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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Watching the third episode of the victim.. The husband says that forgiveness only means something when you're forgiving the unforgiveable and that forgiveness is for you, not the person who hurt you... I agree... Thoughts.? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Forgiveness is often lost on others because they didn’t care in the first place of it was something malicious, in case of accidents it’s beneficial for both parties |
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Oh going to watch this on catch up This the weekend since wee one away at camp as I’ve heard it’s good.
I think most times it’s the forgiver who benefits from forgiving in that they are managing to let go of the anger/disappointment they feel so they can move on. Quite often the offender doesn’t care as if they did something deliberately then they prefer the person to remain angry as they get a kick from it.
If it’s something that you didn’t set out to do then I can see how forgiveness is important and probably helps both sides. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A very interesting post on a deceptively complex issue, thanks for posting it. I must try and watch it.
I think that regrets, blame, recriminations or vengeance (the opposite of forgiveness??) are very self destructive so I don’t believe in those (not always easy I know). Forgiveness may be easier in some cases than others, for example there may be mitigating circumstances to someone’s actions but I think it can also mean you letting go of a negative thing in life (a person or a situation) and that is a far healthier way to be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A very interesting post on a deceptively complex issue, thanks for posting it. I must try and watch it.
I think that regrets, blame, recriminations or vengeance (the opposite of forgiveness??) are very self destructive so I don’t believe in those (not always easy I know). Forgiveness may be easier in some cases than others, for example there may be mitigating circumstances to someone’s actions but I think it can also mean you letting go of a negative thing in life (a person or a situation) and that is a far healthier way to be. "
Agree with this, especially the last sentence. Particularly fucked up individual in my life a few years ago and my inability to forgive their actions (at the time I equated this to excusing them) ended up damaging me. Lightbulb moment came, I removed myself as much as I could from their drama, forgave them and felt all the better for it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is there a difference from forgiving and forgiving and forgetting tho?
Can both be done?
Iv forgave but I can't forget.its always there"
Nah, I don't forget. Always something to be learned from even the most unpleasant of experiences . |
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"Is there a difference from forgiving and forgiving and forgetting tho?
Can both be done?
Iv forgave but I can't forget.its always there
Nah, I don't forget. Always something to be learned from even the most unpleasant of experiences ."
My ex is narcissistic which I didn’t know till years after we split. Eventually 7 yrs after splitting and learning about narcissism I don’t get annoyed or even surprised at his actions anymore past or present. I don’t even know if I have learned to forgive I think I have learned to not be angry with him anymore and not ti react to anything he does as that feeds his narc ways and it has made me a more calm person! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Is there a difference from forgiving and forgiving and forgetting tho?
Can both be done?
Iv forgave but I can't forget.its always there"
In my opinion you can't forget. The scars, and as doggy said the lessons are always there but we can choose to not let it have the power over us anymore... We can make a conscious decision not to bring it up again and throw it in the person's face... I think real forgiveness on our part releases us from the control it had over our emotions and actions. I have a reflective exercise involving an effervescent vitamin tablet that helps illustrate this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know if everything can be forgiven, but you can't hang on to negativity. If Someone wrongs you in some way, if you can't let it go it will eat away at you.
" Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A very interesting post on a deceptively complex issue, thanks for posting it. I must try and watch it.
I think that regrets, blame, recriminations or vengeance (the opposite of forgiveness??) are very self destructive so I don’t believe in those (not always easy I know). Forgiveness may be easier in some cases than others, for example there may be mitigating circumstances to someone’s actions but I think it can also mean you letting go of a negative thing in life (a person or a situation) and that is a far healthier way to be.
Agree with this, especially the last sentence. Particularly fucked up individual in my life a few years ago and my inability to forgive their actions (at the time I equated this to excusing them) ended up damaging me. Lightbulb moment came, I removed myself as much as I could from their drama, forgave them and felt all the better for it."
Thanks Mrs Doggy 
Some good points, by everyone too. The the forgive and forget thing... I’ve pondered that many times. If you forgive you should forget yet that’s probably impossible also if you learn from the experience (positively of course  ) then you can’t forget. I think the saying is flawed and the post about “digging two graves” is grim but scarily wise  |
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