FabSwingers.com > Forums > Scotland > Is swinging sustainable in a relationship
Is swinging sustainable in a relationship
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I often wonder about couples on this site who have had multiple meets and are still " happily married "
Are one half of these couples using the meets as an escape because they are not satisfied with what they have ?
Is happily married more I am have accepted what I have as long as I am getting fun elsewhere?
I guess in my head if I am married I am the one the pleases my partner. If she requires a bigger thicker cock for her pleasure then maybe I am not the guy for her.
And I would like to think the same if the roles are reversed.
The whole mindset of swinging and sharing is very interesting and something I do not fully understand yet... any thoughts on this would be great to hear.
Ps i am not preaching nor trying to start an argument here just putting some thoughts out there.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everyone’s experiences are different, some like group sex and all sharing, some people like to go off and do single meets, it can be gaining experience, building confidence, there might be health issues with a partner, careers in the way of having as much time together but high sex drives, one or both are bi sexual, the excitement of being naughty and not adhering to societies norms, some folk wanting to keep partners happy and countless more reasons, but I see lots of very happy healthy relationships on the scene but very occasionally and in the minority are the ones where clearly someone isn’t happy and doing it under duress which is very sad but not everyone has a strong enough personality to walk away for many reasons |
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Interesting post.
Many, many different reasons for couples being on fab, & most will have a strong & secure marriage/relationship with their own rules/boundaries.
My first profile on fab was as a couple. He never fucked me or anyone else in that time (3 1/2 years). I only met with him in that time. He liked to watch.
R  |
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By *MCFUN5Couple
over a year ago
GLASGOW |
We are happily married and for me it’s not the size of someone’s equipment that I look for as I’m perfectly happy with hubby’s it’s more the arousal and excitement of sharing each other with couples/singles we are BOTH attracted to. What always happens by the end of the night is we have the best sex with each other therefore in our experience the sharing acts as kind of foreplay for us. Never experienced jealousy in fact we usually select each other’s partners |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it CAN work but I also think that there is still a danger emotions and attachments come into play and it all ends in tears.
Emotions can be unpredictable. |
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It’s like anything in life everyone’s idea of the perfect swinging relationship is as varied as there taste from mild to very hot curries . Do what is right for yourself and partner while remembering whoever your meeting with ideas and needs may be totally different to yours . |
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"I often wonder about couples on this site who have had multiple meets and are still " happily married "
Are one half of these couples using the meets as an escape because they are not satisfied with what they have ?
Is happily married more I am have accepted what I have as long as I am getting fun elsewhere?
I guess in my head if I am married I am the one the pleases my partner. If she requires a bigger thicker cock for her pleasure then maybe I am not the guy for her.
And I would like to think the same if the roles are reversed.
The whole mindset of swinging and sharing is very interesting and something I do not fully understand yet... any thoughts on this would be great to hear.
Ps i am not preaching nor trying to start an argument here just putting some thoughts out there.
"
We're not married but have been together for near 15 years and swinging for 4 or 5 years (I cant remember when we actually started)
With us its more about the excitement that goes along with it.
After all those years together sex can become very routine, Its still enjoyable but it can get stale.
When we have a threesome it adds a bit of excitement, We both get that nevous feeling just before and its less routine and sometimes we discover something new about each other.
When we first started going to CJs I got chatting to someone that said to me "Swinging isn't about getting better than your partner, Just something diffrent"
Thats pretty much been my approach to swinging since.
Mr
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"We are happily married and for me it’s not the size of someone’s equipment that I look for as I’m perfectly happy with hubby’s it’s more the arousal and excitement of sharing each other with couples/singles we are BOTH attracted to. What always happens by the end of the night is we have the best sex with each other therefore in our experience the sharing acts as kind of foreplay for us. Never experienced jealousy in fact we usually select each other’s partners "
This is a great post  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You don't have to understand others relationships.
He can still be curious about it all though  "
of course he can but he's looking to understand cpls who SWING.everyone is different so no one can fully understand why folk do it. |
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"You don't have to understand others relationships.
He can still be curious about it all though of course he can but he's looking to understand cpls who SWING.everyone is different so no one can fully understand why folk do it."
Classic case of everyone is different, what everyone gets out of their swinging meets etc is unique to themselves . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You don't have to understand others relationships.
He can still be curious about it all though of course he can but he's looking to understand cpls who SWING.everyone is different so no one can fully understand why folk do it.
Classic case of everyone is different, what everyone gets out of their swinging meets etc is unique to themselves ."
exactly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single female who used to meet couples I probably see another side of it that many couples wont have seen or admit to.
Every male half after the couple meet then approached me to meet behind their partners back (and one female). 2 became quite persistent and it was only when I threatened to tell their partner that they backed off.
I doubt this is as common when it is couples meeting proper couples (rather than fuckbuds who swing together). But as a lone female and having spoken to many single females who have met couples this isnt uncommon.
Its one of the reasons I no longer meet couples. |
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I am not surprised about you saying this as I would imagine a lot of couples are not as honest as they hope or say they are about the reasons they do it.
Is there also couple that agree to do it because they think it will save their relationship ... ?
It is a case of each to their own at the end of the day. Turn ons, turn offs, kinks and thrills will all remain throughout humanity.
Happy fabbing to all |
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"I am not surprised about you saying this as I would imagine a lot of couples are not as honest as they hope or say they are about the reasons they do it.
Is there also couple that agree to do it because they think it will save their relationship ... ?
