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Even more frustrating...
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Kids are at school, I’m home alone feeling a bit Randy. I end up on my bed with a couple of toys, working my way towards the ‘oh my jesus fuck’ moment, when I spot something out the corner of my eye. It’s small and black moving rapidly across my pillow toward me!
A fucking spider ruined my orgasm!!!
I shot off the bed, grabbed a shoe and smacked the wee bastard with it.
I’m now changing my sheets for the wrong reasons.
So, I’m wondering, in the same situation would you do what I did or finish?
If not a spider, apart from your kids walking in  , what would make you stop? |
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By *tew008Man
over a year ago
edinburgh |
"Kids are at school, I’m home alone feeling a bit Randy. I end up on my bed with a couple of toys, working my way towards the ‘oh my jesus fuck’ moment, when I spot something out the corner of my eye. It’s small and black moving rapidly across my pillow toward me!
A fucking spider ruined my orgasm!!!
I shot off the bed, grabbed a shoe and smacked the wee bastard with it.
I’m now changing my sheets for the wrong reasons.
So, I’m wondering, in the same situation would you do what I did or finish?
If not a spider, apart from your kids walking in , what would make you stop?"
Anyone walking in, it’d be a jump to attention stop or a helloooooooo  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Kids are at school, I’m home alone feeling a bit Randy. I end up on my bed with a couple of toys, working my way towards the ‘oh my jesus fuck’ moment, when I spot something out the corner of my eye. It’s small and black moving rapidly across my pillow toward me!
A fucking spider ruined my orgasm!!!
I shot off the bed, grabbed a shoe and smacked the wee bastard with it.
I’m now changing my sheets for the wrong reasons.
So, I’m wondering, in the same situation would you do what I did or finish?
If not a spider, apart from your kids walking in , what would make you stop?
Anyone walking in, it’d be a jump to attention stop or a helloooooooo "
Yep, this or the dog watching or a wasp or one of a hundred things. I think the moment is fragile and it could be a long list if you think about it lol |
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Haha, this made me laugh too! David Attenborough would likely have an explanation for this aracnophobe's voyeuristic behaviour, although he'd be saddened to hear it was the spider that came to a sticky end, and not you! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I canny go spiders wee freaky bastards 
Awwwwwwww but they eat flies... fkn HATE flies with a passion - disgusting wee jobbyeaters "
But if the spider eats the fly does that not mean they are jobbyeaters as well  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I canny go spiders wee freaky bastards
Awwwwwwww but they eat flies... fkn HATE flies with a passion - disgusting wee jobbyeaters
But if the spider eats the fly does that not mean they are jobbyeaters as well "
And the cow swallows the fly and we have a steak . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I canny go spiders wee freaky bastards
Awwwwwwww but they eat flies... fkn HATE flies with a passion - disgusting wee jobbyeaters
But if the spider eats the fly does that not mean they are jobbyeaters as well
And the cow swallows the fly and we have a steak . "
Ah thought cows were vegetarians lol - as long as there is wine with that steak ah dinna care though   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I canny go spiders wee freaky bastards
Awwwwwwww but they eat flies... fkn HATE flies with a passion - disgusting wee jobbyeaters
But if the spider eats the fly does that not mean they are jobbyeaters as well
And the cow swallows the fly and we have a steak .
Ah thought cows were vegetarians lol - as long as there is wine with that steak ah dinna care though "
Sometimes you can't help what "pops into" your mouth and you swallow though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I canny go spiders wee freaky bastards
Awwwwwwww but they eat flies... fkn HATE flies with a passion - disgusting wee jobbyeaters
But if the spider eats the fly does that not mean they are jobbyeaters as well
And the cow swallows the fly and we have a steak .
Ah thought cows were vegetarians lol - as long as there is wine with that steak ah dinna care though
Sometimes you can't help what "pops into" your mouth and you swallow though. "
Shit... Just realised that looks way worse than it sounded.. (*braces himself for the jokes. *) |
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"I canny go spiders wee freaky bastards
Awwwwwwww but they eat flies... fkn HATE flies with a passion - disgusting wee jobbyeaters
But if the spider eats the fly does that not mean they are jobbyeaters as well
And the cow swallows the fly and we have a steak .
Ah thought cows were vegetarians lol - as long as there is wine with that steak ah dinna care though
Sometimes you can't help what "pops into" your mouth and you swallow though.
Shit... Just realised that looks way worse than it sounded.. (*braces himself for the jokes. *) "
You knew what you were typing Jack. Ya filthy wee bam! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I canny go spiders wee freaky bastards
Awwwwwwww but they eat flies... fkn HATE flies with a passion - disgusting wee jobbyeaters
But if the spider eats the fly does that not mean they are jobbyeaters as well
And the cow swallows the fly and we have a steak .
Ah thought cows were vegetarians lol - as long as there is wine with that steak ah dinna care though
Sometimes you can't help what "pops into" your mouth and you swallow though.
Shit... Just realised that looks way worse than it sounded.. (*braces himself for the jokes. *) "
I can't think what you mean...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I canny go spiders wee freaky bastards
Awwwwwwww but they eat flies... fkn HATE flies with a passion - disgusting wee jobbyeaters
But if the spider eats the fly does that not mean they are jobbyeaters as well
And the cow swallows the fly and we have a steak .
Ah thought cows were vegetarians lol - as long as there is wine with that steak ah dinna care though
Sometimes you can't help what "pops into" your mouth and you swallow though.
Shit... Just realised that looks way worse than it sounded.. (*braces himself for the jokes. *)
You knew what you were typing Jack. Ya filthy wee bam! "
You're right. And I should thank you for destroying my "spidercam".... 400 notes now mush.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can't kill a spider . Their good to have in the house... Just not for watching ye lady wank 
They have hunners of eyes, they see everything!!!"
hahaha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Kids are at school, I’m home alone feeling a bit Randy. I end up on my bed with a couple of toys, working my way towards the ‘oh my jesus fuck’ moment, when I spot something out the corner of my eye. It’s small and black moving rapidly across my pillow toward me!
A fucking spider ruined my orgasm!!!
I shot off the bed, grabbed a shoe and smacked the wee bastard with it.
I’m now changing my sheets for the wrong reasons.
So, I’m wondering, in the same situation would you do what I did or finish?
If not a spider, apart from your kids walking in , what would make you stop?"
The Mrs would do exact same thing as you lol , scared shitless of them |
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Ok , time for a revelation, not the bible kind though. Im shit scared of spiders. Its MSD's job to remove them from the house. I have history of getting her out bed to pull furniture out all over the lounge till she captured the leggy wee freak when it ran under the sofa. I also abandoned my car in the middle of a road when another freaky little shit decided to do a spiderman abseil from my sunvisor right past my fuckin nose while i was driving. So OP i feel yer pain and as for your spider , ahahaha get it up ya. Or should i say . Shoo. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I canny go spiders wee freaky bastards
Can you go a bike?
Peddle or motor bike
Either"
I can peddle, all the power of a motor bike between my legs scares me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Kids are at school, I’m home alone feeling a bit Randy. I end up on my bed with a couple of toys, working my way towards the ‘oh my jesus fuck’ moment, when I spot something out the corner of my eye. It’s small and black moving rapidly across my pillow toward me!
A fucking spider ruined my orgasm!!!
I shot off the bed, grabbed a shoe and smacked the wee bastard with it.
I’m now changing my sheets for the wrong reasons.
So, I’m wondering, in the same situation would you do what I did or finish?
If not a spider, apart from your kids walking in , what would make you stop?
Anyone walking in, it’d be a jump to attention stop or a helloooooooo
Yep, this or the dog watching or a wasp or one of a hundred things. I think the moment is fragile and it could be a long list if you think about it lol "
Or as you and the oh are getting it hot and sticky and your about to go the dogs decide now would be a good time to lick that guys arse
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can't kill a spider . Their good to have in the house... Just not for watching ye lady wank
They have hunners of eyes, they see everything!!!"
Didney see your shoe coming.lol |
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"I canny go spiders wee freaky bastards
Can you go a bike?
Peddle or motor bike
Either
I can peddle, all the power of a motor bike between my legs scares me "
Power between my legs sounds good, after all this is how this thread began |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I canny go spiders wee freaky bastards
Can you go a bike?
Peddle or motor bike
Either
I can peddle, all the power of a motor bike between my legs scares me
Power between my legs sounds good, after all this is how this thread began "
Not sure what toys your using if they have the same power as a motor bike |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’ll give you a loan of my motor bike if it’s power you want.
I also had a pet tarantula a number of years ago but the wee shit escaped, must have been the couple next door shagging were more attractive than me |
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This reminds me of another kids's rhyme...
Little Miss Muffet,
lay on her tuffet,
needing an orgasm or two.
When down came a spider,
who wanked off beside her,
so she beat it to death
with her shoe.
|
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"This reminds me of another kids's rhyme...
Little Miss Muffet,
lay on her tuffet,
needing an orgasm or two.
When down came a spider,
who wanked off beside her,
so she beat it to death
with her shoe.
"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This reminds me of another kids's rhyme...
Little Miss Muffet,
lay on her tuffet,
needing an orgasm or two.
When down came a spider,
who wanked off beside her,
so she beat it to death
with her shoe.
"
|
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Kids are at school, I’m home alone feeling a bit Randy. I end up on my bed with a couple of toys, working my way towards the ‘oh my jesus fuck’ moment, when I spot something out the corner of my eye. It’s small and black moving rapidly across my pillow toward me!
A fucking spider ruined my orgasm!!!
I shot off the bed, grabbed a shoe and smacked the wee bastard with it.
I’m now changing my sheets for the wrong reasons.
So, I’m wondering, in the same situation would you do what I did or finish?
If not a spider, apart from your kids walking in , what would make you stop?"
Poor spider  |
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