FabSwingers.com > Forums > Scotland > Stay, stray or leave?
Stay, stray or leave?
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"If you were in a sexless relationship what would you do?.very hard question because everyones circumstances are different .
For me Id stay sex isnt the whole package  "
Its not the whole package but being in your 30's or 40's knowing you would never have sex again is quite soul destroying. |
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"If you were in a sexless relationship what would you do?.very hard question because everyones circumstances are different .
For me Id stay sex isnt the whole package
Its not the whole package but being in your 30's or 40's knowing you would never have sex again is quite soul destroying."
for some maybe yes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you were in a sexless relationship what would you do?.very hard question because everyones circumstances are different .
For me Id stay sex isnt the whole package
Its not the whole package but being in your 30's or 40's knowing you would never have sex again is quite soul destroying."
If it would be soul destroying then at least you’d need to talk about it together. Depends on the reasons behind it but if it’s problems in the relationship itself then better to end it and both move on. Breaking up may be hard but staying in a loveless relationship is much harder. If there’s a physical problem then that might feel different and in that case you may be able to agree something to meet your needs honestly without need for deception. Trust is everything even in extreme circumstances.
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Don’t think I could commit to living without sex, and maintain it, temptation to stray would be difficult to avoid, think there would need to be a very honest conversation and take it from there I guess..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not just about the sex, the intimacy then goes then sex becomes less and less and that's what kills it.  "
Think you nailed it.
I'd most likely stay and become (even more of) a completely miserable cow. |
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Definitely a difficult one. Stay and try to work through it. If that failed, then at the point where you feel like room-mate rather than a couple, then leave. Hopefully on good terms.
Not necessarily that easy but I couldn't stray. An agreement for an open marriage would be a different thing though.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I loved them
I'd stay
Sex isn't everything.
But that love could turn to resentment after many years. "
maybe not tho.and there's other ways to be satisfied. |
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There are so many considerations involved in these situations.
A Sexless marriage is sole destroying.
You want to be loved, you want the passion, the release and sheer enjoyment that sex brings.
In some relationships maybe being carers or having to stay for others wellbeing, overtakes the need to up and go.
Selfish if you go, Martyr if you stay
You end up living like brother and sister and maybe that's where here becomes a release. |
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Why should the one who wants a sex life leave the relationship? They may have tried everything imaginable to keep or even revive the intimacy in their marriage/partnership.
Shouldn't the one who refuses intimacy with the person they profess to love have that decision to make? |
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I was in that situation for nearly 4 years. I stayed because I really didn't hate him and even though we weren't compatible sexually, he was my best friend. He still is and a surrogate brother for me, an uncle for my daughter and a huge part of our lives, just not in the role we originally thought we would be in. Neither of us regret that time, but it was difficult. |
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"Been living that situation for the last 3 years, difficult . Stay for my kids same just now , but would love to have sex again  "
Difficult becomes unbearable which then leads to resentment. The kids will always be yours wherever u live. |
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"Stray. 
Spare room for someone tonight 
And he can probably expect to wake up and find his baws in the glass next to his falsers. "
No chance , shes the most chilled Devil on Fab. Other than me, that is.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I loved them
I'd stay
Sex isn't everything.
But that love could turn to resentment after many years. "
There isn't a human being alive who doesn't like sex is imagine.
Maybe rather than blaming the other party some people should look at themselves. Last time I checked it took 2 people to have sex and if 1 person wants it and both allegedly love each other why doesn't the other one? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you were in a sexless relationship what would you do?."
I was in one tried to work things out then I eventually I walked away caused myself a lot of damage but it was the right thing to do |
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"Stray.
Spare room for someone tonight
And he can probably expect to wake up and find his baws in the glass next to his falsers. "
Aye, ok, thats fine if they are National health falsers, but if expensive private jobs,seems harsh then,lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I loved them
I'd stay
Sex isn't everything.
But that love could turn to resentment after many years.
There isn't a human being alive who doesn't like sex is imagine.
Maybe rather than blaming the other party some people should look at themselves. Last time I checked it took 2 people to have sex and if 1 person wants it and both allegedly love each other why doesn't the other one? "
Illness perhaps. |
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"If you were in a sexless relationship what would you do?.
I was in one tried to work things out then I eventually I walked away caused myself a lot of damage but it was the right thing to do"
Me too. Lifes too short wasting time on being unhappy. There gets to a point when you think "fuck this ". |
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By *MCFUN5Couple
over a year ago
GLASGOW |
marriage without sex happens for lots of reasons, when you’re ‘given it’ for years and made to feel you should be grateful they want you as no one else would it destroys your whole idea of what sex is about, then you find the courage to leave, meet someone new and experience what it really should feel like.
Thank god for love WITH sex, it’s wonderful in a marriage.
Sex WITHOUT love is what we enjoy about Fab.
Best of both worlds.
Not everyone’s cup of tea but it’s ours. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I loved them
I'd stay
Sex isn't everything.
But that love could turn to resentment after many years.
There isn't a human being alive who doesn't like sex is imagine.
Maybe rather than blaming the other party some people should look at themselves. Last time I checked it took 2 people to have sex and if 1 person wants it and both allegedly love each other why doesn't the other one?
Illness perhaps."
Would some really begin to resent their partner that they allegedly loved if they genuinely couldn't have sex or perform through illness??
Think I'd be questioning the love in the first place. |
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"If I loved them
I'd stay
Sex isn't everything.
But that love could turn to resentment after many years.
There isn't a human being alive who doesn't like sex is imagine.
Maybe rather than blaming the other party some people should look at themselves. Last time I checked it took 2 people to have sex and if 1 person wants it and both allegedly love each other why doesn't the other one? "
You can still love someone but not find them sexy, that's my issue in my marriage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I loved them
I'd stay
Sex isn't everything.
But that love could turn to resentment after many years.
There isn't a human being alive who doesn't like sex is imagine.
Maybe rather than blaming the other party some people should look at themselves. Last time I checked it took 2 people to have sex and if 1 person wants it and both allegedly love each other why doesn't the other one?
You can still love someone but not find them sexy, that's my issue in my marriage."
Well that doesn't sound like resentment to me. I was referring to the poster who posted about that. Merely sounded like a one sided excuse to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s not an easy one .. everyone has different circumstances .. personally I see it as only one part of the relationship .. an important part yes but just a part only you know what you feel and how the rest of your relationship is .. if it’s strong and you are too then it’s a minor point if not you have to make hard choices .. so for me you need to be honest with yourself only you know if you can live without it or not.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can't love someone and also resent them being my point.
I disagree .....not the first time mind you.
Well I'm open to enlightenment? "
Well maybe you're not capable of love and resentment at the same time but I've seen it in others. Not always in the romantic love sense though but sometimes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can't love someone and also resent them being my point.
I disagree .....not the first time mind you.
Well I'm open to enlightenment?
Well maybe you're not capable of love and resentment at the same time but I've seen it in others. Not always in the romantic love sense though but sometimes."
But that's my very point! If you resent someone you can't love them! And if you only love someone for the sex, then really??? Seems a bit functional to me.
Disagreeing with me just for the sake of it doggy! ..... not for the first time.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never had a good relationship where the sex wasn't there too. In my 20's I would stray than leave. Now I would try and work it out but leave if we couldn't. Sexual compatibility is a deal breaker. No one's happy if there's an inbalance and life is too short. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can't love someone and also resent them being my point.
I disagree .....not the first time mind you.
Well I'm open to enlightenment?
Well maybe you're not capable of love and resentment at the same time but I've seen it in others. Not always in the romantic love sense though but sometimes.
But that's my very point! If you resent someone you can't love them! And if you only love someone for the sex, then really??? Seems a bit functional to me.
Disagreeing with me just for the sake of it doggy! ..... not for the first time.
"
I agree with you sometimes....just don't say it out loud |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you were in a sexless relationship what would you do?."
I was in one when down in London didn’t have sex for a year was so hard tried everything but nothing worked I went for another six months then I moved to Scotland for work I stayed for a year and a half I loved her to bits and hope one day she would want sex again but we just argued and argued about it just made things work so ended splitting up
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess it would depend on the rest of the relationship. I could live without sex, I couldn't live without intimacy. "
No sex no intimacy relationship ends then |
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"You can't love someone and also resent them being my point.
I disagree .....not the first time mind you.
Well I'm open to enlightenment?
Well maybe you're not capable of love and resentment at the same time but I've seen it in others. Not always in the romantic love sense though but sometimes.
But that's my very point! If you resent someone you can't love them! And if you only love someone for the sex, then really??? Seems a bit functional to me.
Disagreeing with me just for the sake of it doggy! ..... not for the first time.
"
resentment and love cant co exist at the same time but they can exist in a relationship at various points |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All these folk saying they would leave.
God help you if you ever god forbid get sick or something and your partners do a hop skip and a jump out the door  |
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I don’t know where to start with this one
I’m presently in a sexless marriage but we are both content and love each other and have the common goal of keeping our whole family unit
Together as that’s what important to us both above all else and It’s working for us
We get our sexual gratifications outside the marriage and neither of us is jealous or possessive
It’s taken a long time to get to this point but I don’t feel that either of us is resentful and I do believe we are still in love
The sex life might come back one day in which case we may need to re evaluate everything
So I would say
No sex then work on it and decide what your primary goal is
I think too many people throw the towel in too easily these days and honestly the grass is not greener
I’ve been in quite a few meadows  |
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OP if you're in a sexless marriage because you don't find your partner sexy any more then I dare say they feel like utter shit about theirself and the two of you need to talk about it. Your partner probably wants to find someone who does find them sexy as much as you want to find someone to have sex with on here!
