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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just spotted the profile of a really good (non fab) friend's partner/fiance on another site. She'll be devastated if she knew. Do I confront him or tell her?
R  "
I might not be a good idea as it may cause alot of trouble for yourself but at the same time the person should hang there head in shame! Toughie  |
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"I've just spotted the profile of a really good (non fab) friend's partner/fiance on another site. She'll be devastated if she knew. Do I confront him or tell her?
R
I might not be a good idea as it may cause alot of trouble for yourself but at the same time the person should hang there head in shame! Toughie "
I've no idea what to do for the best 
R |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just spotted the profile of a really good (non fab) friend's partner/fiance on another site. She'll be devastated if she knew. Do I confront him or tell her?
R "
I don't think you need the fab high council to make the decision for you!  |
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"I've just spotted the profile of a really good (non fab) friend's partner/fiance on another site. She'll be devastated if she knew. Do I confront him or tell her?
R
I don't think you need the fab high council to make the decision for you! "
Very true. Just a bit shocked at it.
R |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just spotted the profile of a really good (non fab) friend's partner/fiance on another site. She'll be devastated if she knew. Do I confront him or tell her?
R
I don't think you need the fab high council to make the decision for you!
Very true. Just a bit shocked at it.
R "
Yeah it will be but best to try not get involved unless they piss you off  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I know I can't leave it.
R "
This is devastating tho poor woman, see this is what I don't understand why go in to a relashionship but want other people! If she let him yeah different story but need to find out everything but shame on the fella! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I know I can't leave it.
R "
Have you never played with married guys?
If so this is complete role reversal and you'd be highly hypocritical to take the high moral ground on this occasion when you may have turned a blind eye towards it previously.
Why not message the guy discretely and say you've seen his profile. You may have no idea what's going on in their relationship  |
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"Unfortunately I know I can't leave it.
R
Have you never played with married guys?
If so this is complete role reversal and you'd be highly hypocritical to take the high moral ground on this occasion when you may have turned a blind eye towards it previously.
Why not message the guy discretely and say you've seen his profile. You may have no idea what's going on in their relationship "
A seat has just opened up on the fab high council if you'd like it? 
John |
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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago
Livingston |
Neither!! Do you know all the ins and outs of their their relationship. Do you know if he has permission to be on here and looking?
Are you prepared to tell your friend and possibly be the one who splits up the relationship??
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I know I can't leave it.
R
Have you never played with married guys?
If so this is complete role reversal and you'd be highly hypocritical to take the high moral ground on this occasion when you may have turned a blind eye towards it previously.
Why not message the guy discretely and say you've seen his profile. You may have no idea what's going on in their relationship
A seat has just opened up on the fab high council if you'd like it?
John "
John Haha |
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"I've just spotted the profile of a really good (non fab) friend's partner/fiance on another site. She'll be devastated if she knew. Do I confront him or tell her?
R "
its a tricky one if you tell her are you willing to accept the consiquences if they split knowing it was you who outed him?
You just dont know enough about the reasons hes here ie he might be here because they have an open relationship .
If you feel you need to do anything then tell him you know who he is and if he is on here cheating give him the option to leave telling him you wont tell her provided he closes the account .
The only problem of choosing to confront him is he could always close the account and open another one so that would be pointless.
At the end of the day everyone whos on here deserves discretion even him Im sure you know many who are on here without consent but you wouldnt bat an eyelid about it . |
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Question back to you.....
Does she know you are on here? If not then by telling her not only do you risk being the cause of their break up, you also risk losing her as a friend because she brackets you as 'one of these sluts that goes out to pull married men' (yes yes I know thats obviously not the case...but common sense doesnt always prevail).
If you really cant leave it, send him a message from a different anonymous account saying 'I think I recognise you. Are you not Tracey's* husband?'. Sit back and watch him shit bricks and close his profile (or shock you by saying yes and she knows I am here).
* replace for real name
Nightmare scenario for everyone. |
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"I've just spotted the profile of a really good (non fab) friend's partner/fiance on another site. She'll be devastated if she knew. Do I confront him or tell her?
R "
Getting involved is wrong, pure and simple in my book. You have no idea what the dynamics of their relationship is ,just as i guess your friend knows nothing about your Fab life.
If you feel you need to adopt a moral high ground then quietly message him you know, then leave it alone.
I am on Fab and also other sites, with permission. If a friend of MSD said she has seen me on another site we have a cover story for it but thats us. Leave well alone and display that discretion you would expect in your private life too. Yes hes cheating and yes its wrong and yes its your friend but still does not allow you to be judge and jury on their lives. Another wee side note, i cheated for 30 years and never got caught, i confessed and was a very very lucky man that MSD forgave me, but now we are happier than ever before. If she was ever told by a friend about me she would have been forced into a decision she might not have liked but felt backed into a corner. Dump me or face the knowledge that people knew i cheated and she took me back, a lose lose situationfor her. In my opinion steer clear of it , let it run its course. Or tell her and fuck up her life. She might even know anyway and chooses to turn a blind eye, again you telling her backs her into a corner. If you still feel the need to do something,anything, then go kick him in the balls and scare the shit out him if you want , that will probably be enough to sort things out anyways .Sry for the rant but people should not get involved in this type of scenario in my opinion. Good luck OP plz think things through completely before acting. Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I know I can't leave it.
R "
I'm thinking of my best mates and was about to say anger would get the better of me and I'd go in guns blazing.
....but the other folks are right here. You don't know the back story and if, like TD said, you've ever played with a married man then you can't judge.
I'd be sorely tempted to send him a one liner telling him he's a cunt though!
Sorry, it's a shite situation to be in. X |
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"I've just spotted the profile of a really good (non fab) friend's partner/fiance on another site. She'll be devastated if she knew. Do I confront him or tell her?
R "
It goes without saying, confront him as its your very good friend getting hurt
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For clarification, I said it was on another site, not fab.
I also know from my friend that her partner apparently has very strong views on cheating as his ex wife cheated on him.
My friend's previously relationship ended dreadfully & I know what she went through.
My dilemma is that he has asked her to marry him & I honestly feel she knows nothing. I had considered messaging him. But do I risk a friendship if she finds out I knew & didn't say anything?
R |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I know I can't leave it.
R
Have you never played with married guys?
If so this is complete role reversal and you'd be highly hypocritical to take the high moral ground on this occasion when you may have turned a blind eye towards it previously.
Why not message the guy discretely and say you've seen his profile. You may have no idea what's going on in their relationship
A seat has just opened up on the fab high council if you'd like it?
John "
I'll respectfully decline if that's ok.
Would rather poke my own eyes out than have to sit with some on there! |
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"Unfortunately I know I can't leave it.
R
Have you never played with married guys?
If so this is complete role reversal and you'd be highly hypocritical to take the high moral ground on this occasion when you may have turned a blind eye towards it previously.
Why not message the guy discretely and say you've seen his profile. You may have no idea what's going on in their relationship "
You know I have, but only on fab. I stopped meeting married guys when one got caught as a result of being with me.
My first thought is to message him rather than her. If he stops then does she need to know? I just hate the thought of her being deceived.
R |
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Ok, so another question.
For those that are married/attached ......
If you found out your partner was even looking elsewhere without your knowledge, would you want to know?
If you found out & you knew a really good friend knew & didn't say, how would you feel towards them for not saying?
R |
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"Ok, so another question.
For those that are married/attached ......
If you found out your partner was even looking elsewhere without your knowledge, would you want to know?
If you found out & you knew a really good friend knew & didn't say, how would you feel towards them for not saying?
R "
I'd want to know. |
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"Unfortunately I know I can't leave it.
R
Have you never played with married guys?