It is a case of each to their own at the end of the day. Turn ons, turn offs, kinks and thrills will all remain throughout humanity.
Happy fabbing to all "
Everyone is different but my opinion is you shouldn't use swinging to enhance your relationship not to try and fix it of theres problems . |
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"I am not surprised about you saying this as I would imagine a lot of couples are not as honest as they hope or say they are about the reasons they do it.
Is there also couple that agree to do it because they think it will save their relationship ... ?
It is a case of each to their own at the end of the day. Turn ons, turn offs, kinks and thrills will all remain throughout humanity.
Happy fabbing to all
Everyone is different but my opinion is you shouldn't use swinging to enhance your relationship not to try and fix it of theres problems ."
I have never tried it but think i would find it difficult to accept that the man i loved wanted to be with other people. Its sounds good on paper but in reality i think i would struggle so therefore am planning on swinging solo for the time being. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a cpl if there's 1 slightest bit of jealousy or mistrust swinging isn't for you.
As someone says it's to enhance what you have as a cpl not fix it.
Prob singles won't understand it but I don't get why a single would want to be on a sex site looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend either (yes not all are) but ALOT are.
Nowt queer as folks.
Ours is not to judge. |
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"I am not surprised about you saying this as I would imagine a lot of couples are not as honest as they hope or say they are about the reasons they do it.
Is there also couple that agree to do it because they think it will save their relationship ... ?
It is a case of each to their own at the end of the day. Turn ons, turn offs, kinks and thrills will all remain throughout humanity.
Happy fabbing to all
Everyone is different but my opinion is you shouldn't use swinging to enhance your relationship not to try and fix it of theres problems ."
Sorry that should read... "should use swinging to enhance " not "shouldn't "
My bad x |
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"I am not surprised about you saying this as I would imagine a lot of couples are not as honest as they hope or say they are about the reasons they do it.
Is there also couple that agree to do it because they think it will save their relationship ... ?
It is a case of each to their own at the end of the day. Turn ons, turn offs, kinks and thrills will all remain throughout humanity.
Happy fabbing to all
Everyone is different but my opinion is you shouldn't use swinging to enhance your relationship not to try and fix it of theres problems .
I have never tried it but think i would find it difficult to accept that the man i loved wanted to be with other people. Its sounds good on paper but in reality i think i would struggle so therefore am planning on swinging solo for the time being."
Yup I agree 100% with you there. Hans solo whilst single  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everyone swings for different reasons so i can only comment on my experience of it. For me, I enjoy sharing the experience with my husband in anyway I can. He loves to have me after others have, or to watch, it's a reclaim thing. Our connection isn't threatened or any less just cause we swing, though I understand why people would assume that. Also I'm bi so it's nice for me to have the option to bring a girl in and we can share that experience together. I've probably explained all this really badly, but I hope I've helped give a perspective on it at least  - Kitty x |
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By *rs friskyCouple
over a year ago
Scottish borders |
Yes it's sustainable. We do this to enhance our relationship . We don't compare other lovers we just enjoy it . It's a great way to have extra fun without cheating on your partner . We are very happily married and it causes no issues in our life's |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think i can be ok as long as you both are fully comfortable with it. Ive had meets with couples where things went great until it got more pyshical then either one werent ok with it. Ill be honest its mostly men who arent ok with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The OP should read some research into human anthropology. Read ‘Sex Before Dawn’ . People struggle with monogamy especially woman apparently.
Look around society at divorces and cheating. You have to ask why we strive for monogamy? Swinging gives a way for people in committed relationships the opportunity to explore sexual variety and experimentation without the judgement of breaking some religious or societal vow.
Would not expect a single guy or single woman who have not been in a very long term relationship to understand that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The OP should read some research into human anthropology. Read ‘Sex Before Dawn’ . People struggle with monogamy especially woman apparently.
Look around society at divorces and cheating. You have to ask why we strive for monogamy? Swinging gives a way for people in committed relationships the opportunity to explore sexual variety and experimentation without the judgement of breaking some religious or societal vow.
Would not expect a single guy or single woman who have not been in a very long term relationship to understand that. "
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"The OP should read some research into human anthropology. Read ‘Sex Before Dawn’ . People struggle with monogamy especially woman apparently.
Look around society at divorces and cheating. You have to ask why we strive for monogamy? Swinging gives a way for people in committed relationships the opportunity to explore sexual variety and experimentation without the judgement of breaking some religious or societal vow.
Would not expect a single guy or single woman who have not been in a very long term relationship to understand that. "
Sounds like an interesting book.
To be honest I do not know how to reply to your statement...
I agree with one part society is changing with more divorces and cheating but you say that like it is a good thing.
Society is fu@@@d in all fairness. You can go on an app now and get laid that night without having to interact properly anymore.
We have lost the ability to communicate face to face.
Again it's down to each individual. If you require another dimension in your relationship to enhance and fill your sexual gratification then I dont see any reason not too.
How many swingers out there share the fact that they are swingers from friends and family ?!?!
Maybe it needs to be seen more as fulfilling desires which in order assist the relationship to stay on track.
As I said it's all new to me. To me the physcology of it all is really interesting.
Having been in a few long relationships I have never had the need to be with anyone whilst I was with my partner.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The OP should read some research into human anthropology. Read ‘Sex Before Dawn’ . People struggle with monogamy especially woman apparently.
Look around society at divorces and cheating. You have to ask why we strive for monogamy? Swinging gives a way for people in committed relationships the opportunity to explore sexual variety and experimentation without the judgement of breaking some religious or societal vow.
Would not expect a single guy or single woman who have not been in a very long term relationship to understand that.
Sounds like an interesting book.
To be honest I do not know how to reply to your statement...
I agree with one part society is changing with more divorces and cheating but you say that like it is a good thing.
Society is fu@@@d in all fairness. You can go on an app now and get laid that night without having to interact properly anymore.
We have lost the ability to communicate face to face.
Again it's down to each individual. If you require another dimension in your relationship to enhance and fill your sexual gratification then I dont see any reason not too.
How many swingers out there share the fact that they are swingers from friends and family ?!?!
Maybe it needs to be seen more as fulfilling desires which in order assist the relationship to stay on track.
As I said it's all new to me. To me the physcology of it all is really interesting.
Having been in a few long relationships I have never had the need to be with anyone whilst I was with my partner.
"
OP - when we talked about cheating and divorce. Many of those are because people can’t stick to monogamy and get caught.
Here’s a question - why do you have to be monogamous in a relationship? What’s the underlying reason? Most other animals on the planet aren’t monogamous so why us ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The OP should read some research into human anthropology. Read ‘Sex Before Dawn’ . People struggle with monogamy especially woman apparently.
Look around society at divorces and cheating. You have to ask why we strive for monogamy? Swinging gives a way for people in committed relationships the opportunity to explore sexual variety and experimentation without the judgement of breaking some religious or societal vow.
Would not expect a single guy or single woman who have not been in a very long term relationship to understand that.
Sounds like an interesting book.
To be honest I do not know how to reply to your statement...
I agree with one part society is changing with more divorces and cheating but you say that like it is a good thing.
Society is fu@@@d in all fairness. You can go on an app now and get laid that night without having to interact properly anymore.
We have lost the ability to communicate face to face.
Again it's down to each individual. If you require another dimension in your relationship to enhance and fill your sexual gratification then I dont see any reason not too.
How many swingers out there share the fact that they are swingers from friends and family ?!?!
Maybe it needs to be seen more as fulfilling desires which in order assist the relationship to stay on track.
As I said it's all new to me. To me the physcology of it all is really interesting.
Having been in a few long relationships I have never had the need to be with anyone whilst I was with my partner.
OP - when we talked about cheating and divorce. Many of those are because people can’t stick to monogamy and get caught.
Here’s a question - why do you have to be monogamous in a relationship? What’s the underlying reason? Most other animals on the planet aren’t monogamous so why us ? "
Because raising children involves an emotional and financial burden
and commitment that simply doesn't exist elsewhere in the animal world. |
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"The OP should read some research into human anthropology. Read ‘Sex Before Dawn’ . People struggle with monogamy especially woman apparently.
Look around society at divorces and cheating. You have to ask why we strive for monogamy? Swinging gives a way for people in committed relationships the opportunity to explore sexual variety and experimentation without the judgement of breaking some religious or societal vow.
Would not expect a single guy or single woman who have not been in a very long term relationship to understand that.
Sounds like an interesting book.
To be honest I do not know how to reply to your statement...
I agree with one part society is changing with more divorces and cheating but you say that like it is a good thing.
Society is fu@@@d in all fairness. You can go on an app now and get laid that night without having to interact properly anymore.
We have lost the ability to communicate face to face.
Again it's down to each individual. If you require another dimension in your relationship to enhance and fill your sexual gratification then I dont see any reason not too.
How many swingers out there share the fact that they are swingers from friends and family ?!?!
Maybe it needs to be seen more as fulfilling desires which in order assist the relationship to stay on track.
As I said it's all new to me. To me the physcology of it all is really interesting.
Having been in a few long relationships I have never had the need to be with anyone whilst I was with my partner.
OP - when we talked about cheating and divorce. Many of those are because people can’t stick to monogamy and get caught.
Here’s a question - why do you have to be monogamous in a relationship? What’s the underlying reason? Most other animals on the planet aren’t
monogamous so why us ? "
I knew you would say that.
Humans and dolphins are the only things in the world that have sex for fun. Every other living thing have sex to reproduce. At some point in civilisation humans realised sex was fun so we began having it for pleasure.
Evolution will continue and we will probably be fucking everything and anything at some point and swinging will be the norm.
I choose to be monogumous because I believe that if one person cant fulfill your needs then why bother being in a relationship.
It's a personal choice and I was keen to hear swingers point of view. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The OP should read some research into human anthropology. Read ‘Sex Before Dawn’ . People struggle with monogamy especially woman apparently.
Look around society at divorces and cheating. You have to ask why we strive for monogamy? Swinging gives a way for people in committed relationships the opportunity to explore sexual variety and experimentation without the judgement of breaking some religious or societal vow.
Would not expect a single guy or single woman who have not been in a very long term relationship to understand that.
Sounds like an interesting book.
To be honest I do not know how to reply to your statement...
I agree with one part society is changing with more divorces and cheating but you say that like it is a good thing.
Society is fu@@@d in all fairness. You can go on an app now and get laid that night without having to interact properly anymore.
We have lost the ability to communicate face to face.
Again it's down to each individual. If you require another dimension in your relationship to enhance and fill your sexual gratification then I dont see any reason not too.
How many swingers out there share the fact that they are swingers from friends and family ?!?!
Maybe it needs to be seen more as fulfilling desires which in order assist the relationship to stay on track.
As I said it's all new to me. To me the physcology of it all is really interesting.
Having been in a few long relationships I have never had the need to be with anyone whilst I was with my partner.
OP - when we talked about cheating and divorce. Many of those are because people can’t stick to monogamy and get caught.
Here’s a question - why do you have to be monogamous in a relationship? What’s the underlying reason? Most other animals on the planet aren’t monogamous so why us ?
Because raising children involves an emotional and financial burden
and commitment that simply doesn't exist elsewhere in the animal world."
In hunter gatherer society thousands of years ago a woman would have sex with lots of men. When she got pregnant and had a kid the group looked after the kid. By having many potential fathers the child was looked after by the all the men who mated with the woman. If a man got sick or died she’d have other guys who share the burden of looking after the child. That’s according to some research how we’ve evolved.
If it’s important for kids and stability then why do so many marriages fail due to adultery? |
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"The OP should read some research into human anthropology. Read ‘Sex Before Dawn’ . People struggle with monogamy especially woman apparently.
Look around society at divorces and cheating. You have to ask why we strive for monogamy? Swinging gives a way for people in committed relationships the opportunity to explore sexual variety and experimentation without the judgement of breaking some religious or societal vow.
Would not expect a single guy or single woman who have not been in a very long term relationship to understand that.
Sounds like an interesting book.
To be honest I do not know how to reply to your statement...
I agree with one part society is changing with more divorces and cheating but you say that like it is a good thing.
Society is fu@@@d in all fairness. You can go on an app now and get laid that night without having to interact properly anymore.
We have lost the ability to communicate face to face.
Again it's down to each individual. If you require another dimension in your relationship to enhance and fill your sexual gratification then I dont see any reason not too.
How many swingers out there share the fact that they are swingers from friends and family ?!?!
Maybe it needs to be seen more as fulfilling desires which in order assist the relationship to stay on track.
As I said it's all new to me. To me the physcology of it all is really interesting.
Having been in a few long relationships I have never had the need to be with anyone whilst I was with my partner.
OP - when we talked about cheating and divorce. Many of those are because people can’t stick to monogamy and get caught.
Here’s a question - why do you have to be monogamous in a relationship? What’s the underlying reason? Most other animals on the planet aren’t monogamous so why us ?
Because raising children involves an emotional and financial burden
and commitment that simply doesn't exist elsewhere in the animal world.
In hunter gatherer society thousands of years ago a woman would have sex with lots of men. When she got pregnant and had a kid the group looked after the kid. By having many potential fathers the child was looked after by the all the men who mated with the woman. If a man got sick or died she’d have other guys who share the burden of looking after the child. That’s according to some research how we’ve evolved.
If it’s important for kids and stability then why do so many marriages fail due to adultery? "
Marriages fail because lies and cheating. Like you and everyone has said if your honest and upfront with each other then nothing wrong with swinging. And I agree with that. |
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We have been wed nearly 40 years, we decided a while ago that our sex life was very (mundane) so we both wanted to meet others, just to see if the spark would come back. We did meet another lovely couple eventually, and what a great time we had, no jealousy or regret. We are still happy together. We hope to meet others now, and it has added much more excitement for the both of us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The OP should read some research into human anthropology. Read ‘Sex Before Dawn’ . People struggle with monogamy especially woman apparently.
Look around society at divorces and cheating. You have to ask why we strive for monogamy? Swinging gives a way for people in committed relationships the opportunity to explore sexual variety and experimentation without the judgement of breaking some religious or societal vow.
Would not expect a single guy or single woman who have not been in a very long term relationship to understand that.
Sounds like an interesting book.
To be honest I do not know how to reply to your statement...
I agree with one part society is changing with more divorces and cheating but you say that like it is a good thing.
Society is fu@@@d in all fairness. You can go on an app now and get laid that night without having to interact properly anymore.
We have lost the ability to communicate face to face.
Again it's down to each individual. If you require another dimension in your relationship to enhance and fill your sexual gratification then I dont see any reason not too.
How many swingers out there share the fact that they are swingers from friends and family ?!?!
Maybe it needs to be seen more as fulfilling desires which in order assist the relationship to stay on track.
As I said it's all new to me. To me the physcology of it all is really interesting.
Having been in a few long relationships I have never had the need to be with anyone whilst I was with my partner.
OP - when we talked about cheating and divorce. Many of those are because people can’t stick to monogamy and get caught.
Here’s a question - why do you have to be monogamous in a relationship? What’s the underlying reason? Most other animals on the planet aren’t
monogamous so why us ?
I knew you would say that.
Humans and dolphins are the only things in the world that have sex for fun. Every other living thing have sex to reproduce. At some point in civilisation humans realised sex was fun so we began having it for pleasure.
Evolution will continue and we will probably be fucking everything and anything at some point and swinging will be the norm.
I choose to be monogumous because I believe that if one person cant fulfill your needs then why bother being in a relationship.
It's a personal choice and I was keen to hear swingers point of view. "
It’s not that one person can’t fulfil your needs it’s just you choose to explore as a couple. You can experiment with sex without worrying someone is going to steal your partner away. It’s about love and a deep relationship versus the fun and thrill of nsa sex.
Most people are not monogamous. Of the people we know who don’t swing we’d guess fewer than 50% have ever been truly monogamous long term (20 years for example) . They’ve either had affairs behind their partners back or split with their partner to become serial monogamists. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The OP should read some research into human anthropology. Read ‘Sex Before Dawn’ . People struggle with monogamy especially woman apparently.