The illness thing is different to me entirely.
V x |
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"OP if you're in a sexless marriage because you don't find your partner sexy any more then I dare say they feel like utter shit about theirself and the two of you need to talk about it. Your partner probably wants to find someone who does find them sexy as much as you want to find someone to have sex with on here!
The illness thing is different to me entirely.
V x"
I left 3 yrs ago. I put up with no sex for many years which i adapted to but it was the no kissing or intimacy that hurt more. Trying to talk got me nowhere and i would not have cheated. I was so unhappy which is never good in a relationship. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Leaving was the hardest but best thing i ever done. We remain good friends but for me the grass is definately greener on the other side |
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"OP if you're in a sexless marriage because you don't find your partner sexy any more then I dare say they feel like utter shit about theirself and the two of you need to talk about it. Your partner probably wants to find someone who does find them sexy as much as you want to find someone to have sex with on here!
The illness thing is different to me entirely.
V x
I left 3 yrs ago. I put up with no sex for many years which i adapted to but it was the no kissing or intimacy that hurt more. Trying to talk got me nowhere and i would not have cheated. I was so unhappy which is never good in a relationship. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Leaving was the hardest but best thing i ever done. We remain good friends but for me the grass is definately greener on the other side"
And he was not ill. Just lazy. He would rather sit up half the night drinking vodka, smoking and watching tv. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP if you're in a sexless marriage because you don't find your partner sexy any more then I dare say they feel like utter shit about theirself and the two of you need to talk about it. Your partner probably wants to find someone who does find them sexy as much as you want to find someone to have sex with on here!
The illness thing is different to me entirely.
V x
I left 3 yrs ago. I put up with no sex for many years which i adapted to but it was the no kissing or intimacy that hurt more. Trying to talk got me nowhere and i would not have cheated. I was so unhappy which is never good in a relationship. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Leaving was the hardest but best thing i ever done. We remain good friends but for me the grass is definately greener on the other side
And he was not ill. Just lazy. He would rather sit up half the night drinking vodka, smoking and watching tv."
I don't think there's any argument here. He'd obviously gave up on you and the relationship. So why would you owe him anything? |
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By *andsCouple
over a year ago
Edin |
"OP if you're in a sexless marriage because you don't find your partner sexy any more then I dare say they feel like utter shit about theirself and the two of you need to talk about it. Your partner probably wants to find someone who does find them sexy as much as you want to find someone to have sex with on here!
The illness thing is different to me entirely.
V x
I left 3 yrs ago. I put up with no sex for many years which i adapted to but it was the no kissing or intimacy that hurt more. Trying to talk got me nowhere and i would not have cheated. I was so unhappy which is never good in a relationship. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Leaving was the hardest but best thing i ever done. We remain good friends but for me the grass is definately greener on the other side
And he was not ill. Just lazy. He would rather sit up half the night drinking vodka, smoking and watching tv.
I don't think there's any argument here. He'd obviously gave up on you and the relationship. So why would you owe him anything? "
Agreed x |
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"OP if you're in a sexless marriage because you don't find your partner sexy any more then I dare say they feel like utter shit about theirself and the two of you need to talk about it. Your partner probably wants to find someone who does find them sexy as much as you want to find someone to have sex with on here!
The illness thing is different to me entirely.
V x
I left 3 yrs ago. I put up with no sex for many years which i adapted to but it was the no kissing or intimacy that hurt more. Trying to talk got me nowhere and i would not have cheated. I was so unhappy which is never good in a relationship. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Leaving was the hardest but best thing i ever done. We remain good friends but for me the grass is definately greener on the other side
And he was not ill. Just lazy. He would rather sit up half the night drinking vodka, smoking and watching tv.
I don't think there's any argument here. He'd obviously gave up on you and the relationship. So why would you owe him anything? "
Exactly what doggy said! Sounds like you're far better off now bluebell x |
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Also, was just picking up on what someone else had said for their reason of their sexless marriage. I suppose it was something I hadn't really thought about as for me loving someone and enjoying their personality adds to an attraction |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also, was just picking up on what someone else had said for their reason of their sexless marriage. I suppose it was something I hadn't really thought about as for me loving someone and enjoying their personality adds to an attraction "
Surly that's the whole point in being with someone it's not just sex it's everything about them they're personality the way they look at you the way you look them |
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