you do not meet the required standard to be with us - please go away

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By *unseekers87Couple over a year ago

Glasgow ish

Yae widnae ride you intae battle..

The clyde widnae take you..

Built like the gable-end of a cheese slice..

Away and take yer face fur a shite..

Fanny like a wizards sleeve..

Yer face is too scary fur the ghost train..

Yae look like a dug licking pish aff a nettle..

Fanny like a clowns pocket..

Ya Arsepiece..

Ya wank stain..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yae widnae ride you intae battle..

The clyde widnae take you..

Built like the gable-end of a cheese slice..

Away and take yer face fur a shite..

Fanny like a wizards sleeve..

Yer face is too scary fur the ghost train..

Yae look like a dug licking pish aff a nettle..

Fanny like a clowns pocket..

Ya Arsepiece..

Ya wank stain..

Lol , heard someone get called a wank bag before

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By *andy_FraserTV/TS over a year ago

Edinburgh

Not a case of favourite, but I can't help but laugh when someone calls another person a Muppet.

Mandy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

100 million sperm and YOU were the fastest??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Away n bile yer heid ya fanny

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Fanny like a punched lasagne or a kicked kebab

Chuff like a wizard's sleeve

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Cock-juggling thundercunt"

Now that's one I've never herd!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Chump isn't all that popular

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You have fucked more people than universal credit

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can’t remember the film title but Sarah Silverman was whining like a bitch and a male character shouts across to the crowd “ somebody shut that cunt up or I’ll fuck start her head !”

Just made me laugh, I’m not the aggressive type honest.....

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By *ornyfuckers66Couple over a year ago

fife

Frequently used to single guys who pester us ..... can your cock reach your arse

Best one ever to a big lass ... pull up 2 stools and join us

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By *ig TennentsMan over a year ago

Ayrshire

Your like custard the longer you stand there the thicker you get

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If brains were gunpowder

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You're a skid mark on the underwear of life.

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By *an from UncleMan over a year ago

ml1

Two girls in a pub were trying to be smart with me once and told them that Cindarella was at the door looking for them , that seemed to wipe the smile off their faces

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By *oneybadger67Man over a year ago

Near there

Pretty folk singer to punter "I've got 1 arsehole in my knickers and don't need anther 1"

Punters response "bet you're fanny's like a ripped welly"

buckled

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By *oneybadger67Man over a year ago

Near there

[Removed by poster at 25/11/19 18:56:59]

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By *ilkand2Couple over a year ago

edinburgh

You've got a face like your mother's cunt.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Quote from full metal jacket:

What hight are you boy?

Sir 5.6 sir

Jesus christ I never knew they could stack shit that high

Looks like the best part of you slid down your mamas leg and ended up in the abortion bucket

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By *heSofaDestroyersCouple over a year ago

HereAndThere

If that boy was any thicker he could become a politician

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By *irth VaderMan over a year ago

Busby

Heard a wee guy tell a girl who knocked him back that CILLIT wouldn’t BANG her.

Near pished masel’

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Body like bay watch, face like crime watch!

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By *WC EdinburghMan over a year ago

Glasgow and Edinburgh

Someone once said to me -

“Why don’t you go and tear your cock off, shove it in your ear and fuck some sense into your head!”

It left me lost for words - tbh - which is unusual for me!

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By *omaMan over a year ago

Glasgow

Kiss under the mistletoe?

I wouldn't kiss you under anesthetic !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The way Gordon Ramsay calls people donkeys. So simple and so insulting

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By *ine of BootyCouple over a year ago

Glasgow/ Manchester

We tried to set up one of our friends mums with another friends dad at Xmas, they are late 50s and our friends dad looked at the photo of the other friends mum and I swear to god he said

“No no she’s got a face like a forgotten tunnel”

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By *ovesabitoffunMan over a year ago

portobello

Body from Baywatch, but a face from crimewatch

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I hear your maw took nine months to drop a shite

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By *rgoodnbadMan over a year ago

greenock

"you've got a face that looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp"