FabSwingers.com > Forums > Scotland > Let's spread laughter! I bet this will make you laugh...
Let's spread laughter! I bet this will make you laugh...
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"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lick-a-lotta-puss." What do you call a straight dinosaur ? Jason Todd100 well the jokes are ancient . | |||
"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lick-a-lotta-puss. What do you call a straight dinosaur ? Jason Todd100 well the jokes are ancient . "touche | |||
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"A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him. The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go." The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!! The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir "... ?????? Plagiarised from another thread . "I was just going to say I saw that on another post | |||
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"I hope you didn't place all your wages on the bet "You have lost me  | |||
"I hope you didn't place all your wages on the bet
You have lost me "Cause you said you'd bet everyone would have a laugh. | |||
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"I hope you didn't place all your wages on the bet
You have lost me
Cause you said you'd bet everyone would have a laugh."touche wellinever70 I bet you at least smiled a we bit | |||
"Cringe. "  | |||
"I hope you didn't place all your wages on the bet
You have lost me
Cause you said you'd bet everyone would have a laugh.
touche wellinever70 I bet you at least smiled a we bit "You're a bookie's dream | |||
"I hope you didn't place all your wages on the bet
You have lost me
Cause you said you'd bet everyone would have a laugh.
touche wellinever70 I bet you at least smiled a we bit
You're a bookie's dream "Many of a bookie having wet dreams about me as we speak | |||
"A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"" At least this one was funny  | |||
"A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!" At least this one was funny "Suppose it makes a change from you laughing when you look in the mirror first thing in the morning | |||
"A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!" At least this one was funny "One out of 4 isn't bad  | |||
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"A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!" At least this one was funny
Suppose it makes a change from you laughing when you look in the mirror first thing in the morning "Ffs, Anyone that knows me knows if I laughed my face would break | |||
"A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!" At least this one was funny
Suppose it makes a change from you laughing when you look in the mirror first thing in the morning
Ffs, Anyone that knows me knows if I laughed my face would break "I'd still pump the lady Costa though | |||
"A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!" At least this one was funny
Suppose it makes a change from you laughing when you look in the mirror first thing in the morning
Ffs, Anyone that knows me knows if I laughed my face would break
I'd still pump the lady Costa though "She has her own profile now, inbox is chuffing fuller than mine | |||
Woman replies " you give him a radar gun and put him behind a bridge" | |||
"A Winchester woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop, with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.. Cop pulls her over, walks upto her car with the classic patronising smirk on his face and asks, what's the hurry ma'am She replied "I'm late for work" "oh yea" said the cop.."what do you do? " I'm a rectum stretcher" she replied.. "and what exactly does a rectum stretcher do? " Well... I start by inserting one finger, then two, then three, four..then with my whole hand in, I stretch from side to side until I can get both hands in....and then I slowly but surely stretch it till its 6 foot!! Cop" and what exactly do you do with a 6foot arsehole"
Woman replies " you give him a radar gun and put him behind a bridge" "Ha ha that one finally made me laugh | |||
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"A Winchester woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop, with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.. Cop pulls her over, walks upto her car with the classic patronising smirk on his face and asks, what's the hurry ma'am She replied "I'm late for work" "oh yea" said the cop.."what do you do? " I'm a rectum stretcher" she replied.. "and what exactly does a rectum stretcher do? " Well... I start by inserting one finger, then two, then three, four..then with my whole hand in, I stretch from side to side until I can get both hands in....and then I slowly but surely stretch it till its 6 foot!! Cop" and what exactly do you do with a 6foot arsehole"
Woman replies " you give him a radar gun and put him behind a bridge" " | |||