If so this is complete role reversal and you'd be highly hypocritical to take the high moral ground on this occasion when you may have turned a blind eye towards it previously.
Why not message the guy discretely and say you've seen his profile. You may have no idea what's going on in their relationship
You know I have, but only on fab. I stopped meeting married guys when one got caught as a result of being with me.
My first thought is to message him rather than her. If he stops then does she need to know? I just hate the thought of her being deceived.
R "
Can I ask do you know for sure she’s being deceived? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is no right or wrong answer. Many will say cheating is wrong and you should tell. Equally many will say you should keep quiet and leave well alone.
Ultimately, the answer is down to you and your concience.
My personal opinion is you should speak to him first (screenshot the profile if you want to beforehand). If he says he's playing with permission, tell him you're going to check with his partner...if he's lying you'll know by the reaction.
Otherwise, let him know that he has a choice... tell his partner himself & carry on or stop because if you see him on any of these sites again you'll assume she knows and will mention it.
Seems like the way least likely to break a relationship or friendship to me.
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"If I was married and he was cheating and I found out one of my good friends knew I would be more gutted that they didn’t tell me.  "
This for me aswell.... But jusg be mindful that you will need to explain how you found out x |
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"Ok, so another question.
For those that are married/attached ......
If you found out your partner was even looking elsewhere without your knowledge, would you want to know?
If you found out & you knew a really good friend knew & didn't say, how would you feel towards them for not saying?
R "
How would they ever know that you knew?. Just keep quiet and let people live their lives the way they choose. Its a tough situation but by you getting involved will just make things worse. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Switch it.
If you found her on here would you tell him? "
I wouldn't, which is a complete and utter double standard I know.
But I'd silently judge her if she was outwardly giving the impression of being blissfully happy, planning a wedding and fucking a decent guy about. |
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I'd block the profile and forget you ever saw it. You're not sure what their agreements are, the other half might be on here as well. And a lot of people are here for online fun, they might not actually meet people or cheat on their partners x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Switch it.
If you found her on here would you tell him?
I wouldn't, which is a complete and utter double standard I know.
But I'd silently judge her if she was outwardly giving the impression of being blissfully happy, planning a wedding and fucking a decent guy about."
exactly! I think most would do the same which is a total double standard? |
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"Ok, so another question.
For those that are married/attached ......
If you found out your partner was even looking elsewhere without your knowledge, would you want to know?
If you found out & you knew a really good friend knew & didn't say, how would you feel towards them for not saying?
R "
Id say most would want to know but I find it all just a little bit hypocritical if the person outing him has been on a site like this meeting married or attatched people themselves to be honest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just spotted the profile of a really good (non fab) friend's partner/fiance on another site. She'll be devastated if she knew. Do I confront him or tell her?
R "
My personal opinion on this is to confront the person in the wrong and give them an opportunity to do the right thing, what their right thing is up to them and if need be then be the friend who’s there to pick up the pieces xx |
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"I've just spotted the profile of a really good (non fab) friend's partner/fiance on another site. She'll be devastated if she knew. Do I confront him or tell her?
R its a tricky one if you tell her are you willing to accept the consiquences if they split knowing it was you who outed him?
You just dont know enough about the reasons hes here ie he might be here because they have an open relationship .
Id do this confront him not her ??
If you feel you need to do anything then tell him you know who he is and if he is on here cheating give him the option to leave telling him you wont tell her provided he closes the account .
The only problem of choosing to confront him is he could always close the account and open another one so that would be pointless.
At the end of the day everyone whos on here deserves discretion even him Im sure you know many who are on here without consent but you wouldnt bat an eyelid about it ."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Switch it.
If you found her on here would you tell him?
I wouldn't, which is a complete and utter double standard I know.
But I'd silently judge her if she was outwardly giving the impression of being blissfully happy, planning a wedding and fucking a decent guy about.exactly! I think most would do the same which is a total double standard?"
Hands up to being a judgemental wee boot |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I was married and he was cheating and I found out one of my good friends knew I would be more gutted that they didn’t tell me. "
The problem is often just being the person to tell her will taint the rest of their friendship ... very often its shoot the messenger ... the OP is in a lose lose position ... she just beeds to decide which side sits with her best |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Switch it.
If you found her on here would you tell him?
I wouldn't, which is a complete and utter double standard I know.
But I'd silently judge her if she was outwardly giving the impression of being blissfully happy, planning a wedding and fucking a decent guy about.exactly! I think most would do the same which is a total double standard?
Hands up to being a judgemental wee boot "
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If it was my partner I would want to know.
On the other hand I saw a friends new partner had set up a fab profile so I spoke to a mutual friend and we decided to leave it and see how things go. Once they had been seeing each other a month or two his profile was never active (still there though and they have been dating 5 months now)
I did see another friends boyfriend on pof before but think it was how they met and it was an old profile that he never used.
If you are going to say something to him or message him, he may use this against you one day and tell his gf you knew.
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"Ok, so another question.
For those that are married/attached ......
If you found out your partner was even looking elsewhere without your knowledge, would you want to know?
If you found out & you knew a really good friend knew & didn't say, how would you feel towards them for not saying?
R "
Rosie this is a totally unfair question. If you say nothing, then she will NEVER know you knew . Thats why your question is unfair. The only way she will know is if you confront her partner and when or if he ever does get caught he decided to tell his partner out of revenge , ohhh by the way your friend Rosie knew, she warned me to stop 3 years ago etc etc etc. Another reason to stay out of it. |
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"Ok, so another question.
For those that are married/attached ......
If you found out your partner was even looking elsewhere without your knowledge, would you want to know?
If you found out & you knew a really good friend knew & didn't say, how would you feel towards them for not saying?
R
Rosie this is a totally unfair question. If you say nothing, then she will NEVER know you knew . Thats why your question is unfair. The only way she will know is if you confront her partner and when or if he ever does get caught he decided to tell his partner out of revenge , ohhh by the way your friend Rosie knew, she warned me to stop 3 years ago etc etc etc. Another reason to stay out of it. "
Rosie you telling her puts you and your friend both in a lose lose situation. The only win is , yes she finds out and dumps him , win/ lose, you , do the honourable thing and possibly never have the same relationship with your friend as you caused the break up of her fiance, win / lose for you too.
I know its not YOU causing the breakup but in this scenario are you 100% sure your friendship is stronger than the love she has for her fiance. ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, so another question.
For those that are married/attached ......
If you found out your partner was even looking elsewhere without your knowledge, would you want to know?
If you found out & you knew a really good friend knew & didn't say, how would you feel towards them for not saying?
R "
That happened to me. A mutual friend knew that I had starting seeing men and felt torn. She didn't reveal my secret and said it was up to me. When my then gf found out she was doubly devastated. It's really affected her trust in People. I should have had the balls to tell her.
Her long-term friendship was completely over after it too. It was all horrendous. The friend should have told her. |
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Well if you wouldn't in that circumstance then you shouldn't in this one
Can't have it both ways
Leave it well alone
And like you said , you played with married men before and the only reason you stopped was cause he got caught with you
If that hadn't happened how many more married men would you have done
None of your business even though she is your friend.
See what happens and if it all falls to shit then be there for her and just never let on you knew anything about it
That way you're still there for her if she ever needs you to be.
And IF you do contact him to tell him you know then at least tell him who you are so he knows and don't do it anonymously cause that's just cowardice
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"Ok, so another question.
For those that are married/attached ......
If you found out your partner was even looking elsewhere without your knowledge, would you want to know?
If you found out & you knew a really good friend knew & didn't say, how would you feel towards them for not saying?
R "
If it was me I would want to know, And if a friend of mine knew about it and never told me then I'd prob fall out with them.
But I can't fault the advice already been offered, I don't know what I would do in your situation.
Mr |
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