Look around society at divorces and cheating. You have to ask why we strive for monogamy? Swinging gives a way for people in committed relationships the opportunity to explore sexual variety and experimentation without the judgement of breaking some religious or societal vow.
Would not expect a single guy or single woman who have not been in a very long term relationship to understand that.
Sounds like an interesting book.
To be honest I do not know how to reply to your statement...
I agree with one part society is changing with more divorces and cheating but you say that like it is a good thing.
Society is fu@@@d in all fairness. You can go on an app now and get laid that night without having to interact properly anymore.
We have lost the ability to communicate face to face.
Again it's down to each individual. If you require another dimension in your relationship to enhance and fill your sexual gratification then I dont see any reason not too.
How many swingers out there share the fact that they are swingers from friends and family ?!?!
Maybe it needs to be seen more as fulfilling desires which in order assist the relationship to stay on track.
As I said it's all new to me. To me the physcology of it all is really interesting.
Having been in a few long relationships I have never had the need to be with anyone whilst I was with my partner.
OP - when we talked about cheating and divorce. Many of those are because people can’t stick to monogamy and get caught.
Here’s a question - why do you have to be monogamous in a relationship? What’s the underlying reason? Most other animals on the planet aren’t monogamous so why us ?
Because raising children involves an emotional and financial burden
and commitment that simply doesn't exist elsewhere in the animal world.
In hunter gatherer society thousands of years ago a woman would have sex with lots of men. When she got pregnant and had a kid the group looked after the kid. By having many potential fathers the child was looked after by the all the men who mated with the woman. If a man got sick or died she’d have other guys who share the burden of looking after the child. That’s according to some research how we’ve evolved.
If it’s important for kids and stability then why do so many marriages fail due to adultery? "
But we don't live in Hunter Gatherer groups or tribes any more. We've come to live in smaller, independent familily units where the majority of childcare still lies with the female although this is slowly changing. Therefore, a woman has needed security and a life partner that she could rely on who hopefully wouldn't be shagging the rest of the village. Likewise, as civilisation has evolved and we have accumulated more wealth and material things, any potential father wants to know (as much as he can do) that the unborn child who will inherit his wealth is his. Why invest time and money in a child that isn't his?
That's my 2 bob anyway with regards to monogamy...
As to why people commit adultery, human beings are selfish, get bored easily and need excitement and stimulation in our relationships. Lots of people are also shit at being honest about this and communicating it to their partners so they inevitably stray. There used to be shame in divorce and splitting a family whereas now society looks at you like you're a fucking dummy if you stay with a cheating partner, so again more pressure which will lead lots of people to walk away.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The OP should read some research into human anthropology. Read ‘Sex Before Dawn’ . People struggle with monogamy especially woman apparently.
Look around society at divorces and cheating. You have to ask why we strive for monogamy? Swinging gives a way for people in committed relationships the opportunity to explore sexual variety and experimentation without the judgement of breaking some religious or societal vow.
Would not expect a single guy or single woman who have not been in a very long term relationship to understand that.
Sounds like an interesting book.
To be honest I do not know how to reply to your statement...
I agree with one part society is changing with more divorces and cheating but you say that like it is a good thing.
Society is fu@@@d in all fairness. You can go on an app now and get laid that night without having to interact properly anymore.
We have lost the ability to communicate face to face.
Again it's down to each individual. If you require another dimension in your relationship to enhance and fill your sexual gratification then I dont see any reason not too.
How many swingers out there share the fact that they are swingers from friends and family ?!?!
Maybe it needs to be seen more as fulfilling desires which in order assist the relationship to stay on track.
As I said it's all new to me. To me the physcology of it all is really interesting.
Having been in a few long relationships I have never had the need to be with anyone whilst I was with my partner.
OP - when we talked about cheating and divorce. Many of those are because people can’t stick to monogamy and get caught.
Here’s a question - why do you have to be monogamous in a relationship? What’s the underlying reason? Most other animals on the planet aren’t monogamous so why us ?
Because raising children involves an emotional and financial burden
and commitment that simply doesn't exist elsewhere in the animal world.
In hunter gatherer society thousands of years ago a woman would have sex with lots of men. When she got pregnant and had a kid the group looked after the kid. By having many potential fathers the child was looked after by the all the men who mated with the woman. If a man got sick or died she’d have other guys who share the burden of looking after the child. That’s according to some research how we’ve evolved.
If it’s important for kids and stability then why do so many marriages fail due to adultery?
But we don't live in Hunter Gatherer groups or tribes any more. We've come to live in smaller, independent familily units where the majority of childcare still lies with the female although this is slowly changing. Therefore, a woman has needed security and a life partner that she could rely on who hopefully wouldn't be shagging the rest of the village. Likewise, as civilisation has evolved and we have accumulated more wealth and material things, any potential father wants to know (as much as he can do) that the unborn child who will inherit his wealth is his. Why invest time and money in a child that isn't his?
That's my 2 bob anyway with regards to monogamy...
As to why people commit adultery, human beings are selfish, get bored easily and need excitement and stimulation in our relationships. Lots of people are also shit at being honest about this and communicating it to their partners so they inevitably stray. There used to be shame in divorce and splitting a family whereas now society looks at you like you're a fucking dummy if you stay with a cheating partner, so again more pressure which will lead lots of people to walk away.
"
It’s ironic though that the ‘progress’ where a woman gets a man to form a long term child rearing unit results in a 40%-50% divorce rate, US stats, where those same children are then brought up in new marriages with different fathers or mothers.
