FabSwingers.com > Forums > Scotland > Short n sweet jokes plz
Short n sweet jokes plz
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Man walks into butchers, "Can i have mince round"? Butcher says, well hurry up we close in 5 mins."
The one i heard was a Gay guy in the butchers asking for a mince round  |
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Bloody Hell. I'm really not that thick but it took half an hour of intense thought before I got that. Worth the work, though - it's excellent. Mince round as in prance round the place in a mincing fashion for anyone else having trouble!
What about the story that was in the paper about the dwarf that got pickpocketed? How could anybody stoop so low? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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maggie and aggie in the landrette
maggie puts her undies in to get washed and the machine starts laughing
maggie says to aggie "is that machine laughing at me?"
"no" said aggie
"its just takn the piss out of yer knickers!!!"
lol rubish i know but it made me laugh lol
auds xx
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By *cots70Couple
over a year ago
west lothian |
guy goes to the doc as his cock is orange..doc asks him if he works in a nuclear plant ..guy say naw..doc asks what he does for a living ..guy says nowt ..doc say well im stumped !..have u any hobbies /interests?..guy replies ..aye a sit @home watchin porn all day n eat wotsits..!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Granny hears a noise at her window, she looks out, 2 burly biker type guys are climbing a ladder towards her window,
She screams and dials 999 immediately, operator says" which emergency service do U require? " Granny says, fire brigade, there are 2 bikers trying to get in my bedroom window, operator says " its the police U want then" Granny says "NOOOOOOO fire brigade, they need a longer ladder!!! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Under new E.U law the word "gypo" is no longer acceptable or indeed politically correct. They are now to be known as....Caravan Utilising Nomadic Travelling Saunterers  |
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By *adgeeMan
over a year ago
Sw Scotland |
What is the difference between a geneologist and a gynecologist?
A geneologist looks up your family tree and a gynecologist looks up your bush.
What's got a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Apologies to ALL blondes ( both genders)
How do U know a blond has sent U an E-mail?
( there is a stamp on it).
.
.
How do U know a blond has been on your PC?
( all the tippex on the screen ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Apologies to ALL blondes ( both genders)
How do U know a blond has sent U an E-mail?
( there is a stamp on it).
.
.
How do U know a blond has been on your PC?
( all the tippex on the screen ) "
apologies to all blonds.....
very good
but shockingly offensive to lovely blondes whom i like bouncing up and down on ma wee man |
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"naked man looks in mirror and says to his wife"why do i get a hardon when i see myself"? wife replies " cos even ur cock thinks u r a fanny !........  "
SUPERB!
Not often i laff out loud on the internet.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's not easy being dyslexic you know!
I once tuned up at a TOGA party dressed as a GOAT!
Got so depressed that I started to explore devil worship....I sold my soul to SANTA once!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not easy being dyslexic you know!
I once tuned up at a TOGA party dressed as a GOAT!
Got so depressed that I started to explore devil worship....I sold my soul to SANTA once!
"
Dooooont lol my pal really is dyslexic and yes, he sent my wee one a christmas present from SATAN  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Recent studies have shown that sucking too much cock can cause the lose of the ability to speak............ now i understand why view txt's and never calls x"
cock cock cock ..........
but mildy funny.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Al Tabor, the man who wrote the Hokey Cokey died a while ago, funeral directors had a terrible time gettin him ready,, they said,,,
"We got the left leg in box ok , but the right was out n wigglin all about"
T xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What's the difference between a Scotsman and Mick Jagger?
Jagger sings: "Hey, you, get offa my cloud"
Scotsman shouts: "Eh, McCloud, get offa my ewe
Maybe not the right forum for that in hindsight......  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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During Scotlands away 6-0 thumping at Holland in 2004 my mate from Dundee gave me a phone to let me know the sixth goal had went in, i recall saying 'fucking hell mate, this is not fair..'
'fair?' he said, 'il tell you whats not fair mate, if they score again im going to have to start counting on my other hand...' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Walking to work this morning, i passed a bloke in a RAC Van. He was sobbing uncontrollably and looked miserable as fuck - I thought to myself.........That man's heading for a breakdown. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mr & Mrs Blobby are in bed.
Mrs Blobby says, "blib, blob, bobble, blub, bibbly, bob, blubbly, blib."
Mr Blobby says, "Just fecking swallow it." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A husband and wife are watching a TV programme which is about human phsycology. The husband turns to his wife and says,
"I'll bet you cant say something to me that will make me feel both happy and sad at the same time!"
The wife thinks for a minute or two, then replies,
"You have the largest penis amongst all your friends" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why do women talk quicker than guys...
Because they have got 4 lips.
I went to the Doctor today and said "Doctor,every time i look in the mirror i get turned on" That's cause you look like a pussy he replied
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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bloke proposes to girlfriend but tells her he has a deformity, my cock is baby-size.his girlfriend tells him i will marry you and learn to live with you baby-size penis. They marry and on the honeymoon they start touching each other. she slides her hands into his pants and screms and runs, her runs after her totally embarrased! u told me your penis is baby size she says! it is, he explains, it 8lb 7oz and 18inchs long |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hit a car this morning up the back.I was so stressed i found anything funny,the guy got our and he was a MIDGET, he stormed upto me and said " i am not happy". i said ok so which one are you then? lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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HOW SEX STARTS!!
A SMILE LEADS TO A LAUGH
A LAUGH LEADS TO A HUG
A HUG LEADS TO A KISS
A KISS LEADS TO A MAKEOUT
A MAKEOUT LEADS TO A FINGER
A FINGER LEADS TO A HAND
A HAND LEADS TO A LICK
A LICK LEADS TO A SUCK
A SUCK LEADS TO FUCK
SO !! TELL ME HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE U GOING TO SMILE AFTER YOU'VE HEARD THIS
BECAUSE SEX IS LIKE MATHS
YOU ADD THE BED .SUBTRACT THE CLOTHES DIVIDE THE LEGS LEAVE YOUR SOLUTION AND PRAY YOU DONT MULTIPLY |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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man gets caught havn sex with a dolphin.his wife finds out and says,,,sex,,,with a dolphin!!,,,thats it im divorcing you!!!
guy turns round and says fine,,,
plenty more fish in the sea lol
auds xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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View, Toon, and Fugy were driving along in their car when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air.
View said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone."
Toon echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore."
Fugy sighed, "I wish it was dark . . . " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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ennys friend debbie was complaining about
a sore throat.when i have that i always
give a blowjob 2 my husband an the next
day debbie comes in singing..how did it
go? ask jenny..brillaint says debbie
your husband couldnt believe his
fucking luck or that it was ur idea! |
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"View, Toon, and Fugy were driving along in their car when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air.
View said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone."
Toon echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore."
Fugy sighed, "I wish it was dark . . . ""
hahahahaha very funny stu xxxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night.
One night his wife decides to teach him a lesson. She dresses up like Satan, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home.
The man comes home, and his wife jumps out and screams in his face.
He just looks at her and says, ”You don’t scare me I am married to your sister! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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n Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy.
Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled...
"SUPPLIES!!" |
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