"A Winchester woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop, with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.. Cop pulls her over, walks upto her car with the classic patronising smirk on his face and asks, what's the hurry ma'am She replied "I'm late for work" "oh yea" said the cop.."what do you do? " I'm a rectum stretcher" she replied.. "and what exactly does a rectum stretcher do? " Well... I start by inserting one finger, then two, then three, four..then with my whole hand in, I stretch from side to side until I can get both hands in....and then I slowly but surely stretch it till its 6 foot!! Cop" and what exactly do you do with a 6foot arsehole"
Woman replies " you give him a radar gun and put him behind a bridge" " | |||
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"Why did the music teacher get arrested ???? Because he fingered a minor "I knew some one would go with this one | |||
"Why did the music teacher get arrested ???? Because he fingered a minor
I knew some one would go with this one "A timeless classic some would say | |||
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"Wee Jimmy was late for class one day and the teacher asked him why he was late, her replied I was up Maryhill, teacher says OK come in and sit down. 10 minutes later Johnny walks into the class the teacher asked why are you late he responded I was up Maryhill teach say OK sitting down A few minutes later a young girl walks into the class and the teacher say I take it you were up Maryhill too the young girl says no miss I am Mary Hill" That's quite tasteless | |||
"Wee Jimmy was late for class one day and the teacher asked him why he was late, her replied I was up Maryhill, teacher says OK come in and sit down. 10 minutes later Johnny walks into the class the teacher asked why are you late he responded I was up Maryhill teach say OK sitting down A few minutes later a young girl walks into the class and the teacher say I take it you were up Maryhill too the young girl says no miss I am Mary Hill That's quite tasteless "It's a joke I have heard worse | |||
"Wee Jimmy was late for class one day and the teacher asked him why he was late, her replied I was up Maryhill, teacher says OK come in and sit down. 10 minutes later Johnny walks into the class the teacher asked why are you late he responded I was up Maryhill teach say OK sitting down A few minutes later a young girl walks into the class and the teacher say I take it you were up Maryhill too the young girl says no miss I am Mary Hill That's quite tasteless
It's a joke I have heard worse "It's a shit one | |||
"Wee Jimmy was late for class one day and the teacher asked him why he was late, her replied I was up Maryhill, teacher says OK come in and sit down. 10 minutes later Johnny walks into the class the teacher asked why are you late he responded I was up Maryhill teach say OK sitting down A few minutes later a young girl walks into the class and the teacher say I take it you were up Maryhill too the young girl says no miss I am Mary Hill That's quite tasteless
It's a joke I have heard worse
It's a shit one "why are you always negative?? | |||
"Wee Jimmy was late for class one day and the teacher asked him why he was late, her replied I was up Maryhill, teacher says OK come in and sit down. 10 minutes later Johnny walks into the class the teacher asked why are you late he responded I was up Maryhill teach say OK sitting down A few minutes later a young girl walks into the class and the teacher say I take it you were up Maryhill too the young girl says no miss I am Mary Hill That's quite tasteless
It's a joke I have heard worse
It's a shit one "Humour like beauty is subjective you don't find it funny some might takes all kinds to make a world | |||
"Wee Jimmy was late for class one day and the teacher asked him why he was late, her replied I was up Maryhill, teacher says OK come in and sit down. 10 minutes later Johnny walks into the class the teacher asked why are you late he responded I was up Maryhill teach say OK sitting down A few minutes later a young girl walks into the class and the teacher say I take it you were up Maryhill too the young girl says no miss I am Mary Hill That's quite tasteless
It's a joke I have heard worse
It's a shit one why are you always negative?? "Imagine you had to shag that??? Ffs what a misery! | |||
"Wee Jimmy was late for class one day and the teacher asked him why he was late, her replied I was up Maryhill, teacher says OK come in and sit down. 10 minutes later Johnny walks into the class the teacher asked why are you late he responded I was up Maryhill teach say OK sitting down A few minutes later a young girl walks into the class and the teacher say I take it you were up Maryhill too the young girl says no miss I am Mary Hill That's quite tasteless
It's a joke I have heard worse
It's a shit one why are you always negative??
Imagine you had to shag that??? Ffs what a misery! " | |||
"Wee Jimmy was late for class one day and the teacher asked him why he was late, her replied I was up Maryhill, teacher says OK come in and sit down. 10 minutes later Johnny walks into the class the teacher asked why are you late he responded I was up Maryhill teach say OK sitting down A few minutes later a young girl walks into the class and the teacher say I take it you were up Maryhill too the young girl says no miss I am Mary Hill That's quite tasteless
It's a joke I have heard worse
It's a shit one
Humour like beauty is subjective you don't find it funny some might takes all kinds to make a world "...aye, spreading the laughter far and wide I see | |||
"Wee Jimmy was late for class one day and the teacher asked him why he was late, her replied I was up Maryhill, teacher says OK come in and sit down. 10 minutes later Johnny walks into the class the teacher asked why are you late he responded I was up Maryhill teach say OK sitting down A few minutes later a young girl walks into the class and the teacher say I take it you were up Maryhill too the young girl says no miss I am Mary Hill That's quite tasteless
It's a joke I have heard worse
It's a shit one
Humour like beauty is subjective you don't find it funny some might takes all kinds to make a world
...aye, spreading the laughter far and wide I see "Everyone's a critic these days  | |||
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"John and Mary were sitting in the garden of their old folks home. John says to Mary "you know what I miss the most, my wife used to get my cock out and hold it in my hand" "well", says Mary, " I could do that for you if you wanted". "are you sure, well that would be great", said John. So he whaps his cock out and Mary sits there and holds it. Every day they go out and Mary holds his cock. Then, one day, Mary goes out, no sign of John. She searches round the garden and behind a bush at the back she finds John with his cock out, being held by Julie. "You bastard" shouts Mary "what's she got that I don't?" John just looks up with a big smile on his face and says "Parkinsons" " Brilliant I’m stealing this one | |||
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"My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because of my overwhelming OCD shit.. I said that's fine, but close the front door five times on your way out." I have CDO... it’s similar to OCD except the letters are in the right order LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!! | |||
"My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because of my overwhelming OCD shit.. I said that's fine, but close the front door five times on your way out. I have CDO... it’s similar to OCD except the letters are in the right order LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!! "
Did you hear about the Dyslexic Agnostic Insomniac?
He would lie awake all night wondering if there was a dog... | |||
"My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because of my overwhelming OCD shit.. I said that's fine, but close the front door five times on your way out. I have CDO... it’s similar to OCD except the letters are in the right order LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
Did you hear about the Dyslexic Agnostic Insomniac?
He would lie awake all night wondering if there was a dog..."Hahaha
I have sex daily... I mean dyslexia!!! Fcuk!!!!
Bad spellers of the world UNTIE!!!! | |||
"My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because of my overwhelming OCD shit.. I said that's fine, but close the front door five times on your way out. I have CDO... it’s similar to OCD except the letters are in the right order LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
Did you hear about the Dyslexic Agnostic Insomniac?
He would lie awake all night wondering if there was a dog...
Hahaha
I have sex daily... I mean dyslexia!!! Fcuk!!!!
Bad spellers of the world UNTIE!!!! "
You got me started now...
But the filter won’t allow the joke about the dyslexic entomologist
Instead you’ll have to make do with this corny one (credit to Tim Minchin for first noticing the anagram )
Did you hear about the dyslexic KKK member?
He went round lynching gingers. | |||
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"My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because of my overwhelming OCD shit.. I said that's fine, but close the front door five times on your way out. I have CDO... it’s similar to OCD except the letters are in the right order LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
Did you hear about the Dyslexic Agnostic Insomniac?
He would lie awake all night wondering if there was a dog...
Hahaha
I have sex daily... I mean dyslexia!!! Fcuk!!!!
Bad spellers of the world UNTIE!!!!
You got me started now...
But the filter won’t allow the joke about the dyslexic entomologist
Instead you’ll have to make do with this corny one (credit to Tim Minchin for first noticing the anagram )
Did you hear about the dyslexic KKK member?
He went round lynching gingers. "Ohhh I didn't ever think of that anagram for gingers... makes a lot of sense to those of us that are of the Celtic persuasion | |||
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