We might have moved away from being hunter gathers but biology is just the same. Monogamy over a long term, and we’re living longer than ever, is very tough for some and society judges straying harshly.
We know at least 10 friends or work colleagues who have had affairs. 9 are still with their partners who are still oblivious. If society accepted open and honest relationships like swinging relationships then, for some, there would be less betrayal and maybe less divorce/broken families.
Just our thoughts but there is a body of research supporting this view. Will be interesting to see how society develops in terms of relationships as it’s certainly changed in the last 100 years dramatically.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The OP should read some research into human anthropology. Read ‘Sex Before Dawn’ . People struggle with monogamy especially woman apparently.
Look around society at divorces and cheating. You have to ask why we strive for monogamy? Swinging gives a way for people in committed relationships the opportunity to explore sexual variety and experimentation without the judgement of breaking some religious or societal vow.
Would not expect a single guy or single woman who have not been in a very long term relationship to understand that.
Sounds like an interesting book.
To be honest I do not know how to reply to your statement...
I agree with one part society is changing with more divorces and cheating but you say that like it is a good thing.
Society is fu@@@d in all fairness. You can go on an app now and get laid that night without having to interact properly anymore.
We have lost the ability to communicate face to face.
Again it's down to each individual. If you require another dimension in your relationship to enhance and fill your sexual gratification then I dont see any reason not too.
How many swingers out there share the fact that they are swingers from friends and family ?!?!
Maybe it needs to be seen more as fulfilling desires which in order assist the relationship to stay on track.
As I said it's all new to me. To me the physcology of it all is really interesting.
Having been in a few long relationships I have never had the need to be with anyone whilst I was with my partner.
OP - when we talked about cheating and divorce. Many of those are because people can’t stick to monogamy and get caught.
Here’s a question - why do you have to be monogamous in a relationship? What’s the underlying reason? Most other animals on the planet aren’t monogamous so why us ?
Because raising children involves an emotional and financial burden
and commitment that simply doesn't exist elsewhere in the animal world.
In hunter gatherer society thousands of years ago a woman would have sex with lots of men. When she got pregnant and had a kid the group looked after the kid. By having many potential fathers the child was looked after by the all the men who mated with the woman. If a man got sick or died she’d have other guys who share the burden of looking after the child. That’s according to some research how we’ve evolved.
If it’s important for kids and stability then why do so many marriages fail due to adultery?
But we don't live in Hunter Gatherer groups or tribes any more. We've come to live in smaller, independent familily units where the majority of childcare still lies with the female although this is slowly changing. Therefore, a woman has needed security and a life partner that she could rely on who hopefully wouldn't be shagging the rest of the village. Likewise, as civilisation has evolved and we have accumulated more wealth and material things, any potential father wants to know (as much as he can do) that the unborn child who will inherit his wealth is his. Why invest time and money in a child that isn't his?
That's my 2 bob anyway with regards to monogamy...
As to why people commit adultery, human beings are selfish, get bored easily and need excitement and stimulation in our relationships. Lots of people are also shit at being honest about this and communicating it to their partners so they inevitably stray. There used to be shame in divorce and splitting a family whereas now society looks at you like you're a fucking dummy if you stay with a cheating partner, so again more pressure which will lead lots of people to walk away.
It’s ironic though that the ‘progress’ where a woman gets a man to form a long term child rearing unit results in a 40%-50% divorce rate, US stats, where those same children are then brought up in new marriages with different fathers or mothers.
We might have moved away from being hunter gathers but biology is just the same. Monogamy over a long term, and we’re living longer than ever, is very tough for some and society judges straying harshly.
We know at least 10 friends or work colleagues who have had affairs. 9 are still with their partners who are still oblivious. If society accepted open and honest relationships like swinging relationships then, for some, there would be less betrayal and maybe less divorce/broken families.
Just our thoughts but there is a body of research supporting this view. Will be interesting to see how society develops in terms of relationships as it’s certainly changed in the last 100 years dramatically.
"
I think we're on the same page here. But even if society at large was more acceptable of swinging or open relationships, I still doubt that most people would go for it whether that be down to insecurities, jealousy or simply wanting/needing an exclusive relationship where they are someone's one and only. I know
what category I fall into! 
Vive la difference and aw that |
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I dont think its got anything to do with us as humans.
Its more to do with our interactions now as opposed to how things were in the past.
People were far more commited to a relationship in days gone by we are alot more self centred now which most would admit too i think.
You only need to look around and view everyone glued to their phones to see the vast change. |
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"The OP should read some research into human anthropology. Read ‘Sex Before Dawn’ . People struggle with monogamy especially woman apparently.
Look around society at divorces and cheating. You have to ask why we strive for monogamy? Swinging gives a way for people in committed relationships the opportunity to explore sexual variety and experimentation without the judgement of breaking some religious or societal vow.
Would not expect a single guy or single woman who have not been in a very long term relationship to understand that.
Sounds like an interesting book.
To be honest I do not know how to reply to your statement...
I agree with one part society is changing with more divorces and cheating but you say that like it is a good thing.
Society is fu@@@d in all fairness. You can go on an app now and get laid that night without having to interact properly anymore.
We have lost the ability to communicate face to face.
Again it's down to each individual. If you require another dimension in your relationship to enhance and fill your sexual gratification then I dont see any reason not too.
How many swingers out there share the fact that they are swingers from friends and family ?!?!
Maybe it needs to be seen more as fulfilling desires which in order assist the relationship to stay on track.
As I said it's all new to me. To me the physcology of it all is really interesting.
Having been in a few long relationships I have never had the need to be with anyone whilst I was with my partner.
OP - when we talked about cheating and divorce. Many of those are because people can’t stick to monogamy and get caught.
Here’s a question - why do you have to be monogamous in a relationship? What’s the underlying reason? Most other animals on the planet aren’t monogamous so why us ?
Because raising children involves an emotional and financial burden
and commitment that simply doesn't exist elsewhere in the animal world.
In hunter gatherer society thousands of years ago a woman would have sex with lots of men. When she got pregnant and had a kid the group looked after the kid. By having many potential fathers the child was looked after by the all the men who mated with the woman. If a man got sick or died she’d have other guys who share the burden of looking after the child. That’s according to some research how we’ve evolved.
If it’s important for kids and stability then why do so many marriages fail due to adultery?
But we don't live in Hunter Gatherer groups or tribes any more. We've come to live in smaller, independent familily units where the majority of childcare still lies with the female although this is slowly changing. Therefore, a woman has needed security and a life partner that she could rely on who hopefully wouldn't be shagging the rest of the village. Likewise, as civilisation has evolved and we have accumulated more wealth and material things, any potential father wants to know (as much as he can do) that the unborn child who will inherit his wealth is his. Why invest time and money in a child that isn't his?
That's my 2 bob anyway with regards to monogamy...
As to why people commit adultery, human beings are selfish, get bored easily and need excitement and stimulation in our relationships. Lots of people are also shit at being honest about this and communicating it to their partners so they inevitably stray. There used to be shame in divorce and splitting a family whereas now society looks at you like you're a fucking dummy if you stay with a cheating partner, so again more pressure which will lead lots of people to walk away.
It’s ironic though that the ‘progress’ where a woman gets a man to form a long term child rearing unit results in a 40%-50% divorce rate, US stats, where those same children are then brought up in new marriages with different fathers or mothers.
We might have moved away from being hunter gathers but biology is just the same. Monogamy over a long term, and we’re living longer than ever, is very tough for some and society judges straying harshly.
We know at least 10 friends or work colleagues who have had affairs. 9 are still with their partners who are still oblivious. If society accepted open and honest relationships like swinging relationships then, for some, there would be less betrayal and maybe less divorce/broken families.
Just our thoughts but there is a body of research supporting this view. Will be interesting to see how society develops in terms of relationships as it’s certainly changed in the last 100 years dramatically.
I think we're on the same page here. But even if society at large was more acceptable of swinging or open relationships, I still doubt that most people would go for it whether that be down to insecurities, jealousy or simply wanting/needing an exclusive relationship where they are someone's one and only. I know
what category I fall into!
Vive la difference and aw that "
I agree. Humans have too many traits personal to each other for it to ever be accepted by the numbers.
If you drive a Ford and your neighbour has a Ferrari and he gives you a shot you are going to want a Ferrari.
I went on a stag 13 years ago. The stags father and his mates came too. One night we went our separate ways and the next day we found our one of them ended up kissing and fondling with another older woman. It led me to wonder was this ok if it keeps the spark in a long marriage ... ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Divorce rates in the UK are actually at an all time low have seen a steady decline. But there can be multible reasons for a divorce so hard to say how many of them for due to being in a monogamous relationship but want more is hard to tell. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Divorce rates in the UK are actually at an all time low have seen a steady decline. But there can be multible reasons for a divorce so hard to say how many of them for due to being in a monogamous relationship but want more is hard to tell. "
Divorce rates are on decline but marriage rates are on decline too so you have to look at couple splits. Certainly a lot more broken homes than 40 years ago. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hate that word broken home!
Just because a mum n dad don't live together does not mean a child is broken?"
Not saying the kids are broken. Saying that the home is split by the parents no longer living together. |
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"Hate that word broken home!
Just because a mum n dad don't live together does not mean a child is broken?
Not saying the kids are broken. Saying that the home is split by the parents no longer living together. "
Sometimes that's a better situation for the children.
R |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hate that word broken home!
Just because a mum n dad don't live together does not mean a child is broken?
Not saying the kids are broken. Saying that the home is split by the parents no longer living together.
Sometimes that's a better situation for the children.
R "
Sometimes it can be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am unsure if its about monogamy, cheating, divorced families or even that it is about humanity.
Is it all really that serious? If it feels nice, turns you on and doesnt do any damage then why not I say. C. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I am happy with most of my life except when I go to bed with my wife, we have not even cuddled for well over 2 years,she knows I have been on the site in the past and insisted I got tested( all was clear, used protection). I have had to come back on as I miss the sex, ( waiting to be judged), do I tell her I want to do this snd hopefully find someone long term or hope she never finds out again? "
It's rarely a good idea to share this kinda stuff on the forum.
The vultures will pick at your bones |
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"
I am happy with most of my life except when I go to bed with my wife, we have not even cuddled for well over 2 years,she knows I have been on the site in the past and insisted I got tested( all was clear, used protection). I have had to come back on as I miss the sex, ( waiting to be judged), do I tell her I want to do this snd hopefully find someone long term or hope she never finds out again?
It's rarely a good idea to share this kinda stuff on the forum.
The vultures will pick at your bones"
So its the vultures that pick at other peoples comments on the forums ?
Thats funny because i know someone who rarely comments on the original post but constantly picks at the comments other posters leave.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I am happy with most of my life except when I go to bed with my wife, we have not even cuddled for well over 2 years,she knows I have been on the site in the past and insisted I got tested( all was clear, used protection). I have had to come back on as I miss the sex, ( waiting to be judged), do I tell her I want to do this snd hopefully find someone long term or hope she never finds out again?
It's rarely a good idea to share this kinda stuff on the forum.
The vultures will pick at your bones
So its the vultures that pick at other peoples comments on the forums ?
Thats funny because i know someone who rarely comments on the original post but constantly picks at the comments other posters leave.
"
Here...I'll roll your peepers back at you |
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By *eefdoddusCouple
over a year ago
Scottish Borders |
We'll have been married for 35 years in August this year. We've been together since we were at school and I feel so incredibly lucky to have found someone so sexually compatible pretty much from the off. Had our first threesome, with mrs in her nurses uniform, before we were married and absolutely loved the buzz. There have been many ups and downs, family troubles and kids to deal with during that time.
We've been involved in the scene during all that time to varying degrees, having breaks short and long.
At no time during our married life have we considered anyone else as "better"...!! We have very much enjoyed "different" though and it has revived our sex life when it's began to drag and kept things alive and allowed us to rediscover each other sometimes.
We've met some lovely, perverted and wonderful people and wouldn't change a thing.
We're older now but can still go for each other like teenagers and have a passionate, energetic and exciting sex life. If it wasn't for swinging I don't know if that would still be the case.
Long may it continue.....xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a single female who used to meet couples I probably see another side of it that many couples wont have seen or admit to.
Every male half after the couple meet then approached me to meet behind their partners back (and one female). 2 became quite persistent and it was only when I threatened to tell their partner that they backed off.
I doubt this is as common when it is couples meeting proper couples (rather than fuckbuds who swing together). But as a lone female and having spoken to many single females who have met couples this isnt uncommon.
Its one of the reasons I no longer meet couples."
I've spoke with 4 single women n here and they've all said the same thing. The guy always wants a bit on the side. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes it can work but it will no doubt be different for every relationship as every relationship is different. I don't think it works if both parties are not fully on board and both want to - if one is doing it to please the other... it's dooomed.. doooooomed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a single female who used to meet couples I probably see another side of it that many couples wont have seen or admit to.
Every male half after the couple meet then approached me to meet behind their partners back (and one female). 2 became quite persistent and it was only when I threatened to tell their partner that they backed off.
I doubt this is as common when it is couples meeting proper couples (rather than fuckbuds who swing together). But as a lone female and having spoken to many single females who have met couples this isnt uncommon.
Its one of the reasons I no longer meet couples.
I've spoke with 4 single women n here and they've all said the same thing. The guy always wants a bit on the side."
He certainly always wants control.... in my experience anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a single female who used to meet couples I probably see another side of it that many couples wont have seen or admit to.
Every male half after the couple meet then approached me to meet behind their partners back (and one female). 2 became quite persistent and it was only when I threatened to tell their partner that they backed off.
I doubt this is as common when it is couples meeting proper couples (rather than fuckbuds who swing together). But as a lone female and having spoken to many single females who have met couples this isnt uncommon.
Its one of the reasons I no longer meet couples.
I've spoke with 4 single women n here and they've all said the same thing. The guy always wants a bit on the side."
There is always going to be couples doing for the wrong reason but not every couple, just like there's guys in couples doing this there will be females in couples doing the same and that shows there's clearly other issues in there relationship that need delt with.
But on an other note there are singles who go for couples cause they want to try get more attention than the male or female part of the couple as they like the fealing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You also get singles on the scene who don't respect the couples rules and should not be on the scene the scene themselfs, there's issues all over where there's singles and couples that are not ready to be on the scene. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mrs is a cuckquean / Mr is lucky!
It's our kink, it's fun, we are perfectly happily married and we take great joy in it. There is 0 jealousy, just compersion.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a single female who used to meet couples I probably see another side of it that many couples wont have seen or admit to.
Every male half after the couple meet then approached me to meet behind their partners back (and one female). 2 became quite persistent and it was only when I threatened to tell their partner that they backed off.
I doubt this is as common when it is couples meeting proper couples (rather than fuckbuds who swing together). But as a lone female and having spoken to many single females who have met couples this isnt uncommon.
Its one of the reasons I no longer meet couples."
That’s what I experienced when I was active and thought maybe it was just me and the couples I met although it was mostly the FBs.
Although I played with a few couples were it was the wife’s who wanted a bi experience and hubby was only too happy to agree. . It was awkward being driven home by the hubby having to say no, I decided to insist both be present to pick me up and drop me of. |
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By *pinCouple
over a year ago
edinburgh |
"As a single female who used to meet couples I probably see another side of it that many couples wont have seen or admit to.
Every male half after the couple meet then approached me to meet behind their partners back (and one female). 2 became quite persistent and it was only when I threatened to tell their partner that they backed off.
I doubt this is as common when it is couples meeting proper couples (rather than fuckbuds who swing together). But as a lone female and having spoken to many single females who have met couples this isnt uncommon.
Its one of the reasons I no longer meet couples.
That’s what I experienced when I was active and thought maybe it was just me and the couples I met although it was mostly the FBs.
Although I played with a few couples were it was the wife’s who wanted a bi experience and hubby was only too happy to agree. . It was awkward being driven home by the hubby having to say no, I decided to insist both be present to pick me up and drop me of. "
Never met anyone on our own to bring them over. Works fine.
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